I'll never be part of your world (The Returner and Redblood)

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Christian noticed as she was leaning close to him and he didn't back away, no matter how unnatural this started to feel. Unnatural? Wait, what? He kissed before, he slept with a woman before, then why did this suddenly felt awkward? He said nothing as he watched Anna walk out of the room. He felt suspended from this world but it didn't last long. As soon as the door was closed and Anna was some steps away, the voice appeared all at once. Attacking him, his action, his state, his pathetic thoughts and weaknesses. Again, in a short period of time, Christian flailed. Dropping his blood back, he grabbed his head and went through the torture that he had to submit to.

When he opened his eyes again, it was almost sunrise. The voice left him alone some hours ago, he just apathetically laid on the floor in a state that somewhat resembled sleep but was in fact shock like, out of body state. As he got to his knees, he noticed his room in complete disarray. The chair was toppled over, things from the desk were on the floor, linen from the bed was ripped and scattered around. He must have gone bonkers last night, but couldn't remember much of it. Only the part when the Big voice took a hold of his mind and...it was always hard to describe how it felt but it was as if someone holds your brain and just squeezes and squeezes until it feels like all there is left is mush. It always left Christian hungry and so he called his pairing on the phone. The student came almost immediately, still in pajamas. Without explanation, Christian sank his teeth into the individual's neck and sucked. Blood from the source directly always satisfied him quicker than the blood from the sack.

"Clean this mess," was another order he gave the pairing.

The sun was just rising as Christian walked out of the school and into the garden. He was fresh and clean, still a bit grumpy and uneasy but feeling better as he fed twice in the morning. Yes, he did have an additional go on the pairing. Looking towards the hidden garden, Christian wanted to go and have a look at Damien. This was his second day and god knows what was happening in the mind of the tortured. Was he already going crazy? Or will he prove to be as strong as everyone says about him? Christian could never make up his mind about Damien. There was something odd about him that Christian could never decode and it irritated him. Even when he was watching him from afar, it was getting harder to know what Damien was thinking especially after Anna came to the Academy. Could the two of them be linked somehow? He wasn't sure, but he hoped to find out in the future. Taking a deep, chilly morning air into his lungs, Christian's mood hasn't changed much, but his outlook on the day has. He remembered his duty that he promised to Anna and with a sigh, he returned to the school, where he stood in the shadows of the main hall. Anna will most likely pass through here on the way to class so if he keeps his eyes and mind open, he should be able to spot her before she appears on the top of the stairs and from there he would follow her around, or at least the feels of her presence. Soon after he took his position, student started to go through the hall, to either the dining hall, garden, study room or class and no one noticed him or paid any special attention to him.
 
"Please go back to your room" Michael had seen her shortly after she had left her room. "I can't keep an eye on you while on my own lessons, if something happens..." Anna gave him a glare that silenced him. They had just gotten down the stairs when she decided to reply.

"Michael, I will seriously go crazy if I stay in my room all day. The nights themselves are incredibly boring. I will be fine. If it doesn't go well then I'll just say that I'm sick and then I go back to my room. Just like yesterday. Stop worrying." She told him slightly irritated. Michael was clearly not happy with that answer and he only hoped that the next day would come fast so that Damien and Anna could get to talk. That is, if Damien still would have his senses. They would probably not be able to have a deep talk about what had happened right after his punishment, but if Damien had his senses left then he could at least just tell Anna to stay put.

Maybe he liked Anna too much, and that was why he had such a hard time telling her what to do. Had Damien done it any differently? Maybe it was so hard for him to know what to do because Anna was so different.

"If anything happens then come and get me." Michael told her before he left. She rolled her eyes with a sigh before she started to walk to her lesson, not even noticing that Christian was close by.
 
His eyes were closed but he could sense her just about enough to know that she was somewhere around in the room. With this ability to know that there are vampires around it was always difficult to discern who was who if there were too many around, just like now. The hall got crowded and vampires mingled with humans once again. And so in order to be able to see Anna, Christian lifted his head and in matter of moments he noticed that she was with another guy. He knew him. He was in Gabriel's camp but Christian never got to talk to him. What was his name? Martin? No, Michael, you idiot. Get your act back together. He didn't give you such a big punishment yesterday for you to suddenly start forgetting names, one of the voices scolded him before retreating to the depths of Christian's mind. Just the memory of what probably happened yesterday night, made Christian shiver. With a silent sigh, he straightened up and maintaining several meters distance between him and Anna, he began following her.
 
