RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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I don't know why....but just today I was thinking....One thing I hated about going to the board game convention....was playing board games with children. Not just regular board games....I was playing card games and pen and paper.... But children fucking ruin it. Seriously I hate the little shits I was forced to play with. None of them were interested and the ONE child that was.....good god I hated her. She was TOO loud.....it was like....10 pm and beyond and she was shouting and shit right next to me. The MOMENT she walked in she wasn't interested in playing (she wanted to play "the dr who game" even though it was the same thing but slightly different system) but she was WAY more enthuastic about it than her father or brother.....If only she'd kept her damn mouth shut about the 2016 Ghostbusters. See, we were playing a Ghostbusters campaign using what's called the Savage system. I had decided to take newbie just because I had an idea for a fun bumbling idiot dude for it. And she was the inventor.....she was annoying and wanted to lick electricity.......To make matters worse, the monster tokens were gummy candies so naturally she pouted any time she didn't get to eat one because she didn't kill it. Wow....I can really ramble..

TLDR; Don't take your fucking children to a board game convention and let them participate in events unless they actually give a shit. Seriously, it keeps players who have experience and WANT to play out. But that's a different story.
 
Doing some online job hunt training as part of a program to make sure I keep getting foodstamps, and I'm at the section about building a "personal brand"- selling myself to prospective employers.

Turns out it's easy- I just have to be calm, collected, confident, and skilled at talking.

I only need to be flawless in doing everything I'm completely incompetent at. No biggie.

*slinks away to cry in the corner*
 
It feels like I swallowed glass. Holy crap, I maybe going to the ER tonight.
 
Defending my creative expression/character has got to be one of the most irksome things I've ever done and just sitting there, reading off things I've heard of a million times already *prepares self for people in the work place* -.-
 
The last three years of my life have been a total life and I've felt so lost after breaking up. Sometimes I am okay and sometimes I feel like closing my eyes and never waking up again. I can't wait for things to get better.
 
yo man... like....


why are good vibrators so expensive
 
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I'm near it. The point. My breaking point? My melting point? Something like that.

It's late. I'm angry, alone, and in that kind of state of mind where delusion and reality become the same thing because all the fears and paranoia I'd been trying to brush off turn out to be something worth being angry, fearful, and paranoid of indeed.

It's weird. I used to think that I was just being mad over small, petty shit, but the longer I go without anything, any sign or what have you, the more I feel that I was right to be "petty." Just a few days ago, I was scared of my situation. Fearful of what might happen in the future. "Oh, no, please, don't let this thing happen." Now, I'm just angry. Angry at the growing possibility that what I feared may come to pass. Angry that no matter how hard I scream, it's like nothing will become of it.

In a nutshell, it feels like I'm being left behind. And it's like I'm expected to not care.

But I care. I care too much is my problem.

I don't have anything else though. This is all I have. It may be pathetic. It may be stupid. But this is all I have to show for it. Please don't take it away from me. Please let it stay.
 
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The day I stop letting money-related anxiety typical of my generation and ever-present but easy to hide trust issues get in the way of me having a good time without having to resort to chemically altered states or mass media is frankly far off. Until then, I have a favorite grocery store wine and a favorite cartoon picked out. I wish I could hold hands with a boy my age without being looked at funny by strangers, too.
 
Hahaha of course. Of fucking course. Round 3, or maybe 4, of trying to find something that helps manage my depression. New medication. Again. Seems to help keep me from spiraling down into the depths of despair and nothingness. But hoooooo man, does it make my anxiety go fucking nuts! All the panic and fear, chest tightening, hyperventilating, crying because I have to make a bloody phone call!

My life is like a terrible balancing act. Do you want to be terrified of social interaction to the point that you can't even answer the door? Or would you rather feel so empty and void of all joy that not existing sounds like the best idea and the only solution to end your misery? You have to have one!
 
This is dumb but....I just can't get myself to be productive right now. I feel like shit and just want to cry myself to sleep. I never wanted to be a designer damnit. I'm not good at this.....I'm so tired of everything needing more and more and more work. I'm one person making a system that's supposed to compete with companies that only do the one thing with hundreds of employees. Fucking hell.
 
