The Little One

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William looked at Kira at this. His eyes carried the same tired look tey had the night they met. They looked also as if they might fill with tears any moment. His voice shook as he said, "Kira, I will not let you get sent back into the slice system because I was selfish enough to have more than masterly feelings for you. You must distance yourself from me before I get you hurt. It is not about what you did. It is about how you make me feel. If you get near me, you will only make it more proclaimed. I will not have you hurt because of my foolishness." The words came out like a much needed bath that someone spilled a cup of dirt in without telling. It should be relieving but just a little dirt ruined it.
 
Kira's eyes widened at this, listening to the prince tell him, in sober terms, how he felt for the slave. Apparently, his feelings had not changed since the alcohol left his system. Or, at least, what he thought he felt. Kira was almost convinced William had transferred his feelings to him out of guilt for henry. This didn't make it any easier to deal with, or to know what to do. He simply couldn't believe that his master really cared fro him that way…not that he really understood it. He looked down at the floor, his lips parting for a moment as tiny, emotionally-charged breaths escaped from them.





"So….you must be like other masters?" he whispered, the words coming out slowly as though he was trying to work out what was happening. "Because Henry was taken, you feel sorrow. You think I will be the same… You….feel…I do not understand what you feel for me. I am a slave…only a slave. How is it different than what you feel to use me as I was meant to be used? Is it your kindness? Is it….is it foolish to be kind? It it wrong?" He clenched his hands into fists. "I do not understand. Please…I….I do not understand. I only know that…if I must be separated from you, even in this place, I will go back into the darkness. Is it better for me to go there? Is that the only place where you will be safe?" Once more, he was thinking of William being protected, but the slave truly couldn't wrap his mind around what was happening.
 
Kira's words hit him like a train. They were what he had wated so badly just out differently than he had planned. He climbed to his feet but kept his gaze down. He almost stumbled forward closing the two gaps between as he wrapped his arms around Kira. "This has nothing to do with the past anymore. That was what Henry was. You are my present,@ he paused a moment feeling like he had said that before but both knowing why. Then he continued, "I want to protect you from going back so badly. It would kill me to see you he beaten and sold to another. I would not be able to breathe another day knowing someone was touching you when you only wanted to sleep. I will it let you go back to the darkness thiugh. You are so beautiful in the light. If you are willing to risk it, I will not push you away. If it is too much to ask, I will not blame you. You deserve to control your own life. I might have told you already that when I was drunk. I am more honest than I am with myself when I have too many frinks. Kira, I think I am falling in love with the little bits I see of you." He held Kira against him. His heart beat quickly in nervousness. He was only glad his father would not be home anytime soon.
 
For a few fearful moments, Kira thought he had gone too far, and that William was striding forward to visit heavy punishments on him. He had never spoken so much, nor so openly, in his life for that reason. The elfling cringed, only to have arms slide around him, rather than blows knock him nearly unconscious. He couldn't help going stiff, still not used to such contact being so gentle, but fear was replaced by confusion. Kira focused on his master's words, wondering if he just imagined them, or if they meant something than what he thought. Yet, his master was not drunk this time, and what little medicine he had taken would have worn off by now, even if it was the kind to affect his mind.



Unconsciously, the elfling placed one of his little hands against William's chest, not pushing him away, but as though to balance himself as he felt the world reeling around him again. Here was William, telling him again about how he loved him, or little bits of him. Somehow, the elf understood that strange notion, because he had always felt like fractured glass. But if he put himself whole again, were that even possible, how would William feel about him then?



Kira's forehead did not move from the prince's shoulder, against which it was pressed. William had called him beautiful…Willliam said he deserved to control his own life….that he loved him… Kira had to sort through everything, and wondered what he actually wanted. He didn't know, except in one respect.



"They would sell me…just because you are kind. Just for that… I am not supposed to be anything to anyone, except a body, a doll." The tiniest hint of bitterness entered his voice. "I don't want to go back, but…..if you stopped being kind to me…it would be worse than going back. Because…because you would be near. But if you are kind…if they see, you'll be hurt. You've already been hurt." He clutched the prince's tunic between shaking fingers. "Is there nowhere in this world where kindness can grow in the open? Nowhere where there can be any light? Is there only light in death?" He had heard stories of realms beyond this one, where care and weariness melted away, but didn't believe such a tainted soul as himself belonged there.



