DeadMan Wonderland

[BlueFadedRose]

I'm here. Just waiting for BlackOrchid to reply to my post.

 

[Astaroth]

@BlackOrchid

We don't allow purely Out of Character posts in the In Character areas! Please use your OOC thread to talk to your players.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

I'm here. Just waiting for BlackOrchid to reply to my post.

Ok.I'm glad someone else is here. :)

 

[Finhawk]

*Glances around and raises hand*

I might still be here. I guess I was just kind of waiting for @Cry to post something before doing anything else since my character was supposed to fight Monoko. :d

 

[Yoru no Tenshi]

I'm here... Just waiting...

 

[Cahill]

Aye, waiting...

 

[Neon Princess]

Seems the thread is dead.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

It can't be dead...please tell me it isn't dead.We need more role players. *Yells,"We're doing a Deadman Wonderland role play people! Come and get in on the awesomeness!" looks around hoping more people show up.*

 

[Neon Princess]

It can't be dead...please tell me it isn't dead.We need more role players. *Yells,"We're doing a Deadman Wonderland role play people! Come and get in on the awesomeness!" looks around hoping more people show up.*

Im pretty positive its dead and frankly, im not really bothered by that. It wasnt very story-driven and the personalities of our respective characters didnt seem to be matching up too well. Everyone was either too crazy or some mix of normal and crazy, which made things very boring in my opinion. Rant over, by the way.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

Im pretty positive its dead and frankly, im not really bothered by that. It wasnt very story-driven and the personalities of our respective characters didnt seem to be matching up too well. Everyone was either too crazy or some mix of normal and crazy, which made things very boring in my opinion. Rant over, by the way.

Oh I see.I haven't even gotten to show off Izo fighting skills.I wouldn't really say that he's crazy or normal.He has trust issues and is distant from people.He feels like no one cares although a tiny shread of him still cares.If he has to kill someone he takes their candy and gives it to someone who still has their humanity in his eyes.I guess my character is odd though.

 

[Neon Princess]

Oh I see.I haven't even gotten to show off Izo fighting skills.I wouldn't really say that he's crazy or normal.He has trust issues and is distant from people.He feels like no one cares although a tiny shread of him still cares.If he has to kill someone he takes their candy and gives it to someone who still has their humanity in his eyes.I guess my character is odd though.

As noble as that is, I view that as a very ignorant way of doing things. (No offense obviously; Im speaking of the character, not you.) In a place like Deadman Wonderland, its survival of the fittest. Those who are too weak to live, should die if you ask me. They're just a waste of space and are gonna suffer longer if pitied. Id rather end their suffering faster before they actually go crazy. I feel that's the more humane thing to do.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

As noble as that is, I view that as a very ignorant way of doing things. (No offense obviously; Im speaking of the character, not you.) In a place like Deadman Wonderland, its survival of the fittest. Those who are too weak to live, should die if you ask me. They're just a waste of space and are gonna suffer longer if pitied. Id rather end their suffering faster before they actually go crazy. I feel that's the more humane thing to do.

Izo views it as the ones who still have some shred of humanity were most likely wronged like he was.Whether they did the crime or not.He believes if they did the crime they had been driven to it.Also Izo is somewhat interested in Scar Chain due to their belief that not everyone belongs in Deadman Wonderland.What's wrong with extending someone's life if there's even the slightest chance they can reclaim their freedom.Actually...prisoners who aren't deadmen can use cp to shorten their life sentence or buy their freedom.So they have some form of hope as long as they keep getting candy.

Also...people don't go insane until they lose the very thing that was keeping them mentally grounded.For example.Someone may go insane if they saw someone they deeply loved brutally murdered before them.It's the shock of losing what mattered to them the most that sends them over the edge.Like if they were told that they would never see the light of day again and were locked in a dark room for months...even years.

They would go insane from being completely alone and confined to just a small dark room.What's humane to me is doing everything I can to keep someone's spirits up and searching everyday for a way to free them.That's just me though.Of course if someone is severely injured and slowly dying...then I would put them to rest.I would ask for someone to do the same for me if they knew I couldn't saved.I would just say my words and let them know I was ready to go.

 

[Neon Princess]

Izo views it as the ones who still have some shred of humanity were most likely wronged like he was.Whether they did the crime or not.He believes if they did the crime they had been driven to it.Also Izo is somewhat interested in Scar Chain due to their belief that not everyone belongs in Deadman Wonderland.What's wrong with extending someone's life if there's even the slightest chance they can reclaim their freedom.Actually...prisoners who aren't deadmen can use cp to shorten their life sentence or buy their freedom.So they have some form of hope as long as they keep getting candy.

Also...people don't go insane until they lose the very thing that was keeping them mentally grounded.For example.Someone may go insane if they saw someone they deeply loved brutally murdered before them.It's the shock of losing what mattered to them the most that sends them over the edge.Like if they were told that they would never see the light of day again and were locked in a dark room for months...even years.

