[Samuel x Roman]

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Samuel sat down next to Roman, though at a fair share of distance, and let out another sigh. But he did give Roman a nod. He agreed. They needed to at least sort things out that day, to a point where they felt like things could start being okay again

"I don't want to lose you either, or the kids," Samuel said. It was a little easier to think now, everything wasn't happening at once and he was calmer, still hurt, still unsure of who he could trust, but calm and able to talk and think rationally. Though he did feel like he could cry any moment, "But I thought you did. Well, wanted to lose me at least,"

He gently reached over, not to Roman but to touch Letha, their beautiful little baby girl. He knew Roman and Roman would never leave their children, ever. Or hurt them. That realisation made him feel even a little better. If there was one argument Samuel couldn't look past for Roman not to cheat on him it was that it would hurt the kids. A divorce was one thing, but a messy one because one of them did something bad, full of arguing, would be terrible on them. Roman wouldn't put them through that.

"I was just going to go to Fliss for the night or something, I would have come to my senses once I had calmed down, so you know, even if I left I would have come back when I realised half of this was caused by my trust issues," he shrugged. This wasn't what he had thought in that moment, he had just needed to get away and had probably planned to stay with Fliss until they got things sorted out. But he knew that if he actually had managed to go out the door and drive off he would have realised Roman hadn't been lying probably within a couple of days.

"Literally, all I want in life is you and the kids. A normal family where we can trust each other and be happy because I've never had that, and I've finally been able to achieve that. But I really thought I had lost you, and everything, so I got scared and the only thing I could think of doing was to try to get away,"

 

[lxngdon]

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"I would never leave you," Roman whispered hoarsely. The idea of leaving Samuel was so impossible that he couldn't even begin to consider what he would do if it happened. A world without Samuel was a world he didn't want to live in, and while that sounded extreme, it was the truth.

Roman had spent his entire adult life hand-in-hand with this man. They were married, they had four children. They had been through so much together and the idea of all of that going away, all of that meaning nothing in the end, was horrifying. It was so horrifying that Roman looked up at his husband with a panic in his eyes, a bright and fierce panic that caught his breath in his throat and caused him to reach over and take his husband's arm.

"Oh, God, Samuel, I'd never leave you. I'd never want to lose you. There is never going to be anyone else for me, Samuel, you're the love of my life and you've been that since I was seventeen. You'll always be the love of my life. There will never be anyone I'd rather be with and there'll never be anyone pretty enough or enticing enough to make me even think about compromising what we have because it's the best thing that has ever happened to me."

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Samuel let out a small sob. Roman was saying just what he needed to hear. He needed to be reminded of all of these things he normally knew because for the first time in his life he had truly doubted them, and that was so terrifying, "You're the best thing to have happened to me too, I would be nothing without you,"

Samuel placed in hand on top of Roman's but this time he didn't push it away, instead, he took it and he held it. It felt familiar, like it should. He had held Roman's hand so many time throughout the years, too many to count, and it always felt right and comforting. It even did now.

"I know you wouldn't cheat on me, you're too good of a person, it's just so fucking hard for me to trust people and you are the one who has taught me to do it, so if you ever cheated on me I would lose that, and I would lose like my entire identity because you have helped me build that up," Samuel admitted, if it wasn't for Roman he wouldn't be who he was today. That was the case with everyone who had been in a relationship for a long time but with them it was different. I was thanks to Roman Samuel knew it was okay to be himself, thanks to him he had allowed himself to explore different things n life and develop as a person. It was thanks to him he wasn't the same seventeen-year-old who kept everything, from emotions to hobbies in only twelve years later, "But I know you wouldn't ever do that. I just need a moment for my feelings to catch up with what I know, okay?"

 

[lxngdon]

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"Okay," Roman said softly. He leaned in and gave his husband the softest of kisses to the cheek. "Whatever you need. I love you."

A few hours later, they went and picked up the other three kids and forced themselves to act like nothing was wrong. That night, Roman made them all paella for dinner and then bathed the kids and got them ready by himself. He wasn't trying to suck up to his husband, but he was trying to help him feel better, and to give him a chance to collect his thoughts and organise his feelings. Anything to help them work through this.

