Rant your Brains Again!(Once More)

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You were the better man, WMD. You acted more mature and you were in better control.

You get a gold star and a hug!
 
That's a perfect example of self control, WMD. I would have done the same. Though it he would have become an aggressor, then I would have completely supported you fighting back, if you couldn't get the cops involved.

Kudo's dude. Kudos.
 
Damn, WMD, good on ya.

I'd have nutted the dude in the nose a couple times.
 
Ok, I've HAD IT

GUESS WHICH THREE BITCHES CONTACTED ME RIGHT NOW?!

MY EX ROOMATES! THE ONE WHO THREW ANT-COVERED HONEY AT ME! AND THE ONE WHO THREW STILLETTO BOOTS AT ME! AND THE ONE THAT LAUGHED AT ME!

They want to APOLOGIZE for how they couldn't HANDLE my obnoxious BEHAVIOR?!
 
Well, Fuck you.
Fuck you and your shit.
Really?
She's just Rebounding.
She doesn't really like you.
She's just getting over her ex who is, frankly, WAY better than you in every way.
You didn't HAVE to.
Did you think I was weak?
You're such a fucking Dick.
I could have done so much while I was waiting on you.
So, Not only did you go and hook up with that whore, (At a party. >_<) I've burned bridges with two people that could have been VERY useful.
I can't wait until you come crawling back to me when she dumps your ass.
And I can't wait to tell you to SUCK IT.
I'll tell you you missed your chance and you'll never get it back.
I'm over this.
*Kicks things*
 
*Hugs Patty* He didn't deserve you.
 
Trance Kitsune said:
Ok, I've HAD IT

GUESS WHICH THREE BITCHES CONTACTED ME RIGHT NOW?!

MY EX ROOMATES! THE ONE WHO THREW ANT-COVERED HONEY AT ME! AND THE ONE WHO THREW STILLETTO BOOTS AT ME! AND THE ONE THAT LAUGHED AT ME!

They want to APOLOGIZE for how they couldn't HANDLE my obnoxious BEHAVIOR?!
Click to expand...

shall i send out the hit team?
 
I wish....

I mean, I kept trying to be nice to them the WHOLE WAY THROUGH. I never was mean back! I don't even know why they disliked me so much!

A lot of my friends up there said it was probably because I eat more than they do, but I remain skinny. I thought that was just judgmental and an incorrect assumption, or at least, I hoped, because I can't exactly change my biological habbits.

Another theory was because of my attitude. No matter how mean they were, I just kept trying to be nice. I would cry and sob in my friends rooms at their treatment of me, but I still tried my hardest. Everyone on my hall called me a saint about it, but I just..... I hate fighting. It really twists up my stomach. A lot of people assumed that, had I just gotten pissed and reacted, they would have stopped.

Another theory? This one is the one that I come closest to agreeing on. I became better friends with a room of four boys, that they had met first. When they first met me, they had been told that I was stuck-up and didn't want to talk with yankees. Truth was, I was just quiet because I was a long way from home and I really didn't know how to make friends. Then, when my roommates left for one weekend, and I got stircrazy, I finally just jumped on the back of one of those guys and hung out with him and his friends and roommates for the rest of the day. From that point, I gained a big friendship with them, bigger than my roommates because quite frankly, they acted a little like my brother, and I know how to handle that. So I treated them with respect while my roommates would get hussy and figure that they were the better gender.

Either way, they haven't changed, they're STILL bitches.
 
TELL EM TO SMOKE DICKS.

seriously.
like a cigar.

they'll either like the suggestion so mcuh they ASPLODE! or have an anuerism.
 
Yush!
 
I WANT THESE BIG GIANT NEON GREEN COLD/FLU BOOGERS OUT OF MY NOSE AND THROAT RIIIIIIIGHT NOOOOOOOOOOOWWW.
 
ME TOOO
I HATE BEING SICK ON VACATION BECAUSE THEN EVERYTHING I WAS PLANNING TO DO BECOMES HARD TO DOOO

Except I don't have green buugers >_>
 
I hope both of you feel better then.

Try vitamin c and omega 3 fatty acids. I think flaxseed oil might help too.
 
WHY DO PEOPLE GET IN TO FIGHTS WHEN I'M NOT AROUND TO RAM MY FOOT UP SOMEONE'S ASS! D:<

.. I mean... constructively help the situation!

AND I KEEP SWALLOWING THESE HORRIBLE BOOGERS! D: I JUST KNOW THAT'S WHAT IS STEALING MY VOICE AWAY! BIG GROSS LOOGIES!
 
Internship starts Monday and I still can't walk to the car without being out of breath because of being sick. ._. It doesn't help that I'm already scared shitless about my internship in the first place. What if I get there and don't know anything? Am I going to be able to handle an online class along with 32 hours in clinic, on top of weekly logs and case studies? Is the word 'sleep' even going to be in my vocabulary this quarter?

