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Fight School [OOC/Signup]
- Thread starter Beta
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U
UnderstandableAtrocity
Guest
Oh, I know. I think Beta disliked my image anyhow, I'll have to work that out. Thanks again for being a good critic. I'm good at the, uh, the typing part, but I'm kind of bad at... everything else. Plot, character, etc. I'm not very creative, so it doesn't really come easy, and I can't tell what's good and bad in writing.
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It's almost like the rules state 1st-Year Students Only. How can you call yourself an Assistant GM if you don't even know the rules?
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D
Daws Combine
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The Devil decides to take a tour of Hell to see how humans are being tortured and what his minions are doing, particularly the ones responsible for burning people's souls. On his first stop, he sees a cauldron full with people, but only two workers in front of the cauldron along with a sign. The sign meticously details the ways one should not escape from the cauldron. Satisfied with this, but curious, the Devil goes up to the workers.
"Why are there only two people guarding this cauldron and why is there a sign?" asks the Devil.
"Oh, these people are German. They are very punctual and obey all the rules, so you do not really need a lot of guards for them," replies one of the workers. The Devil nods and goes on his way.
On his second stop, he sees another cauldron full of people, but this time, there are a lot of guards around it, all of whom are in military uniforms and using AK-47s. Worried about this, the Devil approaches one of the guards.
"This place looks really dangerous. Why are there so many guards posted here?" asks the Devil.
"Oh, these people are Russian. You have to keep them guarded at all times and shoot them if they try to escape. But everything is under control." The Devil thinks about this for a while, then he nods and goes on.
Then the Devil arrives at his last stop, which is only a cauldron full of people who seem to be really angry. Worried, he starts searching for the guards or anyone who could explain the situation to him, but he has to spend hours upon hours to locate even one of his minions.
"What are you doing?" asks the Devil, clearly outraged by the site he visited. "Why are there no people guarding this cauldron?"
"That is because they're Hungarians," answers his minion in a fit of laughter. "If one of them tries to get out, the others pull them back in!"
"Why are there only two people guarding this cauldron and why is there a sign?" asks the Devil.
"Oh, these people are German. They are very punctual and obey all the rules, so you do not really need a lot of guards for them," replies one of the workers. The Devil nods and goes on his way.
On his second stop, he sees another cauldron full of people, but this time, there are a lot of guards around it, all of whom are in military uniforms and using AK-47s. Worried about this, the Devil approaches one of the guards.
"This place looks really dangerous. Why are there so many guards posted here?" asks the Devil.
"Oh, these people are Russian. You have to keep them guarded at all times and shoot them if they try to escape. But everything is under control." The Devil thinks about this for a while, then he nods and goes on.
Then the Devil arrives at his last stop, which is only a cauldron full of people who seem to be really angry. Worried, he starts searching for the guards or anyone who could explain the situation to him, but he has to spend hours upon hours to locate even one of his minions.
"What are you doing?" asks the Devil, clearly outraged by the site he visited. "Why are there no people guarding this cauldron?"
"That is because they're Hungarians," answers his minion in a fit of laughter. "If one of them tries to get out, the others pull them back in!"
U
UnderstandableAtrocity
Guest
This is it! The moment I was born for! Finally, a willing audience for which to display my extraordinary sense of humor! Behold, the greatest joke known to man:
"His face was drawn, but the curtains were real."
Heh. A-hah. Ha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bask in my humorous glory and be amazed! Never again will any other humor satisfy thee! Slaves to my comedy, forever! Mwahahahahahaha!
"His face was drawn, but the curtains were real."
Heh. A-hah. Ha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bask in my humorous glory and be amazed! Never again will any other humor satisfy thee! Slaves to my comedy, forever! Mwahahahahahaha!
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Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the otherside
That totally hasn't been done before....
To say hello from the otherside
That totally hasn't been done before....
I
ImportantNobody
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U
UnderstandableAtrocity
Guest
I'd do stuff if I was fully certain I could. Greased said I could do things but then said he'd think about stuff and didn't correspond further so now I'm confused.
If I'm allowed, I can totally try to make some form of contribution when I'm awake and semi-capable of forming coherent English beyond paranoid ramblings.
If I'm allowed, I can totally try to make some form of contribution when I'm awake and semi-capable of forming coherent English beyond paranoid ramblings.
