[Samuel x Roman]

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He would have probably have gotten it out of his mind if she hadn't been flirting with him, and been so pretty and so- Samuel stopped his line of thought. He didn't know what their relationship was like, and even so it didn't seem like Roman was treating her like something other than a friend.

But he had liked her at some point and apparently that was enough to make him.. What? Jealous? Why would he be jealous over his friends ex girlfriend flirting with him?

"Mmm.. Sure" Samuel agreed absentmindedly, still lost in his own thoughts.

To think that Roman had been and could be with girls and actually be into them, unlike Samuel who had been friends with whoever he had been dating at best, might also be what was bothering him. It was kind of a dumb reason as well but at least it made more sense than being jealous over his friend simply having dated someone at some point in time.
 
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Roman would have had to have been stupid not to notice the distance in Samuel's tone and expression, and the fact that he seemed bothered by something. He also knew it had to have something to do with Brontë, though he couldn't imagine what it could have been.

For the rest of the shop, Roman just threw random things he knew Samuel liked into his basket and bought everything -- he had a lot of money, even though his family was nothing more than middle class. His parents tended to give him a lot of spending money, and Roman suspected it was because they felt guilty he was so inhibited by his bleeding disorder. He thought that was sad in a way, so he only spent a lot when he was with friends.

Once they were back at his place, Roman put the pork and lamb ribs into the oven with a collection of added spices -- mainly cayenne pepper -- and looked at Samuel through his eyelashes as he peeled potatoes.

"Alright, what's wrong?" he asked, finally deciding that enough was enough and he wanted to know what was going through his friend's mind. "You can tell me."​
 
The whole way back to Romans place Samuel ended up not talking much as his brain seemed to have gotten completely hung up on his thoughts from the store.

He hadn't really reflected much over the liking girls part of Roman being bisexual until then because a guy liking girls was kind of what he was used to hearing about and it was nothing to think about. But now all of a sudden he started to feel kind of bad about himself. It wasn't only the reminder that dating girls would make him have less to worry about but it would also have made some experiences with girls he didn't like looking back on way more pleasant.

Samuel rarely felt bad about his sexuality around Roman like he did now, because he was the one who had helped him out figuring things out and because he was the prime example of not being ashamed of who you are.

He really should have known Roman would notice. One thing Samuel had realized while hanging out with Roman was that he was way worse at hiding his feelings than he thought because Roman would either comment on it or move on from it when it was clear he wanted to.

Samuel wasn't sure if he wanted to tell Roman about the thoughts he'd had since their run in with Brontë at the store, though. He knew he'd probably get over the feelings quicker if he did but he also knew it was kind of bad thinking it'd be easier if he was bi at least, because he knew Roman got a lot of shit for being out.

"Nothing...It's dumb anyways" he mumbled, he was leaning towards a counter that didn't have a bunch of the groceries on it, watching Roman work, "lemme help with something?"

Samuel was pretty bad at cooking since he didn't do it ever but he figured he'd ask instead of just standing around moping.
 
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Roman sighed heavily through his nose, set down the potato peeler and leaned forward, propping himself up with his hand against the bench as he looked at Samuel with the most serious expression on his face that he could muster. He knew something was up, and he was determined to get to the bottom of it so he could help in any way possible.

"No you cannot help, I don't want you to cry into dinner," he said with a small smile, but he was being completely serious. After that eventful night he had decided to be a bit nicer in the way he got things out of people, since, now that he looked back on it, he had been a total and complete cunt to Samuel.

Sure, it had ended out okay but still, he felt bad.

"I am not resuming this potato until you tell me what's wrong. Is it your dad? Is it someone at school?"
 
"No it's nothing like that" Samuel insisted but if he thought about it he probably didn't want to bottle it all up and start to feel bad when he was with Roman, seeing as he was what made him feel good about himself usually

Besides Roman was pretty stubborn so he'd probably get it out of him sooner or later.

"...Like I know it probably doesn't but I keep thinking that at least liking girls as well would make things easier, like there would be less pretending?" Samuel said with a small breathy laugh trying to mask his discomfort with talking about his feelings "I just.. I kind of wish a wasn't gay sometimes"

He finished with a shrug and with his gaze down on his feet. He had long since accepted who he was and he had been able to stay pretty positive about the whole thing but that didn't mean he was completely fine with it. Usually when his dad or his friends said something homophobic but also just sometimes when he was left with his own thoughts for too long were the times he'd think about how much better things would have been for him, at least the least ever since they got old enough for dating and sex to be a thing.
 
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Roman listened silently, but when Samuel finished, his eyebrows shot up and he wore a slightly irritated expression on his face. But it was gone in an instant and Roman went right back to peeling potatoes, which he chopped in half and put into a pot so he could half-boil them, then add seasoning and deep fry them.

Silence wasn't comfortable with Roman, but he did not speak until he was finished with the potatoes, and even then, he leaned against the sink and stared out the window as he spoke.