That night, Roman fell asleep cuddling Samuel from behind, his face pressed into his husband's back. With the scent of him filling his nostrils and consuming his every thought, it was easy to doze off and forget the problem that was looming over their heads. They hadn't completely sorted it out, but they were getting there, and that was important.

The next morning, it was a Saturday, meaning they didn't have work and the kids didn't have daycare. Roman got up early to feed Letha. The other three were still asleep so Roman made coffee for Samuel and tea for himself, and carried the two beverages upstairs after putting a sleepy Letha back to sleep.

Roman set the coffee down beside Samuel, then sat down on his side of the bed. He kept his gaze on his husband as his thoughts swirled around in his head. Then he asked the question he could sort of tell was on Samuel's mind. "What ... what would happen if we split up?"

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

The rest of the day was so weird. They picked up the kids, none of them had any idea what was going on with them it was just a normal day, and in a way that was comforting. When Samuel smelled the paella Roman had made he almost wanted to cry again, but he kept it together for the sake of the family. He fell asleep that night in his husband's arms. As always. And it was nice. Slowly he felt himself falling back to the mindset he usually had towards his husband and he started to feel the trust he normally felt.

What didn't leave him though was the rerrifying what ifs. What if this had actually happened. What if Roman had cheated on him. What if he hadn't but it had messed them up too much to continue on anyways. They had never even considered it before, never talked about it, because it didn't feel possible. But this whole thing with Bronte felt like a wake-up call. It didn't matter if they had the perfect marriage and loved each other unconditionally, life still happened and it was unpredictable.

So, when Roman brought up the subject, Samuel didn't try to change it to something that was easier to talk about. They both needed to discuss this, or they would never be able to move past this.

"I don't know…" Samuel said quietly as he grabbed the cup of coffee. Roman was such a sweetheart, how could he ever have believed that he would do something as horrible as cheat on him, "I've been thinking about it. Not because I want it to happen, but because I know now that it's possible kind of. And it just scares me because our lives are so tangled together you know. Like we have the same friends, and we'd still kind of be family through London and Evan…. But I guess it wold depend on why we ended up splitting up, maybe? I dunno..."

 

[lxngdon]

r o m a n
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Roman didn't like talking about divorce, even if it was hypothetical, but it was a necessary conversation for them to have. They didn't know what was going to happen. They didn't know what absurd obstacle life could throw at them, and they didn't know if they could conquer those obstacles, no matter how much they said they could get through everything together. So, they needed to talk about it. And besides all that, this was a necessary conversation because it was on both of their minds, and therefore to relieve themselves of it, they needed to talk it all out.

"I literally can't think of a reason we'd split up," Roman murmured. "Except for cheating, but either of us would ever do that. Like, anything that would warrant us getting a divorce, we'd never do, because we love each other too much."

And that was the truth. Cheating, lying, deception, abuse -- he felt he was literally incapable of doing any of it to Samuel, because it was all terrible and awful. And, they had both suffered from all of it from other people. So, why would he repeat that pain, when his role as a husband was to make every single one of Samuel's days amazing?

Roman reached over and gently placed a hand on top of Samuel's. "I want you to know that even if we split up, I'd still support you, financially I mean," he said seriously. There was no denying the fact that if they got divorced Roman would be much better off -- despite their shared economy they both knew he was the one who made it possible for them to live the life that they did. "Because you're the father of my children, and you always will be, and I would never want to see you go cold or hungry because even if we were split up, you would still mean the world to my kids. So even if the unthinkable happens I'll be there for you, okay?"

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Samuel agreed whole-heartedly with Roman. He couldn't think of any reason he would break up with Roman. It was like he said, the few reasons, one of which had been really brought to light the day before, wouldn't ever really happen. But they still needed to talk about it. If only just to have it done and move on from it.

