It Came From Outer Space (Mira-Charma13 and Dip)

[Mira-Charma13]

GIR suddenly emerged from his little hidey hole underneath one of the consoles. "Ooh! Master, master!" He waved his little arms around like the blades of a helicopter. "I want some candy sticks! Get me some candy sticks!" Zim nodded idly in response. "A sandwich, some candy sticks, a burrito for Zim, and..." He pulled an unusual expression and carefully studied the human for a few seconds. "...A surprise. Zim will pick something tasty, don't worry."

"Do you not know much about Irken cuisine?" Skoodge inquired genially. "I don't really know how to compare it to your cuisine, but we like snacks, sweet stuff, and spicy stuff. We have a typical diet of lots of calories, but very little fat. We require more calories and stuff because we rarely sleep and we're always doing some kind of work. We'll have to have the Medics test the blood sample the Tallest asked you to bring to check whether or not you're allergic to mainstream ingredients. The Tallest said he had horrific allergic reactions to a lot of food items in your cuisine, so bad allergies might be a real concern."

Zim drifted quietly out of the room, leaving Dib alone with Skoodge and the hyperactive SIR unit. GIR made a beeline for the human, tapped one of his legs as affectionately as he could as he passed by, and then trotted his way back toward the windshield again. He plopped himself down right in front of it, distractedly watching the world fly by at mach speed. GIR seemed to like Dib, which was surprising...but then again, he did seem to like everyone.

Skoodge accepted the phone, moving his hands carefully so that he wouldn't break it. He turned it around with one hand, twisting his wrist as he scanned the alien device. "We prefer to build things that will last," the Advisor explained, marveling at how delicate the glass screen of the phone was. "You could probably drop an Irken tablet in a protective casing from the highest point of your atmosphere all the way down to the ground and it would still function properly. We like to tinker with stuff and invent new things, but we're not always good at it. We're better at using the stuff than making it. But that's what we have Vort for!"

"Vort is one of our conquered planets." Zim had returned, carrying several different items in his arms. "It is a military research planet. The brightest minds in the Known Universe converge there, or are imprisoned there if we manage to catch them openly defying the Irken Empire. Many technological advances come straight from Vort. You would probably like Vort a lot, Dib-thing. Lots of science-y stuff from various different planets and peoples. Zim can take you there sometime."

"More specifically, all the sweet technology and the technological advances come from the Vortians," Skoodge elaborated, handing the human's delicate phone back to him and reaching out to accept his sandwich as Zim walked by. "Vortians are known as being some of the best inventors, engineers, and scientists the Known Universe has to offer. They're an industrious and hard-working people, very proud of their history and lineage. They love to work and do good work above all else! We provide them with a place to stay, materials, and an endless supply of funds and let them run wild with most things, though we do request specific projects every now and again."

GIR bolted over to snag his candy sticks. Zim offered two items, a purple can and a mysterious box both inscribed with the omnipresent Irken insignia, to Dib. "An Irken soda, burrito, sandwich, and nachos. Plenty of things to sample, and none of these should cause an allergic reaction." The Irken leader paused and then cleared his throat. "Well...no serious reaction, anyway. Some belly grumbles may be the only thing you experience. Oh, and...these terms may sound familiar to you, but that is only because Zim's PAK tries its best to translate the original names of the food items into something you can understand."

Zim sat down, carefully unwrapping his burrito, and glanced out of the windshield. "Computer! When we will pass by Saturn?" "A few minutes," the AI responded. "It won't take too long. I sped us up a bit to avoid a potential collision with a comet." "Do we have enough fuel to make it back at that speed?" "Yeah, just about. If not, the Armada's like...right there. A Viral Tank could come tow us." "Sounds good to Zim!"

Skoodge didn't seem quite as enthusiastic about the prospect, but chose not to bring it up. Instead he happily took a bite of his sandwich. "I wasn't paying much attention to the planets in your solar system during the first trip," he admitted, looking a bit sheepish. "How many are there? What are they called?"

 

[Dip]

Dib didn't know anything about Irken diet. Well, he knew a little bit, but what GIR ate wouldn't be entirely healthy whatsoever. The human had a hard time believing that Zim would bring something tasty, but... This Zim was different. This Zim wasn't as insufferable as the old Zim. The old Zim would have tossed trash onto a fancy plate and laugh in Dib's face, but this Zim seemed to genuinely want Dib to know about the culture.

"Humans require more of a balanced diet. " Dib started. "From what I've seen with Zim... it seems like Irkens react badly to water-- er, dihydrogen monoxide. H2OT is one of the main elements that keep Earthlings healthy, as well as fruits and vegetables. Humans typically only eat three times a day, but.. Some, like me, get full after one meal." And that was true! Some days, lunch was filling enough until the wee-hours of the night, where Dib would binge on snack foods and junk until he passed out into a beautiful food coma.

Dib worked well with sweet and spicy, so it seemed like food would be no problem. The human looked down at the SIR unit and smiled gently. He didn't know how GIR could have a robotic heart equivalent made of pure gold. He was so sweet. He could tell that he was a big help to Zim in any time of need. Goofy at appropriate times and caring at the other.

Dib watched as the Irken held his phone as if he was going to drop it, and he really hoped that wouldn't be the case whatsoever. He had important things on his phone-- well, he did, until he deleted about ninety percent of his storage with random Earth music he had downloaded in bulk. He was sure he had over a thousand songs-- maybe more, if he was lucky-- saved on that thing. He wasn't sure if he'd listen to all of them, but he would try.

"If I dropped my phone from where I'm standing without a case on it, it would shatter instantly." The Investigator knew little about Vort other than the name. He had recalled something about a certain Vortian, but what it was, he couldn't remember. He knew about their industrious behaviors, and Dib wondered if he would befriend them quicker than he would the Irken people. Dib turned to see the taller Irken with a platter of foods.

Dib took his phone back from the smaller alien and almost slipped it into his pocket until he realized that he was slowly heading to the next planet, and wanted to get some more pictures. He sighed. He hoped that he'd be able to visit them again. The human looked at all of the food that Dib was to sample and instantly paled. "I can tell you right now, I won't be able to finish anything." Dib felt his stomach, recalling the pizza he had a few hours previous.

Dib slowly reached over and grabbed the soda, unsure how to approach the liquid. Dib likened it to a cola, but he wasn't surely sure if he should expect a sensation like Pepsi or Coke. Dib took a sip, and tasted pure sugar. He knit his eyebrows together tightly, and made kind of a face. It tasted like someone had just mixed water and sugar together. It wasn't... bad, but he was sure that this kind of stuff would rot his teeth out.

Dib took one last gulp, and placed the soda back on the tray. Did Irken sugar affect humans? Another thing to figure out... Dib had his choice of the next food, and decided to stay with the sandwich. He took a cautious bite and... it was just a sandwich. Some flavors were off, but it was literally... just a sandwich.

Dib turned to Skoodge, and grew excited at the idea of discussing the solar system. He swallowed his sandwich, and began talking. "I can start from the beginning!" He smiled. "So, the first planet in my solar system is Mercury, and it's..." Dib trailed off, on his conversation, talking about the size of each plantes, it's rotation, how hot and cold it became, and any other little tidbits of information. He went through Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. He touched lightly on Pluto, and mentioned how we didn't know if it was technically a planet or not.

It wasn't long until Dib saw the planet Saturn, and smiled a very toothy smile. Saturn was his favorite planet out of them all, and wanted plenty of pictures. He took his cellular device and began snapping pictures happily. Dib had taken one in particular that he liked, that included the planet Saturn infront, but the glare of the glass also captured the Tallest and the decorated veteran, as well as a glimpse of GIR. Dib wanted to make it his background, but... maybe in a more private setting.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"Water?" Skoodge sounded surprised. Zim shook his head, swallowing a mouthful of his burrito before responding. "Yes, and no. Your Earth water acted like acid to Zim. But this is not the case with all forms of water. We Irkens need water to survive, but in much smaller quantities than you humans do. Whereas humans are recommended to drink eight cups of water per day, Irkens are recommended to drink one. The water must be one hundred percent pure and free of contaminants of any kind--even the smallest amount of a foreign contaminant can cause water to become like acid to us."

It was no wonder that Earth rain hurt Zim terribly, then. Pollution was a serious problem on planet Earth!

"Well...as far as fruits and vegetables go..." Both Skoodge and Zim made faces at the mere mention of vegetables. "We don't really need those things to survive. We're actually a primarily carnivorous species and need at least one meal of meat per day to stay healthy. But from time to time we do enjoy plant-based meals. There's always at least a couple of plant-based meals available in the Massive's cafeteria every day. Oh, we also eat about five meals a day."

