I know what Valentine's day is! Valentine's day is a conspiracy by the U.S. government to appease our extraterrestrial overlords. Now that might sound crazy to you, but hear me out! I have seen the truth with my own eyes, the terrible things that they are trying to conceal from us. BUT NO MORE! I have decided to reveal the absolute and undeniable truth.
You see, the aliens that visit Earth do so because they need chocolate to survive. They evolved on a planet that was made out of chocolate, thus they need it to survive, but alas, their reservoirs of chocolate ran out eventually. So they decided to seek out the only other planet in the universe that discovered chocolate, which is the Earth! And on Valentine's day, the aliens come down from the skies, wearing the holographic image of our loved ones to steal our chocolate!
Do not give in to this deception. Do not buy chocolate on Valentine's Day and even if you do... do not give it to your loved ones. They are just aliens in disguise.