They would go insane from being completely alone and confined to just a small dark room.What's humane to me is doing everything I can to keep someone's spirits up and searching everyday for a way to free them.That's just me though.Of course if someone is severely injured and slowly dying...then I would put them to rest.I would ask for someone to do the same for me if they knew I couldn't saved.I would just say my words and let them know I was ready to go.

You and I are very different people. No one should be trusted, regardless of appearance. Humanity is based on perception; What's human to one, may not be human to another. I also dont care whether or not they did the crime. They landed in here all the same. Deadman Wonderland is now their reality, and they must abide by their new reality if they want to live. Whats wrong with extending someones life if there's even the slightest chance for freedom? Simple; Hope is for those with no power. If you have power, you make your life how YOU want to make it. Those who hope have already given up on gaining power, thus they should die in my eyes. I believe strongly in Darwinism.

People dont always go insane based on a traumatic experience. Please do some medical research. Insanity is just a form of mental deficiency; It can be brought about by a myriad of circumstances. Chemical imbalances, trauma, drug use, alcohol use and many other factors can and do contribute to mental deficiency which can lead into insanity or other illnesses.

Lastly, not every person is so mentally weak. There are plenty of people in the world with the mental fortitude to keep their sanity even in the worst of conditions. It's how we train our soldiers who are going to war. They cant have a mental breakdown; They HAVE to follow orders and remain calm. Otherwise, they become a detriment to their squad and will likely get themselves killed. Beyond that, why raise someones spirits at all? If they dont have the ability to sustain themselves, dont waste energy you could use to further yourself on them. They dont deserve it; they deserve to perish and make room for the strong. Finally, if I was dying and couldnt be saved by any means, I wouldnt have someone else end my life. I'd end it myself. I dont fear death; Its inevitable. Dont force your loved ones even more trauma by making them 'pull the trigger' so to speak.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

You're right we are two very different people.If you trust no one then in the end you really have nothing but ashes.People don't have true strength when they're alone.That's why people say there's strength in numbers.If one person could be strong by themselves then we would only need one soldier.Trust is something that's all around us all the time.You may not realize it but everytime you eat food made or handled by other people...you're trusting that they didn't poison it.So in a way you're trusting them.We all are.Our soldiers trust each other whether they all want to admit to it or not.When they go to war...they automatically put themselves at risk of intentional friendly fire.So they're forced to trust that their fellow soldiers won't betray them.

Continued

Hope keeps people going and is for those who refuse to just lay down and wait to die.Without hope you have nothing to live for,nothing to fight for and might as well already be dead.The strong can only get so far without hope.That's because hope gives you something to look forward to.Gorge Washington had hope for America's independence and he held onto that hope no matter how hopeless things became.That hope kept him going and he used it to fight for what he believed in.Every man that fought at his side had that same hope.If they had given up their hope America wouldn't have gained it's independence.

I never said that people always go insane based on a traumatic experience.Also I've already medical research,much more than you think.I have a tendency to want to learn about things so I spend my time reading.I even read everything about the bubonic plague just for the learning.My point is it's not that I'm not knowledgeable of insanity and mental disorders.I was speaking based only on the anime it's self.The characters who became insane had be introduced to some form of trauma.The doctor even tried to traumatize Ginta by showing him horrific images...which almost worked.Even Shiro's insanity was because of the trauma she suffered from being experemented on.So the Arthur was leaning more toward trauma induced insanity.Also...I didn't say everyone is mentally weak.Everyone knows that someone who has a strong mind is less likely to go insane.It's common knowledge...which is why I didn't think I had to mention it.

By the way...even soldiers go to war hoping to win and return home to their loved ones.It's their hope of seeing their family and friends again that keeps them going.When they lose that hope after years of war and seeing fellow soldiers perish around them.That's what leads to them having a mental breakdown and committing suicide.I know it's true because it was in the news years ago about soldiers committing suicide in Afghanistan.Not all of our soldiers are as strong minded as you think because in the end they're still only human.

Raising someone's spirits could be the very thing that pulls them back from the edge of suicide.Not everyone can be strong on their own all the time.That's because everyone has something that can bring them to their knees.They just don't know what it is until they're face to face with it and that goes for the strong too.Everyone has a weakness,objects have weak points and every animal can be killed not matter how big,fast or strong it is.That's just the way the world is.To me the only ones who deserve to perish are murders who kill just to kill (killing to defend yourself is different),rapist,pedophiles and child molesters,sexual traffickers (The ones who kidnap women and teen girls to sell them to the highest bidder.),Child kidnappers,animal abusers (abusers in general really),terrorist,Drug lords and their cartel,gunmen who shoot innocent people and anyone else who is evil.

