I'll never be part of your world (The Returner and Redblood)

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As much as the smile that Damien couldn't see inside of Victoria, there was a growing frown inside of him. He felt uneasy and somewhat confused. Yes, jealousy was part of that mish-mash of feelings however, what was getting the better of him was the feeling that he actually knew that all along. That he knew that moment he killed Gabriel that Anna would leave him and so that girl's words didn't affect him in a way as to make him go berserk from jealousy. They more or less confirmed what was deeply rooted within himself.

"Thank you," he said as his expression grew slightly more focused. "Thank you for sharing that with me," he added, his voice indifferent again. If Anna comes to him today, he might get his hope back, if she doesn't, he would go to her and ask her. After all, she wanted to talk about something when he would feel better. Well, he felt better now. Maybe not ready yet, but definitely better as to be able to physically handle anything. The mental side of this was a bit trickier but it would succumb in a matter of time.
 
Victoria wasn't completely certain if she had succeeded fully, but she knew that she at least had stirred some feelings inside him. And eventually those feelings would get out of control in one way or another. It was just to wait for the right moment. She weren't in any hurry, she had all the time in the world. The biggest difference between her and the blood backs walking around her.

She gave Damien a friendly nod as a goodbye and then disappeared towards her own lesson. There was no more she could do at the moment, now it was just to wait for things to go their natural way. And if a push was needed, then she would return to push those emotions into the right place, right over the cliff.

It didn't take long for Anna to know about Damien's return to his classes, some people that were getting things from their rooms spoke about how they saw Damien in the morning. So he was feeling fine again. She felt relieved over that, now she would finally be able to talk with him about letting Christian be her mentor, and of course introducing him as Damien had requested. There was probably a lot of things they had to talk about between only them, as what had happened in the dungeon before Damien and Michael came to save her, and about their relationship now.

All those thoughts made her feel so frustrated and she noticed when her emotions began to stir it also made the thirst grow stronger. Which was one of the reason she didn't go to see Damien during any of the breaks. First shortly before the lessons ended she decided to walk towards Damien's room and waited outside it for him to come back. She couldn't be certain that he would return right after class, he could as well decide to go out or be with some friends. But she didn't mind waiting for him, then she got more time to think about everything they had to talk about.
 
Damien nodded at the girl in return as she took her leave. Who was she? She hasn't spoken to him before and he hasn't seen her around. Sure, he would have noticed her before the incident. She was just as beautiful as Isabel or maybe a bit more, he couldn't decide. Isabel... Anna mentioned her back then, saying that he should forgive her. But nothing in the world would make him change his mind. He wouldn't go back on his word, at least not so early. Did he feel sorry for Isabel? Partially, but the other part of him, that still didn't disappear even after he has recovered, thought that Isabel deserved what she got. That new part of him was uncompromising, more resolute and firm than he used to be. Damien tried to think that it was a good thing that he found his decisive self, but then he couldn't help thinking whether that new Damien was such a great guy.

All the lesson went well. He could focus even though his hunger rose with time. During the breaks whether he was sitting by his desk in the room or moving to a different class, he was expecting Anna to come in. But as more breaks came and went and she didn't appear, Damien slowly lost the hope that he treasured. She is a newborn. The hunger, he thought and it somehow satisfied him for a while. After the last lesson, Damien just wanted to leave because the hunger was getting to the point where Damien slowly stopped trusting himself but he was held back by a professor, vampire thanks god, who congratulated him on coming back. Yes, that guy was completely taken with Damien and his reasons to fight this war of power, to bring vampires and humans into harmony. It was strange though, that even after a week of constant feeding, Damien still got very hungry and when he got very hungry, he could feel his mind getting clouded and that wild need slowly taking over his body. He didn't like it at all, but thought that this effect of the torture will subside soon.