The blood didn't bother Anna at first, but slowly during the day the thirst started to take over. When she started to notice it she was sitting in the classroom. She didn't want to leave in the middle of the lesson so instead she tried to do anything to keep from thinking about the blood. At first she played around with her pencil, then she drew on a piece of paper, though the pressure she put into it broke the pen.

As fast as the lesson was over she was first out of the classroom. It was only the second lesson of the day and she was already not able to take it. How long would she have to wait for it to calm down? She hurried to the first exit she could find and went outside. As she breathed in the air almost all the blood thirst disappeared. Mostly since there was no scent of blood out there since all the people were on their way to the next lesson.

It would get easier with time, in some weeks she might be used to it. But even if she tried to think that rationally it was still really painful to get used to it. Could that be equal feelings to a person that had stopped smoking and was surrounded by smokers? Maybe not.

She sat down on the ground, forcing the clean air down her lungs and just tried to forget the sweet scent of blood that had surrounded her just minutes ago.
 
Christian was always just around the corner. Luckily his classes were not far from Anna's so he didn't have to worry. It wasn't the ultimate worry to keep the promise or to be near her it was the worry that if he doesn't keep his word, his plan would go down the drain. And so when he sensed that she hurriedly left the building, Christian could put one and one together. With his back leisurely over his shoulder, Christian walked outside and searching for Anna until he found her in a very nice spot which was shielded from any eyes that could witness anything unwanted.

"You're hungry," he said straight after he was within hearing distance from her. Kneeling next to Anna, Christian took out a brown bag which every vampire got in the morning in the great dining hall. "I picked up something for you in the morning," he said, passing the package to her. The truth was, he didn't pick it up for her, he just got on of his own 0 blood bags and just put it in an ordinary brown bag that they used in the kitchen as well. "Drink, it will subside," his voice was friendly and encouraging but his eyes were somewhat concerned.
 
Anna wasn't surprised when Christian came, she had actually expected it since he told her he would watch her. "How can I be hungry again? Its ridiculous how fast I get hungry." She mumbled a bit embarrassed. It made her feel like a glutton since she had been drinking just that morning. Why did she get hungry so fast? On the other hand, a human did eat three meals a day and often some small things in between the meals. But she wasn't human. Not anymore.

She took the blood a bit hesitantly. The hunger wouldn't last forever, it was just for some years it would be like that. But those years would be hard to go through. "If this keeps up I won't be able to focus on my studies at all." She said with a sigh after having taken some sups of the blood. She was happy that Christian was there, comforting her, helping her. He did more for her than she ever would be able to repay.
 
"I have heard that human babies have to be fed a lot when they are newborn. You are no different from a human newborn. You need to eat a lot," he explained with an example that he came to his mind as first. Yes, human newborns were quite hungry, and loud, and as they would cry out for their mothers to feed them, their little hearts would pump the blood in their veins faster and faster... Christian looked around assuring himself that there was no one around.

"There is something you could do about it. File a request for one to one studying and choose your mentor. It is a scheme that is working in the school but not used that often," he suggested and seated himself comfortably next to Anna, extending on leg in front of him while bending the other to rest his arm on it. His eyes, though, were set on Anna and as he waited for her to consider his suggestion, Christian's sensitive nose caught a scent of blood. Vampire blood. Right, Damien wasn't that far from here, bleeding slowly and painfully, chained down to the chair serving as a laughing stock to whomever went there to see his suffering. Did he already lose his sense? Could one tell just by looking at him sitting there? Christian was curious about it but in order not to jeopardize his intentions he kept that to himself.
 
Anna laughed a bit when he mentioned that she were like a newborn human. Well, at least she didn't have to wear diapers or learn how to walk. "I guess there's no other choice for the time being. Wouldn't want to repeat a year." She said a bit absent minded before taking another sup at the blood. The scent of the blood in her hand made her unable to notice the other scent of blood floating around in the air.