"I think that if we'd split up, I'm not sure if I would want too much of your financial support, I dunno, I think that would be weird for me. But I know it would be difficult to support four kids and myself on my salary, so as long as it all goes to the kids I would be okay with it,"

Living without Roman would be rough, he would be lying if he said he hadn't gotten used t and enjoyed the financial stability Roman allowed them. But he could do that because he knew Roman loved his job

"I mostly just don't want to fight though, if it ever happens," Samuel kept saying if, because that reminded him that it was a hypothetical and he didn't have to worry too much about it, "Like about the kids? I wouldn't ever want to do that to them, and I wouldn't want to stop you from seeing them, and I trust you to not keep me from them either. I think having them one week each would be okay as long as we don't live too far from each other, right? At least until they're old enough to decide for themselves,"

 

[lxngdon]

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"Yeah, I mean, I would never want to keep the kids from seeing their Papa," Roman murmured. Even if their children were adopted, they were still the parents and that was never going to change. Samuel was just as much their father as Roman was, and even if they got divorced, Roman would still do everything in his power to make sure that their children had good relationships with the both of them, and that meant not fighting.

"If we split up, everything would need to be about the children," Roman said. "They're the most important. So even if we split up we'd need to get along so they could have the best relationship with the both of us as possible. We'd need to be like Cameron and Kebi, they get along for Emma-Marie despite whatever happened to them that made them break up."

Roman took a deep breath and looked at Samuel. "We're okay, aren't we?" he asked quietly. "Like I know we went to bed together last night like normal and we're talking amicably now, but ... you know, I need to know that you're better now. Because I hate seeing how you were yesterday. And I need you to know that I told hold you to what you assumed I did. I probably would have done the same thing."

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Samuel didn't even have to think about if they were okay or not. Or maybe if they were going to be okay or not. It was a little harder to say how things were right now. But he knew that he wasn't willing to ever give up on them.

"Yeah we're okay," Samuel murmured and put his cup of coffee away for a moment to wrap his arm around Roman, reaffirming his word with affection, "Unless it had actually happened the way I thought it did I don't think it could have pulled us apart. I wouldn't let a misunderstanding get in the way of us. I love you too much,"

Samuel snuggled a little closer, he was back to being comfortable with Roman. It might take them a little while to get back to normal, but at the end of the day, they could go through anything together. Their twelve years in a relationship had shown that. They didn't fight often, and this wasn't even a fight, this was just as Samuel had said, one big misunderstanding. No one had done anything wrong and their relationship was strong, and they loved each other, so incredibly much. And they loved the kids and their family and their lives together. They would be okay, and this conversation and the closeness was the start of it.

 

[lxngdon]

r o m a n
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Almost a month had passed and Roman felt he could say with almost complete certainty that things were back to normal. He was still making sure to be very careful with how he was with Bronte -- he didn't see her again but she called to make sure he and Samuel were okay, and he had wished her well on her birthday. But other than this minor change, he felt like everything was almost back to normal.

Excitingly, both Elissa and Gabi had had their babies, and even more excitingly, they had been born on the same day. Gabi had given birth to a lovely little girl named Joanna-Miles Healy, and Elissa to a gorgeous little boy named William Harris-Quinn. Today, about a week after the two babies' arrival, Roman and Samuel had taken Letha to Matthew and Elissa's house, while their other kids were at daycare, so they could all catch up and meet the two lovely newborns.

They let themselves in and went into the living room to find the other two couples and their children already there, talking quietly. Elissa was on one of the couches, leaning against Matthew with a blanket covering her legs. She obviously didn't look as polished and refined as she usually did, because she had just had a baby a week ago. Her hair had been scraped into a messy bun and she wore no makeup, and what Roman could see of her outfit consisted of a grey T-shirt. But she looked absolutely radiant, glowing like the sun, and gazing lovingly down at the small baby who was wrapped in blankets in her arms.

Cameron, who was sitting on one of the other couches with Gabi and their little baby, of course didn't look anywhere near as exhausted as the two women, but he looked tired nonetheless. He had thrown on one of his own band merch T-shirts and a pair of black skinny jeans. His hair was being held back with a purple headband that had a plastic butterfly on it that Roman knew for a fact belonged to Emma-Marie. He looked like he had just thrown on the first clothes he had found.

"Hey," Roman said as they entered, Letha in his arms. He was being very quiet as there were two small infants in the room. Roman, with tender affection in his eyes, peered first at Joanna-Miles and then went over to do the same with Will. Elissa was glowing. "Oh my goodness, they're both so gorgeous, congratulations, guys."

"Thank you," Elissa said happily. She snuggled against Matthew and smiled down at William. "I know Will appreciates the compliment even though he doesn't understand."

"I'm sure he does," Roman said as he and Samuel sat down on the other couch. He looked over at Cameron. "Are you wearing your own band merch?"

"Yes," Cameron said without shame. He had an arm around Gabi and seemed to be making an effort to actually look away from their little baby girl. "It was the only thing that was clean."

"Well, make sure you have clean clothes for when you go on tour, and don't wear your band merch, you'll look like a narcissist." Cameron had announced a few weeks ago that in a few months' time, his band would be going on tour around the country. Roman was incredibly excited for his friend, not only because of that, but also because of the arrival of his second child. The birth of a child was always amazing for the parents and Roman was so happy that more and more of his friends were getting to experience it.

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Samuel was glad to be back on track with his husband again. It had taken them a while to get back to normal, but they finally were and in a way Samuel felt even closer to Roman, probably because he knew they could pull through anything together.

And since they were back to normal they could without problem go about their normal activities. Elissa and Matthew, and Gabi and Cameron had finally had their little babies, amazingly on the same day. Samuel and Roman were both incredibly happy for the parents and were excited to pay them a visit at Matthew and Elissa's place.

They arrived, with Letha, after Cameron, Gabi and their little Joanna-Miles had arrived apparently. As they were both sitting in the couch. Matthew looked more dishevelled than he would normally ever allow anyone to see him, but that didn't say all that much. He was still wearing a button up tucked into grey jeans, but he was getting a bit o a stubble and looked a little tired. Gabi looked a little more put together, because her hair was in two braids, though Samuel assumed those were made by Cameron. And she was wearing some simple sweatpants and a blue t-shirt, but honestly, Samuel had seen her wear that going out normally so it wasn't that much of a difference. She looked incredibly happy though, and even Matthew had what could be described as a bright, albeit soft, smile on his lips.

They sat down and conversation started to flow as usual, tired or not they were all friends, though Samuel couldn't help but notice the blank look Matthew threw Cameron's way at the mention of the tour. It could just be that he looked at him because he was saying something, Matthew was pretty hard to read sometimes.

And he turned a similar expression towards Roman anyways so Samuel didn't think much of it, "Is that really coming from the right person? I feel like if anyone would wear a shirt with their own face on it it's you,"

"Wow, you better not teach your cute little baby to be so rude," Samuel joked and Matthew rolled his eyes.

"Honestly I don't mind the narcissistic band member look, their merch is cool," Gabi said, her voice was a little softer than her normal bright and bubbly one, probably to not upset the babies, "I know me and Joanna-Miles are gonna wear it when you're away, like every day, that way we'll be your biggest supporters, and Emmie too of course,"

 

[lxngdon]

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"Aww, that's so sweet of you," Cameron said to Gabi with a soft smile. He cupped her face and gave her a sweet kiss to the cheek, and then carefully leaned forward and pressed one to Joanna-Miles' forehead. Roman let out a little 'aww' sound, because that was just too adorable.

"So when are you going on tour again?" Elissa asked Cameron, tearing her eyes away from her baby to address her friend.

"Mid-October," Cameron answered. That was very soon, meaning Joanna-Miles would still be very young, but Roman knew that Cameron wouldn't have agreed to go without the okay from Gabi. And she would have the support of their entire friend group if she needed it, so it wasn't like Cameron was just abandoning her.

"Where are you going again? We'll have to try and make it to one of your Melbourne shows."

"That'd be great," said Cameron. "We're going to all the state capitals, as well as the ACT, Rockingham, the Gold Coast, Newcastle and Launceston. We've made the Melbourne shows right in the middle, so it's not like it's one massive expanse of time being spent away from Gabi and Jojo, it's like two smaller periods of time? It's still a lot but I think it's better that way."

 

[Rabbit]

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"Ooh, that's actually a pretty good solution to it," Samuel said, happy their friends were able to make the best of the situations, "We'll definitely come watch when you're here as well, if we can get a hold of a babysitter that is,"

"Can't you at least try to sound a little conflicted about it?" Matthew said suddenly, but tone still quite monotone, his words, however, caught everyone's attention as they were incredibly unexpected, his blank gaze was now fixed on Cameron, and since Samuel knew Matthew, he could at least tell that this was him showing dislike, "We get it, you're going on tour, we're all happy for you, but that really isn't what's important right now,"

"Matthew…?" Gabi said, now frowning and looking honestly surprised. Though it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone in the friend group that Cameron wasn't really Matthew's favourite person Samuel didn't think anyone had expected him to say something like this.

"look I'm just saying that he could show a little more remorse that he's leaving you and your new born baby in a time where you'll need him especially since he should know how hard it is to actually take care of a baby from previous experience, I doubt he has forgotten it,"

 

[lxngdon]

r o m a n
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Everyone was very surprised by Matthew's little outburst. Roman exchanged a look with Cameron, who looked just as confused as he felt. This had come out of nowhere, but at the same time, it was the kind of thing they could honestly expect from Matthew. He was hypercritical and almost always had something to say about someone else. They had all gotten used to it, but when he voiced these opinions as more of a direct attack rather than an offhanded comment, they couldn't just let it slide.

Elissa was looking at Matthew with a deep frown, which she turned to Cameron as he spoke. "Well, it's not like I haven't talked to Gabi about it beforehand," Cameron said. He gave a small chuckle, but Roman could tell that was out of confusion rather than actual humour, and also contained a little bit of incredulity, as if he couldn't believe Matthew was saying this.

"Like, I tried to get the dates moved to later but this was the only time they could book us all in, and even after that I made sure it was completely and totally okay with Gabi before I agreed to anything," Cameron continued. "So it's not like I'm just abandoning her and Jojo. And it's not like I don't feel really guilty about going, like I said, I tried to get it pushed back a bit but they couldn't do it. I'm contractually obliged to go -- and anyway, this is my dream and it's finally coming true, so, you could be less critical of it, especially when no one involved is getting fucked over by it and Gabi's say was the most important."

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Matthew kept his gaze steadily on Cameron as he defended himself not even batting an eye, Matthew definitely thought he was completely in the right in this situation, which meant he wouldn't back down, which couldn't be good at all.

"Well she's Gabi, of course she's going to say it's okay? She's like one of the most supportive people in existence," It seemed though as if Matthew was forgetting that Gabi was also a very realistic and logical person as well. She didn't take people's shit and certainly wouldn't have said Cameron could go on his tour if she didn't think she could take care of Joanna-Miles by herself and with the help of her friends for a while

As he continued Matthew's voice sounded a little more… Not emotional, but heated up, it wasn't angry as much as it was annoyed and dismissive but the distaste was a lot easier to detect, "So it's your dream but you could literally have everything, it's not like you're trying to make it a secret that you don't have to struggle with any of your abilities. Everyone knows you're born talented and you keep shoving it in everyone's faces constantly," Samuel doubted anyone would agree with Matthew, at least not in the sense that anyone thought Cameron did anything like that intentionally, in fact the times he showed off tended to be on request from others in Samuel's experience.

"But for the rest of us trying means working so hard we can barely make it, and since you obviously haven't experienced it you might not understand that. Trying means you can fail, and in this case, you should have taken that fail. You can't just say you tried to get the tour to later dates and then when you couldn't do it you just go on it anyways. That's not how it works. Don't you think I've have had to turn down book signings across the country in favour of being home with Elissa and William, and to give Elissa some actual flexibility so she won't have to constantly be with the baby and not do anything else for several months, I've turned down what's part of my dream, even if Elissa would support me if I left. But since I wasn't so privileged as to have a perfect memory and talent without effort I've actually learnt that you can't do just whatever you want when you feel like it."

 

[lxngdon]

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"Okay, fuck you," Cameron spat. His voice held actual anger, and he wasn't bothering to hide it. He wasn't yelling by any means, since even if he was furious he was still in a room filled with infants, but he was still able to convey his feelings for the other man without any confusion whatsoever.

"Cameron," Roman said cautiously. He didn't want them to get into a fight -- the last time Matthew had had a fight with someone in their friend group, it had been with Roman, and that had resulted in him being shunned for a very long time. He didn't want that to happen again, especially not when Gabi and Matthew were the best of friends.

"No, shut up, Roman, I have some fucking things to say." Roman simmered down. He wasn't going to try and stop Cameron from defending himself.

