fortunately/unfortunately.

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Fortunately, Alex had been immunised against orbital missile strikes a few months earlier, so she was fine.
 
Unfortunately, she caught Ultraplague instead.
 
Unfortunately, like bad Hispanic sitcom, Steve's wife Consuela appeared, brandishing her mop to beat both Steve and Alex.
 
Fortunately they were both masochists and entered a polygamous modern relationship
 
Unfortunately this story is no longer about Alex, Doctor Hispanic, or his wife, but rather about the aforementioned mop.
 
Fortunately the mop is sentient and can move of it's own volition so this isn't a story about a mop lying on the ground for all eternity.
 
Unfortunately, the mop is evil and wants to enslave mop-users ie. humans
 
Fortunately, the mop is, at its current state, incredibly weak.
 
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Unfortunately, the mop possesses the power to animate other mobs, and use them to control the mop-users.
 
fortunately, the mops also have this uncontrollable desire to clean up messes that are normally cleaned up by mops, so the mops can ultimately be stalled.
 
Unfortunately, thanks to their absorbency, the mops did not stay distracted for long, and soon began to suck the brains out of the mop users.
 
Fortunatly, when they reach Consuela, the 'wife' of Steve, the incredibly attractive-yet-single Hispanic Doctor, they are made to starve on the paradox that is the jealous wife of a single man and all simultaniously implode, injuring none of the sado-masochistic relationship and saving winter.
 
Unfortunately, the Mop contracted T-Virus and became a Tank Zombie, injuring everyone.
 
Fortunately these forms of Tank Mop zombies only fed on bad genes and cured cancer by eating all the bad genes away
 
Unfortunately, it was Dress Up like an Orange Day.
 
Fortunately, everyone happened to look good dressed as oranges, so they decided that's how they would dress from that day forward.
 
Unfortunately, a crazy man that was paranoid of getting scurvy didn't know, so he attempted to eat someone.
 
Fortunately, that someone was Justin Bieber so no one really cared.
 
Unfortunately, his 12 year old fangirls threw a riot.
 
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