For a few fearful moments, Kira thought he had gone too far, and that William was striding forward to visit heavy punishments on him. He had never spoken so much, nor so openly, in his life for that reason. The elfling cringed, only to have arms slide around him, rather than blows knock him nearly unconscious. He couldn't help going stiff, still not used to such contact being so gentle, but fear was replaced by confusion. Kira focused on his master's words, wondering if he just imagined them, or if they meant something than what he thought. Yet, his master was not drunk this time, and what little medicine he had taken would have worn off by now, even if it was the kind to affect his mind.
Unconsciously, the elfling placed one of his little hands against William's chest, not pushing him away, but as though to balance himself as he felt the world reeling around him again. Here was William, telling him again about how he loved him, or little bits of him. Somehow, the elf understood that strange notion, because he had always felt like fractured glass. But if he put himself whole again, were that even possible, how would William feel about him then?
Kira's forehead did not move from the prince's shoulder, against which it was pressed. William had called him beautiful…Willliam said he deserved to control his own life….that he loved him… Kira had to sort through everything, and wondered what he actually wanted. He didn't know, except in one respect.
"They would sell me…just because you are kind. Just for that… I am not supposed to be anything to anyone, except a body, a doll." The tiniest hint of bitterness entered his voice. "I don't want to go back, but…..if you stopped being kind to me…it would be worse than going back. Because…because you would be near. But if you are kind…if they see, you'll be hurt. You've already been hurt." He clutched the prince's tunic between shaking fingers. "Is there nowhere in this world where kindness can grow in the open? Nowhere where there can be any light? Is there only light in death?" He had heard stories of realms beyond this one, where care and weariness melted away, but didn't believe such a tainted soul as himself belonged there.
(OOh, if they kept their relationship secret, and acted like nothing was going on in the open, I bet teh servants would help!)