"The Dib may enjoy the cuisine of the Meekrob people," Zim suggested simply. Skoodge growled in his throat, antennae pressing back onto the top of his head. Apparently, he didn't much care for the Meekrob people. "They are...how you say, vegetarian. Perhaps we ought to make a pit stop on planet Foodcourtia before we reach Irk. Foodcourtia is full of restaurants of all shapes and sizes, from fast food to fine dining, and boasts a variety of different cuisines. Should you happen to find a cuisine you enjoy there, Zim will make sure that it is readily available on the Massive."

"You really wanna visit Foodcourtia?" Skoodge suddenly seemed...concerned for his leader. "After all it's put you through?" Zim snorted haughtily and turned away, chomping down defiantly on his burrito. That was a topic he definitely didn't wish to discuss while Dib was present.

Zim just laughed when Dib claimed his phone could break so easily. It didn't sound at all like a proper Zim laugh, but more like a soft chuckle. GIR peeked over his shoulder and frowned worriedly at the noise. Skoodge just squinted at the device, now back in the human's hands. "...You know, the Tallest could probably fashion a case for it that would keep it safe in his spare time. He's pretty good at inventing stuff." Zim nodded sagely, antennae bouncing. "Yes. Yes, I am."

Not all humble. At least that was reminiscent of the old Zim.

With the conversation now at a minimum Skoodge munched happily on his sandwich and kept tapping away on his tablet. He was a bit of a workaholic and was rarely seen without that tablet. It didn't help that Zim tended to be lazy and a major procrastinator, putting things off until Skoodge tired of it and did the work himself. Zim kept one eye on the windshield and one eye on Dib, watching as he sampled some Irken food for the very first time. Okay...so the soda was too sweet. He would have to try some other drinks once he was settled in on the Massive and find one that was to his liking. The reaction to the sandwich seemed much more positive, and for that much Zim was glad.

"If I were to make a comparison between Earth food and Irken food..." The Irken monarch craned his neck as he stared out of the windshield, apparently waiting for a glimpse of Saturn as well. "It would be...a mix of Mexican cuisine, junk food, and fancy sweets. Another common cuisine we enjoy and have a constant supply of on the Massive is Vortian. They prefer hearty meals like soups and stews with lots of plants and vegetables and desserts that are mostly fruit-based." As long as Dib watched what he ate, he would be able to get all the nutrition he needed!

Skoodge leaned forward and took in all this new information with utter fascination. Because this was information Zim already knew he paid it little mind, instead waiting expectantly for Saturn to appear in his line of view. Saturn was also his favorite planet in Earth's solar system, though he had never shared that tidbit of information with Dib.

When Saturn did finally drift into view both Skoodge and Zim stared at it intently. "Nice rings," was all Skoodge had to say at first. "Makes it look a little bit like Irk." "I agree." Zim finished off what was left of his burrito before speaking again. "Irk is about the size of your planet Jupiter and is surrounded by several large rings. Unlike your planet Saturn, however, these rings are artificial--built several centuries ago." "They're docking rings, see," Skoodge explained. "We dock our ships there and are teleported to the surface. The outermost ring is reserved for larger ships and the Massive. The next two rings are meant for the Armada, medium-sized ships, and any foreign visitors to Irk. The inner ring is for smaller ships, which includes most personal ships and the ships of Invaders."

Zim leaned back in his chair, allowing himself to relax for once. For now, things were good...but he couldn't help being worried about the other Irkens. He was not a good example of a normal Irken, and Skoodge was much friendlier and nicer than the average Irken. He just hoped Dib would be able to hold his own against a strong and proud warrior race like his own.

 

[Dip]

Dib took the situation of water into account... If Dib ever wanted to win a fight the dirty way, he could just use day-old water in a spray-can. Zim had mentioned that sparring meant earning respect, but he was sure that killing or seriously maiming would do the opposite. As the Irken continued to talk about the food and eating habits of the empire, he was sure that he would never have to go hungry.

At the mention of the Meekrob people, Dib remembered something from his childhood clearly. He remembered one of the best dreams he had ever had, and in his dream, it seemed like everything he had ever wanted in life finally happened for him. Every single little thing he wanted unfolded before his eyes. At least, it did, before Zim had ruined it.

Dib had held a grudge because of that for years. But that experience also acted as the truth to the human in many other cases. He had remembered a time when the young man convinced himself that he was just in another one of Zim's simulations, and he was just testing his will to be Zim's nemesis. Dib had held out for a long time, almost two years! Those two years were the hardest, yet. He was so young, and spent so much time reliving memories that never happened.

The laughter that the Irken immitted sounded like it belonged to an entirely different Irken. It sounded void of real humor or expression. It almost felt sarcastic, like Zim was laughing at him. But as Zim single-handedly took the compliment without any qualms, he knew that the real Zim was in there somewhere, under his hard shell-like casing.

Dib spent most of his time looking out the window, inspecting the passing planets with awe.

When Zim mentioned that the food was similar to Hispanic food, Dib turned to the Invader and back at the food. It seemed more... Tex-Mex than actual Mexican. Dib's grandparents and distant relatives were from Mexico, and he had tasted various Mexican food within his eighteen years of life. While he doubted that they would serve Carne a la tampiqueña, some Chalupas would serve as excellent comfort food. Dib wondered if it would be strange for the Irken's to hear the Human speak in something that wasn't English. He would have to give it a try.

It wasn't long before the sandwich was gone, and Dib made his way towards the other snack foods that the other had presented. He hesitantly took a chip and plunged it into his mouth. Well, Dib didn't know what he was expecting. They were just regular nachos! He took a few more, keeping his eyes glued to the windshield. He listened to what the Irkens had to say, and wondered if everything had to be useful in their society. Did they have things to do for leisure? Some pretty things that they could look at? Dib knew that the robotic software loved pretty things, but the human still felt outnumbered.

"Humans have never visited Saturn, but we've sent robots here." Dib spoke after he had finished another bite of the nachos. "We don't use them at all. We mostly just... enjoy them." At least, Dib enjoyed them. "They consist of countless small particles, ranging in size from micrometers to meters, that orbit about Saturn. The ring particles are made almost entirely of water ice, with a trace component of rocky material."

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Though Zim obviously wasn't surprised when Dib revealed that humans had yet to travel to Saturn, Skoodge looked shocked. "What? No one's ever visited it? Why not? I mean, it's right here." "Humans have not yet perfected the art of fast space travel," Zim explained, looking rather smug about it all. "For the most part, save for a select few they are confined to their mother planet." "Oh. Well, that's sad." Skoodge frowned. "The universe is so much bigger than one planet. I couldn't imagine being trapped on just one for the rest of my life! You guys must be eons behind the norm on technology, because there are a bunch of different species that utilize deep space travel. I mean, you've got us, Vortians, the Meekrob, the Plookesians...and there are a lot more than that."

"At least planet Earth still has water left on its surface," Zim added after a moment of thought. "Horrible polluted water, but water nonetheless. Water no longer exists naturally on our mother planet. The source has long since been used up. We must acquire water from other planets and celestial bodies to survive. This is but one reason why we constantly seek out new planets to claim and conquer as our own. I suppose that is one positive thing that your mother planet has over ours."

GIR's head swiveled a full 180 degrees, just like the head of an owl. "And tacos!" he declared, sounding completely serious. "Don't forget about tacos! They got those, and maple syrup, and sweet tea and we don't!" Skoodge rolled his eyes. Zim cackled, this time sounding a bit more like himself.

"We'll be approaching...planet Uranus next, right?" Skoodge ventured, trying very hard to pronounce it correctly. GIR instantly began to giggle. Zim rolled his eyes, but the corners of his mouth twitched in a telling manner--he was making a valiant attempt not to smirk. "From what I gathered, it's pretty cold there, huh? Icy and stuff? Probably because it's so far away from your star." "The Sun," Zim corrected quietly, his voice wavering ever so slightly. Immature as ever, both he and GIR were waiting expectantly to see if Skoodge said it again. The two of them were like a couple of thirteen year-old human boys!

"We'll be passing by that last object, Pluto, after we get back to the Armada. We can stop for a second and check to see if it's actually a planet or just a big rock." Both Zim and GIR deflated when they realized Skoodge wasn't going to butcher the pronunciation of Uranus again. Perhaps he did notice their amusement and was avoiding the topic just to spite them. "If it's really as small as you claim it is, it might be a moon that flew out of orbit or something. If we were dealing with a solar system occupied by a species we were friendly with or had already conquered, I'd suggest moving it back into orbit if it really is a rogue moon, but I think doing that here would alarm your people."

