Lethal Reword - Tatters of the Fourth Wall

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"Jeeves? Who'sat? No, ma dear. The migh'y Google's enemy is the vile ♃chan. In fact, I wou'n't put it past ♃chan ta 'ave been tha one who stole da moon. As fer dis Jeeves fellow, I's gots no clue 'bout 'im."
 
"You're a loony." Roxelvi frowns at him. "Do us a favor. If you plan on traveling with us - and I sincerely hope you do not... make sure to keep that mouth of yours closed if we're ever around any sort of cleric at all. I won't be defending you from any 'burnings of the heretic'. Nine hells, I'd probably join in on the burning."

"Four chan? Google? I don't even need the wisdom from my sheet to know you're making this up as you go along." He shakes his head, patting the spear on his back and beginning to walk down the road. "We've got a kid to save and some kobolds to exterminate. You take your 'google' somewhere else. We don't need an NPC's help." He sneers over his shoulder, knowing full well it'd rankle against the village NPC's - though it was true.
 
"Bah, loony 'r no, I's dount's that you kin come up wit a be'er explination as ta wot 'appened to da moon? An' besides, I's grown bored o' dis town. I's as eager ta leave dis place as dey are ta be rid o' you lot, an' tha Plot along wit ya." Bolas gave a snort of indignation. However, he was chuckling to himself on the inside. "Haha! They still think I'm an NPC. I wonder how long I can keep this going?"
 
"Hey, NPCs are actually useful. This guy's just a moron. Rox, this place has Avandra and Pelor as gods. He's in the same situation as us."
Her gaze turned to Bolas.
"Right, moron, I don't care for you. Mind going off and dying, so we could get a better member in your place? That's how these things usually work."
 
Roxelvi tilts his head back in a load laugh, "Right you are, Kat! I'm familiar with... most of the gods and goddesses here. After all, I did create this world... mostly." One ear droops. "Someone went nuts with it, after all. Not that I'd admit that back there." He thumbs over his shoulder at the village that was getting smaller behind them.

He reaches into his own breastplate, pulling out a symbol on a necklace - a black, three-clawed symbol. "My own deity's got enough pull here. Or, this character's deity. Whatever. I feel fairly confident that we can do this without a hitch..." He scowls at Bolas, "...Save for this loony."
 
"Eh? Wotcha scowlin' at me fer? Dat was yer buddy dat I's busted out of prison, weren't it?" Bolas said defensively, pointing to Vagre. "I din't catch 'is name. Oh, look, e's wit dat other one, Faerie-mon, 'r som'in' like dat."
 
"fuck up ya cretin" Michael snarled as he lightly kicked Bolas in the buttocks,

"If i hear one more word about Google. booble, pornhub, Redtube, Portube, ask Jeeves, Yahoo, Micosoft or fuckin' Mac, I'm gonna bust a fuckin' nut!" he moaned, not entirely too sure what the words he was saying emant, but having some vauge memories of having used most of them often.
"seriously" he continued, shaking his head as he did so
"how about we stob the jibber jabber, grow a peair of balls and get on with this shit, kill what we have to kill, grab the mcguffins and get the fuck on with our 'main quest', as it were, i mean i dont wanna spend the rest of my life in a world where peopel are constantly expoecting me to be the source of shit happening" Michael put his glaive over his shoulder, slinging both arms so that they hung over the weapon.
 
Zu was in full agreement with Michael and without a word kept pace with him. Her own weapon being what it was, gripped tightly in her hands. She didnt want to say anything since Michael had said exactly what she had been feeling as well. This place was strange the people in it where stange and not having a war to fight or as to kick was madding. What was the main quest anyway, her mind seemed to blurr with notes and endless ramblings. None it was clear so she kept quite and moved with the others hoping it was the best thing to do for now.
 
"What god is that? I'm not familiar with that symbol..." Kat leaned over to look at the holy symbol.
 
"It's Bane's symbol." He states simply, smiling happily, ears flicking. "I'm rather fond of His edicts and dogma, and I'm ore than happy to carry this symbol around, despite not being a divine character."

He pats his spear, "God of war, conquest, and..." He trails off, eyes flashing yellow for a moment. "Well, there's the broken wagons from the halflings up there." He points forward, and far off in the distance, the broken forms of wood can be seen - one can almost make out a wheel.
 
"Bane?" Kat glanced up from the symbol at Roxelvi.
"Seriously? Bane? That's not a good god type name..." Kat leaned back to a normal position and drew her wand.
"Well, let's get crackin'..got a little kid and stolen cargo to find."
 
"To be fair, 'Kat' sort of has implications as a name, too." Roxelvi grins, chuckling a bit and putting the symbol back behind his armor. "Might be best to keep it out of NPC knowledge. I've no fear of this fool," he thumbs his hand at Bolas, "But there are others who won't be enjoying me being a part of Bane's church..." He things about it for a bit. "Yeah, that's about right... let's check out that broken stuff over there, see if we can't find a trail or something."

