Letting go

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She couldn't really believe what he was telling her. Was he telling her that he was risking his life for her? The part about her getting torn to pieces and feeling nothing but pain for all eternity made her grin, she was about to turn around at first, not wanting to listen to that, as she thought of it, bullshit. But something in his eyes, the tone of his voice, made her stay.

After hearing all of what he had to say, she felt his lips kissing her cheek gently, and she felt like she was about to cry. She couldn't believe she was doing this to him, making him go through this as he obviously cared for her. She hugged him carefully at first, wrapping her arms around his body as if she was prepared to be pushed away, but soon she hugged him a little tighter, just a little, hoping that he would feel what she felt. That she was sorry. She buried her face in his chest as she felt tears filling her eyes, not really wanting him to see it. She took a deep, slightly unstable breath, before speaking.

"You're not a loser... you're really kind... you saved me and you don't even know who I am... at first, at least", she said, swallowing. "I... I guess I could try", she said, letting go of him, wiping the tears off of her face, backing away a step to look at him. "If this world is really filled with happiness, love and other, wonderful things... I would like to see it", she said, smiling slightly.
 
A smile whipped across his gave at what she said...he couldn't believe it. He walked over to her and grabbed her and held her in his arns, "I promise you, I will never hurt you but only to show you the happiness you deserve." He said as he gazed into her eyes. He smiled and set his hands on her cheeks and wiped the tears from her cheek with his thumb. "You mean so much to me..and I was afraid of listing you..." He said as tears started rolling down his face. "I don't know what this is but..I don't want it to end." He said as he wrapped his arms around her body and held her against his. He kissed her head and whispered in her ear "I promise to protect you with my life...even if it means I give you my heart. I will."
 
Susan was surprised at what he was doing, what he was saying. She had a hard time believing that anyone - especially someone that she barely knew - would care so much for her, as much as it seemed like he cared for her. It scared her in a way, it was an odd and unfamiliar feeling, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it, if she was happy or not. In a way it felt good knowing that he cared about her, that he would actually care if she jumped off a bridge as she had planned on doing from the start, but at the same time, it felt wrong, she felt as if she was tied to something, like she had a responsibility - she could finish herself off like this, not with him by her side.

"I... I don't know, it's just... it's just all very new to me", she managed to say, looking at him, puzzled at his worried and sad face. "I don't understand..." she said, looking at him, backing away only half a step or something like that, "how I can mean so much to you... since we don't know... each other... you don't know me and yet you seem... caring", she said, shrugging slightly, feeling ashamed and a bit embarrassed that she didn't really know how to handle the situation, she didn't know how to handle emotions - especially not someone else's. She remembered what she had told him just a minute ago, and made an effort to smile, although it was a weak one. "I'm just not used to these kind of things, at all. I'm sorry", she said thoughtfully and then glanced out the window before looking at him again. "But as I said... I'm willing to let you show me that happiness you're talking about", she said, taking a step forward again, hugging him.
 
Brandon just stood their as she talked then was shocked when she stepped forward and hugged him. He stood their tensed then relaxed. He smiled and wrapped his arms around and held her like he's never done before to anyone. He knew she needed to feel wanted and cared for so that's exactly what he is doing and will keep doing. He held her tightly but not to tight, just right. "Do give me time and to prove to you that death isn't the answer." he said as he rested his head on hers.
(Do forgive me for being late, I really am sorry, hope you still interested.)
 
Susan nodded slightly, not really convinced that his words would make any difference. She knew she needed to try though, she had to give him a chance, she owe him that. She had thought of death many times before, what a relief it would be to die, and not have to live any longer. It was almost as if death was a friend to her, she felt like the two of them were buddies almost, after all the time they had shared together. Yet she hadn't taken the step to actually let death take her. Why? She wasn't sure.

"Life and death, you know", she said, not sure if she should continue or not, "they're very different from each other", she said thoughtfully, not looking at him, still letting his head rest on hers. "I've known for a long time now that I want to leave life, that I don't want to be alive. But I'm not as sure about being dead."
 
