Things the Hero wouldn't say...

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Why is the bad guy always wearing either black or white? If he wears black, it's too cliche, if he wears white then that means he's just trying to mess with people...just wear pink! It's much easier to tell who the bad guy is that way!!
 
"Keep whining. I'm about to tell you what I'm going to do with this fucking pineapple."
 
"LET ME PULL OUT MY SECRET WEAPON."
 
"OH NO YOU DON'T! I GOT A SYSTEMS UPGRADE! WITH MY VAGINA, I'LL KNOW YOUR EVERY MOVE!"
 
"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNO, RUBBER DUCKY HAS TWO DADDIES."
 
"Rubba dub dub, come and waddle in MY tub!"

(Oh god, I have no idea why, but I'm laughing SO hard now)
 
"HEY! DON'T TOUCH THE HAIR!"
 
"MY NEW SECRET WEAPON IS BANDAIDS! THE BADGUYS WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT THEM!"
 
Who's calling me at....FOUR IN THE MORNING??!!! Hell, no...you can keep ringing, you damn phone! I'm sleeping, like NORMAL PEOPLE DO!!
 
"Wait. I flew all the way down here to stick my hands in THAT? Hell no!"
 
Asmo: "Raz gave me a free prostate exam!"
 
Wait a second, that assumes Asmo's a hero. He's clearly the Big Bad!
 
"Dude, where's my weed?"