Here's hopin' I'm better by 8AM Monday morning.
 
RZZFRGGINFRRGGHNRZZIFZZI!!!

Almost 40 days until I go home... so why is it that now, conveniently, everything decides to explode and guess who's stuck holding the bomb when it does? I hate love cleaning up after others who don't want to do their job. I'm going to get more white hairs.

I'm too young for that.
 
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

My mom is ranting again. If I don't rant like this, I'm going to end up screaming in her face and my dad is going to be disappointed in me and I can't take that kind of disappointment from him.


My mother thinks if I decorate my dressing table, it's a MESS.
WHAT THE HELL ?
She has serious issues shouting at me just because I don't leave the house to go to people's houses, beg for food, eat food, and leave LIKE SHE DOES.
WHAT THE HELL ?
If I just happen to have so many books that there isn't any room to put them anywhere except in piles alongside my bed, IM LIVING IN A JUNGLE OF FILTH?
WHAT THE HELL ? THEYRE BOOKS WOMAN BOOKS
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

What kind of nonsense is she yelling about this time? I live in garbage? I am garbage? My room is garbage?
WELL STUPID DOCTOR CRAZY WOMAN YOU JUST WORKED TWO OVERNIGHTS SO ITS NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU HAVE SOME IDIOTIC CONTROL ISSUES
I'm sorry you didn't get to DICTATE the LAST 48 HOURS OF MY LIFE but will you PLEASE SHUT UP so I can finish this Physics Lab and study for my history test
JUST BECAUSE YOU NEVER PASSED AN EXAM IN YOUR LIFE doesn't mean you have bite my head off and BARK YOUR WAY INTO MY MIND SO I CANT THINK ANYMORE
STOP BITCHING
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
I didn't tell you to work two overnights OKAY I didn't tell you take all those thousands of dollars buy houses for my older sister and slap the BLAME ON ME
YOU DONT EFFIN GIVE ME A SINGLE DOLLAR SO I DONT KNOW WHY ITS MY FAULT YOU HAVE WORK
If I really thought of you as a mother, maybe I'd answer. MAYBE IF I THOUGHT OF YOU AS MOTHER. IF YOU WERE MY MOTHER.
But you're a MONSTER
an INSANE MONSTER THATS GOING TO EAT ME ALIVE
I swear I can't stand the sight of you. You're a control freak. A maniacal woman who works for herself, for her elder daughter and for the sake of stuffing her wallet with greens. YOU DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME BUT YOU LOVE TO YELL AT ME?
What part of this makes any sense?
What part of you trying to control HOW I LIVE makes any sense?
As far as I'm concerned you don't live here. You're not my mother and you've never been anything but the woman who has single handedly ruined the best years of my life, throwing me in foster homes and conseling sessions as if there was something wrong with me. But the problem isn't me. It's not my stubborn father, my schizophrenic older brother or even sister dear with all her money and fancy mansion, gluing herself to you for your wallet, it's you. You're the problem. You're the one that wants everyone to bow down to you like you're some Queen of Control or something.

Well you know what. I don't care. I don't even care if you yell. I'll shut my eyes and ears and sit here like you don't exist. I'll take streamers and hang them from the ceiling of my room and paste Balloons on the walls just to piss you off. Because anything that makes me happy makes you mad. If I'm happy, you just have to blow up and yell at me, right? You can't stand my happiness. Well I can't stand you.

I told you before and I'll tell you again. You're not my mother. You never were. You never will be. To hell with blood relations. I hate you. I don't care about you or what you're saying right now. It shouldn't matter that you're calling me garbage or cursing me out. It shouldn't matter that you're calling me a prostitute or a delinquent or a useless piece of shit for studying all the time and being on the computer and not socializing. I don't care to explain even, that I see my friends at school everyday so there's no need to socialize on weekdays and on vacations there's something called facebook. It shouldn't matter that you're bitching so loud that my head is hurting. That you're throwing my books on the floor from the living room table and screaming. That one of my calculus homeworks just ripped under my science textbook. It shouldn't matter. I don't care if you think I'm schizophrenic. You think it's funny, don't you? Calling your daughter crazy like that. If your son wasn't a schiz you wouldn't dare say something like that. Its a disgrace. Blame me for everything. Yeah, I totally told him to beat the life out of me that day four years ago so that we could call the police and put him into the hospital. You probably wanted me to sit there in the park and die, I suppose. If he got away with it and came home and left me there you would've been happy I bet. It would've been great, wouldn't it? Not to have me to worry about bossing around. No, you're not supposed to matter. I'm not supposed to care. I'm not supposed to care. I don't care.. You don't matter.

Then why..Why can't I stop crying?
Why does it hurt so much?