On the way to his room, some stopped him and congratulated him, others just sneered at him and with every sneer he remembered what that girl from earlier said - You two must have broken up. They did walk hand in hand, and later on he carried her. It felt as if everyone shared the same though, mainly Gabriel's camp, and now they were laughing at him, because he protected Anna for so long from the Gabriel's camp but at the end, she gave up Damien for someone of their own. 'No, I need food. I need to think clearly,' he encouraged himself and his turned the corner, entering the corridor that led to his room, Damien saw her. She was standing there waiting. At first he was surprised but that didn't show on his face. Not many emotions showed on his face now-a-days.

"Hi," he said as he reached the door, unlocking it. "I guess you want to come in," Damien added as he entered the room, leaving it open for Anna to follow. He wasn't hostile against her, nor friendly. But it was somehow obvious that he needed something and that something came into view as soon as he got to his bed. Unscrewing a blood sack, Damien began drinking immediately. He was still aware of the possibility that if he drinks too fast the blood might get rejected and so he drank calmly, yet not that slowly either.
 
It didn't take as long as she had expected for him to come, but he didn't come right after class. Which meant that he probably had stopped to talk to some people at least. Damien seemed a bit... different. Maybe he still hadn't recovered completely, Anna thought. He didn't seem angry or hostile, but he wasn't friendly or happy to see her either. Even when he had been weak in the bed he had showed her some emotions, not much but some.

She nodded to answer him and walked in after him, then closing the door behind her. He seemed to need something fast, and it didn't surprise Anna that that something was blood. She held her breath from the moment the blood sack was opened. Drinking in front of others still felt... Embarrassing. Weird. Uncomfortable. She waited patiently for him to finish, not saying a word so that she wouldn't loose the air that was collected in her lungs.

"I'm glad you're feeling better." She told him with a small smile shortly after he finished. He didn't seem fine, at least not mentally. But he could walk and didn't seem to lack energy. Now she just had to try and tell him somehow that she wanted Christian as her mentor. A person from the other camp. "There is something we need to talk about." She then continued after a few seconds. She was obviously nervous.

"You remember that I told you about this guy that helped me out. He told me that if I wanted to... he could be my mentor, since I can't handle going to class at the moment." She got a calm start, now to the important part. "He was a bit... or very worried that you might say no to that, because... He's in... Gabriel's camp..." Her voice got much lower at the end, but it wasn't impossible to hear her.
 
He finished the blood sack soon and as the last drops of the liquid went down his throat, his hunger subsided though it still lingered there, in his mind, just reminding Damien that it wasn't gone completely. He listened to Anna as she spoke, slowly screwing the cap back on the the sack, not looking at her but looking at what he was doing and thinking about her words. Something we need to talk about and you ask me to allow you to have a mentor? Is having a mentor more important to you then what happens to the two of us? He thought and once again, he remembered the girl's words. Everyone knew, everyone got the right idea. But it was too hard for Damien to accept. How could she cut him out of her life so easily? Behind his back even? All that she said about that other guy, the one who helped her why he wasn't available... It didn't sound like Michael at all, otherwise she would say so.

"That guy... His name is Christian, right?" He asked, his voice flat. Standing up calmly, Damien threw the empty sack into the bin and then looked at Anna. When human fall in love it usually lasts forever, until their dying day. It's different with vampires and Damien couldn't believe how quickly Anna became a vampire in terms of emotions. Cruel and cold. 'No, what am I thinking? This sounds wrong,' Damien thought as suddenly those strange emotions took over him for a while. The feeling of anger against Anna, unreasonable anger.

"Why wasn't Michael with you all this time? I though I named him your patron in my stead and not someone else," his question should have been more directed to Michael himself but maybe he could get an answer from Anna too. Maybe she hid away from Michael, trying to be alone. Or maybe Michael just failed to do what he was told. Either way, Damien will have to have a talk with him later on because he didn't like what has happened since he was not available.
 
Anna got very surprised when Damien knew Christian's name. But he didn't stay on the subject, instead he changed topic without giving her an answer. Maybe he would need to meet him or maybe he had actually decided to refuse already. The change of topic made her feel a bit embarrassed and she had to look down into the floor.

