Tyler. Your first review reeked of you trying to be me and just coming across as a fucking dickwad.
His power was fine, as I had previously discussed it with Rise. I've heard of and SEEN parents pull their kids from school when family dies. I've seen them leave a town entirely and not return after family dies. So don't poke at people for that. Lastly... if Kayami's dad hadn't attended New Peaks himself, thinking his son would be powerful there is a valid concern. After all, how is he to know that kids like Shotaro are there?
Rising, I sent you a message on Skype in regard to Kayami's Rankings.
That's right...make the coolest, nerdiest, or just plain most awkward NPC you can. However, everyone (especially Charles): KEEP THEM BELIEVABLE. Unrealistic entries will be discounted.
Post NPCs in the OOC and tag me to let me know it's your entry. You may make edits until the deadline; afterwards, any additional edits may disqualify you.
Deadline: I know making a character may take time, so I will give you until Sunday, August 30 at 6:00 PM EST to enter and make edits.
Miranda Walsh is a fifteen year old 1st Year student at New Peaks Academy, Brown-Belt practitioner of Kajukenbo, and holds a rank of C3. An odd case, Miranda is a skilled young martial artist who was injured in a car accident last year and stuck in a coma. Her father was told she would likely never wake up. Not content to let his only daughter die, Mr. Walsh (owner of several profitable casinos in Las Vegas) paid for a highly experimental procedure with only a small chance of success. The procedure would replace over 75% of Miranda's body with robotic components.
The procedure was a success, and Miranda came out of the coma shortly after it was finished. Only her head and upper torso remained from her original body. As a result, she has slightly enhanced strength, speed, and durability. While some might say it grants her an unfair advantage, her reaction times and range of motion are still very human. She also is not an artificial intelligence, as her mind is the same as before the accident.
Personality: Miranda now believes she can survive anything. After enduring a terrible car wreck, a coma, and a series of experimental surgeries... why wouldn't she? Now that she can run faster, jump higher, and fight harder than before, Miranda has all the confidence in the world. However, this only applies to athletic endeavors. Socially, she feels like a freak. She doesn't think any boys will like her (because she can't do things other girls can), she thinks everyone stares at her, and she refuses to join any factions for fear of being singled out or picked on.
Power: Cybernetic Body (Enhanced Strength, Speed, and Durability)
DRAWBACKS: Needs connected to a 220v Power Supply for a minimum of 4hrs per day, receive nutrition intravenously, and undergo dialysis three times a week.
@Beta thank you for the acceptance, I will see about getting a post up as soon as possible though I may need a recap of all that has happened so far.....
As a reward for your active participation in this RP and sticking around even during the slow times, everyone's character may go up one level. If you are D3, you may go do D2. If you are C2, move to C1, and so on.
@RisingPhoenix. Unfortunately, I can't really let you do that as you just joined. Sorry, my friend.
That said, everyone get cracking. Let's see some posts.
Beta and I agreed that, since Junkiro has been through absolute hell being Imperius Gloria's whipping boy the last four months, he will be advancing two ranks to C3. Just in case you guys notice and raise a stink. :P
Fighting Style:
Krav Maga, informally trained with the skills of a Blue Belt
Powers:
None
I'm going to add the stuff from the prior weeks just because I think that it's a cool way to develop a character further. That, and I enjoyed coming up with it and wanted to share.
Personality:
Cyst is what many consider to be an enigma. Because of her inability to speak, she very rarely expresses her intentions or feelings to anyone outside of her fighting. To what little people actually do know her on a personal level, she is curious and rather shameless, not caring about social standards or attempts at fitting in. She wants to know the world around her as well as she knows herself, and is willing to go to great lengths to do so. She can come of as a bit brusque, and that's because she is. Even with her little quirks, she really does try to be friendly. Nothing excites her like meeting new people, with the possibly exception of fighting new people.
Background:
Cyst didn't live in luxury. In fact, she was poor. Her family was incredibly poor before she was born, and her coming along didn't change that. When it was discovered his wife was pregnant, her father almost immediately stole all his wife's money and fled to america. Cyst lived most of her life without a name. She was unregistered, hidden from the government to keep rent cheaper. Shortly after her mother turned to alcoholism, she was named Cyst because that's what she was, to her mother. A cancer.