As far as strength goes...if someone else doesn't have any strength I'll be strong enough for the both of us.Besides...Weakness and strength are like Yin and Yang.If you look at the Yin and Yang symbol it's designed in a way that if made to rotate you see they work together.Seeing someone who is strong is what inspires others to be strong and awakens the inner strength in someone who is weak.So the weak make the strong stronger and the strong are able to help the weak find strength.If there no one to protect then there is nothing to keep you going when things get hard and become their most hopeless.True strength comes from fighting for those you love and care about.That's why no matter how many times someone knocks me down I'll keep getting back up.

You say you'd take your own life but what if your body is so badly damaged you can't even move?What if you're paralyzed or pinned under something? You can only end your own life if you can move.If someone is there with you and they're able to end your life for you would you rather further traumatize them by letting them watch you slowly slip away?Not only would you prolong your suffering...you would prolong theirs.Whether they end your life or watch you slowly die they're still being traumatized.At least if they end your life they know you didn't suffer long and they can begin to grieve.Knowing someone slowly died while suffering is even more grieving.

I would know...I had to helplessly watch my grandmother slowly die of cancer while knowing she was in pain.I didn't want her to suffer like that and almost eight years later it still grieves my heart.I couldn't bare to see a loved one suffer and slowly die from an accident.I would make sure they were as at peace as they could be,let them say what they needed to say and set them free.

 

[Neon Princess]

You're right we are two very different people.If you trust no one then in the end you really have nothing but ashes.People don't have true strength when they're alone.That's why people say there's strength in numbers.If one person could be strong by themselves then we would only need one soldier.Trust is something that's all around us all the time.You may not realize it but everytime you eat food made or handled by other people...you're trusting that they didn't poison it.So in a way you're trusting them.We all are.Our soldiers trust each other whether they all want to admit to it or not.When they go to war...they automatically put themselves at risk of intentional friendly fire.So they're forced to trust that their fellow soldiers won't betray them.

Continued

Hope keeps people going and is for those who refuse to just lay down and wait to die.Without hope you have nothing to live for,nothing to fight for and might as well already be dead.The strong can only get so far without hope.That's because hope gives you something to look forward to.Gorge Washington had hope for America's independence and he held onto that hope no matter how hopeless things became.That hope kept him going and he used it to fight for what he believed in.Every man that fought at his side had that same hope.If they had given up their hope America wouldn't have gained it's independence.

I never said that people always go insane based on a traumatic experience.Also I've already medical research,much more than you think.I have a tendency to want to learn about things so I spend my time reading.I even read everything about the bubonic plague just for the learning.My point is it's not that I'm not knowledgeable of insanity and mental disorders.I was speaking based only on the anime it's self.The characters who became insane had be introduced to some form of trauma.The doctor even tried to traumatize Ginta by showing him horrific images...which almost worked.Even Shiro's insanity was because of the trauma she suffered from being experemented on.So the Arthur was leaning more toward trauma induced insanity.Also...I didn't say everyone is mentally weak.Everyone knows that someone who has a strong mind is less likely to go insane.It's common knowledge...which is why I didn't think I had to mention it.

By the way...even soldiers go to war hoping to win and return home to their loved ones.It's their hope of seeing their family and friends again that keeps them going.When they lose that hope after years of war and seeing fellow soldiers perish around them.That's what leads to them having a mental breakdown and committing suicide.I know it's true because it was in the news years ago about soldiers committing suicide in Afghanistan.Not all of our soldiers are as strong minded as you think because in the end they're still only human.

Raising someone's spirits could be the very thing that pulls them back from the edge of suicide.Not everyone can be strong on their own all the time.That's because everyone has something that can bring them to their knees.They just don't know what it is until they're face to face with it and that goes for the strong too.Everyone has a weakness,objects have weak points and every animal can be killed not matter how big,fast or strong it is.That's just the way the world is.To me the only ones who deserve to perish are murders who kill just to kill (killing to defend yourself is different),rapist,pedophiles and child molesters,sexual traffickers (The ones who kidnap women and teen girls to sell them to the highest bidder.),Child kidnappers,animal abusers (abusers in general really),terrorist,Drug lords and their cartel,gunmen who shoot innocent people and anyone else who is evil.

As far as strength goes...if someone else doesn't have any strength I'll be strong enough for the both of us.Besides...Weakness and strength are like Yin and Yang.If you look at the Yin and Yang symbol it's designed in a way that if made to rotate you see they work together.Seeing someone who is strong is what inspires others to be strong and awakens the inner strength in someone who is weak.So the weak make the strong stronger and the strong are able to help the weak find strength.If there no one to protect then there is nothing to keep you going when things get hard and become their most hopeless.True strength comes from fighting for those you love and care about.That's why no matter how many times someone knocks me down I'll keep getting back up.

You say you'd take your own life but what if your body is so badly damaged you can't even move?What if you're paralyzed or pinned under something? You can only end your own life if you can move.If someone is there with you and they're able to end your life for you would you rather further traumatize them by letting them watch you slowly slip away?Not only would you prolong your suffering...you would prolong theirs.Whether they end your life or watch you slowly die they're still being traumatized.At least if they end your life they know you didn't suffer long and they can begin to grieve.Knowing someone slowly died while suffering is even more grieving.