He looked at her, his hand touching hers. He felt a spark and chill shoot through hood body, he didn't know of out happened with her...hoping so. He looked deep onto her eyes "They may be..different, but..they are also alike as well. I....I don't want to lose you.." he said as his hand slightly tightened on hers, his eyes closed. He felt something with her. Especially with her touch. He didn't know why but something made him feel alive...he liked it.
 
Susan smiled slightly, it was almost a grin. She felt his hand tightening holding hers, and sighed, a silent sigh. Biting her lip briefly, she closed her eyes, picturing him finding her dead. It'd be painful for him.

"I guess that's the problem", she said, stepping away from him, glancing out the window. "Maybe I should just stay here... then you wouldn't have to worry, if you locked me up", she said, shrugging thoughtfully.
 
He walked up behind her and nearly didn't think but wrapped his arks around her from behind, holding her in his arms.He glanced into the window and saw them in the window. They looked like a couple....a cute couple. "I'd never do that." he said as he held her.
 
Susan looked at the two of them in the window, thinking that they didn't look too weird, they actually looked pretty good together. If only the girl was someone else, not as screwed up as me, she thought, looking sad all of sudden. "It's like looking at things I'll never have", she said, nodding briefly towards the two of them in the window. She felt like she had opened up too much, told too much, but at the same time, there was no point in keeping quiet. If she would end up dead anyways, she could just as well open her mouth and speak.

"Don't you have something to do. Somewhere to be. In the real world", she said, turning around, looking at him. "I'm sure you have a purpose here, something to do", she said, trying to smile. "Tell me, what do you do? When you're not... saving girls like me."
 
He chuckled at what she said "You're actually the first. But I'm a DJ, and I work from home and sometimes..on business. But that's for another time." he said as he let her go and walked into the kitchen. He looked at the time. It was nearly time for dinner "What would you like to eat? I'll be fixing dinner shortly." he said as he looked at her as he walked into the living room. He studied her "Susan....you're very beautiful. Those who have brought you down or broke you will get what's coming to them. Think of that. I promise you that things will get better..." he said as he grabbed her hand and turned her around having her facing him. He continued "...I'd be lucky to have a girl like you to be in my life." he said. He wasn't thinking at that time, but he leaned in and softly and gently kissed her lips as he held her hand. His eyes were closed but suddenly opened them as he realized what he was doing. He stepped back in awe, "I'm.....I don't know what came of me. Do forgive me." he said as he touched his lips. It felt like one of those romantic movies where the guy kisses the girl he's falling for and steps back thinking he was a fool for doing so but the girl stopped him from walking any further and kissed him deeply...he didn't know if that was going to happen. But he only hoped.
 
Susan was surprised when she felt his lips touching hers. She looked at him, too surprised to know what to do, watching him as he stepped back. He did look regretful, she thought, still not knowing what to do, how to react. Realizing what he had done, she knew she had to do something. She couldn't just stand there as if nothing had happened. She thought of what it'd be like if she took a few steps towards him, responding to the kiss she had been given, how it would change things. Did it really matter? Could it get any worse than it already was? On the other hand, she didn't want to ruin someone else's life. She didn't want to affect it too much, as she thought she'd be gone soon, anyways. She didn't want to be someone who would be missed - she didn't want to cause anyone any pain.

Despite of those thoughts, she took a step towards him, for a moment not being sure of whether to hit him or kiss him. She couldn't stop thinking of the feeling of his lips against hers, she wanted to feel it again. Just one more time. Her eyes were probably filled with confusion over what to do as she took a hold of his hand gently, the hand he had used to hold hers just a moment ago. She opened her mouth as if to say something, but she remained silent, not a word coming over her lips. Instead, she leaned towards him, letting her lips meet his once again, tasting his lips, thirsty for love but at the same time careful, as if she was expecting him to push her away any second.
 
His heart started pounding as he felt her lips touch upon his. He wrapped his arms around her and held her firmly in his seems. He began to kiss her deeply but passionately, like never before. It was slow, soft, but also gentle and loving. He loved the getting of her lips against his. He picked her up gently and began waking upstairs, his lips still latched upon hers. He went into his room and softly laid her down. He didn't try anything but just kissed her. He didn't want to so...he didn't know how anymore.
 