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.
Tell you what. Link me to your CS and I'll add it to the roster. I'll give you a shot. Tyler (GS) can be a lazy shit sometimes, so him failing to keep contact isn't all too surprising.
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N
Nano
Guest
INCOMPLETE
The picture only showcases her appearance, NOT the clothing that she usually wears.
"The first rule of Fight school, you may ask? Well, it's easy. Don't fail. Or you're screwed, dear."
The picture only showcases her appearance, NOT the clothing that she usually wears.
"The first rule of Fight school, you may ask? Well, it's easy. Don't fail. Or you're screwed, dear."
Name
I.D. Number
93748201
Rank
D3
Year
1st Year
Nationality
Philaphino
Age
15
Sex/Gender
Female
I.D. Number
93748201
Rank
D3
Year
1st Year
Nationality
Philaphino
Age
15
Sex/Gender
Female
Zui Quan (Drunken Fist)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zui_quan
A fairly... Odd technique to say the least. God knows why she chose to learn this style, but something about it seemed to appeal to her. If anything, at first, her parents were really, really, REALLY against that idea. However, yes, they gave in, and let her practice it. By using this technique, she is easily able to improvise within a fight when she feels that it's necessary. As the name suggests, she will act and move around as though she were drunk in order to either lure her opponents into a false sense of security, or buy her time for her regeneration. However, it takes a lot of balance in order to not fall or topple over when actually hit. Her body is usually all loose and it's like jelly when moving around, but it does allow her to relax her muscles. Usually used to buy herself time, as she rather NOT use it in an offensive way. Still needs improvement, since she will sometimes trip over herself if she isn't careful.
Average
Kyu-sho Jitsu
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pressure_point
Martial arts that revolves around the pressure points, and self defense. She is fairly skilled in this field, more so than the Tessenjutsu. Having also studied the human body to an extent, she knows where the majority of pressure points are, and how hard one would have to hit them. She is fairly accurate as well, and strong when it comes to jabbing those parts of the body. She could easily make a man go paralyzed or limp by jabbing in certain places, and she studied where not to hit, in fear that her lack of knowledge in the field could lead to some sort of killing. And that was never nice. The problem is that at the moment, she isn't fast enough to hit all the pressure points in succession for it to actually be effective. But if she were actually able to hit, well, ouch. However, at the moment, the most that she could probably do to others is possibly cause a lot of pain to them, lock a limb, or dislocating bones (That is highly improbable unless she has a ton of energy and put most of it into the attack, and her opponent had their guard down. But what are the odds of that?)
Above Average
Combined Outcome
Again... A pretty odd combination. She usually uses the Zui Quan in order to throw her attacker off, and she usually uses it once her fatigue reaches a certain point or when she feels that she has to improvise.
Ability (Powers)
She has very, VERY weak regeneration capabilities. No, it doesn't mean that she will automatically heal from getting her arm cut off. It's more like she is only able to heal from a bad bruise say, a third faster than a human usually does naturally heal if not given medical attention. Cuts can heal quicker without scars, but there's an extent to her regeneration. This will NOT help her fatigue, and this is more of a passive skill. When actually using her regeneration consciously, it heals at a much quicker rate. However, doing so will take a toll on her fatigue even more. When using it unconsciously, it will, obviously, not take much if any fatigue but it won't be effective enough to aid her in a fight. This is an old ability that was bestowed to her by her grandparents, as they saw that she was so small at the time and was taking martial arts. As they claimed 'these old bones aren't going to need something like this anymore'.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zui_quan
A fairly... Odd technique to say the least. God knows why she chose to learn this style, but something about it seemed to appeal to her. If anything, at first, her parents were really, really, REALLY against that idea. However, yes, they gave in, and let her practice it. By using this technique, she is easily able to improvise within a fight when she feels that it's necessary. As the name suggests, she will act and move around as though she were drunk in order to either lure her opponents into a false sense of security, or buy her time for her regeneration. However, it takes a lot of balance in order to not fall or topple over when actually hit. Her body is usually all loose and it's like jelly when moving around, but it does allow her to relax her muscles. Usually used to buy herself time, as she rather NOT use it in an offensive way. Still needs improvement, since she will sometimes trip over herself if she isn't careful.