I would know...I had to helplessly watch my grandmother slowly die of cancer while knowing she was in pain.I didn't want her to suffer like that and almost eight years later it still grieves my heart.I couldn't bare to see a loved one suffer and slowly die from an accident.I would make sure they were as at peace as they could be,let them say what they needed to say and set them free.

Your logic and humanity is inspiring, friend. However, I must restate my previous line of we are very different people. That doesnt mean I dont acknowledge or respect your views, however. I do, and to the majority of the world, you would be right and I would be wrong.

I do not and never do mean to come off as insulting or arrogant, and if I did I apologize. Im a very anti-social girl and talking to anyone (even over the internet) is incredibly difficult and scary for me.

I dont think we'll ever agree on the idea of 'hope', but I respect your views as they would make much more sense to the rest of the world than mine would. Ive had trust issues my entire life because all of the people ive ever called a true 'friend' have been snakes waiting to bite me so-to-speak. As for the soldiers aspect, I have a strong dislike for the military as a whole so im biased; The hazing process to me is incredibly wrong and immoral, and I think anyone who engages in it to new recruits should be shot on sight. Aside from that, ive only met a few veterans who were actually nice people. One of them being my own father, a veteran of the Vietnam War for 2 tours.

On the medical knowledge aspect, while you may do research and such, im going to a well respected school for it, so id say I have an unfair advantage. To the suicide thing, here's where I become viewed as a bitch: I couldnt care less if someone committed suicide right in front of me. I know that the feelings that drive someone that far are more intense than can be explained, but even in my darkest moments, I was always able to keep my rational mind and stand up. Im mentally and emotionally a very strong person, so the idea of suicide just doesnt make sense to me. To anyone who's lost someone to it however, I do offer my sentiments. Loss in any form is not to be taken lightly. As to who deserves to perish and weakness in general, my explanational skills arent strong enough to convey my feelings either in text or spoken word, so I can only stand by my previous statements.

As for the 'having no strength or way to end your suffering' part, all I would have to do is bite my tongue hard enough, and i'd die of blood loss. I have always viewed it like this; If you get yourself in those situations, you deserve to suffer for letting weakness overcome your strength. Weakness is one of my largest and deepest fears, and as such, I do everything I can to e as strong as possible. If my strength were to fail me, I would want to suffer to make a point to myself NOT to let weakness take me ever again if I manage to survive my ordeal.

My father died of cancer as well, friend. I know that agony all too well. My sentiments to yourself and your family. I too had no choice but to watch my father suffer because I was far too young to understand what was really going on. That event was made me in to the girl I am today, for better or worse.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

Your logic and humanity is inspiring, friend. However, I must restate my previous line of we are very different people. That doesnt mean I dont acknowledge or respect your views, however. I do, and to the majority of the world, you would be right and I would be wrong.

I do not and never do mean to come off as insulting or arrogant, and if I did I apologize. Im a very anti-social girl and talking to anyone (even over the internet) is incredibly difficult and scary for me.

I dont think we'll ever agree on the idea of 'hope', but I respect your views as they would make much more sense to the rest of the world than mine would. Ive had trust issues my entire life because all of the people ive ever called a true 'friend' have been snakes waiting to bite me so-to-speak. As for the soldiers aspect, I have a strong dislike for the military as a whole so im biased; The hazing process to me is incredibly wrong and immoral, and I think anyone who engages in it to new recruits should be shot on sight. Aside from that, ive only met a few veterans who were actually nice people. One of them being my own father, a veteran of the Vietnam War for 2 tours.

On the medical knowledge aspect, while you may do research and such, im going to a well respected school for it, so id say I have an unfair advantage. To the suicide thing, here's where I become viewed as a bitch: I couldnt care less if someone committed suicide right in front of me. I know that the feelings that drive someone that far are more intense than can be explained, but even in my darkest moments, I was always able to keep my rational mind and stand up. Im mentally and emotionally a very strong person, so the idea of suicide just doesnt make sense to me. To anyone who's lost someone to it however, I do offer my sentiments. Loss in any form is not to be taken lightly. As to who deserves to perish and weakness in general, my explanational skills arent strong enough to convey my feelings either in text or spoken word, so I can only stand by my previous statements.

As for the 'having no strength or way to end your suffering' part, all I would have to do is bite my tongue hard enough, and i'd die of blood loss. I have always viewed it like this; If you get yourself in those situations, you deserve to suffer for letting weakness overcome your strength. Weakness is one of my largest and deepest fears, and as such, I do everything I can to e as strong as possible. If my strength were to fail me, I would want to suffer to make a point to myself NOT to let weakness take me ever again if I manage to survive my ordeal.

My father died of cancer as well, friend. I know that agony all too well. My sentiments to yourself and your family. I too had no choice but to watch my father suffer because I was far too young to understand what was really going on. That event was made me in to the girl I am today, for better or worse.

