Magical Vending Machine

[Sir Salty]

He gets a shave

I insert a bidet to travel to America

 

[LuckycoolHawk9]

You get a bidet to travel to South America.

I insert the picture of the now clean-shaven man.

 

[Sir Salty]

You get a homeless hobo instead

I insert a luxurious suit

 

[LuckycoolHawk9]

You get a vintage suit.

I insert love.

 

[Sir Salty]

You get crippling depression

I insert a trash bag to clean up earth

 

[Mu]

You get me, a piece of trash.

I insert myself.

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

You get a hug. Literally, the machine leans over and hugs you. How, you may ask yourself, considering its lack of arms.

I insert Super Mario 64's really complex and exploitable coding.

 

[Sir Salty]

You get Chinese bootleg games

I insert a blank DVR

 

[Mu]

It spits out a bunch of cords.

I insert a very old Gameboy Advanced.

 

[Sir Salty]

It spits out Chinese bootleg gameboys that are actually just TV remotes with a screen

I insert a Cuban

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

You get a Jamaican.

I insert a fish.

 

[Sir Salty]

You get a dog

I insert a wheelchair

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

You get a container of pure calcium.

I insert the "Tag yourself" meme.

 

[LuckycoolHawk9]

You get a post where you tag yourself.

I insert Yu-Gi-Oh trading cards.

 

[Sir Salty]

You get Magic the Gathering Cards instead

I insert lemonade

 

[Mu]

The machine burps.

I insert an empty glass cup.

 

[foodforpigs]

You get the cup back full of water, with a note attached stating 'OPTIMISM IS SOMETIMES OKAY'

I insert the lyrics to a sad, sad song.

 

[IntrusivePenDesperateSword]

You get woken up inside. Also violins.

I insert a ticket.

 

[Minerva]

You get a ticket to Flavortown!

I insert Guy Fieri

 

[LuckycoolHawk9]

You get Girl Fieri from an alternate multiverse.

I insert a trenchcoat.