"Thanks for helping me so much Christian. I would have gone crazy if I had tried to take the last days by myself." Even though Michael said that he wanted to help and was there when she needed her he just didn't understand, and it didn't feel like he actually knew how to help her. Christian on the other hand had understood her troubles, he had known how to best help, what she needed. It felt safe to be with him.
 
"It's ok Anna. You don't need to thank me all the time," he told her and a trace of a smile appeared on his but it was gone quickly. "You don't have to go back to class. I could go with you to the school office to file the request for one on one teaching with mentor if you want." Christian's eye shifted from Anna to somewhere in front of him. There was nothing there to be seen but some bushes. Well, he could tell her now, couldn't he? Make another suggestion, intrude more in her life than previously planned. It would help him control Anna a bit more in the future.

"You know, I am in the mentor scheme so if you'd want to, I could become your mentor and help you with studies. But of course, I will understand if refuse," he said but didn't look at her this time. His voice was suggestive but his posture gave out signs that he was somehow unsure whether Anna would want that or not. All in all, the Christian's attitude was meant to suggest that Anna is free to do what she wants and that if she refuses his offer, he won't mind or get offended.
 
Anna looked up at Christian a bit surprised. It made her feel a bit happy that he offered to help her like that, maybe in the back of her mind she felt a bit bad about using up his free time to help her, but for the moment she shoveled all those thoughts away.

"If you don't mind it, then I would be really happy with you as my mentor." She told him as she played around a bit nervously with her fingers. One of the few good things about being a vampire was that at least she didn't have to blush anymore when she felt embarrassed. What would Damien think about all this when he was back? About her not going to classes, having relied on someone from Gabriel's camp. She wondered a bit if Christian and Damien had met each other some time or not.
 
Christian nodded his head, lifting his head up to look at the sky. It was cloudy but warm. Would it be interesting if it started to rain? Just to add a little bit more misery to Damien's torture. Closing his eyes, Christian's thoughts again traveled to the vampire that was trialed for something that was utterly forbidden in their world...for the crime of killing. But then, wasn't Gabriel at fault as well? No, he wasn't actually. If he was the real father of Anna then he was in right. However, why wasn't Damien then sentenced to death? Killing a vampire was punishable by draining, but killing a father and knowing about it... Christian began to suspect that there is someone higher pulling the strings. Someone who is effectively hiding himself from the outside world.

"I know this might sound a kind of sudden, but do you anything about Damien's family? I was just thinking that if my child was sentenced to such a drastic punishment, as a parent I would come to school and question the reasons. Though, I don't think I have seen or heard that Damien's family came," he asked Anna, opening his eyes to look in front of him again, his expression now focused as if he was thinking heavily about this.
 
Christians question surprised Anna, what had made him think of Damien so suddenly? "Damien's father is the principal, he knew about the reasons. You didn't know that?" Anna was very surprised that he didn't know that Damien and the principal were related. Usually such things would be known over the whole school. On the other hand, she hadn't gotten to know about it before after she had turned into a vampire and that was just because she had been turned by Gabriel that were going to loose his right as her father. Maybe she had said something she shouldn't have. Was there a reason while people didn't know that they were father and son?

"I only met him once when Gabriel was expelled from school. It didn't seem like they had such a good relationship, and to be honest, he scared the hell out of me. If my heart hadn't been still it would definitely have stopped." She confessed.
 
Christian couldn't help it but his eyes widened in surprise. Damien is the son of the principal?! Even with his high intelligence it took him some time to process this information. It explained so many things and proposed a lot of new theories. If Damien is the son of the principal then there is low possibility that he would go exceptionally crazy after the torture. He might suffer some damage but not that great. And if Christian wants to go against Damien, he would first need to devise a plan how to protect himself from the principal.

"So after Gabriel was expelled you were probably assigned new guardian, right?" Christian said and looked at Anna from the corner of his eye. "It was Damien right? If he was stated as your protector then I highly doubt that I will be allowed to become your mentor," with a sigh, Christian straightened up, crossing his legs in front of him and bending forwards, picking on the grass. Things will get complicated and Christian will have to play the game carefully now. As he though Damien was a son and heir to a very old family and going against this family was like signing your death sentence...unless you played the game well. Well enough, to single out each member and dispose of them discretely.
 