I also acknowledge and respect your views.There's nothing wrong with being different.I tend to be drawn to people who are different from me but there's always something I share in common with them.I believe there's something we share in common as well.No need to apologize.I didn't feel insulted at all and I don't view you as arrogant.We're both simply voicing our views on things.Nothing wrong with that at all.You didn't have to tell me that you're anti-social.I'm a very observant person and I have already read all about anti-social behavior.Since I read about most disorders I know the behavior whether the person is offline or online.

I myself don't exactly socialize offline other than responding when spoken to.Offline I have no friends due to growing up being verbally and physically picked on.When I was taken out of school to be home schooled I withdrew from social interaction offline.I feel safer interacting online.From what I read I think I'm what's called Avoidant Personality Disorder, (This link fully explains the behavior that matches my by what I estimate is over 75%... http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder ) because I act like being around people offline doesn't bother me.The truth is I don't feel safe offline.I know I can get hurt online (and I have been from trying to date and by people who betrayed me) but I get seriously lonely and I want someone I can feel close to.

I know...I'm naive but I can't help that I'm soft hearted and giving which is why people try to use me.I'm the kind of person who do what I can to help others even if I barely know the.All I ask is that they don't hurt me or betray me in anyway.I don't have to know someone to care about them and life is precious to me.I just have to look out for people who are evil hearted and dishonest.I know not everyone in the world is evil which is the only reason that I still keep reaching out.As far as how the soldiers are treated my mom told me all about it.I agree,the way they're treated is totally uncalled for anyone who does that should be shot.Their job is to train soldiers not be an asshole and bully them.

My mom is a disabled veteran and she got injured while at work a month after I was born.Two years after she was medically retired Desert Storm took place.Although my mom has been mistreated in the army she treats people the way they treat her.Also she's giving,compassionate,funny and friendly.She can also be firm,assertive or aggressive if someone makes her mad or disrespects her.All and all my mom was tough to let the army change her but she learned to be a good soldier.

You're going to a school for it...that's great.Yes you're right you have a huge advantage over me.I don't view you in that way although other people who don't understand would.I understand that it must be hard to actually care about anyone (that you don't already care for) because of how you've treated.Am I right?I can somewhat see suicide the way those who committed it may have seen it.To them it was probably a way to end the pain that overwhelmed them or a way to end their tormented life.Maybe they felt like no one cared and that things were never going to get any better for them.I have had times where I was seriously depressed but I learned to keep my mind on more positive things.It's sad when someone loses their life.

Continued

Just do the best you can to convey your feelings.That's what I always do,since I'm not the best at it all the time.If I were slowly dying from a mortal injury I still wouldn't end my life.I would just talk to whoever was with me and ask them to sing a song with me.That way they could hopefully cope better once I was gone.What I'm afraid of is dying alone and being helpless to help others.It takes real strength to acknowledge what you're afraid of and face your fear to overcome it.I won't let myself end up dying alone and I'll do everything I can to help others.If I survived the ordeal I would do all of the things I've always wanted to do.I would also start volunteering my time to feed the homeless and start actually socializing offline.

Thank you.I'm sorry to hear that you lost your father.My sentiments to you and your family too.Losing my grandmother made me hate medication and that's why I use homeopathic remedies instead.Honestly I have to say that I'm really enjoying talking to you.I like you and I hope I don't scare you or make you uncomfortable.I'm always kind to those who are kind to me and as the info about Virgo's says I'm noble and loyal (which is why I get hurt sadly).Regardless of people mistreating me I won't let them change my heart.I'm the kind of person that if I have to give my life to save a life then I will.I view myself as someone who protects the weak because someone has to be there.Children are the weakest and unable to protect their selves so I would be there for them.If someone needs food and I have some with me I will share it even if I don't know them.That's just who I am.Oh and I can be goofy,funny,odd,optimistic,creative,a dreamer,caring,compassionate,shy,a chicken (because of high heights and a fear of drowning),supportive,open minded and more.

 

[Neon Princess]

I also acknowledge and respect your views.There's nothing wrong with being different.I tend to be drawn to people who are different from me but there's always something I share in common with them.I believe there's something we share in common as well.No need to apologize.I didn't feel insulted at all and I don't view you as arrogant.We're both simply voicing our views on things.Nothing wrong with that at all.You didn't have to tell me that you're anti-social.I'm a very observant person and I have already read all about anti-social behavior.Since I read about most disorders I know the behavior whether the person is offline or online.

I myself don't exactly socialize offline other than responding when spoken to.Offline I have no friends due to growing up being verbally and physically picked on.When I was taken out of school to be home schooled I withdrew from social interaction offline.I feel safer interacting online.From what I read I think I'm what's called Avoidant Personality Disorder, (This link fully explains the behavior that matches my by what I estimate is over 75%... http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder ) because I act like being around people offline doesn't bother me.The truth is I don't feel safe offline.I know I can get hurt online (and I have been from trying to date and by people who betrayed me) but I get seriously lonely and I want someone I can feel close to.