Him carrying her would normally be something she wouldn't like, but now, she couldn't think about anything but his lips, his love. Finally lying down made her relax somewhat, but it didn't disturb her lips from tasting his, over and over again. Right now she didn't want to think of anything, of what would happen, she liked the moment and didn't want it to go away. It was a long time since she had felt something like this before, and having tasted it, she wanted more.

Ignoring the fear inside of her, telling her that it wasn't a good idea, that it was dangerous, she kept on going. Gently touching his jawline with her fingertips, her fingers carefully running through his hair, she was trembling. Mixed feelings ran through her head, both wanting to stay but also to run. Her lips were playing with his, her mouth wanting everything at once, but her mind didn't know. She let her body do the work, her fingers feeling unexplored skin of his, her lips on his, letting go.
 
Liam couldn't help but kiss her gently, softly. He wanted her so bad, but he knew if he did something she didn't want, it may mess things up. He didn't want that. He straddled her waist as did she with his. "S-Susan..." he said in between their kiss. He ran his hand down her side and them down her leg, he gripped her thigh pulling it up to his side kissing her deeply. Like never before.
(Sorry, my love. I've been so so busy. Please forgive me.)
 
((I'm so happy to see you've replied! :D Of course I'll forgive you.))

Susan felt her heart race for a moment as he gripped her thigh, feeling her gut feeling screaming no. No, no, no. Not like that. Not like before. But it was different this time, wasn't it? She couldn't get a hold of her thoughts as they raced through her mind - nothing seemed to make them slow down - yet she gave in to the love she knew that both of them were longing for.

Her heart was beating fast. A part of her wanted to ignore the anxiety, the hell that she lived in, she wanted to escape reality for just a little while, but it seemed impossible. She realised that she couldn't even make out without having the demons from the past knocking on the door. She was so tired of it all.

"No... please don't", she said, her voice shaking from anxiety, her hands gripping his wrists, as if she would be strong enough to stop him, her hands trembling from anxiety, her body being too weak to do anything right. She rested her head on his shoulder, the next moment pulling away from him. "It hurts, you hear me... you hear me?" she murmured, almost panicking, finding a wall to lean her back against, sitting down. She wrapped her arms around her legs that she had pulled up in front of her chest, her whole body shaking from anxiety.
 
(I'm glad too. I've missed you xD)

Brandon just stopped and sat up "Susan? Hey.." he said as he saw the whole thing unfold in front of him. He saw how her body shook. Be reached out and touched her shoulder "Susan...hey, it's me. Listen to my voice. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to do anything like that to you." he said. Maybe she needed to be left alone so that's what he did. He got up and kissed her shoulder. "I...I love you..." he said to himself. Forgetting he said it to loud. He turned around and began walking the other way toward the door.
 
((Missed you too!))

Susan tried to keep her breathing calm, but it was impossible. As her heart raced, she needed more air. Hyperventilation, anxiety. She tried listening to his voice, repeating his words in her head. I'm not going to hurt you.

Seeing that he was about to leave, she cleared her throat. In a way, all she wanted was to disappear. She didn't want him seeing her like this. "Don't go", she said, taking a deep but shaky breath. "Please... I don't want to be alone", she said, resting her forehead on her knees, putting her arms around her head as if to protect it.
 
(I really did. You have Skype?)

Liam stopped as he heard her words and turned back around and got on the bed and held her in his arms. "You'll never be alone, I promise. I'll never leave your side." he said as he held her close and held her hand. He kissed her cheek lightly as he laid her down softly on the bed with him. Her had laying on his chest. He pulled up the covers to keep them warm and comfortable.

(To be honest, I started thinking of us as I wrote this)
 
((Yeah, I'll send it to you via PM if you want to?))

Susan let him move her, the both of them, as he wished. Concentrating on breathing, she was relieved that he hadn't walked out the door. As she was lying still with her head on his chest, she closed her eyes, listening to his heart beating. She needed to concentrate on something else other than all the pain that was overwhelming. She held his hand tight, not wanting to let go, wanting to know that he was still there. That he was real.

((Aww. You made me smile. :3))
 
(I'd love that. And it made me smile too.)

Liam held her close, he started doing soft and gentle patterns on her back with one hand as he held her hand in another. He leaned down and kissed her head "Shhhh....calm down...listen to my heart beat. I'm not going anywhere, unless you tell me too." he said as he held her.
 
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