Average
Kyu-sho Jitsu
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pressure_point
Martial arts that revolves around the pressure points, and self defense. She is fairly skilled in this field, more so than the Tessenjutsu. Having also studied the human body to an extent, she knows where the majority of pressure points are, and how hard one would have to hit them. She is fairly accurate as well, and strong when it comes to jabbing those parts of the body. She could easily make a man go paralyzed or limp by jabbing in certain places, and she studied where not to hit, in fear that her lack of knowledge in the field could lead to some sort of killing. And that was never nice. The problem is that at the moment, she isn't fast enough to hit all the pressure points in succession for it to actually be effective. But if she were actually able to hit, well, ouch. However, at the moment, the most that she could probably do to others is possibly cause a lot of pain to them, lock a limb, or dislocating bones (That is highly improbable unless she has a ton of energy and put most of it into the attack, and her opponent had their guard down. But what are the odds of that?)
Above Average
Combined Outcome
Again... A pretty odd combination. She usually uses the Zui Quan in order to throw her attacker off, and she usually uses it once her fatigue reaches a certain point or when she feels that she has to improvise.
Ability (Powers)
She has very, VERY weak regeneration capabilities. No, it doesn't mean that she will automatically heal from getting her arm cut off. It's more like she is only able to heal from a bad bruise say, a third faster than a human usually does naturally heal if not given medical attention. Cuts can heal quicker without scars, but there's an extent to her regeneration. This will NOT help her fatigue, and this is more of a passive skill. When actually using her regeneration consciously, it heals at a much quicker rate. However, doing so will take a toll on her fatigue even more. When using it unconsciously, it will, obviously, not take much if any fatigue but it won't be effective enough to aid her in a fight. This is an old ability that was bestowed to her by her grandparents, as they saw that she was so small at the time and was taking martial arts. As they claimed 'these old bones aren't going to need something like this anymore'.
Personality
If you were to describe this girl in three words, it would be slightly arrogant, curious, and stubborn. She's also observant, hard-working, and a perfectionist. She'll stress out if something weren't going according to her own plan, though she doesn't mind improvising, such as if she were to get in a fight (Of course, most people she knew always improvised in fights anyways). She appears fairly modest at first when giving tips and information at first. At least, to people who need advice at first, but may or may not make arrogant remarks such as 'it'll work. It's advice from me'. She seems to treasure fairness and respect above all else, as she will not be able to let it sit down well with her if the opponent were given a handicap. She also has a little trouble fighting people shorter and younger than herself. She has no trouble and no remorse fighting someone the same age as herself, though. In fact, she probably wouldn't hold anything back and have fun with it.
She feels as though, she could be slightly more ruthless and merciless, since her hesitation when performing a finishing blow will be the death of herself one day. Even now, she usually resorts to pressure pointing rather than actually knocking out the opposing side.
Background
Narcissa lived in.. A pretty normal household. At least, normal for a 16 year old girl. She was born in British Columbia in Canada, living there for about three months or so before moving over to Ontario after her parents divorced. Her father usually went out drinking and hanging out with friends, or god knows what he was doing. Her mother always went working, and since they lived far from her nail salon, their mother came home very, very late and left very, very early. Thus most of her care was put on her grandparents, who more than willingly taught her how to speak English and do basic math before putting her in Pre-school. Other than school and going on little trips with her aunts, she barely went out to hang around kids the same age as herself, so she was just a little bit lonely. Around the age of three, her father remarried to a woman, and out popped her little brother a year later when she was four years old. Her brother was always crying, but she really loved him a lot. Thus, she always helped her grandparents push her little brother around in his stroller at home to put him to sleep, and she slept next to him when he was scared of the dark, in an attempt to calm him down. The two were basically inseparable, and this pleased the other family members around them. Only problem was, that whenever she was going to so somewhere, her brother wanted to follow, and she ended up not going.
