RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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The excitement of finally getting a job interview in my field balances nicely with being told it was for a position that didn't even have full shifts, on two days out of the week. I might as well go back to digging ditches, killing my lungs by cleaning up after fires, and shoving fish-corpses into boxes, because at this rate I simply won't get on in my field early enough to get all the credits required (these cost money) before my certification expires (renewing also costs money). One of these days my arm is bound to just give out. Probably after I run out of meds.

Oh, right. Prescription ends next month. And then... health insurance goes out (this is still such a screwed up concept), and then probably homeless again, and then somehow I'll need to grab tax forms from a different time zone. It's too @#%&ing cold for this.

I'm hungry. What good is having access to a kitchen if I cannot cook a nice dish? My best friends are all in different provinces, dealing with tough issues. The only one with a stable life right now only has her stability because her girlfriend's mum is awesome and I can't go back there anyway because to do so would mean admitting I've lost. And resigning myself to an unwinnable scenario. Going out of my way for it, even! I can't do it.

I don't have enough hatred and spite left in me to keep going on an empty tank for another year. Six years of it was a good run though. Even got to stay on my meds for most of it.

Kraft Dinnah is revolting but hunger makes it edible I guess. That and way too much hot sauce. Could definitely use some meat though... But at that point, why spoil good meat with kraft dinnah?

A few more places are hiring in my field. Gonna go say hi to them in the morning. Just need a little morale-boosting, and probably a lot of morale-boosting for the walk.

And that one comic update was pretty cool. Dood practically told a huge pervert "Call me miss again and I will punch the @#%& outta you." Felt good reading that.

Still, what the gently caress is up with corporate culture that it's super important not to offend the sensitive managers by telling them their terms of employment are so shitty that it takes the threat of becoming homeless for me to even consider it? Who the bloody hell lets these places get away with such filth?
 
Being related to me does not give you free pass to my heart. Unconditional love does exist, but that doesn't mean I have to feel it for you. You were absent most of my life until you had kids and needed a free babysitter. Joke's on you, I hate kids. Actually, I hate your kids. You failed to raise them well and are now trying to blackmail me and rest of my family into raising them for you. Not only that, but your kids are threatening us that they could call social services on us because we are resisting both their whims and yours. I hope they do. They don't understand that social services would open an investigation on your neglectful ass. I have never and would never put a child in danger, but I know you have. And I have witnesses. Good. Luck. With. Life.
 
legit wish i wasn't so impatient lol
 
I don't have enough energy to be really angry. I'm just resigned to this sort of thing.
 
Ughhhhhhhhhhh! Nooooooo! TT_TT I can't believe the video I was recording never fully recorded! Gah! I am so.... so disappointed. T.T man. This totally sucks. Sigh.
 
Man v.v I friggin hate it when people completely ignore me and then act totally surprised as if they weren't. x.x I feel like a total person repellent at times.

Yet I know I'm not! I know I have awesome friends who care about me and message me no matter what! So why do I feel so effing bad about the others?! They aren't worth it! Make that your mantra, brain!

Sometimes I wish I could turn the stupid part of me off for good. v.v
 
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Fuck you quantitative analysis, nobody likes you and I don't see how anyone gets a fucking A in your class unless you're a fucking genius or retook the class 5 times. Goddamn seriously what the fuck. You're almost as bad as linear algebra.
 
Pretty sure I have some kind of IBS... kind of embarrassing when some people can be in and out of the bathroom in 5 to 10 minutes and you're stuck in there for at least 30 because your body hates you - that is, when your body lets you go at all

Zzzzz
 
The tea is cold.


It was hot before, when it was first made. Warm, vibrant, delicious. The world around it took it's toll. It began as a slow decline as the cooler air around it began to sap away it's heat. It wasn't noticeable at first, barely changing the taste. But as it went on, the tea was changed more and more. By the time it cooled off completely, it tasted completely different. Had a different feeling in my mouth. I heated it up again, and that helped for a little while. But that only worked for so long. It became cold again. My efforts were fruitless. Why couldn't I have finished it while it was warm? It doesn't matter anymore. It's useless. It takes too long to drink it, to enjoy it while it's warm. It always goes cold again. I can't help it. That's just how it is. The tea isn't the problem. It's the same tea, made of the same stuff as before, but the flavor has completely changed. It's less enjoyable. Even the taste I savor when I warm it up will never be the same, tainted by the memory of the cold it will eventually encompass again. I drink it anyway, unwilling to let it go to waste. It was a gift from my parents, and my friends like to drink it with me. I will finish the tea, no matter how dull and unenjoyable the unavoidable cold makes it.




And that's what it's like to have depression.​
 
I don't know what this smell is, I don't know where it's coming from....but I want to destroy the source. I'm somewhat sick and ever since I moved in this mysterious skunk-like smell would pop up but go away after a few hours......but tonight it doesn't wanna go away. The problem is....it's really starting to trigger asthma attacks. So now I'm going to the main office tomorrow to complain and tell them about it. I wanted to find the apartment it was coming from first but now I just want the person gone. Or at least moved to a building without this issue.
 
I kinda hate how pathetic I am at times. v.v I wish I was more self sufficient and not so needy. I wish I didn't feel bad about stupid things and just let it go like effing Elsa. Guh.
 
Holy shit, yes! I absolutely love excuses! :D Keep fucking lying to me, please! You're the best ever! Keep pretending like I'm blind and don't see you :))))

also i have the hiccups for absolutely no fucking reason and I'm ready to launch myself into the sun. The last twenty minutes. Just hiccup, hiccup, fucking hiccup. This is my life now.
 
If this company screws up the delivery schedule for my meds again, my legs might stop working again. I don't want to go back in the wheelchair. My college campus is 90% concrete staircases, and the elevators are so far apart from one another that it'd make for an entertaining race against other kids in wheelchairs.
 
TFW you've had your new phone for less than a week and it already has huge superficial scratches all over it.

jkhjhdf7sdfgsfjh *screeches*

edit: holy shit turns out my phone just has an almost invisible screen protector and that was what was scratched.

I've never been so relieved.
 
I love you new house, but plEASE STOP FLICKERING THE LIGHTS. It makes me sick just sitting in my bedroom, chilling on Iwaku, and suddenly we got a frickin horror movie vibe goin on right above me. It makes me nauseated and I hate it. Also get your temperature in order while you're at it. It's either a freezer or a sauna in here.

I wanna dye my hair pink, but Walmart won't let me, and I need the job, so I just have to deal. But seriously, people don't go to walmart for the "professionalism" of the staff, they go cuz shit's cheap. Calm down, you ain't nothing special. Gonna go get a job at Target at this rate. Or Hot Topic. That'd be fun.

The mailman fucked up and didn't go to our back door to deliver my meds, and instead brought them back to the post office, so I had to wait a month to take my birth control again, and I'm breaking out in acne again, I'm getting hormonal, and now I have no idea when I'll bleed next. I'm living in the stone age and now I'm hideous and cranky. Thanks a lot mailman.
 
So...you guys are stalking me now? I didn't want you in my life. I still don't, but now I have to get a restraining order because you are spying on me.
 
Lol good luck to everyone still trying to convince me I'm a good person. That ship has officially hit the iceberg.
 
Fuck you USAA and your stupid female voice machine shit. Just fuck you.
 
I hate disappointing people. It's one of the worst feelings in the world to me...
 
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