The caravan was a mess. Splinters of wood jut up in disturbing manners, and marks as if from fire and other things are easy to find against the wood. It still smells faintly of blood. Footprints are everywhere, mostly that matching a reptilian humanoid's footprints. In the very middle of the ex-battlefield, surrounded by kobold footprints, is a locked treasure chest, seemingly tampered with many times, including a hatchet left in the wooden chest's top. It looks like something tried to open it but couldn't.

(Perception Check: DC 14)
 
"Oh? Pray tell, what does my name make you think of?" Kat walked around the caravan site for a bit, looking over everything. The treasure chest was probably the most important part of the halfing's cargo-though she's got no idea why the kobolds didn't take it. It's probably really heavy or something.
 
Bolas follows the group, regardless of whether or not they choose to accept him into their ranks. However, Bolas can't seem to focus on one area of the scene for long. However, that doesn't stop him from noticing some critical elements. After he finishes surveying the area, he let's the others in on what he finds.
 
"Catwoman. You know, the sultry villainess who seemed to be more than happy to rub against Batman, distracting him with the power of lust...? Yeah. That's about what it makes me think of." He shrugs, "Still, it's easier to remember than Roxelvi."

Bolas' sharp eyes manage to see that there are more kobold tracks leading to the chest than away from it.
 
"One, two, t'ree, fer...Hmm...Wait a secun'! Dat ain't right. Hey, stay away from dat chest. Dere's sumthin' not quite right 'bout it. Take a look at da footprints aroun' it. Dere's more leadin' to it den dere are leadin' aways from it. I's don' likes da feel o' dis. One o' ya's go an' grab one o' da munchkins an' bring em 'ere. We need ta know wot we're dealin' wit before we go an' start messin'." Bolas called to Rox and Kat. Bolas himself stayed where he was, and proceeded to stare at the box, hoping to notice some identifying feature that could give him some clue as to what the heck was going on.
 
Michael grins manically as he sidles up behind Bolas, still checking out the chest, and as the Sorceror spoke, the fighter moved even closer, so that he was right behind the magic-user, and with a yelp, he pushed forwards with all his might
"check it out ya wuss!" he called derisively as he did so
 
Bolas is pushed rudely from behind and stumbles forwards five feet, though he is still a good distance from the chest. Turning around, he sees Michael standing there, a smug look on his face. Now beyond the point of caring about keeping his NPC act up, and completely dumbfounded by the PC's stupidity, Bolas blurts out, forgetting his accent. "GOD DAMNIT YOU SON OF A TROG! IF THAT BOX WAS BOOBY TRAPPED YOU COULDA KILLED ME! FOR ALL WE KNOW, IT LEADS TO SOME DREAD DIMENSION! HAVEN'T YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION? NOT ONLY IS THIS PLACE NOT KANSAS, BUT IT'S BARELY EVEN DND! Although being 4th ed, that's not saying much, BUT STILL! STOP AND THINK FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE!" Bolas stood there, huffing, short of breath. It took him a moment to realize he had dropped his accent. "...Awww, crap..."
 
Michael was stunned at first, but as Bolas stopped yelling he dropped his glaive and rounded on the sorceror
"you lying c*ntweed" he spat angrily, his face reddening by the second, by now it had a rather burgundy hue.
"you fuckin lying cockrag motherfucker, i should tear your dick off and stab out your eyes with it, no, thats not good enough, i should strangle you with your own fucking intestines! all this time I thought you were a fuckin' NPC, all this time you were having a fucking lend of us! you dick! i pushed ya coz i thought you'd know what trap it was due to the aforementioned illusion" Michael ranted, raising his voice and stepping around four feet away from Bolas
"you fucking stupid faggot fuck mother-" Michael Cought himself mid sentance and strode back to his glaive, picking it up and walking over to the others
"i say we blow the chest open, be it from here, or up close, but lets get the fucking thing open and get this show on the road" he said, dejectedly.
 
"...Huh." With a few blinks, and one ear tilted downward, he simply stares at Bolas. "...You know, if you want to start over, I'll pretend I never heard all that...?" He snorts, covering his mouth with a hand to hide a smile.

"So... you're a Reworder too, huh...? That makes you a lot less expendable than I previously thought... lucky for you, too. I'd ate to think what he'd try to do to you of we had come across a bottomless pit." He thumbs a hand at Micheal... then looks at the chest. "...Also, someone remind me to get some sort of Silence spell to place on Micheal. His potty mouth is grating on my nerves worse than 'the mighty Google' was."

He bites his lower lip, creeping forward on the chest... and from as far away as he can, he pokes it with his spear, jumping away... nothing happened. He looks cautiously at it. He continues to poke at it from as far away as he can. "...Well, the outside of it's not trapped. I think you'd have been alright."
 
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