The only reason she ever took up an interest in martial arts was because her brother convinced her to take it when he was five, and she was nine. Her brother wanted to take Tae-Kwon-do, so she joined him, but soon dropped out of it due to lack of interest. She described it as 'Too much kicking' and 'it was the same thing over and over again'. Her parents tried Taichi as well, but she said it was too slow for her liking. It took a long, long time, until they were able to come across Kyusho-jitsu. At first, her parents didn't show interest in it at all, but Narcissa seemed to be all for the idea of taking it. She found it fascinating on how the body responded to just being hit in certain areas, at certain times. In just a few classes, she was always coming home with a smile on her face, and she showed more of an interest on the human analogy at a young age, and wanted to learn how to actually hit the pressure points. This skill would be very useful in the future, as her parents saw that it would help her should she ever face someone with sheer force. Her brother, of course, got jealous, so whined about wanting to take it. After a few classes, he dropped out, saying that it was 'too boring'.
Around the age of 11 -- and her brother was 7 at the time -- she and her brother went out to the park to grab ice cream on a nice, summer day. Though, the sun was setting, so Narcissa suggested that they return home soon, and he agreed. Since they were by the community center, and it wasn't too far from the house, they chose to kill some time a bit more before going home. Though, they ended up losing track of the time by playing with the pool table, if you count bickering on how pool worked as playing. It ended up becoming dark, so the two scurried on home. Though, there was a problem. The area was notorious for the dangerous streets in the night, so Narcissa held onto her brother's hand and made sure that she would stay beside him. It was probably a gut feeling, but she felt that a car kept stalking and following them. Since she didn't have a phone, she couldn't pretend to call someone and chose to just lead her brother home quickly, changing paths now and then to try to get them off their tail; to no avail.
Of course, the people weren't just going to stalk kids for nothing. They were going to make a move at some point, and it just so happened to be a few minutes after of stalking. A man came out of the car to talk to her and her brother, offering them a lift home. Narcissa kept her brother behind her, almost as though to shield him from anything that might be coming. She was scared as hell, but was able to answer with a no. Seeing that the child wouldn't reason, and there were no witnesses, he attempted to attack Narcissa by hitting the back of her head. Her brother, quick with his reflexes from years of martial arts and training, was able to block the back hit at the expense of a bruise on his arm.
Of course, it would be impossible for a 7 year old and an 11 year old to defeat a man that's like, twice their size with sheer force. That was where her Kyusho-jitsu was able to come into play. As the man had attempted to punch her brother, she quickly pushed her brother aside, and slid under the man to jab her hand into different parts of his body. Her instructor never taught her how to kill a man, nor had he told her what spots were to be hit in order to make sure that he is just paralyzed, and not dead. She could, maybe have tried to knock him out but was so caught in the moment that she forgot to 'twist and pull', so that became one of her largest regrets out of anything. Afterwords, in just a few moments, the man stood there, temporarily paralyzed. Temporarily, so she grabbed her brother's other arm, and pulled him to run home. As true as she thought, the man wasn't paralyzed for long, and was able to easily catch up to the two. The man was able to grab her brother, even through Narcissa's attempts to attack the kidnapper again, but to no avail. Her brother was taken away into the car, and although she tried to call for help, she was already too late, and the car drove away into the night.
Since then, Narcissa hadn't been the same at all. She had distanced herself from her parents, grandparents, and the rest of her family. She saw it as it was her entire fault that her brother was kidnapped, because she wasn't strong enough, she wasn't fast enough. For the rest of the year, she trained more vigorously and began to surpass most of the kids in her class. Her parents grew more worried about her mental and emotional state, spending more time at home to speak with her even though she kept purposely shutting them out. She couldn't help it; every time she saw them, she always thought about how she could have saved her dear little brother. Even now, she questions why it was her brother, and not herself? Was it because he was the younger sibling? Was it because he didn't know about the pressure points? Was it because of the bruise?
From then on out, she asked her parents if she could take Tessenjutsu. They asked her why she wanted to take that, and she claimed that it would help her calm down. In reality, she actually looked up different types of martial arts. Above all, she did value speed and accuracy to be top priority. Force was always second. She also wanted to learn how to fight with a somewhat more unique item, rather than nun-chucks and/or poles or the like. Her parents agreed, in hopes that this would help open up their daughter. It took forever to find someone who actually taught Tessenjutsu, and then they found a japanese couple who willing trained the girl privately. She's trained in Tessenjutsu for a while, until the age of 16 years old.