I'm always happy. I always find happiness to live, to be glad, to be thaknful. Everyday, all the time, but then you come, like a tornadoe, whipping through my mind and destroying everything. And then, I crumple into this ball and cry and cry and cry until I can't breathe properly and my eyes are swollen and my voice is cracked. And then I keep crying until its late enough to sleep or quite enough to grab a jacket and walk outside. Why do you do this to me ? Why does it affect me so? I'm a happy person. Stop ruining...stop ruining my happiness and making me sad. I don't want to be miserable. I don't want to be sad, but I can't help it. Your words are so hurtful, so painful so hateful. And you're supposed to be my mother....

I don't care. I'm not supposed to care. I don't care. You're not my mother. But you are, aren't you?

Is that why it hurts? Make it stop. Make the pain stop. I don't want to feel this kind of pain anymore. I don't want to live with you anymore.
 
I need to vent somewhere...I can't just keep this in any longer or drastic measures will have to be taken...don't think any less of me for speaking my thoughts, or feel you need to console or feel sorry for me. I just need to vent before I simply explode and cease to exist...

Why are people so goddamn hypocritical?

"we're only acting this way because we love you and want what's best for you"

...same line different day. They only say that because they need to justify their actions with something. They wants whats best for ME? no they want what THEY think is best for me and what THEY think is best for THEM.

I always thought that graduating was supposed to make you happy and feel a sense of accomplishment. That getting accepted into grad school for a program in the area of study that you want to make your career out of was suppose to be something worthwhile, fulfilling, exciting.

Yet here I am feeling nothing. Feeling as if I'd be better off to just pack up, move out, and get a job flipping burgers so i can make barely enough to pay bills and survive. In a sickening way it actually is almost appealing. Hell I can't even decide if I'm angry to the point of crying or if i'm crying because I'm just so goddamn depressed that this is what everything amounts to.

"You need to stop and make yourself happy"

another great line on their part. I stop to try and make myself happy expecting them to support me. Heaven forbid. No. I guess I should have come to the realization long ago that I just wasn't meant to be happy. I'll just be another fucking cog in the wheel of life with no real purpose except to simply exist and contribute by giving away all my money to our goddamn government.

21 years, and 4 boyfriends. And have they EVER given me support or actually CARED for any of them? No. They say their jerks. Worthless individuals. Or the most recent a Loser. Someone who has no ambition or goals in life. Yeah thanks. So you're pretty much saying I'm a screw up and can't make any good decisions in my life. well..FUCK YOU!! Thank you very much for caring so much.

A parent shouldn't make you want to step into the kitchen, open the knife drawer, take the sharpest knife, and just stab myself until i die or pass out. Regardless of whether they're standing there watching or not. Granted i doubt I would do that as I have more self control than that, but thoughts like that shouldn't even be in my head. How can I make myself happy and expect a life and family with joy in it if I can't even find it in my own family?

They're concerned for my well being but I've had at least 3 or 4 huge emotional breakdowns in my life. Two of which I seriously contemplated suicide. And where my parents almost forced me into the hospital to seek help (never happened though). And why? Mostly because of them (them being mostly my mother but my father is too much of a pushover and usually just goes with whatever my mother wants...) She wants to control every aspect of my life while at the same time telling me "I just want whats best for you. I have your best interests in mind. You'll understand later when you're older" no. No I won't because you will never let me. Emotionally I can be rather unstable at times, and again it's largely due to them.

They keep telling me they don't want me to be in debt for the rest of my life. And yet whenever I mention anything about my boyfriend they (meaning my mother) screams at me that she's going to pull all their backing from my college/insurance. So I just say fine I'll find other ways, and she argues that I CANT find loans or other ways to get money somehow. She tells me in one breath that I'm grown up and yet in the next tells me I can't take care of myself or cut it in the real world. I'd rather fall on my own and deal with the consequences than have her dictate me.

Yet...I can't help it at the same time. I feel weak, but I always give in. Always fight for the compromise where at least they can be happy and I can find some settlement. Settle. That's all I've ever done. Why? For some small hope that maybe I can feel accepted in my family and feel as if they actually love me for who I am. Yeah right. Some dreams just can't come true, and the truth of that breaks me apart even more to the point where I just feel useless.

And my mother wonders why I'm antisocial whenever I'm home...

I suppose that's it for now. Irrational as it may be, at least I'm getting something out as opposed to holding it all in. Feels a bit better, but I doubt I'll be able to function correctly for another few days.
 
*Hugs Sakura tightly* I have no real adivce for you but.....Just hang in there, okay? You're a great person! we all love ya!


Angl: Whenever you need to talk, and see me online, don't be afraid to just rant to me, that's partly what friends are for, after all.
 
Awwwwwww, Saku..... *Snuggles and kisses and pastes balloons on your walls*

It'll work out one day...

And Mommy.... I love you, and don't worry about your parents... if you need to, don't even go home for a while, find jobs, get extra cash, if any, to help store away in the case that you start paying some of it when you can't take your mother. I'm always here to help, and I love you, so please don't be sad...
 
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