- Posting Speed
- Speed of Light
- Multiple posts per day
- 1-3 posts per day
- One post per day
- Online Availability
- Eh, it's a crapshoot.
- Writing Levels
- Intermediate
- Adept
- Advanced
- Preferred Character Gender
- No Preferences
I'd have to agree with Beta, this CS is still a ways away from being acceptable.
I don't currently have a specific belt listed for Junkiro's Kyokushin karate (but should now), but in my backstory, I did not only keep his progression to believable levels, I also mentioned he had reached the upper junior belt levels, so he's just below a 1st Dan, which is a somewhat advanced progression, but still more than humanly possible. In addition, Junkiro is 15, while your character is only 13. While two years may not seem like much, 2 years can equal more than one belt level, not to mention a lot of physical development occurs during the puberty stage, which your character would either still be starting or have just started, while my character would be well into the middle of it.
Beta and I have different views on parahumans, but I won't argue with his judgment; what he says is fine, is fine.
There are also some story holes in your backstory, but these are less worrisome than the clear contradictions and errors that are also present. But beyond what Beta has already gone over (I won't bust your balls by double-slamming you), I still feel like there's a substance missing from your backstory. While it does have sufficient paragraphs now, it still seems hurried and short. Basically, your whole backstory can be whittled down to 'sad girl does karate and suddenly kicks ass'. Doesn't that seem just a little bit short? Add some extra details. How did she meet her sensei? Did anything else important happen in her life? Go into detail about how she ended up dealing with her bullies. All these things add substance and depth to your character, which will not only make our lives easier during character interaction, but will make YOUR life easier when you need to determine how she might act in a situation.
Please understand we're not here to trash your CS-we do want you in this RP, but we also have a level of writing skill that we adhere our players, and ourselves, to. This is not to say we don't want you because of it; in fact, the opposite is true. All our criticism is to help you write a better character, not just here, but everywhere else as well. Hopefully you can take these suggestions and criticisms in stride and become a better roleplayer for it. Beta and I both went through the same thing before.
Anyways, keep working at your CS. If you want help from either Beta or myself, don't hesitate to ask.
I don't currently have a specific belt listed for Junkiro's Kyokushin karate (but should now), but in my backstory, I did not only keep his progression to believable levels, I also mentioned he had reached the upper junior belt levels, so he's just below a 1st Dan, which is a somewhat advanced progression, but still more than humanly possible. In addition, Junkiro is 15, while your character is only 13. While two years may not seem like much, 2 years can equal more than one belt level, not to mention a lot of physical development occurs during the puberty stage, which your character would either still be starting or have just started, while my character would be well into the middle of it.
Beta and I have different views on parahumans, but I won't argue with his judgment; what he says is fine, is fine.
There are also some story holes in your backstory, but these are less worrisome than the clear contradictions and errors that are also present. But beyond what Beta has already gone over (I won't bust your balls by double-slamming you), I still feel like there's a substance missing from your backstory. While it does have sufficient paragraphs now, it still seems hurried and short. Basically, your whole backstory can be whittled down to 'sad girl does karate and suddenly kicks ass'. Doesn't that seem just a little bit short? Add some extra details. How did she meet her sensei? Did anything else important happen in her life? Go into detail about how she ended up dealing with her bullies. All these things add substance and depth to your character, which will not only make our lives easier during character interaction, but will make YOUR life easier when you need to determine how she might act in a situation.
Please understand we're not here to trash your CS-we do want you in this RP, but we also have a level of writing skill that we adhere our players, and ourselves, to. This is not to say we don't want you because of it; in fact, the opposite is true. All our criticism is to help you write a better character, not just here, but everywhere else as well. Hopefully you can take these suggestions and criticisms in stride and become a better roleplayer for it. Beta and I both went through the same thing before.
Anyways, keep working at your CS. If you want help from either Beta or myself, don't hesitate to ask.
Last edited: