The Little One

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(No i meant William storming off when it hit him that he is falling for Kira)
William bathed and relaxed his body as the guard stood right outside the bathhouse. Usually, A few people might come in but William got the luxury of solitude since he is the prince. His mind was not alone of relaxed though. It buzzed with thoughts over the last few days of him and Kira. He cannot believe Gladis had been right. He did not want to move on though. It did not seem right to him. He could not believe that what he felt. His heart jump softly at the thought of what he might have said to kira. He wondered if he had told Kira. He knew he said things and knew things while he was drunk that he would not admit to even himself otherwise.

He eventually got up. His body felt better and so did his head. His mind was still a mess as he dressed and dried his hair. His body began to ache again as he walked back to the room with the guard leading him. When he got to the room, he turned to the guard. "Get someone to fetch the horse and being him around. We are leaving as soon as someone gets the horse," he did not wait for a response but just entered the room. "We are leaving soon," he simply said. His voice lacked much of anything. It was almost like a master talking to a slaveS he sat on the bed and faced the door as he waited. His mind reeled as to how to go about his feelings. He was scared to move on. He was scared to lose someone else. He was terrified of what they would do to Kira. He was worried as to what they might do to him.
 
William would have been forgiven for his quickly falling for Kira by anyone who knew a thing about elves. Being an elf, the slave was naturally enticing to humans, almost more so than the average person could withstand if they were easily persuaded. The fact that William had not given in yet said a lot about his character, but he was starting to crack a bit. This did not mean that Kira had cast conscious spells or done anything untoward, nor did it mean that William was not falling in love on his own terms. However, Kira's innate allure was certainly helping William's affections grow faster than they might have on their own. Kira would have tried to destroy that part of himself if he knew, but he had no idea. At teh moment, he wasn't even sure of what William felt for him, if anything. Had that declaration been real? Was it an exaggeration of a milder set of emotions? Was it just the alcohol talking? If it was what William said…but how could it be? Kira dismissed real love as an impossibility for someone like himself. He was just a pretty, empty doll no once could ever possibly love. If William had convinced himself that he loved Kira, it had to be because he longed for Henry, and Kira's present station reminded him of his former lover. Whatever the case, Kira didn't know what he should do, especially since his master's 'love' could bring him severe punishments. In spite of William's kindness, the little slave had seldom felt so lost in his life.



Kira remained where he was on the bed, waiting for William to return as his mind and heart filled to overflowing with questions. When he saw the prince enter, Kira almost opened his mouth to ask how he was, but the master's expression made every word die in his throat. William's tone was almost cold, and he didn't look at the slave on the bed, but sat down with his back toward him. Kira's heart plummeted, and fear gripped his chest, making his whole body go utterly still and taut. William's change had been so sudden that the slave was completely taken aback. His fingers clenched against his thighs, and he unconsciously took the traditional position of a slave he had been in when he and the prince first met. His mind raced…what had he done? Had he offended the prince? had he angered him? Kira searched frantically in his memory for anything that might have set the prince off. The most desperate desire to know what he had done wrong washed over him, yet it took a supreme effort just to get out any words. Only one escaped his frightened tongue, and so quietly that it might not be heard.



"W….Willliam?" What had he done? How could he fix it? These questions remained unspoken, but could still be sensed within that single name.
 
William shook his head. "You did nothing wrong, Kira. You should probably keep a little more distant from me when we get back. You will have your own room I am sure. You will be free to do what you may around the house. In other words, learn to be your own person," William tried to keep a masterly time but the words hurt him in a way. He did not want to have to sleep without Kira again. He did not want to spend time alone in his room reading sending maids to fetch books in fear of the library. He convinced himself he was not doing this for himself or Henry. He was doing it to keep Kira from trouble. That was probably the truth anyways. He did not want anyone to ever touch Kira again and if his father found out his feelings Kira would be sold.
 