She lived on meager scraps and small amounts of water, never leaving the house for fear of punishment. One day, her mother finally snapped. She set fire to the house and trapped Cyst inside. The girl was eventually able to make her way outside, breaking open a window and falling into the cold snow. But unfortunately, her lungs were heavily damaged as a result, making her unable to speak. She was eventually able to mostly recover, but her voice never returned to her.
She soon found treatment. A free clinic that helped her to live through the smoke inhalation. She had problems keeping her stamina up at first, but soon learned to work through it. She lived in the streets with the rest of the unwanted children, figuring out how to survive off of nothing but her wit and her intuition. She was discovered by an aging ex-soldier who took her under his wing. He taught her how to fight off those who wished to harm her, giving her the basis for the Krav Maga she would learn to master.
After that she earned her money by participating in illegal fight clubs, perfecting her fighting skills and her natural speed. It also helped her with her stamina, as the exercises she had to do to participate in these fights were great physical therapy. Soon she was well known enough that the Fight School was contacting her about attending their school on an outreach program. She took the offer, of course, but wanted to say goodbye to the man who originally taught her to fight, first.
She left Russia with her last memory being his corpse slumped over in an alleyway, dead from the cold that claimed so many others. Another faceless victim. She didn't cry for him. She knew it would happen, some day. What she had to focus on was what was in front of her. Now, attending this school, she didn't only have the weight of her future on her shoulders. She had the weight of his spirit.
She would be damned if she let him down.
Also, "First Rule of Fight School, don't fail Fight School"
First off, as you may notice, I am a fan of fighting games like King of Fighters (Kyo Kusanagi, Mature, and Seth as character faceclaims). As such, I know what powers you are referencing. Terry Bogard's Energy Geysers are far too powerful for a first-year student to have. They would be pushing the limit even for a fourth-year student. I'm going to have to say no to it. Especially with it being powerful enough to 'flip a car' as you state in your backstory.
The second power, depending on if you are referencing Makoto from Street Fighter or Makoto from Blazblue... would either not be a power at all (SF) or something that might be acceptable if you gave more description than simply naming the power (BB). If you read a couple of the currently accepted characters (links to the characters are in the opening post of this thread), you would see that all powers have short descriptions after them.
The personality is fine, and I have no real issues with it.
The BACKSTORY, however... is a different issue. While I am fine with the first paragraph, the second makes very little sense. If someone was stabbed/cut badly enough on the throat to damage their vocal cords irreparably, they would NOT just leave and live on the streets. If they didn't get to a hospital within the next five to ten minutes TOPS... they would bleed out. This is a semi-realistic RP, and suspension of disbelief only goes so far.
The third paragraph is ok, I suppose. Aside from the energy spires that is. I said already that I can't let you use that power.
Lastly, in the opening post I mention that attending New Peaks is expensive. How exactly is Cyst able to afford the tuition? If she recieved some sort of scholarship or was part of an outreach program, I can understand it. But there needs to be some way that she got into the school other than "winning her way in".
All in all, a solid shot. But it needs some edits before I will accept it.
Fighting Style:
Tae-Kwon-Do + Jeet Kune Do (1st Gup)
Powers:
Seong has a decent control over her "Ki" and focuses it around her main points of contact, (Her palms and feet) which gives a bit of a shooting pain straight through the target.
Personality:
Mostly quite and kept to herself most of the time. It isn't that she is shy, she just takes after her mother more than her father. Serious and to the point when necessary. But she does have her subtle outbursts at times when she gets excited, mostly during high tension moments or during fights, thanks to training with her father so much. At first glance she looks as if someone you wouldn't want to be near often, but getting to know her may show a softer side.