(OOh, if they kept their relationship secret, and acted like nothing was going on in the open, I bet teh servants would help!)
 
(I had the same idea. :) )
William laughed softly. "When you speak your mind, you speak like a well written book," he said easing some of the extreme emotions in the room. "Listen, Kira. I have even through this before, but the time is new and different. All u need to know now is, where would you like to sleep tonight?" He simplified it. His arms held Kira against him svd he felt whole almost. He only hoped Kira chose his bed.
 
(Yay! Then they could be all cuddly and sweet in private, and pass off their being together a lot to his father as him 'using' Kira as a sex slave. Haha!)



If Kira had been able to give vent to a sense of humor, or if he knew what a well-written book sounded like, he would have snorted at this comparison. His halting words were not ordered in any particular way, and sounded like rambling. Perhaps William meant that his sentiments were deeper than anyone would have thought. In any case, the slave couldn't help feeling warmth at that compliment. That laugh made him shiver a bit, but not in an unpleasant way. It was like music…



As for William's question, though, that was another matter. Kira didn't answer right away, still having trouble with making decisions on his own. Today's few choices he had made were a record for him. In spite of everything, some part of the elfling wanted to sleep with William. It seemed like total anathema, and with anyone else, it would have been. Yet, he couldn't help remembering how he had felt the night before last, how strangely safe, how much closer to being…less fractured. Kira realized he had felt like William held him together in some way. If given the choice, would he want to stay with William? The servants wouldn't do anything to oppose it, but would William want him to?



Kira looked up at him, just a second's worth of eye contact, before his head turned down again. This time, the gesture was a shy one. "I…..I want to be where you wish for me to be." he said quietly. "I will go where there will be no trouble for you, and…where you will be happiest to have me. If you're happy…" He bit his lip, not sure of how to put it. "If you're happy….I…..that is what I want." he hoped William would be able to parse through this halting string of words for his true meaning. Kira wanted to be near him.
 
William waited patiently for his reply. His heart beat fast hoping Kira could not hear it and hoping Kira would choose his bed. The answer was much more along the lines of Kira than he had expected. He smiled softly. "There will be trouble no matter what we do at this point. I will protect you though. I want you in my arms tonight if you are okay what that," he said happily. He let a arm slip out from around him and pulled up his chin. He looked into the blue eyes with his green sparkling. Kira had put an end to the battle and united th parts of Williams mind again. They were all focused on Kira now.
 
Kira couldn't stop his own heart from beating faster, though what that meant even he wasn't sure. He felt a remnant of old fears, but more even than that, he felt like he wanted to be in William's arms. Looking into those green eyes that beamed down at him, the elfling felt this urge even more. William had not hurt him in the past, had not even wanted to 'use' him. In those green eyes, Kira saw no more of the anguish he'd caught in William's voice. Somehow, he felt almost mesmerized by their color and expression, since he'd never allowed himself to look so long before. As he looked more deeply into their green depths, he felt his own confusion lessening, and the fractured parts of his mind start to come together, piece by piece. Kira suddenly felt like William was the center around which the shards of thought circled and realigned themselves, though he didn't know why this would be. He just knew he felt safe….so safe….like he had never felt in his life before.



"Yes…" he murmured, wanting to keep looking into those eyes. If he could just stay with the one who had been so kind to him, everything would be alright. "Yes, William…please. Let me stay…"
 
William smiled softly and then kissed Kira's forehead. "Okay, I just need to let Gladis know that you will not be needing the second room," he said going to let go if Kira and moving towards the door. He knew that it was gong to be hard to hide but it was necessary. He could no longer send Kira away or deny how he felt. He was happy but frightened. The thought that tied his mind together and kept him in the present was simple. What book to read to him tonight?
 