"Which reminds Zim..." One of Zim's long antennae twitched and he turned to meet Dib's gaze. "The influence of the Irken Empire has yet to bleed into this part of the universe, but at the rate we've been going it almost certainly will in the next century or so. When the time comes..." Zim shrugged his shoulders, flashing the human a playful smirk. "Zim will leave the fate of planet Earth in the hands of the Dib. It is his mother planet, after all. We can conquer it and enslave the occupants, or conquer it and rule from the outside--much like a king ruling a foreign territory. You could even conquer or rule it yourself--Zim doesn't care. We can blow it up. We can turn your galaxy into a protected nature preserve so that no one and nothing can enter or leave...unless, of course, the humans eventually manage to breach the preserve lines by themselves. It is totally up to you."

The old Zim would have easily opted to blow the planet up. After all, he despised planet Earth and the entire human population. But now, so far into the future, he didn't hate it nearly as much as he used to. After all, it had given him Dib. And he didn't hate Dib, even though they were still far from best buddies. So...why not allow the Dib to decide for his own people? He was leagues above them in every way, after all.

"I mean, maybe we could be allies," Skoodge suggested. Zim snorted, looking terribly skeptical. Humans were xenophobic when it came to each other--he couldn't even imagine how awful they would be if they found out that aliens were actually real. Some might react just like the Dib did, but the vast majority would likely be hostile. "We've got technology and other cool stuff to trade," Skoodge continued, now sounding hesitant because of Zim's reaction. "We need certain stuff that we can't get easily in our solar system. Like water and sugar and medicinal items. We can purify water even if it's bad to drink at first."

"Ehh. Zim doubts it would ever work." The Tallest shrugged his shoulders, glancing briefly at Dib. "You know just as well as Zim how awful your kinfolk can be when it comes to anything foreign. Even if we did attempt to make peace, they would declare war on us straight away, wouldn't they?"

"Approaching planet Uranus."

The seriousness rapidly faded from Zim's expression as both he and GIR sputtered with laughter again, and this time after realizing what they were laughing at the Computer also joined in. Skoodge stared at them like they'd both just sprouted a second head. "What in the world is so funny?" he asked, an aura of confusion surrounding him. "What are you laughing at?!"

 

[Dip]

At the mention of how sad it was to live on planet Earth, Dib nodded. "Humans are technologically inept, and also... I mean, come on, how do you colonize something that has an average temperature of -288 degrees Fahrenheit and is composed only of gases with no solid surface?" Dib started. "It's hard to colonize something when the wind speeds reach 1,118 miles per hour. It just... can't support human life."

Dib hadn't thought before that the other planets Irk had invaded or otherwise conquered couldn't support water-- or, in fact, had at one point, but was now sucked dry. Dib turned to the windshield, and wondered about the possibility of Earth being next on the target list.

Dib had wanted to teach Skoodge that how you pronounce Uranus wasn't actually Your-Anus, but Urin-us... But, Dib didn't know which way sounded worse. The human pretended to push his glasses up as he hid a snicker. He turned to Zim and saw the old Invader he knew and absolutely despised. "Yeah, that's... Uranus." Dib did the incorrect pronunciation and stifled a snort as he did. "It-it's a little cold on Uranus." Dib said, stuttering to keep himself in check.

The thought of pushing Pluto back into a proper orbit made Dib a little sad. "Human's like the obscurity of that planet. Moving it would cause something like a civil war." And it was true! People were passionate about Pluto. If it became a moon, the people who had been fighting for it's planethood would rise-up and God only know's what would happen next.

Dib looked towards the Irken as he spoke about conquering, and Dib paled. "What..?" He asked, unsure if he had heard the other correctly or not. That was an impossible discussion to have. That would be like asking Zim to admit to the decorated veteran what he had done to earn his title, and the give him options of how to properly eliminate the Irken trader. Dib wanted to tell the other that he would come to that when the threat of invasion was nearer, but it bugged the human to no end.

Dib had turned his back on humanity, but he didn't have the power to eliminate it. Dib wasn't the person to decide for millions-- billions of people. Dib wasn't a politician on his homeworld. He wasn't famous, or respected, or even liked. What made Zim think that the human was competent enough to decide the fate of an entire species? Not just one entire species, but the lives of millions of species! Millions of plants, millions of animals, trillions of organism...

At the mention of alliances, Dib spoke instantly. "Absolutely not. Human's have an installed fear of life on other planets." Dib didn't know what was worse, fearing the possibility of not being alone or fearing loneliness. "Humans would fight themselves before they would begin to fight you. Most humans, with that kind of power looming over themselves, would... well, there's lot of thing's they'd do." Dib started, using his fingers to count of the things. "They'd treat you guys as Gods and Goddesses, segregate themselves, kill each other, kill themselves, and probably fight the Irken Empire until the Empire is defeated, or until the human's are defeated." Dib finished. "While we haven't mastered space travel, we have mastered mass manipulation, atomic weapons, and nuclear weapons."

The serious conversation dissolved quickly, and Dib covered his mouth from an ugly outburst of laughter. Skoodge asked what could possibly be funny, and Dib smirked. "If you'd like, Skoodge, you can form an alliance with... Uranus." Dib bit his tongue to keep from laughing. "In fact, I love Uranus. If I could colonize any planet that wasn't Earth, I'd-I'd colonize Uranus." Dib exploded with laughter. "I'd send humans to Uranus any day!!" Dib wheezed, holding his stomach tightly.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Both Irkens blinked and glanced at each other, both seeming amused. "Simple!" Zim blurted out unexpectedly. "You create a floating colony around it! A planet with such an inhospitable environment, for most creatures anyway, should be mined and mined until there are no resources left! So...colonists would live in space stations in the atmosphere and use heavy-duty mining ships meant to withstand conditions as harsh as those to harvest the gases and ice swirling around within."

"You guys must do some kind of mining on your planet, right?" Skoodge asked, curiosity again flooding his expression. "Your planet's solid, so...you probably don't have the technology necessary to mine gas-based planets. But we certainly do."

Zim began to wheeze as he tried his damnedest to contain his laughter, doubled over somewhat where he sat. GIR had no such restraint, bursting out into infectiously cheerful laughter and bouncing up and down where he stood. Skoodge made a popping sound with his lips, looking very confused. "You're all strange, you know that? Not that it's a bad thing to laugh, but...I seriously don't understand what it is that you're laughing at it." "It's..." Zim could barely talk straight. "It's an Earth thing." "Oh." Skoodge pouted. He didn't appreciate being left out of the loop. "Guess that explains it, then."

Zim wasn't surprised to hear that humans would start a war over something as insignificant and petty as moving a planet around, but Skoodge definitely was. "They'd start a war over that?" His forehead furrowed with confusion. "We move planets around all the time! We have to be careful, mind you, because too much jerking and moving without a protective casing can disrupt the atmosphere, and we have to make sure we're moving it close enough to a star...but we still move them a lot. We move stuff after we conquer it if possible to more convenient locations."

The Irken monarch hummed under his breath when the color drained from Dib's face and he said that one simple word. "...Zim wholly believes that the Dib is superior to his human kinfolk," he admitted, not quite meeting the other's gaze. "Therefore, the Dib should be the one to decide what happens to his mother planet. I know you will make the right decision when the time comes...so I'll be leaving it entirely up to you. You have plenty of time to contemplate the fate of your mother planet. Zim will let you know in advance when he is considering doing...something with planet Earth." He finally locked eyes with the human. "Fair enough?"

Both Irkens shifted in their chairs, idly wondering how long it would take their swelling Armada to beat down a few humans if only a select handful of them ever bothered to travel into space. Individually they both concluded that it wouldn't take very long at all.

"Being treated like a God would be pretty sweet," Zim mused, a devilish smirk curling his lips. Skoodge scoffed. "You already get treated like a God," he accused playfully. "Mm-hm." Zim didn't sound convinced. "Being waited on hand and foot..." "Mm-hm." "Being bowed down to..." "Mm-hm." "Your wish is our command...?" "Mm-hm." "What about having a glorified secretary running around doing the work you're too lazy to do on your own?" Zim snickered. Skoodge just sighed.