"I... Kind of... Told him to go to hell... every time he was close..." She confessed. There was no reason to lie. That first week before her memories had returned she had simply stayed in her room and refused to have Michael close to herself. She hated him at that time, almost as much as she had hated Damien. "And.. Once I started to go to class... Then I didn't want to admit to him that I couldn't handle it... So I tried not to tell him too much about it."

It had just been a strike of luck that she had met Christian that day when Damien had gotten punished. At least that was what she thought. She was happy that she had met him, since she wouldn't have gone to Michael for help even if she had been all alone.
 
"You haven't changed in that way. Not at all. Always thinking you can do things on your own," sentiment in his voice was almost touchable but eluding. It was as if it was there but at the same time, it was covered by something more prominent. Reproach maybe? Damien didn't think Michael to be so weak but apparently he was wrong. Now, talking to that vampire was more than needed to rid him of the prominent position of looking after Anna. Prominent position? What the hell was wrong with Damien? Why did it feel like he was looking down on Michael? Pulling out the chair form behind his desk, Damien motioned to Anna to seat her self on the bed if she wanted. The gesture was accompanied with a smile that was somehow warm, yet distant.

"So Christian helped you even though he was not in right. It is nice of him that he did that but... Why do you want him as your mentor when I have already recovered and I can take care of you now and do my duty as your patron and boyfriend... that is if you haven'g changed your mind about us," Damien went straight to the point, his expression and voice clear giving away hints about how seriously he treated this topic. She might want another guy to take care of her, but it was ultimately Damien's responsibility to do, given to him by his father. However, Damien did fear Anna's reason somehow. He feared that she would say that she no longer felt the same way about him, that she no longer wanted to be with him. What would he do then? He didn't know, he didn't want to find out, yet living in uncertainty was terrible.
 
His smile felt very distant, it felt as if Damien had changed a lot. She took a seat on his bed and listened to what he had to say. The first part didn't sound unreasonable to ask, but then he came to the second part. Had she changed her mind? She wasn't completely certain. Could they go back to how they used to be? She had thought that if Damien didn't change then it might be okay, but suddenly he felt so distant and cold even though he might not realize it.

"Damien.. I... I got turned into a vampire, Gabriel tortured me, brainwashed me. And even though I want to deny that I fell in love with him, I still can't do that. Its not that I don't have feelings for you, but since I got my memories back all my emotions have been a mess. I don't know if... I can have such a relationship with you before my mind has calmed down." She started trying to explain her feelings as much as she could. "I don't want to hurt you, and I want to be with you. But right now I'm torn between two emotions, one that tells me to avenge my maker and the other one that says I love you. I think it would be best to take some steps back in our relationship until things have calmed down." She explained, trying not to make him think that she simply didn't want him.

"And the reason I want Christian as my mentor is because he isn't familiar to me, but he's not a stranger. When I look at him I don't have to think of the past, because we don't have a past. To be taught by him would make concentration easier because my emotions wouldn't be in a disarray." She had no idea how he would react, would he understand and accept or get angry or simply show that empty expression that wouldn't tell her anything?
 
She stabbed him hard and deep. That's how her words felt, like a sharp, cruel dagger, digging deep into his soul and making his worst fear come true. "So then everyone was right. We have broken up," he said and looked away from her. His words were cold and hard. His jaw was clenched as he battled with himself not to do something he might regret later. Behind all the hurt and feelings of betrayal, Damien knew that Anna stated good reasons but at the same time it felt unfair. Closing his eyes, deeps frown appeared on his brow as he battled with himself to calm down. He wasn't even sure he could identify all that he felt at the moment. The most prominent emotions were sadness, acceptance yet anger.