Kira held his breath, as warmth spread through his body, right from the point where William's lips touched his skin. That sensation of lips against skin usually filled him with disgust, but somehow, when William did it, the sentiments behind the kiss made it feel different. There was nothing lustful in that little gesture.



Kira watched William go, not exactly at peace, as there was still danger in this, but feeling as close to happy as he had in many, many years. For himself, however, the greatest question was not the same as it was for William. Kira was trying desperately to think of how they would keep themselves out of trouble. True to form, the slave was thinking more of his master, though he himself would suffer the greatest punishment if they were caught. The servants might think that, tonight, William was finally 'using' Kira, though how long they could hide the truth remained unknown. The servants would probably figure it out pretty quickly, but how long would it take William's father? Would the servants, who seemed to genuinely love him, hide their secret? Kira wasn't sure. At least for tonight they could be together in their own way, without any of that. Kira shivered with relief, feeling that he would have a night of safety. He could have cried, if he still knew how.
 
He quickly tracked Gladis down through asking around. When he went to her, he immediately said, "How are you always right? What is it with your family and knowledge?" She laughed at him lightly. "This is about Kira, is it not? Don worry. I never told anyone to make the second room ready," she said matter-of-factly. She continued before William could get out his next thought, "I also already talked to the servants about the new situation. Well, all the ones on your side. They will work to keep the ones on the kings side away from you two so they do not find out." William shook his head. "How do you do it?" he asked. "Years of training. Knowing a master is important part if the job," she said very business like then a great smile filled her face. "You seem so happy with him, William. I was not going to let you mess it up. Henry would kill me if I did," she said with a laugh. He nodded. He then turned heels having no need to say more and traveled back to the room
 
Gladis was not just speaking of herself when she said knowing a master was part of the job; even slaves thrived on this knowledge, keeping themselves from as much harm as they could by understanding their masters as intimately as possible. It was not a happy sort of knowledge for them, but for someone like Gladis, who loved William almost in a motherly way, it was knowledge both useful and pleasant.



Kira's knowledge of his master was increasing every day, the only hinderance being how strange William was to begin with. Every other master of Kira's had been a variation on a theme, one which he knew all too well. When William broke the mold, he had to scramble to catch up, leaving him unusually bewildered and unable to cope. The very thing that made William William had at first been totally incomprehensible to Kira. He still was, to a certain extent, but now Kira wasn't fighting against it. In little ways, he was starting to understand his new master.



As William was about to head back through the door to his room, another servant exited, bowing respectfully and holding the door open for William. Inside, Kira was standing by the bed, preparing the medicines and salves the servant had just brought. He knew enough of his master by now to realize William would just downplay or ignore his injuries, even if he shouldn't. They weren't life-threatening, but should still be tended to. Kira intended to at least try and care for William in this way. As his master returned, he turned and bowed, hands clasped before him. Kira said nothing, however, waiting for the prince to speak.
 
William nodded to the servant and thanked her. When he entered the room, he chuckled at Kira softly. He messed up his hair and said, "Come on. Stop being so proper, Kira." He sat down in the bed then noticed all the medical stuff. "Really. The wounds are not bad. They do not hurt anymore," he said with light annoyance. He was happy Kira wanted to take care of him but he saw no need of it. "I talked to Gladis and we do not have to worry about servants telling on us. We do need to act as master and slave when my parents return though," he spoke trying to avoid arguing about his injuries.
 
William hadn't told him not to tend to his injuries, so even though the elf was hesitant, he settled down next to his master on the bed and began to tend him. The elfling didn't think he was good for much, but when he could help, that made him seem a little less useless. As he tended to his master, Kira thought about his words, and the events of the last few days.



"William… how am I to act when we are alone? How am I to act when we are not?" he asked at length in a soft voice. There was still that reserve in teh way he said and did things that told the prince he was still unsure about his place.
 
"You are to act whatever you feel when we are alone. Ask anything. Do anything. Say anything. Just be yourself. I know that is hard, but it will get easy again," he said reassuringly and winced as Kira cleaned a wound on his ribs. He then continued, "When we are around others, act like you were trained to. With one exception, do not let anyone touch you without saying anything to me." His voice had been filled with spite and hate but it was obviously not directed to Kira.
 