As soon as Dib started talking, GIR began to laugh uncontrollably again. Zim slowly bent over in his seat, holding his waist and breathing heavily as he tried not to laugh. It became harder and harder, as more strained and muffled noises escaped him as the human went on and on. It was the last loud statement that finally sent him over the edge. Zim burst out into laughter, his entire body shaking with the movement. This laughter was quite familiar, very much reminiscent of the maniacal and arrogant laughing he did while on planet Earth.

Skoodge folded his arms across his chest as the human, the little SIR, and his own leader laughed hysterically...but said nothing. It was actually refreshing to see Zim happy for once. It'd been some time since he laughed openly like that. Suddenly, the second-in-command began to understand why Zim diverted the Armada for so much time just to fetch this Earth dweller.

Zim was practically crying with laughter by the time he started to quiet down. He waved in Dib's direction, trying desperately to catch his breath. "Enough! Zim c-cannot breathe!"

The Computer suddenly started sputtering with laughter in the background. "...Approaching Uranus."

Zim started laughing hysterically all over again. GIR fell over onto his side and rolled around, still giggling like a madman.

 

[Dip]

Simple?! Those kind of ideas were only possible in science fiction novels! You just can't mine Saturn. There was nothing to mine! Say for some gases, but there was no need for ridiculous amounts of gases. "What do you do with a planet made up of 94% hydrogen, 6% helium and small amounts of methane and ammonia?" Dib asked, crossing his arms over his body.

Dib did agree that humans could mine, but the thought of mining gas was just unbelievable. What did they do? Take a giant Swiffer and suck everything up? As the human continued to think of the possibility, he decided that it would be something he would have to ask. The thought of that kind of technology being real intrigued him.He assumed that being a part of the PIT within the Irken empire, he would be able to at least experience that kind of technology first hand.

The laughter was contagious, especially when the laughter came from the robotic software. Who would be able to resist the insane laughter? Dib felt his stomach cramp as he held tightly to a nearby ledge. He tried his damnest to keep himself from falling on the floor. Dib wanted to include Skoodge into the laughter, but it was something he really wouldn't understand.

The happiness soon melted away once more into a hostile feeling. Zim knew first hand that Dib was not, in any way, more superior than anyone on planet Earth. Not even his own sister! There were plenty of people just like Dib who would do a far better job of deciding the fate of Earth. Dib faced the alien, and locked dark brown eyes with bright insect-like pupils. It suddenly occurred to him that this wasn't the same Zim that he had fought with, but this was someone who was far more serious about his job. "Fair enough." Dib confirmed.

The thought of Humans worshipping the Irkens made Dib a little sick. Dib had never believed in a God, or many Gods. Dib had always found comfort in science, and things that could be proven with facts. But, when it came to the occult, that was a different story. You couldn't just find the truth about God! You can find the truth about Bigfoot and Mothman, but never a religious diety.

Dib overheard the conversation Zim and Skoodge had, and the human felt bad about the amount of work the other had to do. He didn't know where to begin on helping him, but the human thought it best to wait until he understood the culture a bit more.

The laughter only worsened, and Dib couldn't support himself anymore. His face turned red and hot tears began to stream down his face. He had gotten past the point of hysterical laughter, and had moved into the 'laughing-with-no-sound' territory. His eyelids were shut tightly against eachother and his chest was rising erratically, He had fallen onto the floor at this point, and could hardly move a muscle.

It only got worse when the computer began laughing. Dib wheezed loudly, rubbing the tears from his eyes that seemed to flow endlessly. It really was an Earth thing.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"What do you mean what do we do?" Zim sounded almost offended by the question. "We use the gases to make fuel, to craft weaponry, to utilize in heaps of scientific research, and to create tons of different things! Irk is not like Earth. It is a completely mechanical planet now. We exhausted nearly every usable material our planet had to offer long ago, including its original solid dirt form and different forms of gases. Only us Irkens occupy planet Irk. There are no fuzzy animals or plants or even microscopic creatures left to produce different kinds of gases."

"Maintaining the integrity of our atmosphere, keeping the air breathable, and constantly purifying and re-purifying water are full-time jobs," Skoodge muttered, sounding intimidated by the very idea. "I'm glad the Control Brains take care of that stuff, because it's all way over my head."

Zim grunted when Skoodge brought the Control Brains up again, his antennae pulling backward and a silent snarl curling his lips. Evidently, Zim didn't care much for the Control Brains. A pity, considering he was supposed to be working with them to rule and manage the Irken Empire.

The Irken monarch didn't waver or hesitate, not in the slightest, when Dib turned to lock eyes with him and spoke those words. He could tell that his old nemesis wasn't pleased about the prospect, but eventually he would have to come to terms with the fact that the manifest destiny mentality of the mighty Irken Empire would reach his mother planet at some point in time. Maybe not soon, but their arrival was inevitable.

Zim drummed his long fingers on the console in front of him, wondering if Dib didn't actually think he was superior to the other humans. If that was the case, his self-esteem must have been as low as it could possibly go--any creature with eyes or optics of any shape or size could clearly see that the Dib was superior.

Though Zim and Skoodge were obviously close, it didn't seem like they were as close as they could be. They went way back, having hatched around the same time in the Hatcheries and undergoing military training together--much farther back than Zim and Dib went! But at the same time, something felt...off. There was a disconnect between the two of them. Zim wasn't nearly as competent at his job as he should have been and that left poor Skoodge to pick up the slack. When they spoke they often avoided eye contact. Their behaviors were also vastly different. Skoodge was just as proud and high and mighty as any Irken, but he seemed sensible and realistic. Zim was anything but. Scatterbrained, loud, excitable, and extremely hyper and enthusiastic described him perfectly. As Dib would surely learn over time...Zim was both very Irken and terribly un-Irken at the same time.

Though Zim somehow managed to stay put in his seat, he could barely breathe as he desperately tried to calm down and stave off the last remnants of his laughter. GIR happily rolled around on the floor, giggling like a human schoolgirl around her crush. Skoodge just observed the hilarity, amusement dancing in his widely set eyes. "Been a while since I've heard you laugh like that," he commented idly, gazing curiously at his leader.

Zim took a few deep breaths, trying to choke down laughter, and sat up straighter in his chair. He completely ignored Skoodge and instead turned to Dib, trembling as he tried to catch his breath. "You'll...you'll m-miss your chance to take pictures of--pfft!" He paused, cackling manically, before deciding not to say the botched name again. If he heard it all over again he feared he'd never be able to stop laughing. "Of your seventh planet if you don't stop laughing."

The bright blue planet with its faint vertical rings was passing by slowly. The Computer must have slowed the Ring Cutter down in preparation for meeting up with the Irken Armada. Skoodge studied the planet closely, apparently admiring the color and the strangely-positioned rings. "This is a weird one. Looks kind of like that Saturn planet, just more icy and turned on its side." He met the human's eyes for a single moment. "You should take a look at the Universal Map once you're all settled in. It's the map of the Universe--well, the parts we know of so far anyway--along with excerpts and facts about planets and what's on them, stars, random objects in space...that kind of thing. The PIT is in charge of maintaining it. They update it several times a day with new information as it comes to them. It also includes pictures of each planet, which I'm sure you'd find interesting if you like looking at different planets so much."

"En route to planet Neptune," The Computer interrupted. "Shouldn't take us more than five minutes." "Ooh, goody!" Zim perked up all of a sudden. Skoodge nodded. "Send an alert to the Armada when we get close enough. The Massive can meet us in front of Neptune." "Yeah. I'll get right on that."

Zim sighed, leaning back in his chair. He was still exhausted from laughing so much, but at least he'd managed to stop. He flashed an impish grin in Dib's direction. "Might want to stick close to the windshield, Dib-thing. When the Armada gets that alert, the Massive will come out of hiding and the Armada will follow it. You'll get your first good look at the might of our Irken military! We strategically hid the Massive behind planet Neptune to avoid being detected. The smaller ships in the Armada wouldn't have a chance of being detected by your human kinfolk--you know as well as Zim does that they're too stupid to notice those. But the Massive is, well...massive. It's sorta hard to miss, even for stupid humans. We didn't want to take any chances!"

 

[Dip]

Dib raised an eyebrow. Irk was just Irk? There were no other lifeforms at all? Well, it didn't surprise the human all that much after he really dug into the technicalities of it. Dib imagined an industrial revolution that would make Earth shutter at the very thought. He wondered how polluted the planet had been at the pique of their technological expedition.