"You ... you have no idea what you're talking about." Roman's voice wasn't unpleasant or rude, but rather completely blank, which was incredibly uncharacteristic of him. "You know, being gay is actually easier than being bi."

He glanced at Samuel out of the corner of his eye. "You don't have to put up with people saying you're 'just confused' and 'going through a phase' and 'can't make up your mind'." He made air quotes around the terms with a disgusted expression. "You and I both face homophobic shit but you aren't excluded by the LGBT community who think you're a disgrace to queer people because you have the capability to be in a fucking heterosexual relationship. And you don't have to put up with everyone thinking you're going to cheat on them because you don't have more options."​
 
Silent Roman was really nerve wrecking and the way his words lacked any sense of emotion when he spoke was even worse. Samuel had known what he had said wasn't completely fair in what he had said, that was part of why he had hesitated in the first place, but he hadn't known it was such a huge issue until Roman explained it.

Even if he could recognize the fact that he was wrong it didn't mean the way he felt would just go away, but he had obviously talked out of line and he had to take a step back from his own emotions for a while.

"...Sorry..I didn't know" he said, regret clearly showing in his voice and then paused for a couple of seconds before speaking again "...do people really think that?"
 
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"Yes, people actually think like that," Roman said bitterly. He turned back to Samuel and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You're shunned by the LGBT community and ostracised by the straight people so really, it's fucking worse than being gay so don't come and complain to me."

Roman opened the fridge, pulled out sweet potato fries and set them down next to the deep fryer to cook with the potatoes. He was annoyed, not necessarily angry, but very much annoyed. Samuel had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm not trying to negate your problems or anything and you've got more problems than me in the family department but ... you saying that 'you wish you weren't gay' is a bit of a slap in the face to me."​
 
The more Roman told him about the more Samuel realized that what he had said was not only something he was wrong about but also a really shitty thing to say and Samuel really didn't like that he had said something insulting to Roman.

"Look I'm sorry, okay?" he didn't ad I get it to the end seeing that him not getting it was the problem, to begin with, he had however gotten that he was in the wrong by now and he hoped Roman wouldn't get angry at him for changing the subject to something else but he was really regretting that he had said anything at all at that point and he wanted to have fun with Roman as normal, "...Do you cook often?"
 
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Roman wasn't one to just drop something in the middle of a conversation and leave it there but he didn't want to be bickering with Samuel like petty children when they were meant to be having fun and enjoying themselves. So he bit his lip and nodded, reaching into the cupboard for the Tabasco sauce and garlic aioli and setting them out so he had something to do with his hands.

"Yeah," he said. "Mum's always busy marking things for school and Dad's always working so Brooklyn and I have been cooking since we were kids. London is useless, gender roles are practically non-existent in this house."

Which was a stark comparison to Samuel's.

Roman felt bad for chewing him out so he went around the bench and stood just in front of Samuel, and dropped a kiss to the top of his forehead. He did understand where Samuel was coming from -- though he also did believe that in the whole essence of things, bisexuals had more problems.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch," he murmured, tucking Samuel's hair behind his ears. "But, yeah, people genuinely do think those things. At least two of my exes broke up with me because they thought I was going to cheat on them. I would like to say, for the record, I have never cheated on anyone."​
 
Romans light kiss on his forehead and tucking Samuels hair behind his ear was the kind of thing that seemed to turn his mood around instantly, whether it was feeling bad about himself or about or about accidentally offending his friend. It also reminded him why he liked being alone with Roman so much.

"well those people are dumb" he could never imagine Roman would cheat on someone, he was to good of a person and it kind of made him slightly angry on Romans behalf that he had to deal with that, "And you're not being a bitch, I'd rather you tell me when I'm wrong than walking around silently hating me"

The last part was true, even if he might've not wanted Roman to be irritated with him had he not told him he wouldn't even have known why so he'd rather have him being "a bitch" as long as it meant Samuel could apologize at least.
 
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"Well, I'd rather you telling me that you're upset than walking around and silently moping and leaving me to figure out what's wrong with your emo ass," Roman chuckled. He fleetingly touched Samuel's elbow and kissed him on the forehead again, before returning to the other side of the bench and pulling the mint peas out of the freezer.

He filled up a glass with them and began to eat them raw, because Roman thought normal eating habits were boring and lame. Why should he make an effort to cook his peas when he could just eat them raw?

"I mean, I've had people cheat on me, and it was horrible so I'd never do that to another person." Roman cringed at the thought of betraying someone like that. "Though, I don't understand why anyone would cheat on me. I'm fucking perfect." Roman was joking, but he seriously wanted to know what he had done wrong to deserve that.​
 
Samuel gave Roman an apologetic smile as he kissed him on the forehead again and went back to the other side of the bench, subconsciously reaching up to touch the place spot he had kissed but not giving it much thought, to distracted by Roman making the very questionable decision of eating frozen peas and continuing talking as if that was the most normal thing in the world.

Hearing of someone cheating on Roman sounded just as unreal as Roman cheating on someone. And Samuel laughed quietly as Roman verbalised the thought he had almost had.