Around that time, she found New Peaks Academy while surfing the web a bit. Intrigued by this, she quickly asked her parents if she could enroll in the school. It was pricey, yes. However, by explaining how she would have more exposure to more fighting styles and people to train with, along with how they offered academic courses, they finally caved in and agreed. Luckily for them, they had grown quite wealthy over the years after losing one of their children, and they stopped gambling (burning money, in her own terms). Also, through the influence of the couple, and the change in learning environment, she had grown to be slightly more open to people. Though, people are still a little worried about her obsessiveness about being 'perfect'. This is possibly a side effect from when her brother was kidnapped.
Currently, she does still try to look on the news for any clues on her brother. For all she knows, the kid could be dead, but she still wants to find him. She still takes her own training very seriously, out of personal interest.
If you were to describe this girl in three words, it would be slightly arrogant, curious, and stubborn. She's also observant, hard-working, and a perfectionist. She'll stress out if something weren't going according to her own plan, though she doesn't mind improvising, such as if she were to get in a fight (Of course, most people she knew always improvised in fights anyways). She appears fairly modest at first when giving tips and information at first. At least, to people who need advice at first, but may or may not make arrogant remarks such as 'it'll work. It's advice from me'. She seems to treasure fairness and respect above all else, as she will not be able to let it sit down well with her if the opponent were given a handicap. She also has a little trouble fighting people shorter and younger than herself. She has no trouble and no remorse fighting someone the same age as herself, though. In fact, she probably wouldn't hold anything back and have fun with it.
She feels as though, she could be slightly more ruthless and merciless, since her hesitation when performing a finishing blow will be the death of herself one day. Even now, she usually resorts to pressure pointing rather than actually knocking out the opposing side.
Background
Narcissa lived in.. A pretty normal household. At least, normal for a 16 year old girl. She was born in British Columbia in Canada, living there for about three months or so before moving over to Ontario after her parents divorced. Her father usually went out drinking and hanging out with friends, or god knows what he was doing. Her mother always went working, and since they lived far from her nail salon, their mother came home very, very late and left very, very early. Thus most of her care was put on her grandparents, who more than willingly taught her how to speak English and do basic math before putting her in Pre-school. Other than school and going on little trips with her aunts, she barely went out to hang around kids the same age as herself, so she was just a little bit lonely. Around the age of three, her father remarried to a woman, and out popped her little brother a year later when she was four years old. Her brother was always crying, but she really loved him a lot. Thus, she always helped her grandparents push her little brother around in his stroller at home to put him to sleep, and she slept next to him when he was scared of the dark, in an attempt to calm him down. The two were basically inseparable, and this pleased the other family members around them. Only problem was, that whenever she was going to so somewhere, her brother wanted to follow, and she ended up not going.
The only reason she ever took up an interest in martial arts was because her brother convinced her to take it when he was five, and she was nine. Her brother wanted to take Tae-Kwon-do, so she joined him, but soon dropped out of it due to lack of interest. She described it as 'Too much kicking' and 'it was the same thing over and over again'. Her parents tried Taichi as well, but she said it was too slow for her liking. It took a long, long time, until they were able to come across Kyusho-jitsu. At first, her parents didn't show interest in it at all, but Narcissa seemed to be all for the idea of taking it. She found it fascinating on how the body responded to just being hit in certain areas, at certain times. In just a few classes, she was always coming home with a smile on her face, and she showed more of an interest on the human analogy at a young age, and wanted to learn how to actually hit the pressure points. This skill would be very useful in the future, as her parents saw that it would help her should she ever face someone with sheer force. Her brother, of course, got jealous, so whined about wanting to take it. After a few classes, he dropped out, saying that it was 'too boring'.
Around the age of 11 -- and her brother was 7 at the time -- she and her brother went out to the park to grab ice cream on a nice, summer day. Though, the sun was setting, so Narcissa suggested that they return home soon, and he agreed. Since they were by the community center, and it wasn't too far from the house, they chose to kill some time a bit more before going home. Though, they ended up losing track of the time by playing with the pool table, if you count bickering on how pool worked as playing. It ended up becoming dark, so the two scurried on home. Though, there was a problem. The area was notorious for the dangerous streets in the night, so Narcissa held onto her brother's hand and made sure that she would stay beside him. It was probably a gut feeling, but she felt that a car kept stalking and following them. Since she didn't have a phone, she couldn't pretend to call someone and chose to just lead her brother home quickly, changing paths now and then to try to get them off their tail; to no avail.