When Skoodge mentioned the full-time job that their 'leaders' had, Dib spoke. "Humans are usually the only ones in charge of making sure our planet is safe and sustainable, but we... we're really bad at it." He had neglected to recycle any of his trash for so many years. His constant internet exploration had resulted in hours of used energy. He couldn't imagine everything being recycled and reused just to sustain a planet.

The laughter continued, and Dib was sure he would have a six-pack at the end of this journey. He kept it together enough to stand up and take a picture of Ur--the seventh planet in the Earth solar system. Dib wiped the tears from his eyes, and took another picture. He turned to Skoodge, and felt entirely bad for leaving him out of the conversation.

"So, heh, a long time ago on Earth," He paused to catch his breath. He could feel his cheeks burning for his constant smiling. "There was this race called Romans that was incredibly intelligent when it came to conquering, math, science, and astronomy." He put his phone into his pocket and continued. He began to use his hands to gesture as he spoke.

"The Romans named the five planets closest to the Sun after their most important gods. These were the only planets that were bright enough for them to see. Later, when telescopes were invented, other planets were discovered. Astronomers decided to continue naming the planets after Roman Gods with one exception - Uranus." Dib pronounced the planet correctly, but gave a shit-eating grin as he did. "That planet was named after a Greek God-- The Greek people were basically like the Romans, but they were in a different location and had more advancements in art, philosophy, medicine, and storytelling." That part made Dib really smile.

The Greek people had excellent tales about sea monsters, one-eyed beasts, goat-legged half humans, and many many other interesting cryptids that he had loved since he was a child. It was the Greek mythology that really gave Dib an interest in investigating the unknown. It started with mythology, and slowly came around to monsters and mysteries that he knew and loved.

"Uranus was named after the Greek god of the sky. According to myth, the Greek god was the father of Saturn and the grandfather of Jupiter. But... after the course of so many years, Humans discovered that the word Uranus sounded a lot like the phrase Your-Anus when pronounced incorrectly." Dib tried to hold down his laughter as he spoke. "And it-it's funny, because anus is the name for the opening at the end of the alimentary canal through which solid waste matter leaves the human body." He said, matter-of-factly. It wasn't as funny after he explained the joke, but he hoped Skoodge would understand the humor.

"So, when I was saying earlier that I wanted to send humans to Ura--" Dib wheezed and held his stomach. He couldn't. Nope. "To-to the seven planet, I was pronouncing it incorrectly, and saying that I wanted to send humans to-- well, you know."

At the sound of a Universal Map, Dib was very excited. He wondered how large it was, and how big, and if he'd be able to have a copy. The human wanted to know if he should place his own planet on there, but he stole a glance at Zim and figured he had already added the blue-green rock.

The Irken spoke about his armada, and the human rolled his eyes. He recalled the Irken screeching and screaming about the Irken armada when they were back on Earth all those years ago, and only wondered if he had been sugar-coating anything. The human looked out the window, and hoped that it was every single thing that the Irken had spoken about.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Zim chuckled in a condescending manner when Dib admitted outright that the humans weren't good at managing their own planet. He'd known that from the beginning, of course. "Imagine, Dib-human, if Zim were to covertly conquer Planet Earth and place a few Control Brains in charge of managing and maintaining the environment for all of Earth's living creatures. Would that make your mother planet a more hospitable place?"

If Dib did like Earth itself so much, perhaps he'd be more open to that idea. Under the omnipresent thumb of Irken rule and with Control Brains to manage and enforce environmental regulations, prevent habitat destruction for critically endangered species, and essentially decimate the usage of fossil fuels, perhaps it wouldn't end up like Irk in the end.

When the human started talking about the Romans and Greeks and delving into a bit of history on the matter of the planets and their seemingly absurd names, the two Irkens had vastly different reactions. Skoodge leaned forward in an instant, wholly fascinated by the subject matter and eagerly absorbing each and every bit of information that was given to him. Zim, for the most part, tuned Dib out totally. He stared off into the distance, his huge eyes half-lidded with apparent boredom. Before he left planet Earth behind, this behavior was commonplace during his and Dib's hours of schooling. Zim thoroughly enjoyed math and science and excelled in those classes. He excelled in physical education as well, most likely due to his military training. He also enjoyed art and music, though he was never any good at either of those. He struggled terribly with English, foreign languages, and health classes simply because he wasn't familiar with the subject matter.

But by far, the classes he seemed to do the most poorly in were any sort of history classes. Geography, world history, politics...Zim despised those. He somehow managed to not fail these during the length of time he spent on Earth, but did the bare minimum necessary to obtain a passing mark. He very rarely paid attention and instead spent most of his time staring dreamily out of the nearest window, probably imagining himself conquering planet Earth and lording over the humans as their new Emperor...or wondering what he was going to eat when he got home.

And this behavior wasn't subject to strictly Earth history, either. Irk history also bored him to death, which infuriated many of his instructors back on his military training planet--Devastis. He simply couldn't see the merit of focusing too much on the past, especially when it was so boring. He also loathed anything having to do with religion, as he felt religion was an outdated and archaic construct that didn't deserve to be taken seriously.

He did quirk an antenna in Dib's direction as he was finishing his story, snickering when realization dawned on Skoodge's face. "...Oh. Okay. I get it now." The shorter, tubbier Irken scowled disapprovingly in Zim's direction, even though mild laughter danced on his every word. "How immature can you be? You're like a smeet!" Zim cackled in response, antennae bouncing. "Zim thanks you very much for the compliment!" "It wasn't a--!" Skoodge frowned. "...Never mind. Yeah, yeah--you're welcome."

Just as Skoodge finished talking, a tiny navy blue dot appeared on the horizon. The Ring Cutter gradually picked up speed until Neptune, with its attractive marbled blue surface, came into focus, still a decent distance away. "Within short-range communication distance," the Computer declared. "Alerting the Armada of our close proximity and transmitting a simple hail to the Massive." Both Irkens sat up straight, Skoodge to glance around the surrounding area warily for any sign of a hostile threat and Zim to keep a close eye on Dib's reaction. Several moments of silence passed by...

Before a colossal metal behemoth came lazily drifting out from behind the blue planet.

Zim was not exaggerating in the slightest. The Massive was indeed massive! It was dwarfed by Neptune, but was visibly almost the size of planet Mercury in height. It wasn't quite as wide, being much thinner than it was tall, but...the literal mothership of the Irken Empire definitely earned its name. It was as large as a small planet! It could easily carry millions of Irkens, if not billions! The ship itself was split into several distinct compartments, much like Zim's old underground laboratory. Just like most Irken things, it was constructed of pink, purple, and red metals and was covered with a multitude of huge wires and tubes. The onyx Irken Insignia, this one larger than many Earth countries, stood tall emblazoned above the windshield.

The Massive moved at an incredible rate of speed for something that looked so huge and clunky, making a beeline for the tiny speck that was their Ring Cutter. As it propelled itself forward, a flurry of smaller ships followed after it. It didn't seem like a huge amount of ships at first, but as the Armada drew closer the smaller ships came into view. And they were still coming from behind Neptune. The ships numbered in the thousands and varied in size, though most were medium or large in size.

This was a military to be reckoned with. Just the sight of the Irken Armada was terrifying. And that was how the Irkens liked it! It was better to be seen as scary than to be seen as weak!

 

[Dip]

While the human did enjoy the thought of Earth being run a little better, the word Zim used had ruined it for him. conquer. That single word brought memories of the young boy trying time and time again to protect the planet he had loved the most. But this decision was reserved for what was best for the planet, and not what was the most pleasant idea for Dib. Dib shook his head, not in a sign of disagreement, but as a sign of uncertainty.

Humans liked freedom. Humans liked freedom very much.

Dib had realized so many years ago that if humans wanted to destroy the planet so badly, they could go ahead and do so. He had fallen out of love with the human race, and turned his back to them and pursued the only thing he cared about: Inhuman creatures. While he took a break from saving the world, he had tried to find what had made him want to save humanity in the first place.

The human never found it.

While he continued his education, he had found many classes he was good at. And he had found a lot more that he was so incredibly bad it. Gym, much like the Irken, was his nemesis. He recalled skipping Gym classes ever since he was a freshman. He had always managed to pass, mostly because the teacher never cared to do proper attendance. While Dib had no musical or artistic ability, he was good at doodling and very simplistic drumming patterns.

Even as a young boy, he had always been good at science, math, and various other technology classes. He had an edge over others when it came to foreign language, and knew plenty to pass the class with flying colors. Could he hold a conversation entirely in Spanish? Absolutely not, but that didn't matter.