"Why?" Anna blurted out. She couldn't see a reason why Christian wouldn't be allowed to be her mentor, all he were going to do was helping her to study, what did it matter who it was? She felt comfortable being with him, and she was pretty certain that any other mentor would make her at least a little bit nervous.

"Why wouldn't you be allowed? You're not Gabriel. If its for studies what does it matter who it is as long as I feel comfortable with that person? There is no reason why you wouldn't be allowed." She said a bit irritated. There wasn't any reason for Damien to care if someone from Gabriel's camp was her mentor. He had already told Michael to take care of her after his fight with Gabriel. And Michael was Gabriel's cousin. If the problem was that Damien wouldn't let him, then she would definitely make sure to get a good explanation to why and then change his mind.
 
"Fathers or guardians of a newborn have ultimate responsibility for those who they have to look after. Because newborns are unstable, whether it is in term of social behavior or studies or simply feeding, it falls upon the soldiers of guardian or father. I am not saying it is completely impossible for me to become your mentor but that will happen only when Damien will give me his permission as your guardian. I know it sounds rather complicated and silly but that is the way how it works. Because if you would do something unacceptable such as killing by accident or during feeding and Damien wouldn't know about it or wouldn't be around in that time, he would be held responsible for your actions. As long as he gives consent to someone else to take care of you, that person is partially held responsible for your doings. Do you understand now? In the system, you will be filed as Damien's foster child and as long as I don't provide, or anyone else for that matter, that we are allowed to guide you..." Christian didn't finished the sentence because it was pretty much obvious how it would end. Shrugging at the same time, he never thought that his plans would be disrupted so easily. But then he should have thought of that earlier, he should have included that in his theory. Maybe there was some truth to what the voices said. Maybe Christian was falling behind and that, among anything else, made him scared, frustrated and depressed.
 
"But there's no reason for Damien not to give permission. If its about the different camp thing I really think he looks beyond that. He left me in Michael's care while.... He is... busy." She really couldn't say 'punished'. What happened to him was just too cruel. She wanted to think of it as little as possible, not at all if she could. But it was hard as long as he still sat there, being tortured like that. She wanted to meet him, she really did. But she wasn't sure if she could handle to look at him in that kind of state. She didn't want to start crying in front of him while he still were in that state, and she was positive that she wouldn't be able to say anything positive to him to help him get through it.

"If he dare to leave me with Gabriel's cousin, then I don't see any reason for him to care if someone from Gabriel's camp is my mentor, I'll just tell him you helped me a lot during these last days." She gave him a reassuring smile. She thought that there was a big chance that Damien wouldn't care who her mentor was. He knew that everyone from Gabriel's camp weren't like Gabriel, if he didn't before then he at least should have known after getting to know Michael.
 
"I wish I could share your optimism Anna, but you really don't know what he going through right now, do you?" His words came out more as an hopeless quote for a child who can't solve a riddle. Pretty much rude and tough to say that to a girl who has hope but... "I am sorry, Anna. I didn't mean for it to sound like that but think about it. If Damien loves you as much as I have heard or from what I can guess from what you have told me, when he gets off that chair he won't just throw away his only opportunity to pull it back together with you. Also, you told me that back then, in the dungeons, there was only you, Gabriel, Damien and Michael. Once Gabriel...departed...who else was there to be asked for help, to be asked to take care of you? In fact, Damien didn't have much choice but to ask Michael whether he liked it or not." All this made perfect sense in his head and should make sense to anyone else too. Even though, Christian couldn't know whether Damien really felt that way while giving permission, he could use this grey area to his advantage to weaken his position and possibly Michael's in Anna's eyes.

Shifting his position, he was now fully facing Anna. Daring in that moment to reach out and gently grab her chin, trying to make her look at him. "Trust me. I wish I could help you as much as I can but if Damien refuses, there is not much either of us can do. And from what I can tell, you still care about what the two of you had and maybe you still hold some hope for the two of you to get back together," his caring, benign attitude, the touch when he grabbed her chin, it was all as if he granted himself a permission to be so close to Anna. To regard her as something precious yet not entirely showing that. As he was could have a better look at her from that close distance, his sight was tender, his lips slightly curved into a smile that was so subtle that it might be just imagination of an onlooker. Yet again, that awkward feeling crept in. Remembering what happened yesterday, Christian shook his head ever so slightly and let go off Anna, distancing himself from her and returning to his original position but his eyes never stopped watching her.
 