William was correct in thinking this first set of directives would be hard. Kira honestly didn't know how to be himself, because he didn't think he had a self to begin with. At least he understood the general idea of what his master wanted from him, and to have a direct command to do and say 'anything' was so liberating it was almost terrifying. Kira would have to dip his toes in the water for awhile, at least at first. With William's help, maybe he could learn to have his own thoughts and ideas? Kira dearly hoped this could happen, that he could be more than a doll…



"Yes, William." he murmured, glad of his master's care for the future. Now, Kira had to tell him when someone touched him, which both elated and worried the slave. It was the closest thing he had to protecting himself, yet he was afraid that his master would get in another fight and hurt himself. The edge in William's tone showed that plain enough.



Kira frowned at the ugly bruise on William's left arm, as his fingers gently rubbed salve over the area. These marks were because of him, and while he shouldn't have cared one whit if a master got hurt, this time…he did. He cared very much. Would this happen again if anyone touched him?



"Will you be hurt every time anyone…t…touches me?" Kira looked half up at him, and his voice cracked a bit. He wasn't sure now which was worse- being fondled when he didn't want it, or seeing William beaten.
 
William had to be honest with himself. His temper was a problem. Fights were not always the right way to handle things. He shook his head. "Hopefully not. Some people are more sensible than my cousin. He was looking for a fight if I remember correctly," he spoke, "It may happen again though. I am fine with it. Most are also not as good a fighter as Julius." He looked down at his bruised body. He was ashamed of how the fight went. He was asha,ed he gave in to his cousins wants of a fight. It could have been handled differently. He did not like to just walk away though.
 
"You shouldn't be hurt because of me…" the elfling whispered. His thumb gently stroked around another bruise, as though he could wipe it away.



William's influence over the slave was such that Kira found himself thinking and saying things he hadn't allowed himself to think before, things which were forbidden for a slave to even consider. These thoughts slid down to his tongue, and though very few got out, one little murmur escaped before he could stop it.



"I had a master like him…" His body shook for a moment, running up his spine to his shoulders and head, before the tremor was gone. Julius reminded him of more than one master, but they tended to blend together into types. Often, the more refined masters were the cruelest. They had the intelligence and the time to come up with fantastic tortures…



Realizing the next moment that he had thought ill of one of William's relatives, the slave's head ducked, and he murmured a frightened apology. What he had said out loud was innocuous enough, unless one considered the slave's dark tone.
 
William pulled the bowing slave into a hug. "I am sorry, Kira. I wish you had come here sooner. People like Julius should not be allowed around others," he said soothingly, "You should not apologize for speaking of something like that. If you feel like you need to, tell me about how every little thing anyone did to you hurt you. I cannot promise I will not hunt heads, but I will promise not a thing you could say would be wrong." William held kira close. His body ached but he did not care. The pain was there because he had defended Kira and to him, that was worth every bruise.
 
Kira stiffened automatically for a moment at that hug, then let go of the tension, relaxing into it. He even let his own arms slide shyly around William's waist about half-way. William was being so kind, and even if Kira couldn't talk about himself so openly to the prince yet, he appreciated the kindness.



"I….cannot speak of it yet, William. Please, forgive me." He murmured this into William's chest. "It is still too near." In reality, he didn't want to harrow up the prince's mind with the horrors he'd seen, especially after William had been so kind. Kira would rather leave it all in the past, even if that probably wasn't the healthiest way to deal with his trauma.



As the elf rested against William's chest for a few moments, his fingers continued to smooth gently over Wiliam's bruises. The prince would feel a cool sensation, like water, flowing through teh area, and a lessening of pain. Kira didn't know he was using a latent healing magic left by his people- it was an unconscious result of wanting to ease William's pain. The sensation wouldn't be strong, and if the prince was preoccupied, he wouldn't feel it. Kira had been through too much trauma yet to manifest what he really could do. For now, he just wanted to thank the only kind master he'd ever had.
 
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