Dib smiled as the other realized just what they were laughing at. He saw a glimpse of the old Invader as he talked with his second, and Dib turned to look back at the windshield. As Neptune came closer, Dib snapped a shot of the beautiful blue planet. Dib tucked his phone away, and saw the change in posture within the others.

The human soon followed suit, and faced forward. The human took a minute to realize just exactly what he was looking at, and took a step back.

Was.... was that the Massive? Dib's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates as he inspected the giant ship that seemed to be barreling towards them. Dib was amazed, and full of rage at the same time.

How. In the FUCK. Do you not see something like that?! Every fiber in Dib's body wanted to take control of the Ring Cutter and bolt back to the planet Earth and just rant and rave. SERIOUSLY!! THIS THING WAS THE SIZE OF A PLANET, AND NO ONE COULD SEE IT? NO ONE?

NASA can't detect it? The Russian Military? ANY Military?!?! THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED FOR PANIC ON THE PLANET EARTH?!? Dib inspected the ship more, and soon saw the swarming fleet of smaller ship. Dib just about lost it. "You've got to be shitting me." He muttered under his breath.

He was livid. The human bit his tongue, and soon, let it all explode. He turned to Zim, and began his rant. "HOW CAN THEY NOT SEE THIS?!" Dib asked the Irken Commander. "HOW??!?! Humans CAN'T be that dumb! This is--" Dib turned back to the windshield. "THAT--That is--" He turned back to the Irken, and let out an exasperated sigh, that turned into an angry groan.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Skoodge nearly jumped out of his seat when Dib suddenly whipped around and began screeching and hollering as loud as he possibly could. Zim's sensitive antennae twitched wildly, silently voicing their disapproval, but Zim himself didn't seem to care too much. He shrugged his shoulders, looking as smug as ever.

"Phooey! With the exception of the Dib and a select few others, humans only see what they want to see. And what they are told to see." He gestured wildly with his tiny hands and long fingers. "A gigantic alien ship? Nah, that could never happen. Gotta be a big comet or some floating space junk. Maybe it was just a trick of the light, or even a wishful hallucination. An oddly-shaped supernova, perhaps. Anything but aliens. Because that would be ridiculous, now, wouldn't it?"

"The Massive has an emergency cloaking device, too," Skoodge chimed in as the intimidating ship drew closer, looming over them and taking up almost the entire windshield already. "It takes a lot of power to cloak a ship that large, so it can't be used for very long or it'll cause a total blackout inside...but we only use it when the Massive is under attack or about to be seen by someone or something we don't wanna be seen by."

GIR finally abandoned his spot at the windshield once he could no longer see anything other than the Massive by looking through it. He instead tottered over to hide behind his master's flowing magenta robe, looking uncertain. Apparently, the sheer size of the Massive was enough to make him uncomfortable.

"I'll prepare for boarding!" Skoodge hopped down from his chair, which somehow managed to be too tall for him, and landed handily on the ground. "I'll head over and grab a transport stretcher." He spared a glance at Dib. "They have a set, fixed level of gravity, so you can travel in the docking tube without hurting yourself. It'll also keep any bacteria or viruses you might have tagging along with you from getting to the others, and vice-versa too. The Tallest should be the one to escort you anyway."

He didn't have to continue speaking to make it obvious that he was worried about his ability to escort Dib safely due to his small size. Irkens were not usually kind to outsiders, especially when they gathered in a large crowd--and both Irkens knew that once the way into the Massive was opened a curious crowd would be waiting for them. If Skoodge tried to escort Dib, they would surely lash out and kick, push, punch, bite, and scratch the new arrival in their frenzy. On the other hand, they wouldn't dare to do so if Zim took it upon himself to escort Dib inside.

Zim nodded in agreement. Skoodge quickly darted to the archway and down the hallway. The Massive, still taking up the entirety of the windshield, slowly began to turn. While it could move forward at a rapid pace, changing direction in a major way took some time. Once Skoodge was gone, Zim distractedly began playing with his fingers. "You and GIR will have to be decontaminated." The little SIR whined again. "It doesn't take long. There is a decontamination chamber in the medical wing, which is where we're headed anyway. All you will have to do is strip and remove your glasses. Zim has a medic waiting to assess your health and administer some crucial vaccinations. Skoodge and I will have to leave to address the Council. GIR?"

GIR straightened up, saluting his master. His eyes and every single one of his panels suddenly glowed a striking crimson. "Yes, sir!" His voice changed again, too. Zim didn't even glance at him. "You will stay with the Dib in the medical wing after your decontamination. Just in case something goes wrong. And if something does..." One of the Tallest's antennae jerked with irritation. "You will come fetch your master. Immediately." The red faded back into that familiar soothing turquoise. "Okey-dokey!"

Though he would very much like to trust his staff, Zim simply didn't trust other Irkens anymore. He would much rather stick around for everything, but his Council expected a proper report from him and some elaboration on the purpose the Earth beast would be serving.

Skoodge darted back into the bridge, pulling a long floating object with him. It was covered with a large dome and had what appeared to be a large oxygen tank at one end. "Here's the stretcher! Biggest one we've got! Might still be a little cramped, though." His antennae drooped sadly. "Sorry about that. We had a bigger one for the Tallest..." He squinted in Zim's direction. "But he broke it in a fit of anger recently." Zim shrugged his shoulders, not apologetic in the slightest. Skoodge tapped the glass, which smoothly opened up. "You'll have to squeeze in here somehow. Well...you and him."

The round Irken gestured toward GIR, who smiled sweetly at Dib and held his arms out, anticipating being scooped up. "He's gotta be decontaminated, too." Judging by the tone of his voice, it sounded like Skoodge didn't like GIR all that much. "So until he's been decontaminated he'll have to stick to you like glue."

 

[Dip]

Dib wanted to argue the logic of human beings, but... Zim was spot on. Dib crossed his arms over his body and glared at the Irken spacecraft that was slowly engulfing the entire ship. He knew that even his photographic evidence would never be enough for the human public. The human wondered how much trouble he would be in if he told another human about this.

Dib knew for a fact that Zim wouldn't be able to care less, but he was sure the Skoodge would blow a circuit. The mental image of an alien of such short stature arguing and fighting tooth and nail was something he would love to see, but again, he'd like to see it happen to someone else. This was Zim's second in command-- the most decorated Invader on Irk. He would hate to piss him off.

Dib listened to what the other invader had to say about the cloaking device, and he turned back to the ship. How they could cloak something like that, he had no idea. The blackouts were no surprise to him, but someone attacking the Massive? That was something he wasn't sure if he'd like to see or not.

Dib watched as the Irken software hid behind his master, and Dib turned back to the behemoth that took up the entire windshield, and felt... very small. Not the same small he felt when he looked at Earth as he left, but... Small in size. Small in number. He knew that he was going to be the only Human aboard the ship, but somehow... he expected there to be a familiar face. He knew he was alone, he knew he was alien among the Irken people, but... maybe he might see a humanoid figure? With a nose? And lips, and human teeth, and eyes?

The sheer mass of the ship made Dib's skin crawl. He could relate with GIR.

Skoodge broke the tense feeling that was consuming Dib, and he turned to the other. Dib tried visualizing what the Irken veteran had spoken about before he walked away. He imaged a large gurney, with a lid on top. He felt a pang of relief when he he heard that Zim was going to escort him.

Dib didn't need someone to hold his hand, surely, but he would feel better if a superpower like Zim would escort him. Dib caught himself. He never thought he would say that, but here he was, finding comfort in the presence of his old nemesis.

It was... a weird, tense feeling.

Dib watched as the spacecraft began to turn, and he felt an anxiety boil up inside of his being. Was he really doing this? Was he really turning his back on everything he had ever learned? Was he really starting a new life, without a single human being? While Dib had hated other humans, he liked to have them around to remind him that he wasn't entirely alone.

The Tallest spoke about decontamination and looked over to the SIR unit, who like clockwork, whined like a little child. Dib was sure that the process wasn't entirely bad at all, and the robot was just over exaggerating. At the sound of vaccinations, the human shuttered. He hated human shots, but he only hoped that the medical technology was more advanced. At least, more advanced when it came to needles.

The Irken Invader's request to his SIR did nothing for the human's nerves. Infact, it only worsened them. He could feel the pain of needles up and down his arms, and he hadn't even bothered to meet the doctor yet!

Dib turned and saw just what he had expected: A gurney with a lid on it. The only difference was the oxygen tank near the end of the device. How considerate! As he neared the sterile instrument, he noticed how... small it was. It wasn't incredibly small, but it was smaller than he was. Dib wouldn't be suprised that Zim had broken something. His temper was something that never changed.