I know...I'm naive but I can't help that I'm soft hearted and giving which is why people try to use me.I'm the kind of person who do what I can to help others even if I barely know the.All I ask is that they don't hurt me or betray me in anyway.I don't have to know someone to care about them and life is precious to me.I just have to look out for people who are evil hearted and dishonest.I know not everyone in the world is evil which is the only reason that I still keep reaching out.As far as how the soldiers are treated my mom told me all about it.I agree,the way they're treated is totally uncalled for anyone who does that should be shot.Their job is to train soldiers not be an asshole and bully them.

My mom is a disabled veteran and she got injured while at work a month after I was born.Two years after she was medically retired Desert Storm took place.Although my mom has been mistreated in the army she treats people the way they treat her.Also she's giving,compassionate,funny and friendly.She can also be firm,assertive or aggressive if someone makes her mad or disrespects her.All and all my mom was tough to let the army change her but she learned to be a good soldier.

You're going to a school for it...that's great.Yes you're right you have a huge advantage over me.I don't view you in that way although other people who don't understand would.I understand that it must be hard to actually care about anyone (that you don't already care for) because of how you've treated.Am I right?I can somewhat see suicide the way those who committed it may have seen it.To them it was probably a way to end the pain that overwhelmed them or a way to end their tormented life.Maybe they felt like no one cared and that things were never going to get any better for them.I have had times where I was seriously depressed but I learned to keep my mind on more positive things.It's sad when someone loses their life.

Continued

Just do the best you can to convey your feelings.That's what I always do,since I'm not the best at it all the time.If I were slowly dying from a mortal injury I still wouldn't end my life.I would just talk to whoever was with me and ask them to sing a song with me.That way they could hopefully cope better once I was gone.What I'm afraid of is dying alone and being helpless to help others.It takes real strength to acknowledge what you're afraid of and face your fear to overcome it.I won't let myself end up dying alone and I'll do everything I can to help others.If I survived the ordeal I would do all of the things I've always wanted to do.I would also start volunteering my time to feed the homeless and start actually socializing offline.

Thank you.I'm sorry to hear that you lost your father.My sentiments to you and your family too.Losing my grandmother made me hate medication and that's why I use homeopathic remedies instead.Honestly I have to say that I'm really enjoying talking to you.I like you and I hope I don't scare you or make you uncomfortable.I'm always kind to those who are kind to me and as the info about Virgo's says I'm noble and loyal (which is why I get hurt sadly).Regardless of people mistreating me I won't let them change my heart.I'm the kind of person that if I have to give my life to save a life then I will.I view myself as someone who protects the weak because someone has to be there.Children are the weakest and unable to protect their selves so I would be there for them.If someone needs food and I have some with me I will share it even if I don't know them.That's just who I am.Oh and I can be goofy,funny,odd,optimistic,creative,a dreamer,caring,compassionate,shy,a chicken (because of high heights and a fear of drowning),supportive,open minded and more.

I enjoy speaking with you as well, I must say. I admire your selfless nature even after how you grew up. It truly is a wonderful thing to see someone still willing to help others in this day and age. I respect you, sir/madam. (Not sure which).

The way I view it, I am the necessary evil that the world needs to function in a balanced manor. If everyone were like you, the world wouldnt work the same and would end up falling apart. Same story if everyone were like me; the world wouldnt work, and it'd fall apart. I dont really enjoy being the person I am, (I have avoidant personality disorder, schizophrenia, schizoid, and severe anxiety), but I acknowledge that I am still me, and no one is going to change that against my will.

If I had to make a comparison, you'd be Dante as your profile picture suggests, and i'd be Vergil. Im not pure evil per se, I just work and think differently. I have a strong code of honor like Vergil, and all my motives are understandable given my circumstances.

If you ever want to RP 1x1, im game.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

I enjoy speaking with you as well, I must say. I admire your selfless nature even after how you grew up. It truly is a wonderful thing to see someone still willing to help others in this day and age. I respect you, sir/madam. (Not sure which).

The way I view it, I am the necessary evil that the world needs to function in a balanced manor. If everyone were like you, the world wouldnt work the same and would end up falling apart. Same story if everyone were like me; the world wouldnt work, and it'd fall apart. I dont really enjoy being the person I am, (I have avoidant personality disorder, schizophrenia, schizoid, and severe anxiety), but I acknowledge that I am still me, and no one is going to change that against my will.

If I had to make a comparison, you'd be Dante as your profile picture suggests, and i'd be Vergil. Im not pure evil per se, I just work and think differently. I have a strong code of honor like Vergil, and all my motives are understandable given my circumstances.

If you ever want to RP 1x1, im game.