"I understand your reason," he said but his voice shook with exasperation and so he breathed out fully, suddenly coming to terms with himself. "I understand your reason," he repeated and this time his voice was calm but he wouldn't look at her, rather than having an eye contact with Anna he looked in front of himself at the wall. "You need time and you will have. But remember Anna, I bled for you on the chair, putting my hope in the fact that when I come back, you will be here for me as much as I was always there for you," he said and stood up walking over to the door. No matter how much he tried, there was a certain amount of hurt in his voice which though didn't show on his face.

"I want to meet that Christian boy and only after that I will decide whether he will become your mentor or not," Damien added, but not looking at Anna at all. He couldn't bear looking at her, seeing what he has lost because he failed to protect her during the ball, yet he wouldn't let her go so easily. As he finished his sentence, he opened the door and left the room. Yes, it was hard for him to feel her around in that moment. He didn't trust himself as in those few seconds he spoke to her, he felt the back of his neck tingle, his mind getting clouded with sudden hunger. Leaving was the easiest thing to do. Whether it was the most efficient one, he didn't know but he had to leave that room which was suffocating him.
 
Everyone? Anna had no idea that it had been going rumors about them breaking up, why had such a rumor gotten out? He was clearly upset, which she of course could understand. But it still felt hard to take in.

She wanted to be there for him, and she wouldn't be less there for him just because they went back a few step in their relationships. Was it really that bad to become friends again? Friends. Right after the thought had entered her mind it seemed wrong. It was as if it was too unnatural for them to be friends. Either they had a relationship or they didn't. There were no in-between. But what else was she supposed to do? Just sit there, pretend that she is in love just like before and hope he wouldn't see right through it? That would hurt both of them a hundred times more. They both needed time to think things over, and it wouldn't make them any good to be together twentyfour hours a day both as a couple and then as mentor and student. Things were too complicated for them to go on as before.

As Damien left Anna had started to cry. It wasn't intentionally and she didn't make any sounds. It was simply her tears that couldn't stay in any longer. First when she had calmed down a bit she returned to her own room. After all, it would just fuel the rumors if she came out from Damien's room crying.

Victoria saw Damien as he stiff as a board left his room, which she knew both he and Anna had entered before. The lovers quarrel came much faster than expected. She smiled a devilish smile before going into the opposite direction. It didn't seem like Damien had a goal to where he would go, so she would simply walk somewhere she might meet him. She decided that the garden seemed like the most likely place he would go through. Mostly since someone that was angry or hurt probably would seek themselves outside to get some fresh air.

Just as expected, shortly after she arrived in the garden she saw him coming out. "Damien." She said with a happily surprised tone. Right afterwards she changed expression into a little bit concerned, as if she had noticed his bad mood. "Did something happen?"
 
If Anna would have made any noise, if she would have called out to him to stop, would he stop? Would he stop himself from walking away? Somewhere deep inside he knew he wouldn't. Maybe in the past yet, but not now. Now, it seemed almost impossible to stop from moving. So she has something going on with that guy. 'Or she just really needs time. She is a newborn. But why wouldn't she want me to be next to her. She knows that she can trust me. But can she now? After the punishment, I haven't been myself. Would I be able to protect her? From others? From myself?' Damien was talking to himself inside his mind which wasn't helping to ease his feelings at all. But surprisingly enough, when he heard someone call out to him, he heard that person immediately. Looking in the direction, he noticed the girl from earlier that day.

"No, nothing has happened," he replied, his voice still calm, his expression bit more relaxed as well, no matter what battle he was experiencing inside. As he spoke, he stopped and looked at the girl. In the morning, he didn't pay her much attention. He wouldn't notice here even now, if she hadn't called out to him. However, as he had the chance to examine her features, Damien could admit that she was the slightest bit more attractive than Isabel, though there was something unsettling about the girl.
 
Victoria gave him a bright smile as if she was relieved. She knew that he was lying, but it would be foolish to give that away. "That's good then. You just seemed so... out of it for a moment. But that's to be expected after what happened during last week. You seem to be one of the lucky few that gets out of that chair with your sanity left." She explained as kindly as she could and then shut herself up quite suddenly. "Oh... I'm sorry. You probably don't want to hear about that experience now. That was really senseless of me." She apologized to him.