Dib saw the robot hold his arms out, and Dib couldn't help himself! He scooped the little robot into his arms and carried him much like a human would carry a cat; with one arm cradling him. Was that the proper way to hold a SIR unit? It was strange to think that the Irken's most powerful weapon could be disabled by a hug.

Dib looked at the lid slowly open, and he moved nearer to the glass menagerie. He wondered how he would fit, and he figured that GIR would fit before himself. The human placed the robot onto the gurney, and went to pick up his items that he had used previously.

He took his laptop and slipped it into his backpack, zipping it tighly, and pulling it over his shoulders. He approached the gurney, and inspected it. He was never good at Tetris, so this was an obvious puzzle to him.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Dib was wise to be wary of angering Skoodge despite his meager size and less than ideal physical condition. Short and tubby as he was, Skoodge was an Irken to be reckoned with. He didn't always openly defend himself--in fact, before Zim took power he barely defended himself against taunts and physical bullying at all. Now that an old friend was in power, and a friend who loathed height-based discrimination as much as he did, Skoodge had grown to become an outspoken individual. He wasn't afraid to speak his mind or fight tooth and claw to defend himself, his opinion, or someone he cared about.

Many species unfamiliar with the Irken Empire usually considered them as temperamental and snappish, but also small, cute, and mostly harmless--much like the way humans thought about chihuahuas and other small dogs. But small dogs could still bite. Irkens were not known as the scourge of the Known Universe for no good reason. They had horrifically violent tendencies. They were awful xenophobics with a general superiority complex that some felt they didn't actually deserve. All of them were forced to undergo military training, even if they had no intention of working in or for the Irken Military, so they could all fight--and fight well, to boot. When dealing with someone they disliked, they were often horribly nasty, derogatory, and violent.

Any creature unfortunate enough to end up as an Irken's prisoner of war was in for a truly bad time. They were rather fond of torturing those they considered to be the enemy. Compared to some of the other Irkens, Zim's terrible temper and tendency for violence looked almost tame and playful.

There were several surefire ways to quell an infamous Irken temper, though. Food was a big one. Offerings of food were likely to calm an irritable Irken at once. Jokes were always a good bet--Irkens loved to laugh. Dueling to blow off steam was the best method, but perhaps not the most practical. Music was an obscure method. Irkens did thoroughly enjoy music of all kinds, and the right genre could easily mellow them out.

GIR instantly cooed and snuggled up against Dib's chest when he was picked up and held in such a careful manner. Zim watched the interaction closely, almost warily. It wasn't difficult to ascertain why. GIR meant a lot to Zim, now more than ever. Even if Dib also meant a lot to the Irken monarch, GIR was something special. If anyone dared to to put their hands on GIR and try to harm him or destroy him, Zim would brutally club them to death with his bare hands. An insolent Council member learned this the hard way three years back after casually sticking a leg out and tripping GIR, forcing him into a headlong fall down a flight of stairs. GIR instantly began to cry, and not crocodile tears either. The last thing that Council member saw was a tall gaunt figure with a seemingly endless amount of thin, sharp-pointed legs crashing down onto him.

Maybe that was why Skoodge tolerated GIR, even though he was obviously wary around the manic little SIR unit. No matter how far back he and Zim went, there wasn't a single doubt in his mind that Zim would attack him if he even tried to chastise GIR.

The tiny SIR happily settled down into one of the tighter ends of the stretcher, pulling his limbs back into his body much like a turtle and waiting patiently for Dib to join him. Skoodge was busy sizing both the human and the gurney up, trying to figure out what would be most comfortable for both of them. Zim, in typical Zim fashion of course, just made a condescending sound and rolled his bug-like eyes.

"Just curl up in the...ehh...what do you call it again?" He waved one hand around in the air, twisting it at the wrist. "...Fetal position. Yes, that one! You won't be in the stretcher for very long--five minutes, give or take. It doesn't have to be comfortable. Just bearable, and practical."

"Yeah, he's kind of right." Skoodge's attention shifted from the stretcher to the long hallway leading to the entry panel. "You'll still be able to breathe no matter how tightly packed in there you are. Might be a little claustrophobic for a while, though, so I hope the thought doesn't terrify you. It would be best not to show weakness in front of the others, because, y'know...they'll jump on that like a pack of Slaughtering Rat People jumping on a nice juicy slab of meat."

Zim shuddered at the image that produced in his mind. He insistently waved Skoodge off, hovering over at a leisurely pace and placing his hand on the tank end of the stretcher. "Go on--shoo now before you conjure any more images of those foul beasts! You have crowd control to take care of!" "Oh, great." Skoodge deflated, scowling as he turned and trudged back down the hallway. "Looks like I'm gonna get trampled. Again."

Once he disappeared from sight, Zim began drumming his spidery fingers against the oxygen tank. "I'll try to move quickly. The faster Zim moves, the quicker this can all be done with. These things are horribly uncomfortable. But it'll be a short trip." One of his feet began tapping against the metal floor, the heavy combat boot clinking and clanking and forcing the sound to echo through the entire domed room. "Well? Don't keep Zim waiting, now." He sounded almost playful. "Hop in. The Armada has been held up for far too long. We'll be due on another planet awaiting Conversion soon. We cannot afford to dawdle."

 

[Dip]

The only thought that Dib could think to say was something he didn't say whatsoever. What if people see me? Dib didn't know what exactly he meant when he said the phrase subconsciously, but he was sure it was just a human instinct to feel embarrassment. Just visualizing himself, tangled entirely in his gangly limbs, viewed by hundreds, if not thousands of aliens that he didn't know about... It gave Dib second-hand embarrassment, just thinking about it!

His first impression was going to be a very ridiculous one, and he did not want that at all. But... what other option did he have? Dib watched as the other collapsed into a turtle-like position, and wished he could do the same. It was the human embarassment that was holding him back, and he knew that it was something he would have to deal with if he ever wanted to have an in with the other aliens aboard the ship.

Dib wondered for a moment if he could fit himself, the bot, and his backpack... "Wait, I have an idea." Dib stopped. He took his bag off of himself, and unzipped it quickly. He took out The Thing that Zim gave him... what seemed like years ago, and pressed it over his backpack. The human wanted to suck up GIR aswell, but he knew that would be a slap to Zim's face, if anything. Dib tucked The Thing away into his pocket.

Dib saw the way the Invader looked at him when he held his robot. He also saw the anger flash in his eyes when Dib mocked the robot. While the human didn't know what terms he was on with the alien, he knew one thing: He didn't want to be on bad terms with him. It was obvious that over the course of Zim's being gone, the alien had changed feelings about Dib drastically.

The alien never wanted to be within the same room as Dib-- he didn't want to breathe the same air as the carbon-based life form, and how Dib was going to be working for the Tallest. Now Dib was going to be sleeping right next door to the person he hated most!

Or.. had hated most.

Dib thought back to a time where Zim didn't care about anyone else's well-being except his own. Now, it seemed that the human's well-being was the only thing he cared about. The alien had given him food, made sure his medical papers were in order, informed him on crucial Irken information-- even telling him about his new height to fame and height to...height!

Why did Zim care so much? Dib didn't want to say that it weirded him out, because there had to be another word for it. This Zim was less caring, but somehow more at the same time. This alien cared about what happened to the human, but didn't care about any other Irkens. Zim cared about his second in command, but never even bothered to tell him something so important! He had told Dib within the first ten minutes of their meeting, and the Irken's had been working together since they were hatchlings!

Speaking of, Skoodged told him not to show weakness, and Dib put on a brave face instantly. Why... why should he feel embarrassed? For all they knew, it was entirely normal to be transported via gurney to a ship in the middle of dead space. For all they knew, it was how he got around.

Dib watched as the other scurried away, and Dib slowly crawled onto the strecher.

Why was he cursed to be so tall?

Dib curled up into a tight little ball, and his brave-face melted away. "I feel like an idiot." He said.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Zim openly laughed when Dib claimed that he felt like an idiot. "Oh, pshaw." The Irken monarch seemed totally unconcerned about the situation. "Many non-Irken workers still have to be transported from ship to ship in a medical stretcher. Aside from the species that travel in space regularly, like Irkens and Vortians and the Meekrob, only select few species have suits that can withstand the pressure and temperature and all that wonderful stuff that space has to offer in every household. Though all are provided with such suits once they begin work for the Irken Empire, seeing as the vast majority of us spend most of our lives away from our mother planet, most of them have to be transported via a medical stretcher into their very first ship."