What am I gonna do when he decides to live with someone else? I'm looking for other options but I'm scared I'll end up homeless. At the same time I'm also kind of afraid he's only living with me right now because I've got nowhere else, or maybe because I'm helping him with bills and stuff. What am I going to do? I love him, he doesn't want me anymore, he wants me gone but let's me stay, and bleh. I can't believe I took him for granted when I had him. I regret it so much. So much.
 
Welp, I finished the project. The project that's due tomorrow. By all accounts, I have no reason to stress out about this. It's finished. I finished early, actually. I did a good job and I didn't procrastinate and I have a project to turn in.

But I can't get it to export properly -- which really isn't surprising given the fact that we were never told exactly what export settings we should select (which seems like an important thing to mention??). I asked the professor via email what the export settings were, and my export screen doesn't even look anything like hers. I tinker with the settings anyway, trying as hard as I can to get it as close as possible to the screenshot she sent me, and still nothing works.

She said to meet her during her office hours so she could take a look at it, but I couldn't because I have work during that time. That's not my fault. I'm not being lazy by not going to the office hours. I would've gone if I could've. But I have a job. So I couldn't make it.

So I asked if it would be possible to work this out before class starts tomorrow. You know, tomorrow -- the day when the project is due. The project that I shouldn't be stressed about because I fucking finished it. But I am stressed because without a properly exported file I don't have a project, and I just want something to turn in.

Her response:

"I hope so..."

WOW, THAT'S SO REASSURING.
 
Maybe one day I will have a normal relationship with food and dinner won't be a battle every single god damn night. I'm so tired of this. I just want to be able to pick something to eat and not agonize over it and get so frustrated that I just don't want to eat any more. I hate my body so much.

Also if people could leave me the fuck alone when it comes to food that would be great. No, right now I don't want to get something to eat and no amount of you aggressively telling me I need to eat is going to change that, it's just going to make me feel worse. Telling me I don't eat well enough is going to make me feel terrible. I wish I understood my eating disorder better but I don't and your badgering just makes me feel more embarrassed about it. I've had it for over a decade, shouldn't you have learned to keep quiet by now?

It's never good enough for people... it's either, 'wow, are you going to eat all that?' or 'jeez, is that all you're eating?' Just leave me alone asjdghs78gtfdsjmg

Don't comment on what people are eating. You don't know what's going through their heads and it makes you an asshole. It's none of your business.

I hate food and wish I didn't need to eat to live. Fuck it and fuck what it does to my body. And fuck the fact that food is so expensive where I live. These days that's just one more thing that makes eating a struggle.
 
I feel like a person my age should not be as comfortable and accepting of the idea of death as I am and it worries me a little
 
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Pseudo-rant/Not-really-a-rant

Just didn't have anywhere else to put this.

I don't get why Apple decided to label the glossy black finish on the 7 Jet Black.

Piano Black. Obsidian. Midnight. Hell, even just calling it Gloss Black feels more within the theme of simple, clean design.

There is something about calling it "jet black" that seems so far contrary to the general Apple aesthetic and design. I dunno.
 
i better fucking win a trophy after all this bullshit people put me through and thinking about bashing my head into the wall only four thousand times
 
I really hate it when people forget I exist just because they've found new roleplay partners. x.x Like seriously?
 
Me: Hey Google, do you know where I can find rare pokemon nests in my area?

Google: Oh yes definitely!! There are so many rare pokemon nests in NYC!! Here they are, all very well-documented on just about every online Pokemon Go guide as well as quite a few general NYC tourism guides!! You can find just about any pokemon you're looking for!

Me: But I don't live in New York City. I live in New York State. There are many cities in New York other than that city. Where can I find nests in this part of NY?

Google: ...

Me: I know that there are nests in upstate NY. I've visited one before. I just want some sort of guide telling me where the nests are.

Google: ....Well NYC's museum of natural history is a Charmander nest, and central park is-

Me: Typing "new york" into your search engine is always going to only ever churn out results for NYC, isn't it?

Google: Not true!! We gave you a few results for Albany, didn't we? :D

Me: *chucks laptop*
 
I've noticed that when it comes to people and the idea of pineapple on a pizza, there are those who are chill with it, and those who are adamantly opposed to the existence of it and everyone who likes it.

That being said, I sometimes feel like pineapple on pizza.
 
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