"I'm so thoughtless, I haven't even presented myself yet. I'm Victoria, Victoria Antonette." She then continued. There was no coincidence that she hadn't introduced herself before then. Everyone in Damien's camp and Gabriel's camp knew who those two were. But by not presenting herself when she first met the leader of her camp she would show that she already thought of him as someone she knew or at least had respected for a long time and it felt like he also knew her until she realized that he might not since he has too many followers to keep track of everyone.
 
She spoke...differently. Her way of talking wasn't of those ordinary vampires. Ordinary? No, that was a bad word to use. The way she spoke was a way Damien heard so many time during balls that his father organized in their mansion. The talk of old families, rich and respect families. Was she a daughter of one of them? Could he met her before too? But if he did, why would he remember Anna whose beauty was ordinary but not this girl's? Hold on...since when did Damien concern himself about the importance of beauty? He didn't make any comment about her mentioning the chair. Yes, it still sen cold chills down his spine and he could still mentally feels the silver burning into his flesh but none of that would show on his face.

Antonette? He has heard that name before. "It is my pleasure to meet you, Victoria," he said and her name left some sort of tingling on his tongue which was strange, he has no experienced that before and so he just shoved that momentarily distraction out of his mind. "It is very thoughtful of you, though, to care about my well-being," he added to show his gratitude for her concern. However, it just came out as a memorized phrase with little feeling to make sound more engaging. Damien just couldn't make up his mind about that girl. She was a nice distraction from Anna, but at the same time...
 
"Well, it would be weird for someone not to care about their leaders well being. We might not have spoken before but I have been in your camp since I came to this school. And before that I have been to one of your family's balls. Though at that time I were so young and I was a bit too embarrassed to go forth and speak to you." Everything she said was the truth, it would be weird for someone to not care about their leaders well being. But she had never seen Damien as her leader, just a tool to use in the future.
She knew that it wouldn't be good for her to show feelings of love to him, not even friendship for the time being. For the moment she was simply a girl that was worried about her leaders well being. And then when he started to show interest she would become more friendly, and when she snatched his heart away she would be able to pull the strings and use him as she pleased.
 
"I suppose," he murmured as a reply to the comment that anyone would be concerned about their leader's well being and with that simple phrase a shadow of first real smile appeared on his face. It was more a smile of acknowledgement but it was smile that wasn't flat or just artificial. As he listened to Victoria carry on speaking, his idea about her family was right. It made him somehow proud that she was in his camp for so long and seemed to be loyal to the cause.

"Well, it is very nice of you that you are not so hesitant now to come forth," Damien's voice was somehow a construction of mild admiration combined with courtesy. Victoria somehow helped him forget about Anna yet her presence did remind him of her words from the morning.

"If you are free for the rest of the day, would you mind telling me about what has happened in the Academy while I was...not available?" Damien proposed, substituting word punished with more refined way of saying it. Moreover, since he was take down, none of his friends felt like telling him much because they did not want to bother him or make him worry. He actually wanted to ask them after classes but because of his hunger, it somehow didn't work out. And so he has decided there, on the spot, to ask Victoria who seemed to be willing to share her knowledge.
 
"I don't mind at all." She said with a bit of hesitation in her voice and maybe a bit of surprise. Victoria was actually surprised. No one had told him what had been going on around the Academy for the past weeks? They probably didn't want to worry him, but it still came a bit as a chock that not a single one of them had given him anything.

"I guess they didn't tell you then. That shouldn't come as a surprise though, they probably didn't want to worry you too much. There have been a lot of fighting between the different camps lately because of your punishment and Gabriel's disappearance." She started to explain. "The teachers have had a hard time keeping them apart once they start. Gabriel's camp is more violent now when they don't have a leader to rely on, and your camp have been a bit confused during the week to what has happened. Why you got into a fight with Gabriel and such things. Some have even spoken about that it might be better to get a new leader because you might not be trustworthy. Of course that's just a small group. Most of us knows you are worthy of our trust, and we know that whatever happened your actions was justified." She told him.