I'm glad to hear that.I admire the way you boldly voice your opinion.You don't sugar coat things and I like that.I also admire your intellect.That's something we both share without a doubt.With how I've been treated by people growing up and how people still treat me.I should hate them and desire to harm them but I don't.My mom taught me not to hate people.Honestly they aren't worth wasting your time on if they mistreat you.I may get mad but I let it go and move on.That's the main reason that the darkness didn't swallow me as a kid.That and I remind myself that I'm a good person and there are others like me in the world.I even see reminders when natural disasters take place and people are there seeing about those in need.It warms my heart melted any ice that tries to form on it.It made me realize helping and protecting others is my purpose and the reason I didn't die before I was born.

I respect you too and I'm a madam.Are you also a madam?I don't view you as evil.Maybe neutral...if that makes any sense.You're right there has to be Yin and yang.There are people who kill (which as wrong as it is play a part in the decrease of human population.) and people who save lives and bring life into this world (which prevents the human population from dropping to low).I know...I don't how I am as far as my lack of offline social interaction.Whenever anyone I met online wants to meet in person I freak out and give an excuse as to why I can't meet them.Most of the time I just tell them how uncomfortable the thought makes me.I guess they decide they want a "normal" friend because they stop talking to me.

Continued

I don't know if I actually have any disorders since I haven't been diagnosed with anything.Not that I've even been to see anyone due to being seriously uncomfortable with the thought.I know I have panic attacks because of the shortness of breath,immediate need to flee from where I'm at,feeling like I can barely focus on what's actually going on around me.The pain in my chest,thinking that I'm going to die,having to tell myself that I'm not having a heart attack.I normally have to think of something to calm myself...which for some reason is fried chicken or hot guys.I know I'm weird but I have to do something to make it pass faster.As far as schizophrenia my grandfather (on my mom's side) was diagnosed with that and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.I seem to show some form of OCD like behavior because I can't stand to see things crooked or out of place.

I admit I organize things in public unless my mom tells me not to.I also seem to have some form of compulsive behavior/disorder because I went from nail biting as a kid to biting other things.Like I bit off a little of my upper lip (It hurt but for some reason I needed to do it because I felt anxious and it never fully regenerated.),then I started biting off pieces of my inner cheek on both sides.Even if it hurt or bled I didn't stop until there wasn't enough to bite.Once it heals enough I start again.I managed to stop biting one side but I can't completely stop.I have other odd habits too.

I also seem to suffer from a dissociative disorder that mostly occurs when I'm getting yelled at.It's strange to feel like you aren't real or like your head is floating and you can't feel your body (I think that's described as feeling disembodied.).As a kid it started as me feeling like I was watching a movie even though I was being spoken to.Now there are times I need to feel pain just to feel real and to feel alive.So I. may be more damaged than I seem...I really wouldn't know since I didn't go to school for it.I only know what I feel but part of me thinks I'm fully aware of my state of being...if that's possible.

Anyway I say never change who you are unless you want to or see that you really need to and should.Hmm...Dante huh?That's cool.I see.That's a very interesting comparison.I get what you mean and I try to view things from other peoples point of view.For me I like different.

Really?! Awesome! We should discuss a plot in pms then.

P.s Sorry for typing so much.That seems to be a compulsive habit or I'm hyped up.

 

[Neon Princess]

I'm glad to hear that.I admire the way you boldly voice your opinion.You don't sugar coat things and I like that.I also admire your intellect.That's something we both share without a doubt.With how I've been treated by people growing up and how people still treat me.I should hate them and desire to harm them but I don't.My mom taught me not to hate people.Honestly they aren't worth wasting your time on if they mistreat you.I may get mad but I let it go and move on.That's the main reason that the darkness didn't swallow me as a kid.That and I remind myself that I'm a good person and there are others like me in the world.I even see reminders when natural disasters take place and people are there seeing about those in need.It warms my heart melted any ice that tries to form on it.It made me realize helping and protecting others is my purpose and the reason I didn't die before I was born.

I respect you too and I'm a madam.Are you also a madam?I don't view you as evil.Maybe neutral...if that makes any sense.You're right there has to be Yin and yang.There are people who kill (which as wrong as it is play a part in the decrease of human population.) and people who save lives and bring life into this world (which prevents the human population from dropping to low).I know...I don't how I am as far as my lack of offline social interaction.Whenever anyone I met online wants to meet in person I freak out and give an excuse as to why I can't meet them.Most of the time I just tell them how uncomfortable the thought makes me.I guess they decide they want a "normal" friend because they stop talking to me.

Continued

I don't know if I actually have any disorders since I haven't been diagnosed with anything.Not that I've even been to see anyone due to being seriously uncomfortable with the thought.I know I have panic attacks because of the shortness of breath,immediate need to flee from where I'm at,feeling like I can barely focus on what's actually going on around me.The pain in my chest,thinking that I'm going to die,having to tell myself that I'm not having a heart attack.I normally have to think of something to calm myself...which for some reason is fried chicken or hot guys.I know I'm weird but I have to do something to make it pass faster.As far as schizophrenia my grandfather (on my mom's side) was diagnosed with that and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.I seem to show some form of OCD like behavior because I can't stand to see things crooked or out of place.