"You have got no idea what you're talking about," Cameron said to Matthew angrily. "Do you know how many times I wished I was born normal? No, you don't, because you're literally incapable of empathy. I fucking wish I didn't have my mind and my memory, because it's not a good thing, it's a fucking burden and I hate it sometimes. Did you know I only get a few hours sleep a week? Did you know that my mind fluctuates between different things so quickly I have to get high to calm myself down sometimes? Did you, in your ultimate fucking wisdom, know that every single dark and twisted and fucked up thing I've ever had the misfortune to see on TV or read in a book or see online is permanently etched into my mind and I can't get rid of it?"

Cameron's hands were shaking. Roman was clenching his jaw tight and watching the two men carefully. Elissa was sitting beside her husband but she wasn't looking at him, or anyone else but the baby in her arms. It was hard to see what her face looked like, as it was turned downwards, but Roman was pretty sure she was crying softly.

"And you know what the worst part is? My parents hate me." Cameron's voice broke and he angrily wiped away a couple of tears. Roman's eyes widened because Cameron never spoke about his parents. "My parents hate me because I'm a waste, they like to tell me. I'm a waste of potential, because I have the mind they'd sell their souls for but I'm not using it. My mum, my dad, all my sisters, they're all intelligent but they're not genius, and they all went into academia but here I am, with a 187 IQ, with a mild drug dependency and playing fucking indie grunge."

Roman hadn't known about the drug thing but it made sense. He guessed it wasn't serious, because Roman had never seen him stoned and he knew he'd never smoke around his kids, but still, it was alarming to think that he actually felt he needed them, even a little. Roman wanted to console him, but now was not the time.

"So don't you fucking dare say I get everything without any effort, Matthew, because that's not fucking true. I have to deal with my parents hating me and trying everything they can do to pull me down and guilt me into doing something I don't want to do. You know that when I told them about Gabi, and that she was pregnant, they said that they 'hope she ties me down because Kebi failed that'?" Cameron's voice broke again and he grabbed one of Gabi's hands and squeezed it. Elissa let out a small sob. "They've told me they don't want to meet Jojo until I get my shit together. So, this tour is my dream, and it's proving to them that I can be successful doing what I actually love and that I don't need their fucking bullshit worthless approval to be a good person and a good father. So fuck you, Matthew, for trying to make me second guess that."

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Cameron's rant stunned the room into total silence for a moment. Well, save for Elissa's crying. Matthew sat there, staring completely at a loss for words and Samuel sat quietly as well. There were some things he had gathered for details Roman had told him about Cameron but a lot of things that were entirely new. Like the drugs and the insomnia and even the thing about his parents not wanting to meet Jojo. They were all such terrible things and Samuel felt sad Cameron's life was so bad apparently. But he also felt conflicted because, even if he had acted irrationally, Matthew was one of his best friends and currently he didn't seem to know how to handle the situation.

"Matthew, I understand that you're trying to look out for me, but it's really not your business. For the record, we have talked a lot about this and come to the conclusion that Cameron leaving is going to be the best, not just for his dream but for Jojo's future." Gabi finally explained, her tone was patient despite how upset Matthew had just made her boyfriend and father of her child. Though, her voice was also a little shaky, and she was holding Jojo close to her chest and leaning in closely to Cameron to support him after he just admitted so many personal things just the be able to defend himself, "I know you don't like when people bring it up but you really don't know what it's like to struggle financially, and I'm glad you haven't since you've had to struggle with other things. But if Cameron isn't able to make it in music we're going to be in a tighter spot in terms of money. So if him getting to live out his dream and finally prove his parents wrong, which I know you know what it feels like to do, in the process of providing a future for our child I'm not going to stop him. Please don't talk and act like you know the entire story, you clearly don't, "

"Yeah, the thing is that you sometimes come to conclusions, forgetting that there's always more to things than you know," Samuel agreed, gently. This situation was very similar to what had happened between Matthew and Roman so long ago, so, Samuel knew Matthew's intentions weren't bad, or at least not meant to hurt Gabi. And though there was a possibility that he actually did want to hurt Cameron he had most likely felt it was justified, Samuel didn't want to act harshly towards him, he had already gotten it from Cameron.