It hadn't even crossed Anna's mind that Damien might just have asked Michael for help because he didn't have any other choice. Even if he had asked someone else that would have been hard both for that person and for her since that person wouldn't know at all what had happened, and it wouldn't have been possible for Anna to tell. That wasn't the only thing Christian hit spot on.

She did want her and Damien to get back together again, but for that they would need time. Luckily they had all the time in the world. But for the moment she couldn't really see them as a couple. Her feelings was too confused, and even though she loved him there was other parts of her heart that refused him. The part of her that Gabriel created. It wouldn't disappear over night just because she had her memories back.

"I do hope that maybe one day we could get back to how things used to be between us. But for now that wouldn't be possible. All this newborn stuff, the blood and everything Gabriel did.... My mind is a total mess because of it. I don't even know if I love Damien anymore. One part of me says I do, but another part says I don't. I care for him a lot, but I don't know if that's enough." She admitted. "Either way, even if he wants to get together after all this that shouldn't have anything to do with the way I study. I will talk to him, and I will convince him that its not a bad idea." She said, but even she noticed that she had some doubts in her voice. Would Damien accept that someone form Gabriel's camp would be her mentor?
 
Nodding his head, Christian looked at Anna's blood sack. "Have you finished? I think we better go to the office to say that you are feeling ill so that you can get tomorrow off and wait for Damien to be released in the evening. I don't think, he will up to any kind of conversation right after they set him free, considering how hungry and weak....and possibly unstable, he could be, but who knows. Maybe if he sees you, he might be willing to do some little discussion," he suggested, closing his back with was partially open for the whole time. As he stood up, he offered his hand to Anna when he suddenly felt shiver going down his spine as a presage to an attack. The quiet rustle of leaves and the almost unnoticeable thud as someone pushed one self of the ground. Christian just so so managed to grab Anna by the waist and jumped to the side. He could feel something sharp missing the side of his neck just by millimeters and as he stabilized himself again, he pushed Anna behind him, serving as here shield.

"What do you want?" Christian barked at the someone and only he noticed that the attacker was a woman, a beautiful woman, in fact a vampire. He knew her. Yes, her beauty was said to be the greatest in all of their race but she had a fault. What was it again? Was she outcast? No, she wouldn't be at the school then considering that she was wearing the school uniform. Did her family have a bad reputation? No, that didn't feel right either.

"I...want...her..." she said, almost growling, obvious that she meant Anna. And Anna herself...if she had all her memories back, she would recognize this girl as Isabel. The vampire girl that was in love with Damien and that despised Anna for the fact that Damien fell for her. But, if Anna couldn't remember, then this girl would probably seem to her as a crazy vampire set on a mission to kill, or seriously hurt.
 
Anna nodded at his question. Even she had realized long ago that he probably wouldn't be up for a big discussion just after he got away from his punishment. And she would probably not try to start a discussion with him before he seemed to feel a bit better or a bit talkative. Hopefully he would recover fast. But as Christian had said, she had no idea what Damien was going through and she didn't know how fast vampires healed or how strong Damien was mentally. It might take hours for him to recover, but it might also take month's. It was too many things that would decide how fast it would take so it was impossible for her to come up with any reasonable number.

She took Christian's hand as it was offered to her, but almost immediately afterwards he took her around her waist and pulled her behind him. She hadn't felt the presence of another vampire before she appeared in front of them. Anna was shielded by Christians body and couldn't see the vampire at first. But she heard a growling voice. It sounded awful. And the only female that was around that the vampire might want was Anna herself.

As she got a glimpse of the vampire she could recognize the woman, but she didn't really know where she had seen her. Her human memories were too foggy when it came to memories that didn't involve Damien or Gabriel, and even memories with them was pretty foggy.

Her human side felt only fear, but another deeper instinct from her vampire side didn't feel that fear. That instinct was ready to fight, just like it had when she was set on defending Gabriel in the dungeons. But now when her human emotions was back she almost forced away the instinct of fighting without even noticing it. "Why?... Who are you?" If she had been lonely she would never have dared to ask someone that looked as if she were about to kill her. But with Christian there she became a bit more brave, even though she still crumbled behind him.
 
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