Background:
Seongji had a normal life (for the most part). Born in Seoul, her mother raised her by herself for the most part during her first few years with her father not being around very much. That was only because he was "working" if you can call being a professional Tae Kwon Do master "work". Her father, Soogeun, was a traveling South Korean National Champion as Seong was born making him unable to see her as much as he wanted. He and her mother Sunmi thought it would be best to keep her from being taken from place to place at such a young age. So until she was five her mother took on the parental duties. Though when the age came, Seong and her mother began to tag along with her father like she had before she was born. During the time they spent traveling her mother and father would of course have to train and Seong followed suit, learning from them. Her mother and father where both instructors and received constant lessons and advice from them (as well as hassling from her mother about homeschooling and practicing English). The traveling and such lasted until Soung was about ten.Her father decided to take a break from tournaments and wanted to dedicate back to his dojo to help the new-found interest in the art, as well as to "teach this little creature" he would like to say. And he did just that. Seong's mother and father both lead a dojo back in her home town teaching her the ways of Tae Kwan Do and Jeet Kune Do, "Officially" starting her training. This went on for
four years leaving her at age fourteen.
*Around age thirteen, about a month after her birthday, her father spoke of showing her something "special". But he wasn't going to show her until she could preform a certain kick. "A super spinning back-kick" he called it. Some name he probably made up jokingly but stuck to it. The objective was to the kick to a target and snap a board on the other side. She figured it would be extremely easy and accepted his task, but after showing her the target it became a bit more unbelievable. It was a thick padded target aimed to reduce the impact of hits. She complained about it after trying for some time and he said to "push through it." Two months when by and she was still unable to reach it. Being fed up she went after her father asking him how he expected her to hit it. With a nod he took her to the target and stood her in front of him ready to fight. She listened, he moved forward, pushed his palm into her stomach and she felt a huge force shoot through her body and forced her to stumble back. "Push through it."
With that instance she finally understood. Trained for three more months until she finally felt herself ready to preform. Her dad followed instruction to watch her, and with perfect form she landed the kick and you could hear a small split in the target, not the board behind it. Upset she asked her father one last time to show her and rather than doing so he gave of a laugh of excitement and shook his head. "You got it, you understand." Still upset and a bit confused he went on explaining what some called "Ki" and how it could be used, and that she was using it already as he pointed out the damage in the back of the target. After all was said and done she asked how much more until she was able to fully complete the task he gave her. He simply shrugged with an, "Don't know. You cant really break it like that." Regardless of being frustrated with his answer and the wild goose chase, she continued to practice this new skill.
One night the talk of "High School" came around and if Seungji wanted to continue the homeschooling or leave the house to continue. Of course being thirteen years old you have no idea what you really want to do, so she dropped the subject by saying she needed time to think about it and they respected her wish. It was a small mention around the house every once in a while but was never fully spoken about until a year later when she needed her decision.With her father being the less strict parent she went to him for advice. She still didn't know what to do and was a bit afraid of upsetting her mother. With his obnoxious laugh and a pat of his lap, as he was sitting, he assured Seong he would take care of everything. After their conversation her mother didn't ask any more questions and seemed content. Then, a month before December he announced to Seong she would be attending New Peaks Academy. Without much idea of what she was heading into, she accepted gratefully and aimed to please her parents as best she could.
"Alright Tao! Whats the schools saying!"
"D-Dad please... You have everyone calling me that at the dojo now.. It's "First rule of Fight School, Don't Fail Fight School.." "
"Right! Now give me that sword!"
"W-Why teach me how to use it if I can't take it with me??"
I'm going to give this a preliminary review, @Lucina.
Her personality is...kinda all over the place. Quiet and seclusive, but prone to excited outbursts, rather standoffish but has a softer side...it kinda sounds like you're trying to give her facets from polar opposites on the personality spectrum, which could in theory let her react however she pleases, which is not something I agree with. I'd say try to stick to one side of the spectrum, or go into better detail on what might cause that shift in personality (what in particular gets her excited, for example?)
Her power seems to be pain amplification if I'm reading it right, which can be a bit overpowered, but I think it's alright as long as the pain stays fairly low-key for now. No crippling 'I tap you and you feel like you get tased' stuff, but I can accept her blows feeling worse than they actually are.
Her backstory is a bit flavorless, but I can accept it. I assume being a TKD master would net a fairly large income, so I can understand where the money to go to New Peaks is coming from...oh yeah. It's New Peaks, not just Peaks. :P
The only thing I would like clarified is how she got her power. Please include that in the backstory somewhere.
It's not bad, if a little bit cookie-cutter. Fix her personality and include her power in her backstory (make it exciting!) and I can accept her.