I admit I organize things in public unless my mom tells me not to.I also seem to have some form of compulsive behavior/disorder because I went from nail biting as a kid to biting other things.Like I bit off a little of my upper lip (It hurt but for some reason I needed to do it because I felt anxious and it never fully regenerated.),then I started biting off pieces of my inner cheek on both sides.Even if it hurt or bled I didn't stop until there wasn't enough to bite.Once it heals enough I start again.I managed to stop biting one side but I can't completely stop.I have other odd habits too.

I also seem to suffer from a dissociative disorder that mostly occurs when I'm getting yelled at.It's strange to feel like you aren't real or like your head is floating and you can't feel your body (I think that's described as feeling disembodied.).As a kid it started as me feeling like I was watching a movie even though I was being spoken to.Now there are times I need to feel pain just to feel real and to feel alive.So I. may be more damaged than I seem...I really wouldn't know since I didn't go to school for it.I only know what I feel but part of me thinks I'm fully aware of my state of being...if that's possible.

Anyway I say never change who you are unless you want to or see that you really need to and should.Hmm...Dante huh?That's cool.I see.That's a very interesting comparison.I get what you mean and I try to view things from other peoples point of view.For me I like different.

Really?! Awesome! We should discuss a plot in pms then.

P.s Sorry for typing so much.That seems to be a compulsive habit or I'm hyped up.

Dont worry, I type a whole hell of a lot as well usually and yes, I am a madam as well. My name is Hayley~ Also yes, Dante. You strike me as Devil May Cry 2 Dante more so; he's a lot more calm and serious as opposed to say Devil May Cry 3 or Devil May Cry 4 Dante. I wholeheartedly stand by Vergil, though. He is and always will be my favorite because I truly see myself in him.

I get the feeling of organization in public and such. My issue is that I have to know every single outcome of every single action I take, otherwise I feel like im suffocating and I become horribly violent out of fear. I currently go to therapy every Tuesday and Friday for it and a host of other issues. That, and I have to take 300MG medication every day simply to function as a decent person. Without said medication, im violently hostile and all around not fun to be around.

Glad you're up for it. I'll send you a PM momentarily, then.

 

[Hisoka Kobayashi]

Dont worry, I type a whole hell of a lot as well usually and yes, I am a madam as well. My name is Hayley~ Also yes, Dante. You strike me as Devil May Cry 2 Dante more so; he's a lot more calm and serious as opposed to say Devil May Cry 3 or Devil May Cry 4 Dante. I wholeheartedly stand by Vergil, though. He is and always will be my favorite because I truly see myself in him.

I get the feeling of organization in public and such. My issue is that I have to know every single outcome of every single action I take, otherwise I feel like im suffocating and I become horribly violent out of fear. I currently go to therapy every Tuesday and Friday for it and a host of other issues. That, and I have to take 300MG medication every day simply to function as a decent person. Without said medication, im violently hostile and all around not fun to be around.

Glad you're up for it. I'll send you a PM momentarily, then.

Okay,that's good to hear.I was worried that I was typing to much.lol.That's a nice name and it's nice to meet you Hayley.I'll tell you my name in pm because I'm not big on giving my name in public.It's one my weird quirks.Cool.I'll drink to that! XD (Actually I don't drink but I'll drink some soda or juice or lemonade or something non-alcoholic.) I have to admit that I see myself in multiple characters...not completely but close enough.Like Ulquiorra (From Bleach) is like me because he analyzes things like I do and we're both intellectuals who don't budge on our loyalty.

I'm like Naruto because I'm optimistic,stubborn,strong willed,loyal,I'll fight for those I love and care for and I have a big heart.I guess I'm almost completely like Naruto but I'm not loud like him,I plan things out and I'm not quick to pick a fight even if I'm mad.

Do you know why you feel you have to organize things in public?Is that OCD?I like to think out what I'm going to do before I do it so I can decide if I want to do it or if it's a good idea.If I don't deem it a good idea I come up with another idea.I'll even think of two or three different ways to phrase what I'm going to say then pick which one sounds best.If none sound good enough to me then I won't say anything.

Hm...it sounds like you're seeking stability and control in your life because without it you don't feel safe.That's just my guess.When I don't feel in control I end up suffering from derealization.It seems that whatever is wrong with me all stems from anxiety.I don't know how to overcome it because a Virgo automatically worries and over thinks things.I know I don't want medication.I might try therapy if I can ever get myself to go to someone.

I would actually prefer getting therapy online because I feel more comfortable with it.I just realized that thinking of pleasant things helps lesson my anxiety and makes me feel calm.I think back to the pleasant things about my child hood like the fun things I would do at recess.I loved swinging high to bail out the swing and running up the strait slide.Maybe thinking about happy moments in your life would help some.

Ok.I'll go reply.