R
Rashuad-012
Guest
Original poster
@Manhattan Project and @El Presidente
Both character's are a good premise, but they come up a little short in a few places, and somewhat exaggerated.
@Manhattan Project:
Both character's are a good premise, but they come up a little short in a few places, and somewhat exaggerated.
@Manhattan Project:
- If he's got a kill record and habit for killing Spartan's, it's most likely he wouldn't consider working with them. He comes off as a bit brash, stubborn, and assertive; so it doesn't seem he would be flexible to the idea of helping the UNSC- let alone Spartans.
- Also, the strength described in his CS seems far above most Sangheili reckoning, almost augmented if you will. I say this because for him to impale two Spartan-IIs while crushing another at his feet, he would have to be supremely strong due to the given fact that Spartan-IIs with MJOLNIR Armor weighed whole tons--ranging from 900-1000+. As for crushing the other's chest, their bones are virtually unbreakable and their durability is enhanced by their armor being made from Titanium Alloy. Again, that has got to be one muscular mofo. And the most built one to history is Ripa 'Morame, and even he couldn't lift whole Spartans so easily.
- A few grammatical errors are present, and the CS is just a bit on the messy side.
- His bio/Background is short and sweet, but it's also somewhat vague. I'd like you to buff up his bio a bit more, really get in there about who he is, what he's done, and how it's shaped him. I've taken in the fact that this may alter his age, but in my opinion I see that as a plus. For one he's fairly young compared to most Elites in the military. Comparing their experience to his own, comes to a large ratio of 4:1
Again, both are grand character builds with major potential. They will be accepted as soon as you...