Kira did not understand this at all, and his pale features pinched with confusion. William's tone was not what it had been, and he talked of the slave having his own room, as though he wanted to be separated from him. Not just 'a little more distant', as William put it; the prince seemed to not want to see him anymore. Kira shouldn't have cared about this, should have snatched up the chance to be away from a master. With any other, this would have been an unforseen blessing. Why could he not find any good in it now? For a moment, the slave pressed his hands to his temples, not even understanding himself. What was he feeling? Why did this make his chest clench, and his numb heart ache? In spite of William's words, Kira couldn't help believing that he had done something wrong. Obviously, William was not going to tell him what it was, which left the slave floundering.



"As you wish…W…W…master…" he whispered. For some reason, William's name would not form on his tongue. Almost silently, he slid off the bed, standing in the middle of the floor with head bowed, waiting for further orders.
 
William sighed. "Stop, Kira. I am still not your master. I just cannot be as much a friend as I have been. It will only get you in trouble," his voice cracked a little. he wanted to get up and hug Kira. He forced himself to stay where he was. It hurt his very being though. He want to be able to let himself feel what he was feeling. Then again, he felt sick for falling for another slave. He tilted his head down similar to Kira.
 
The slave turned even paler, if it was possible, misinterpreting William's sudden desire to keep him out of trouble. The prince's downturned head seemed to confirm it.



"Your cousin….has he….will he tell your father?" Kira had no right to ask questions like this and he knew it. Yet, he couldn't help himself. For William's part in any possible trouble, he felt responsible. His whole body trembled a bit, and he drew in a shaky breath. "I….I am sorry, Ma…William. I should have been more circumspect. If there is trouble….because of me…"



Not that he knew what he could do himself. Kira was completely without rights by law, and William himself was not utterly free. There was a little selfishness in this, too. Kira had been so abused his whole life that, having found a hint of kindness from someone, he was desperate to hold onto the scraps even as they were snatched away from him. He didn't know if he could go back to what he had been, now he knew what kindness was. But he hadn't been long in this strange new world, either. Maybe it was best if he closed off again, and pretended this never happened. It would stop hurting after awhile...
 
"Damnit, Kira. You do not understand. It has nothing to do with anyone else but you. I do not care if I get in trouble. No harm too great will come to me. You will be sold back in or worse. I have been down this road before," he said. His voice was close to normal. It was just upset. Definitely was not a tone to a master. Just then a knock was placed on the door and the guard popped his head in. "Horse is here," he said. William nodded and did not say thanks or anything like usual. He was too upset. He looked to Kira. "Let's go," he said. His eyes pleaded for only a second for Kira to do something.
 
Even if the guard had not come in at that moment, he wouldn't have interrupted any words the slave had to say. His eyes were turned downward, and they had gone blank, masking whatever he felt. Silently, he followed his master like a pale shadow, not seeing any pleading looks William had to give. Inside his mind, Kira was a confused mass of thoughts and memories, and questions without answers. He still didn't know if he was an individual to William, or just a stand-in for Henry; if what happened to him mattered, or if William was just trying to ease his guilt. The question of William truly caring for him would not have been so hard to understand if Kira had any self-esteem at all. As it was, he couldn't understand why someone like William should like him, much less love him, for his own sake. Kira felt his heart twist to hear William speak os the past, and knowing what he did of his master's sorrow, wished he could comfort him. That didn't seem possible now.



The guard who had announced William's horse followed them down last, perplexed by the prince's behavior. He must have been out of sorts from the night before, the guard decided, and took no offense to not being thanked. Of teh slave who followed William he took no notice, as though he didn't exist. When they all got out to the square, he joined his fellow guards on horseback, surrounding the prince in a protective circle. Probably overkill, but after last night, everyone in town was jumpy.

Kira waited by Clover's side with his head bowed, waiting for William to give his orders. He half-expected to be walking back behind the horse.
 
William got up on the horse and without saying a word out his hand down to Kira. He took Kira am our him behind him this time. He wanted Kira to beg to stay a friend to him. He wanted Kira to beg him to be more than that. He knew Kira deep down had a voice. He felt that Kira needed to find it on his own though. His heart ached and he looked down the whole way home. Everyone probably thought he was ashamed from the fight. He was ashamed from a different fight though. He was winning it he thought. He was not sure which side he was fighting for though.
 
Unfortunately for the little slave, he had never been a mind-reader, much to his former masters' anger. They expected him to know their slightest whims, and would beat him for failing to do so. William was doing the same thing now, though not for the same reasons, but it had the expected result on Kira. The slave said nothing, did nothing, and retreated into himself because it was all he knew how to do. Seeing his master's head lowered before him made the elf nearly cry, but he didn't dare try to do anything about it. If he had known that William wanted him to plead for friendship, he would have. Kira had no self-pride to protect. Pleading for something more at this point would have been out of his power. Anyway, given what William said himself about the consequences to the little slave, what good would have come of it? Was he merely trying to satisfy his own desires, no matter what Kira wished?



The elf knew nothing of what went on in his master's heart, but as they got closer and closer to the castle, the elfling felt more and more as though teh would burst if he didn't do something. He wasn't used to acting on his own, but he couldn't bear having things so changed between himself and his master. Perhaps William would let him stay close if he did other work? But what could he do? What was he good for. Unconsciously, the elfling clutched at his thin chest, feeling his heart ache. He didn't know why, only having this wall between himself and William was becoming unbearable.



(Should Kira beg to stay by his side next post?)
 
(Yes, if it is is in character for him.)
William dismounted the horse as soon as they got to the castle barely stopping to help Kira down. The guards quickly departed wishing the prince a good week. William walked inside quickly and retreated to his room leaving the horse to be taken care of by the staff.

Gladis caught a glimpse of him as he stormed into his room. She understood immediately. After ordering people to get clover, She raced out to Kira knowing that he would probably be lost on his own. She got off him out front and said, "I will show you to your room, Kira. I see someone else is too occupied in his own mind." Instead of taking him to a new room though, she took him to outside William's door and scurried off.

William had sank beside his bed looking up at his ceiling. He looked drained. His heart ached and he found himself gripping his chest with one hand. He wanted to be Kira's will, but he understood also that Kira just needed out of the system. He did not need someone to love him. Especially not someone who would remind him everyday of masters because that was what William was to Kira, a master. Well, that was what William he assumed.
 
(I'll see what happens in the post. He would, but it would depend on certain things. He may just wait until later and more or less explode emotionally.)



Kira did, indeed, look lost, as the guards and Clover headed off in their separate directions. William's retreat had been so quick and determined that it left him with little idea of what he should do, whether to follow his master, or stay where he was. William had practically just pulled him off the horse and left him there.



Even when Gladis left him in front of the prince's door, rather than the new room she had mentioned, Kira didn't know what to do, or what he even thought about all this. Having his own ideas and opinions was a new thing for him, not because he had never had any before, but because he automatically buried them whenever they showed up. Now he had to retrain himself to a certain extent, to focus on what he could figure out for himself. But the slave came to no greater conclusion than that things had changed and he didn't know why.



Since he didn't know where to go from here, teh slave crouched by the door, with his back to it, burying his face in his arms. Confusion and pain had overwhelmed him until he felt like emotions would leak out of his ears and mouth and drown him. What was William thinking? What did he want? Kira played last night's words over and over again in his head, not understanding, not knowing what was expected of him. Something had changed between them, but it wasn't just on William's side. Now, Kira felt a tug in his direction, but couldn't tell what it meant. He wanted to be near William, without knowing why. Was that wrong? Would it bring punishment to his master? To himself?



For a long time, he remained crouched on teh floor, motionless, unable to sort through his thoughts or emotions in a satisfactory way. Only one thing seemed clear to him, that having experienced kindness for the first time in his life, as far as he could remember, Kira understood what he would have to go back to. If it was worth anything, at least he should try and find out what he had done, and why William suddenly cut himself off. His stated reasons made some sense, but Kira couldn't help thinking it was more than that. If he was the cause of the trouble, shouldn't he try and make it right? Maybe he was getting desperate to know what to do, and that desperation drove him to action.



After a long while of steeling himself to act on his own, the elf stood up and faced the door. He was trembling, yet felt a strange calmness at the same time. It was an odd feeling indeed. Kira knocked on the door, feeling almost reckless for doing that much. He had to take several deep breaths before he could muster up the courage to say anything.



"Master?" he called. Then, gathering his nerve, he added, "William?" It was the most he had ever done in his life before, on his own. The elfling knew he could be punished, but if there was a chance to get things back to how they had been, he was going to try.
 
William had sat against his bed for what seemed like days to him. He was waiting for something to happen. He did not know what though. It was a very similar feeling to when he watch Henry get beat. Something was different this time though. William had picked apart his mknd trying to put the feelings to rest. In the end, all he could think of was the little bits of Kira that showed through. The questions he enjoyed so much. The way Kira talked of something so big as if they were so small. All the little things. His head hurt and so did his heart. Compared to those two, his body did not even hurt.

He tarted to feel empty and wondered where Kira was when someone knocked on the door. He was about ask who it was, but the small voice called in. "Ye- yes?" his voice shook lightly. His fingers almost grasped as he tried to keep himself from getting up and running out the door to Kira.
 
On the other side of the door, the elf frowned deeply, worry shifting from whether or not he would be punished, to what William's condition was. He sounded like he was in pain. Even as his mind had been whirling around and his emotions splitting in many different directions, the elfling had not forgotten his master's injuries. Nor had he forgotten that William had gotten them because he pulled a worthless slave away from abuse Kira was used to having to endure. No one had ever done that for him before.



Hearing someone come down the hall, Kira turned and saw one of the servants, with their cart of cleaning supplies. Technically, Kira wasn't even supposed to address them, as they were above his rank, but he forced himself to move forward and hail the man, asking for medical supplies. The servant glared at him, about to tell the elf off for even speaking to him, when Kira mentioned that it was for the prince. Thinking perhaps that Kira had been sent to get these things by William, the servant's tone changed, and he hurried off to see to it right away. Kira wasn't sure that anyone there knew his master was injured, since William hadn't told them. Now, they knew.



Turning back to the door, he knocked again, his voice a little stronger than before. "Master…may I….may I come in?" he paused, licking his lips. "It's Kira, master…" Would he be turned away? Even if he was, someone would care for the prince, now they knew he was injured. That had been Kira's main concern.
 
William waited for a reply, but thought Kira had left. His head sank in his hands. He wanted Kira to run in and tell him off or something. It was misery feeling all alone again. Kira had made a change in his heart. He had felt bitter and tired until Kira slept in his bed. He was just taking the time to notice how much he had smiled and laughed the past few days. He did not want to go back. He wanted Kira to stay around. He wanted the new reason to smile, laugh, get mad, cry, and read aloud to not just disappear. It was though.

Then there it was again, the voice from behind the thin wooden door. William took a deep breath and said, "Go ahead and let yours in." He did not move his head from his hands. His heart raced but out of nervousness. To have someone see him like he was in the moment was shameful, but it was Kira. As he heard the door open, he asked, "Why are you calling me master all of a sudden?" It has a small light question that scared William. Had the elf fallen back into the hole he wanted so desperately to pull him out of?
 
It wasn't exactly a happy greeting, but Kira hadn't expected much. He pushed through the door, almost seeming afraid, shutting it behind him with his head bowed. For a moment, his fingers held the handle as though he might just bolt out again; the elf had gone against so much of his training in such a short time that the world seemed to be turning upside-down. Kira felt like he was being tugged along in a current of change, and he could either follow it and live, or fight it and go under.



"You said we must put distance between us...." he said, still looking down at his hand on the door handle. He didn't want to tell William that he called him that now because he wasn't sure what had happened between them. The easiest thing was to turn back to what he knew. As horrible as it was, the cruel darkness William had pulled him from was still what he fell back into when he didn't know how to move forward. Use and familiarity made it into a habit. But he was not so far gone now that there was no chance of change, and even his being there in the prince's room said as much. Perhaps that tiny part of his real self he had kept hidden away was coming out at last.



Slowly, his fingers slipped from the handle of the door, and he turned to face William, not lifting his head all the way, but enough to see how his master sat. His already pale face turned white, and he started forward, fearing the prince had gotten worse. "Master…?" he whispered, genuinely concerned. Even now, with that invisible barrier between them prevented him from saying teh prince's name.
 
Being called master now made him cringe. He hated himself for letting things go the way they were. It could not be helped is what he thought. His eyes peered up slightly from his hands. "What is it?" he asked trying to not let the worry slip into his voice. Kira looked white and almost sickly. William grew frightened but did not get up from his position. He knew if kira was sick Gladis would notice and take care of him. She was that type of person.

William waited for Kira to speak praying in the back of his mind for Kira to beg to stay by his side. He wanted to have Kira around every moment of every day. It could easily turn out the same again though. He did not want to lose anyone else in such a way. He did not want anyone else he loved to get hurt because of his selfish feelings. Inside of him was an ever raging battle that only Kira could stop.
 
Kira was not sick the way William thought, though he was sick at heart. he had been for so long that there was no other way he knew how to be. The elfling made a hesitant step toward him, but it didn't do much to close the large gap between them. William's tone came out harshly, even if he didn't intend it that way. The elf halted, clasping his hands together in front of himself.



"Master…..W….William…." The name escaped his tongue almost like a prayer. Kira closed his eyes. "I…I know you said that….we cannot be as we were, but….may I still ted your wounds?" His voice, already tremulous, broke slightly. "You were the only one to ever show me kindness… Please…..may I be useful to you? I….." Before he could say anything else, his throat constricted, and he couldn't stop the rush of emotion and memory that crowded into his head. He still had so many questions he didn't dare ask, but which refused to leave his head anyway.
 
William put his eyes back down and sighed. "Kira, you are so useful to the world by just being around. You find a way to be helpful wherever you are. I do not need my wounds tended to right now. They are fine. They need to be left to do some feeling," the last of his words shook lightly. He was not sure if he was talking about the people in the room or the wounds on his body, all were hurt and needed to heal. He made himself keep his gaze in his hands. "I wish you understood why I was doing this, Kira. Hopefully, one day you will," he said sadly as his heart broke some more. He felt that Kira would leave or was already gone. He had asked for space, but the space in his empty mind scared him.
 
Kira did find this statement a bit rich. Useful to the world? Hardly. He could barely be really useful to one person, as everything else he had ever done had been empty. But he could appreciate William's sentiments. In spite of the wall between them now, William was being so kind… To Kira, if not to himself.



The elfling looked up a little, hearing the tremor in his master's voice. It sounded almost as though William wanted to hurt, but why? Why would he wish to prolong pain? Hadn't he had enough of it? His words made no sense, less still when he talked about 'why' he was acting this way. Maybe Kira felt that space William was trying to enforce on his own mind, and didn't like it. Kira feared even more than that that William's displeasure would send him away to another master, and that thought nearly paralyzed him. He wrung his hands a little bit, not knowing what to do. William had given the elf a dismissal, but not an outright one, as though the prince didn't even know what he wanted. As for Kira, the elf was only starting to understand that he could want anything, and right now, he was bold enough to want an answer. Otherwise, eh felt his mind would collapse.



"Please…master…William," he murmured, falling to his knees. "I…I don't understand. What did I do to displease you? You were so kind to me…. But now you will not let me get near you…. Is there nothing I can do? Let me tend to you…anything…only don't send me away…" His thin voice shook as what he asked for was so pathetic, but it was all he had. Kira didn't understand it as such, but he wanted to be with William in some way. William was like a light in the darkness to him, and he couldn't bear to be shut out from it again.
 
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