He decided not to agree out loud though.

"Roman you can't claim you're perfect while eating frozen peas" Samuel laughed, Roman probably had the weirdest eating habits of all people he knew, he had to admit that his weirdness was part of what made him fun.
 
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In response to Samuel's comment on his eating habits, Roman flicked a pea at his forehead and threw the rest of them into his mouth as if it was the most normal thing in the world. He chewed on them as he set the timer on his phone to tell him to turn the meat over.

"Right, we've had enough mopiness for the day," Roman decided, taking Samuel's hand and dragging him up to his bedroom. Once there, he sat down with his friend and turned on the TV.

"What are we watching?"
 
He let himself get lead up into Romans room, despite all the dark colours that should make the room gloomy the feeling Samuel got as he sat down was more that it was cozy than anything.

"Well the only logical option would be New Moon" Samuel said matter of factly "but I'm open to non-gory suggestion"

He wasn't really squeamish but he also found a lot more enjoyment in watching something he could laugh at. Even so, he'd watch whatever, since the point was really to watch it with Roman.
 
He let himself get lead up into Romans room, despite all the dark colours that should make the room gloomy the feeling Samuel got as he sat down was more that it was cozy than anything.

"Well the only logical option would be New Moon" Samuel said matter of factly "but I'm open to non-gory suggestion"

He wasn't really squeamish but he also found a lot more enjoyment in watching something he could laugh at. Even so, he'd watch whatever, since the point was really to watch it with Roman.
 
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"You can hold my hand if you get scared," Roman teased.

A week and two days had passed since the Brontë debacle of last Wednesday -- now, it was a Friday and Roman and Samuel were at Roman's house, alone, where Roman was forcing Samuel to watch The Human Centipede because he was a horrible human being.

The last week had been filled with Roman sitting beside Samuel in every class they shared despite whatever Samuel's friends said about the issue. Roman was going to do whatever he liked and he liked spending time with Samuel.

"It's not so much scary as it is disturbing," Roman informed Samuel as the film started with tacky credits. They were laying down, their heads propped up on pillows, and Roman had put an arm around Samuel's shoulders and was trailing his fingers along the other boy's collarbone. He felt incredibly comfortable with Samuel these days.
 
The way things were at school didn't change much, Samuel and Roman sat next to each other during classes and Ricky was pretty much just as standoffish and hostile about it which meant that by the time next Friday came along and Evan suggested they'd get a bunch the guys together and hang out Samuel had decided he'd much rather hang out with Roman. Which he really didn't regret now that he was laying in his friend's bed with his arm around him just starting to watch yet another movie.

"Yeah okay but I don't get why you would sit down to watch a movie to get disturbed" Samuel was really questioning Romans sanity due to his choice of movie but he had accepted his fate and was currently hoping wouldn't be too, as Roman had described it, disturbing, "like wouldn't it be more enjoyable to watch something funny or with a good story or whatever"
 
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"You don't watch these kids of movies to enjoy yourself. You force your friends to watch them and slowly watch their faith in humanity dissipate."

Roman licked his lips and pulled Samuel just a little closer as the movie introduced them to the two stupid bitches who would soon become the second and third pieces of the Centipede. Roman couldn't help but notice that Samuel fit perfectly into his arms, as if he were a jigsaw puzzle piece built to fit into Roman.

Roman would cuddle with his friends like this as he liked physical closeness and intimacy but he knew this was different. It felt different because he craved it. He craved the closeness of Samuel as much as he needed to breathe.

Which confused him a little.

"These two bitches are the stupidest human beings you will ever witness," Roman said. His lips were very close to Samuel's ear, meaning he was whispering and his breath tickled the other boy's face.
 
Roman pulling him closer made Samuel remember something Evan, who had actually been pretty cool about the whole being friends with Roman thing, and he had been talking about just a couple of days prior and that had slipped his mind since
He had told him the reason Ricky refused to talk to Samuel was because he thought him and Roman were, quote, "fucking", at wich Samuel had asked what the hell could have given him that idea. The explanation he got from even was a shrug and him explaining that sometimes they really didn't look like friends, even though Samul had been sure they hadn't done anything at school to indicate otherwise.

Samuel had, of course, insisted they were nothing more than friends. Because that was the truth. But it did make him think about the way they acted around each other, especially now that Roman was so close he could feel his breath on his skin as he spoke.

Being friends with Roman had always been kind of different from his other friends. Because Roman was very different from his other friends. And Samuel hadn't really questioned the way they'd lay close to each other or hold hands because it was just how Roman seemed to do things. What Samuel hadn't really thought about until Evan said that though was that he didn't usually act this way around people no matter how close he was to them.

"I feel bad for them, they won't deserve what's coming to them... Even if they are stupid bitches" Samuel insisted, momentarily letting his eyes flicker over to Romans face as he spoke, they really were close. He knew enough about the concept of the movie to know what probably would happen to the girls but not much more than that, and he really would have been happy to keep it that way, yet there he was.
 
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