Perfectly Twisted

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An involuntary shudder ran down his spine as he felt his brother whisper into his ear - not that that was exactly unusual for him. "Um, yeah, of course," he stammered, suddenly feeling a bit awkward in their current position. It was almost if he was saved from thinking too much on it by the bell - or ringtone - cause his phone began buzzing in his pocket, and he shifted to get it. "Hold that thought, my phone's ringing."
 
Though slightly disappointed by the turn of events, Roland sat up, watching his brother with nothing short of disinterest plastered al over his face. He wasn't particularly interested in listening in on Asher's call, but it wasn't as if there was much else to do.
"Go ahead, answer." He said, standing up to stretch a little.
 
"Actually, I'd rather not," he muttered, tossing the phone on the coffee table after seeing the caller ID. It was rather obvious who it was. "Nobody I wanna talk to." If he was honest, he did want to answer, but knew better. "I thought it'd just be dad or something."
 
Roland sighed, and shook his head nonchalantly. Given Asher's reaction, he didn't need more than one guess.
"You've got to wonder why he even bothers..." Roland muttered, moving back to Asher. "Don't worry about it. I'm still here for you, aren't I?"
As if to emphasise this, Roland put his arm around Asher, pulling him in close. He was in a cuddly mood, so it seemed - though he would relent, if Asher so wished.
 
Ash knew why he bothered, and knew if he heard him begging to take him back Ash probably would. Almost immediately he returned Roland's hug with a tight embrace, completely forgetting his former, fairly awkward thoughts. "Roland - do you think he could change?" Ash asked, though a bit hesitant.
 
Roland grit his teeth at this question - he knew people could change, but sometimes, they just didn't learn. There was no simple answer to it. But, being the big brother, Roland felt compelled to at least provide an answer to think about. He held Ash as tightly as he held him, and then spoke.
"Some do, Ash. Some do. But it's not something you or I can do. It takes months, if not years, and intervention from better people than us. There's nothing we can do about him. Just... Just try and live life for yourself, for now. Be who you want to be. Not what Darren made you be."
 
Asher wasn't sure if that's what he wanted to hear or not, but nevertheless, agreed. "You're right, but then again, you usually are." He chuckled, though it was muffled considering he had his head buried in Roland's shoulder. "If only he could be more like you. Why..why can't I just find someone who's like you?" He didn't realize how that might've come across until he said it, but here's to hoping his voice was quiet enough that he wasn't understood very well.
 
Despite how it came across, Roland knew what Asher meant. They were the closest of brothers - it was only natural he understood how his younger sibling felt. He hadn't caught most of it, but from what he could, he thought he knew what Asher was getting at.
"Because there's only one of me, Ash. We're brothers. We're about as close as they get. We've known each other for years, Ash, so it's only natural you want someone like me... Just not me."
 
Asher's spirits depleted slightly upon hearing his brother speak. Of course there was only one Roland, and he couldn't actually have Roland - which for some reason, he found depressing.
"Right," Ash agreed, finally looking up, "That would be weird."
But on that note, Asher decided to move onto a somewhat lighter topic.
"What kind of girl would you be interested in?"
Of course he said girl - because to his knowledge, Roland didn't have an interest in the same gender as he did.
 
Roland simply ruffled Asher's hair when he mentioned it would be weird - true as it was, Roland still felt a slight pang of regret. He mentally shrugged it off, and just listened to what Asher had to say. Upon being asked what kind of girl he liked, Roland thought for a moment, then spoke.
"I suppose I'd like someone who's fun to be around. Someone gentle, but they know to have a laugh and to joke around. Someone... Someone I can just talk to, I guess, without fear of reprisal."
Roland did not specify a gender - Asher didn't know he was gay, and he intended to keep it that way until he was good and ready. Now that eh thought about it, he had unconsciously described how he thought of his brother. Which didn't seem that odd to him - odd would be trying to pursue a relationship with his brother.
 
Asher wasn't sure why he picked up on it, or if he was even meant to, but he did notice that his brother said 'someone' opposed to 'she'. He sat up, scooting back against the sofa cushion and getting comfortable, though a quizzical look remained on his face.
"Someone? How come you say it like that?"
He hoped he hadn't crossed a line with that question - it may have sounded slightly interrogative, no matter if he didn't mean it to.
 
Roland twitched slightly - it was an innocent enough question, but given what he was trying to hide, it was obvious that he would be a little nervous about it. Normally, a person would be able to just shrug it off and provide an excuse. Roland, however, was a terrible liar.
"I-it's nothing..." he stated, looking away, his voice a little strained.
 
Asher's brows raised and he scooted closer, setting his gaze on his brother's face. He was clearly hiding something, and Ash couldn't help thinking Roland might've been questioning his sexuality.
"It doesn't seem like nothing, Roland. If you're having...um, trouble, you can tell me."
 
"I-it's fine, really. I'm fine. If I was having trouble, you'd know about it, right?"
Given that Roland had the lying ability of a particularly rotten potato, it wasn't hard to see how Asher already had his suspicions raised. Roland wouldn't admit it unless he was backed into a corner, however - and even then he would be reluctant.
 
"Apparently not," Ash retorted, inching his face closer to the other's. The discomfort was obvious in Roland's posture, and he couldn't help feeling bad for badgering him. One last time, he decided, and if he didn't get an answer he'd let him be. "I won't force you, Roland, but I can tell you're hiding something. What is it?"
 
Roland hesitated for a moment, his head in his hands. Was it really worth it? Was it really worth making his little brother worry? He was certain that nothing would change if he came out, and his parents probably wouldn't mind another one of their children being gay. He swallowed hard, and sat up straight, looking Asher straight in the eye.
"Ash, look... I... I'm gay!"
ROlnd had blurted out the last part quickly, but only so tht he did not have time to interrupt himself. If he didn't tell Asher then, would he ever?
 
Asher was silent for a moment after Roland's confession, but his face soon softened. He moved his hand to gently rub his brother's back in a soothing manner.
"I understand. I won't say anything to mom and dad until you're ready...but what was up with the hesitancy? It's not as if I would judge you."
His lips turned into a frown. Roland wasn't ashamed, was he?
 
Roland smiled awkwardly, hanging his head a little, though not out of shame - it just felt strange, having come out. It was a freedom like he hadn't felt before - and it felt good, if unfamiliar.
"I... I guess it was just a little hard to do, after I've been saying I was straight all this time. Still, it feels nice to know that at least you know."
 
"Well, you really can only lie to yourself for so long..."
It had definitely been unexpected to hear, but being in the same boat, Ash didn't have a problem. If anything he'd like to help Roland feel comfortable with it. After getting to his feet, he leaned down to lightly kiss his brother's head.
"Be right back. I'll go see if I can rummage us up something for dinner."
 
Roland chuckled awkwardly at Asher's response, as he did not have one himself. He did, however, have one for when Asher kissed him lightly on the head - he patted his younger sibling's shoulder, and smiled warmly at him.
"If you like." Roland said, not in the mood to argue over who'd be doing the cooking. That aside, Asher's cooking wasn't half bad, in his opinion. When he actually cooked, though, instead of just heating up an instant dinner.
 
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