Matthew didn't say anything, he just looked at Samuel, then Gabi and Cameron with what could only be described as a panicked expression in comparison to Matthew's normal blank face. He then turned to Elissa and will, putting his hand gently on her arm, "Elissa I'm…" he opened and closed his mouth, clearly unsure of what to say. He swallowed hard and turned back to Cameron, "I didn't know, I would have seen it differently if a knew,"

 

[lxngdon]

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"Yeah, you fucking would have," Cameron agreed irritably. He returned his arm to Gabi's shoulders and wiped off the last few tears off his cheeks. Roman watched him, waiting for his reaction. Cameron was often unpredictable when it came to people insulting him. Sometimes he brushed it off like it was nothing but sometimes he developed grudges that persisted for years. Roman sincerely hoped that this wouldn't be the case.

Cameron sighed, glanced down at his lovely little baby for a few seconds, then turned back to Matthew. "But you didn't know, and I don't really think you're a bad person. I was just really bloody angry. But you seem to have realised what you did wrong and I actually want to get along with you, for Gabi's and Elissa's and the babies' sake, so ... I forgive you."

Cameron nodded, as if to affirm it to himself. "Just stop judging things before you know the whole story and then we'll be okay."

"It is not okay." Everyone looked at Elissa as she finally turned her head up. Her face was slightly red and damp with tears, and she was looking at Matthew with an expression of mixed anger, embarrassment, sadness and hurt. She almost aggressively pushed his hand off her arm. Roman was completely shocked.

"What the actual fuck, Matthew? Even if you didn't know, it's literally not in your place to say this shit! And it just makes you look like a fucking asshole! I spend fucking months defending you to my coworkers who meet you and think you're a cunt, and I will always do that, because you're my husband and the father of my child and I love you with all of my heart. But you can't just do shit like this and not expect people to get angry with you, you can't just judge the shit out of people you barely know and not expect any consequences."

Roman was shocked. Cameron was staring at Elissa with wide eyes. Throughout the time they had been together, Elissa had absolutely always, without fail, defended Matthew, even when he was objectively in the wrong. It was shocking to see her on someone else's side.

"You know, I love you more than anything else in the world but sometimes I really do think you don't have any empathy, or at least you're not willing to use it." Elissa sniffled. Will made a little noise and reached up to touch her chest with his tiny hand. "Okay, sweetie, I'll come feed you. Roman, can you help me up?"

Roman blinked a couple of times but put Letha in Samuel's arms, got up and helped Elissa to her feet. As she stood her shirt hiked up a bit and revealed her stomach — part of it looked like a deflated balloon, the aftermath of carrying the child in her arms. Matthew's child. "Where do you want to go?"

"It's fine, I can walk," Elissa mumbled. And so she went, walking very carefully through the door and into their other sitting room. By the time Roman sat back down, they could all hear her faintly crying again. Roman held his breath and watched Matthew carefully as they all waited for his reaction.

 

[Rabbit]

s a m u e l​

Elissa not defending Matthew was honestly more shocking than Cameron defending himself. It was just something that didn't happen. Matthew sat completely still. Samuel knew that normally he would have gone after Elissa, because she was crying and he loved her with every fibre of his body, so he would want to make it better. But he didn't, and instead, Samuel noticed something he hadn't seen since they had been to Matthew and Elissa's wedding. Tears were making their way down his cheek. He didn't even seem to notice until some of them fell onto his hands, at which he reached up to feel his wet face and let out a sob and then all of a sudden it wouldn't stop. He let out another couple of sobs and pushed his hand under his glasses to over his eyes as he hunched over.

"I don't want everyone to hate me again," Matthews voice sounded hurt, not bland, not monotone, hurt. It was so odd to hear it filled with so much emotion. Usually, even the times when his voice did hold some more emotion it was a very low-key version of it, but this just full on more emotion than Samuel had ever really seen him display at once.

"Matthew…" Gabi started, clearly conflicted, this had started because he had been judgemental of her boyfriend after all. But Samuel decided he was a little less conflicted since he wasn't really involved, he kissed Letha's head, handed her back to Roman and went to temporarily take Elissa's place next to Matthew.

"No one's going to hate you," Samuel assured him, he didn't know about Cameron but he at least felt like most of their friends had gotten over the thing with Roman and considered Matthew enough part of the group not to shun him.

"Yes, they are. Who do you think they'll choose after this? The guy who keeps stomping on other people's feelings because he can't even read them properly, or the guy whose parents apparently was a million times more disappointed in him than mine are in me and actually can gain people's sympathy," Matthew insisted. Now he sounded scared almost.