Of course, the people weren't just going to stalk kids for nothing. They were going to make a move at some point, and it just so happened to be a few minutes after of stalking. A man came out of the car to talk to her and her brother, offering them a lift home. Narcissa kept her brother behind her, almost as though to shield him from anything that might be coming. She was scared as hell, but was able to answer with a no. Seeing that the child wouldn't reason, and there were no witnesses, he attempted to attack Narcissa by hitting the back of her head. Her brother, quick with his reflexes from years of martial arts and training, was able to block the back hit at the expense of a bruise on his arm.
Of course, it would be impossible for a 7 year old and an 11 year old to defeat a man that's like, twice their size with sheer force. That was where her Kyusho-jitsu was able to come into play. As the man had attempted to punch her brother, she quickly pushed her brother aside, and slid under the man to jab her hand into different parts of his body. Her instructor never taught her how to kill a man, nor had he told her what spots were to be hit in order to make sure that he is just paralyzed, and not dead. She could, maybe have tried to knock him out but was so caught in the moment that she forgot to 'twist and pull', so that became one of her largest regrets out of anything. Afterwords, in just a few moments, the man stood there, temporarily paralyzed. Temporarily, so she grabbed her brother's other arm, and pulled him to run home. As true as she thought, the man wasn't paralyzed for long, and was able to easily catch up to the two. The man was able to grab her brother, even through Narcissa's attempts to attack the kidnapper again, but to no avail. Her brother was taken away into the car, and although she tried to call for help, she was already too late, and the car drove away into the night.
Since then, Narcissa hadn't been the same at all. She had distanced herself from her parents, grandparents, and the rest of her family. She saw it as it was her entire fault that her brother was kidnapped, because she wasn't strong enough, she wasn't fast enough. For the rest of the year, she trained more vigorously and began to surpass most of the kids in her class. Her parents grew more worried about her mental and emotional state, spending more time at home to speak with her even though she kept purposely shutting them out. She couldn't help it; every time she saw them, she always thought about how she could have saved her dear little brother. Even now, she questions why it was her brother, and not herself? Was it because he was the younger sibling? Was it because he didn't know about the pressure points? Was it because of the bruise?
From then on out, she asked her parents if she could take Tessenjutsu. They asked her why she wanted to take that, and she claimed that it would help her calm down. In reality, she actually looked up different types of martial arts. Above all, she did value speed and accuracy to be top priority. Force was always second. She also wanted to learn how to fight with a somewhat more unique item, rather than nun-chucks and/or poles or the like. Her parents agreed, in hopes that this would help open up their daughter. It took forever to find someone who actually taught Tessenjutsu, and then they found a japanese couple who willing trained the girl privately. She's trained in Tessenjutsu for a while, until the age of 16 years old.
Around that time, she found New Peaks Academy while surfing the web a bit. Intrigued by this, she quickly asked her parents if she could enroll in the school. It was pricey, yes. However, by explaining how she would have more exposure to more fighting styles and people to train with, along with how they offered academic courses, they finally caved in and agreed. Luckily for them, they had grown quite wealthy over the years after losing one of their children, and they stopped gambling (burning money, in her own terms). Also, through the influence of the couple, and the change in learning environment, she had grown to be slightly more open to people. Though, people are still a little worried about her obsessiveness about being 'perfect'. This is possibly a side effect from when her brother was kidnapped.
Currently, she does still try to look on the news for any clues on her brother. For all she knows, the kid could be dead, but she still wants to find him. She still takes her own training very seriously, out of personal interest.
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Umm... I don't recall seeing you around, so how have you risen from the dead? Also... what does the Matrix have to do with anything?
Greased Smitening will be handling the initial review of your character, btw.
N
Nano
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If you remember Teomessos, then that would be me.
Greased Smitening was also the one who gave me the feedback the last time I tried to join as well, so I'm going to try again now.
Though, it's understandable if you don't remember me. If you look back alllll the way on page 22, you'll find me xD
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Ok, let me just open by saying...
Who are you, exactly?...oh, Teomessos. I vaguely remember that CS,
But anyways, the CS isn't complete yet, is it? I see no backstory, girl. Get that up, and then I'll review her.