There had been a small group of vampires that had talked about leaving Damien's camp, at one point they had even tried to get others to help them convince everyone that Damien wasn't suited as their leader anymore. But that had fast died, and everyone forgot about it because they knew that it was the uncertainty of what had happened that made people act like that. They would calm down.
 
Damien listened to Victoria and nodded few times. It wasn't surprising that there were disruptions within the camps and even in his own camp. Though, it hurt Damien's pride slightly that others considered him not trustworthy anymore. However, it wouldn't be the first time this would happen and so he would have to cope with these people the same way he did before. "Say, would you be able to tell me who these vampires were? Those who wanted to leave," Damien asked her as he looked in front of himself, visibly thinking something through. Thinking about it now, it wasn't that much of news that Victoria told him. Most of these happenings were predictable but Damien was glad that he knew for sure now. Damien has also decided that he would need to get the whole of his camp together and speak to them to eliminate and possible future disturbance.
 
She got a bit surprised that he wanted to know which of them that had wanted to leave, she had believed he were the kind of person who would just pretend he hadn't heard about it but keep his eyes and ears opened. Seemed like she didn't knew her so called leader as well as she thought. But she could imagine some reasons why he wanted to know, and non of them was the kind of action she would have taken in that sort of situation. Because Damien was too soft hearted to hurt people that disobeyed him, maybe he had changed a bit after the punishment, but that kind of thing would probably never change.

"Some of them, but most people that was in the group hid it from the rest of us since they didn't want to get into any trouble if things didn't go as they wanted it to. I only know the faces of three of them, but I'm not certain of their names." She told him. It wasn't completely true, she knew exactly everyone that had wanted to put Damien down as a leader, or wanted to leave for Gabriel's camp. But she might be able to use those pitiful fools without a spine later, so it would be best to just give up the once that actually showed themselves.
 
Damien looked down at her for the first time fully looking into her eyes. His face was calm but there was something unsettling in his gaze, something that he didn't know that was there. It was as if something within him was trying to reach into the depths of the soul of the person that was submitted to that stare. "You know the faces?" He said, his voice somewhat curious but it was cold curiousness with edge of something sharp which could either a mere statement or dangerous obtrusiveness. It was hard to set those two apart at the moment. "Do you then think you could get the names for me? Since you know how the three look like," Damien added and at that moment that unsettling nuance disappeared from his eyes and there was a sudden half smile on his lips that made him look enigmatic, yet somehow appealing. It felt strange, Damien couldn't control himself and whatever he said in that moment, however he looked or sounded, was as if he wasn't doing that himself, but something different took over his body. He didn't like that powerless feeling and to be honest it scared him deep inside because even for Damien himself, this felt dangerous and if it wasn't controlled, it could harm those that he still cared for.
 
He had definitely changed from before, what was this new Damien up to? Victoria wasn't certain in which ways he had changed from the torture, so for the moment she should just observe until she knew how she could control him without failing. "I can probably get their names before tomorrow morning." She told him.

What was she going to do? Damien had seemed very upset, and she had no idea how to face him at the moment. But at the same time she knew that she had to face him to introduce him to Christian. Would it be good to let him calm down first? Probably. She would have to speak to him about them once he was calm too, something inside her told her that he had gotten the wrong idea. She wasn't certain about what, but all she wanted was for them to take a break for now.

One part of her was angry on him, what was that about? Telling her that he bled for her. She didn't ask him to go and kill a vampire. He could have let Gabriel live, if he just had protected her during the ball then she wouldn't even have become a vampire. What was she thinking? He was too far away, no one could expect him to help her in that situation. She hated that her thoughts was in that constant battle of wanting to justify Damien and then blaming him.

When her thoughts became too much she rose from her bed, and walked out of her room. To get rid of those thoughts she had to do something. Talk to someone. And at the moment there was only one person she felt like talking to.
 
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