He looked up from his hands as he continued, addressing everyone but looking over at Cameron just a little more, "But do you think I want to be this way? Do you really think I don't feel anything? Do you think I like the fact as soon as it comes down to ripping on me for fun it's about have I don't have any emotions? I do have them, I was just raised not to show them and I don't know how to," He let out another sniffle but adamantly whipped the tears off his face, he was busy making a point, or rather, explaining himself and his actions.

"I've gone my entire life being labelled as some emotionless weird, mean, snob, I grew up without a single friend and if anyone ever bothered to acknowledge me it was to insult me. Gabi was my first friend and we met when I was twenty-two. And then I met Samuel and suddenly there's this whole group of people to hang out with and I fuck it by being me and doing this exact same thing to Roman. But eventually I apologize, and things get better and I meet Elissa. And if it wasn't for her helping everyone see that I'm not an actual psychopath I doubt I would have ever even really been accepted as a part of the group."

Samuel wanted to disagree with that, but it was probably true that his relationship with Elissa had at least helped people see his redeeming traits, which were the traits that had made Samuel stick with him even through all his fighting with Roman.

"And then suddenly you come along. So, put yourself in my shoes for a second," Matthew took a small break to take a deep breath but then continued, "I have like two things, I'm smart and have a PhD to show for it, and I'm creative and just finally proving my own parents wrong by making it as an author. So imagine what it felt like when someone who is an actual genius and probably knows more than you in the subject you research and who is making it creatively as well. Only this person has charisma and is accepted to the group instantly.

Everything you do feels like a punch in the face. And not only that, but I'm worried about Samuel because not that long before you became a regular member of the group he and I literally talked about how he wasn't sure how to feel about you. And then you're suddenly all over Gabi and she has never been interested in someone in the way she is in you and I just don't understand it. So I got this bad feeling from you, because you seem like you have everything while also taking everything I have from me without even knowing or caring about it.

But I've learnt that my perception is off sometimes So I haven't said anything. And I didn't want to say anything about this or the tour but with Will coming everything has been really stressful and that's just making me more worried for Gabi because how is she going to be able to handle it by herself?" He took another deep breath, "But yes. Okay. I have no sense of empathy, I'm completely in the wrong for wanting to protect my friend and I'm a shitty person who everyone hates but who cares because it's not like it can hurt me. I don't have any fucking feelings,"

Then he got quiet. He was done. But the tears were still trickling down his face.

 

[lxngdon]

r o m a n
​

Everyone was completely silent during Matthew's rant. The only other noise was Elissa's soft crying from the other room, which almost complimented Matthew's speech like a background track in a movie. Roman had never seen Matthew like this. He had never seen him upset like this, never seen him cry other than at his wedding to Elissa. But these were not tears of joy, these were tears of sadness. Matthew was actually, heartbreakingly, sad.

Cameron's eyes were still wide, but Roman could tell he was listening to every word. Roman couldn't really relate to Matthew because he was talented as well, in the same sense as Cameron. But he understood that in a way, everything Matthew was saying about how he felt about Cameron could also be applied to himself. He needed to be conscious of that.

There was a few moments of silence after Matthew's speech. When Cameron broke it, his voice was very quiet, but his conviction was very clear.

"I never wanted to make you feel that way," he said. "I never knew I was making you feel that way, and I'm incredibly sorry for any discomfort or anything else I've caused you because of it."

Cameron pulled away from Gabi, stood up and went over to the armchair next to Matthew's couch. Close, but not too close. "You know you have more than those two things, right?" he said. "I haven't known you for very long, but I know you're not emotionless and that you have feelings, because you're a human being. And you have your beautiful wife and your beautiful child who love you unconditionally and no one is ever going to take that away from you."

"Elissa might be upset now but I know she'll forgive you," Roman said. "She's the most forgiving person in the world. I think she's just really overwhelmed because of this and because of the baby and everything else."

"She's probably going to walk in in five minutes and hug it out with you," Cameron said with a small smile. Then that smile disappeared and he adopted a more serious look. "I didn't know that about your parents, but I'm really sorry you had to go through things like that because I know how it feels and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Do you want to talk about it?"