Who are you, exactly?...oh, Teomessos. I vaguely remember that CS,
But anyways, the CS isn't complete yet, is it? I see no backstory, girl. Get that up, and then I'll review her.
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Ah. A name change. That explains why I don't remember you. I'm good with names, but when they change I tend to not follow along.
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Hokay. It's finished now, I believe? Alright, let's begin.
First. The picture isn't going to fly. The bones, first of all, would earn a straight trip to Detention Hall. The big hat is also a ridiculous accessory that would probably get confiscated. Please find a more appropriate image.
Second. 16 is still too old. Keep it 15.
Third...Albino...isn't a nationality, it's a skin condition. >.>
Next section.
Tessenjutsu is already the fighting style of Kyami, a character already accepted. We want variety, so I'd prefer you pick a different fighting style, one we don't already have.
Kyusho-jitsu is fine, interesting even, but...yeah, even if she tried, it would be impossible for her to kill, even let alone paralyze, your average opponent. Maybe cause extreme pain and lock a limb for a time, but at her level you can't expect much more at all. You'll need to keep that in mind.
Her power is a concern. Light regen is perfectly okay, but don't expect it to do much over the course of a fight except repair a jammed digit or maybe a turned ankle. Moreover, the dulling of pain is not okay. That's more dangerous to her than her opponent; she might end up injuring herself beyond repair if she doesn't feel the pain.
On to personality. Not TOO many problems, but the concern I have is the contradiction. She's modest, but has arrogance too? Pick one or the other.
Backstory is where things start falling apart.
The beginning is fine, the part with her little brother even cute, but once we get into the martial arts training, I get iffy.
One, it's AnATOMy, not AnALOgy. But that's a minor quibble. It's a few things in the kidnapping scene. First, a 7 year old kid is NOT blocking an attack from a grown kidnapper, no matter his level of martial arts training. He would be overpowered and KOed straight up.
Next. A little girl, even with Kyusho-jitsu training, will be totally unable to totally paralyze a man. It cannot happen. Even more, it's even LESS possible to kill a man by using pressure points. It's just ridiculous and impossible and makes no sense.
I suppose that's my main bundle of complaints. Iunno what's up with Beta, but he's next. We've got some work before this CS is acceptable, but I at least see the potential of a good character.
.....Nano? What happened to Citrus, eh?
First. The picture isn't going to fly. The bones, first of all, would earn a straight trip to Detention Hall. The big hat is also a ridiculous accessory that would probably get confiscated. Please find a more appropriate image.
Second. 16 is still too old. Keep it 15.
Third...Albino...isn't a nationality, it's a skin condition. >.>
Next section.
Tessenjutsu is already the fighting style of Kyami, a character already accepted. We want variety, so I'd prefer you pick a different fighting style, one we don't already have.
Kyusho-jitsu is fine, interesting even, but...yeah, even if she tried, it would be impossible for her to kill, even let alone paralyze, your average opponent. Maybe cause extreme pain and lock a limb for a time, but at her level you can't expect much more at all. You'll need to keep that in mind.
Her power is a concern. Light regen is perfectly okay, but don't expect it to do much over the course of a fight except repair a jammed digit or maybe a turned ankle. Moreover, the dulling of pain is not okay. That's more dangerous to her than her opponent; she might end up injuring herself beyond repair if she doesn't feel the pain.
On to personality. Not TOO many problems, but the concern I have is the contradiction. She's modest, but has arrogance too? Pick one or the other.
Backstory is where things start falling apart.
The beginning is fine, the part with her little brother even cute, but once we get into the martial arts training, I get iffy.
One, it's AnATOMy, not AnALOgy. But that's a minor quibble. It's a few things in the kidnapping scene. First, a 7 year old kid is NOT blocking an attack from a grown kidnapper, no matter his level of martial arts training. He would be overpowered and KOed straight up.
Next. A little girl, even with Kyusho-jitsu training, will be totally unable to totally paralyze a man. It cannot happen. Even more, it's even LESS possible to kill a man by using pressure points. It's just ridiculous and impossible and makes no sense.
I suppose that's my main bundle of complaints. Iunno what's up with Beta, but he's next. We've got some work before this CS is acceptable, but I at least see the potential of a good character.
.....Nano? What happened to Citrus, eh?
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