This was something most non-Irken employees had to suffer through the first time around. Though it wouldn't be considered an embarrassing thing, seeing the newcomer carted into the Massive in a stretcher like that would brand him as an outsider in the minds of most Irkens. But he was already considered an outsider, even though only Skoodge had gotten a good look at him so far. He would have to work hard to prove himself anyway, so really, Zim didn't see this little experience doing Dib any harm.

GIR giggled as he looked Dib over, apparently amused by the tangled position of his limbs. "You look like a pretzel!" he declared playfully. "And I look like a turtle! We are the turtle pretzel!" Zim snickered and tapped the edge of the stretcher. The glass promptly swooshed up and back into place. "If you really feel like you look that ridiculous..." Though the tall Irken's voice was muffled by the glass, it was still clearly audible. "Then pretend to be unconscious. Zim can whip up some story about the two of us getting into a brawl for old time's sake. Though it will be clear that you lost to the almighty ZIM, just knowing that you agreed to fight with the Almighty Tallest will earn you some points with the others!"

Zim gave the stretcher a couple of warning taps before giving it a push. He hovered along with the stretcher, standing behind it as he pushed it down the hallway. The panel opened before he even reached it. This time there was no ramp. Instead, a wide tube surrounded the door. Zim hovered along into the tube...and suddenly, all three of them were surrounded on all sides by space. The distant stars lit up the sky. The Sun was visible from this point, but it was so very far away--it looked like a speck from this distance. The size of the Massive was even more apparent from this short distance, looming over them like an impossibly colossal skyscraper. It truly was a beast--a marvel of modern Irken engineering.

As Zim drew closer and closer to the Massive with the stretcher in tow, a small panel on its side opened. Zim didn't have to duck to enter, though he did have to press his antennae against his head. The light from within was almost blinding at first...

But when it cleared...Dib would be getting his first look at both the interior of the Massive and his new community.

The room they entered was tall and rounded, containing many levels with catwalks stretching across and around in a circle. Dotted along these catwalks were tall and thin cylindrical capsules. Zim's old base on Earth contained these capsules. They were teleportation capsules, and he used them in the past to travel to his old moon base. Irkens were constantly coming and going from these capsules, some with boxes and bags in hand and others with official-looking clipboards.

And speaking of Irkens...a throng of Irkens were gathered around the opened panel. Skoodge stood defiantly between the two separate crowds, cautiously holding both hands out in an attempt to keep them organized. The other Irkens were small, with most being under five feet in height. Though they all had green skin, the shades varied from dark to light. The eye colors were even more diverse, though all of their eyes were one solid color. Most of them had pink or magenta eyes, much like Zim and Skoodge. A fair number had purple or green eyes. A much smaller percentage boasted other colors, like orange and golden. One or two in the crowd sported vibrant blue eyes. The antennae varied in both length and thickness. The females were easy to pick out, with their extra long and exquisitely curled antennae. The males had shorter antennae with cricked tips, though the length varied from super-short to almost as long as a female's without the curls. They all sported similar garb, with most wearing the familiar pink outfit Zim wore so long ago on Earth, but some wore robes that matched Skoodge's and others wore white lab coats with pairs of protective goggles sitting atop their heads.

As soon as Zim stepped inside, the gossiping began.

"That's the thing we spent six months traveling for? I thought it would be more impressive." "Well, what were you expecting? A giant twelve feet tall with sharp fangs?" "It's all pink!" "It looks soft and weak." "You look soft and weak, you little twerp!" "It's got fur on its head. That's kind of strange." "Are those ears? They look like little satellite dishes!" "That thing on its face is a nose, right? Why does it jut out so far?" "I wonder what color its blood is. Shall we find out?" "It's pretty tall for an inferior being. I wonder how it will fare in a fight. I should challenge it sometime." "It's almost as tall as the Tallest! Wow!" "That thing has a really big head, don't you think?"

"Silence!"

The rabble quieted down at Zim's command, though they still watched curiously as Zim irritably pushed the stretcher along. He kept on going until he was out of sight. He kept pushing the stretcher, heading for a nearby hallway. The hallway hosted several different rooms, some of which looked like laboratories. He said nothing to Dib until he reached an elevator at the end of the hallway. Once he was inside and the door shut, he heaved an exasperated sigh as he tapped in the correct destination. "...Are you all right, still, Dib-human?" He sounded only mildly concerned. "We'll be there soon."

 

[Dip]

While Dib didn't like being laughed at one bit, he slowly simmered down when Zim spoke up about the persons who have traveled in the stretcher before. Dib felt a little better about not being special and sighed. Dib wondered exactly how many beings had to go into the Massive in this fashion, and he wondered if they all felt much like the human did.

Dib craned his neck to look at the robot and smiled as the software spoke. Dib rolled his eyes and replied. "I feel like a pretzel." Not like a literal pretzel, with a crusty-salty outside and a warm sourdough inside, but all tangled up and gross-looking. GIR commented on his animal-like state, and Dib chuckled. Turtle pretzel. He guessed that was a good name for the situation they were both placed in.

The glass encased both of them, and Dib felt much like a sardine inside of a misbegotten can. The human looked up at the other as he spoke, and decided that playing dead was a very good idea. Dib fixed his position into a more comfortable one-- well, as comfortable as one tied in knots could get-- and awaited his departure.

He thought about how successful a fight between himself and Zim would be, and he realized that he would most likely end up in a stretcher. If it would be anything like his argument with the Tallest, being in a stretcher would be a graceful way to go. The human was still grateful to the robot for saving his skin, and if it wasn't for him, Dib would still be on Earth but in a much less flattering position.

The alien tapped the stretcher and pushed it with a gradual lurch. The human could feel movement, but there was no sound of wheels rolling on hard floor, or any bumps that came with years of push and pull. It was entirely smooth, and it was a strange feeling for the human being.

As the human cargo was tugged through the Cutter, he slowly made his way towards where the ramp would be. Dib kept his eyes open to take a good look around before he played dead, and he was glad that he did. There was just... so much space. Dib wanted to jump from his position, break through the glass, and venture into the unknown. He wanted to look at... well, everything! It was all so beautiful. He saw the neighboring planet of Neptune, it's distant moons, and Dib's own beautiful sun.

He missed it instantly. He wanted to feel it's warmth once more, but he was unsure how to feel it. He felt... very cold. He realized that space was, in fact, as cold as they said it was. The homesick human saw the towering Massive before him, and calmed his beating heart.

It was impending. It was gigantic. It was Massive.

As the side panel opened, Dib closed his eyes and went limp. Playing dead would work, right? He would make friends like this, right? It would be impressive, to have the shit beaten out of him by the alien race's Almighty Tallest, right? The human hoped so. He kept his eyes closed for the most part, but he was still able to hear all of the chattering, all of the talking, all of the excitement.

Dib wasn't entirely sure when he had made it inside the room, or how far he was into the room before the actual talking started. He heard miscellaneous languages, almost all of them foreign to his own ears. The phrases he heard in his native tongue did nothing to suppress his anxious human nerves. He wanted to correct them that, no, his head wasn't all that big, but it was average!

The leader yelled for silence, and pushed in just that: silence. Dib felt uncomfortable, knowing all eyes were on him and him alone. He wondered if Zim liked the attention, or if he was just that worried that something would happen to Dib.

Dib, once again, wasn't sure when the last room ended and the new one began, but at the Irken's sigh, Dib opened his eyes. The hallway was very much like the one on the Cutter: sterile, and almost brand-new looking. Dib sat up quickly, per instinct, and hit his head on the top of the glass. He fell back down, and clutched his skull. Well, he was all right. "Uugh," He groaned, readily expecting the android to burst into laughter.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

As expected, GIR instantly began to giggle. "You're funny! But don't break your head open, okay? 'Cause that ain't good!" Zim's antennae rose only slightly. "Are you all right now? You didn't crack your sizable head open on the glass, did you?''

The elevator had a clear front, and though it moved at a fairly rapid pace the rooms and hallways it rose through could still clearly be seen. Irkens were rather fond of the colors purple and pink, as most of the walls and floors and even the objects were one or both of these colors. Zim's entire laboratory back on planet Earth consisted of these colors, as well.

At the pace the elevator was rising, it didn't take long at all to reach the proper hallway. Zim easily wheeled the stretcher out of the elevator, pushing it down the hallway. "Now, Dib-thing..." This hallway was almost devoid of any living creatures, Irken or non-Irken. "There may be some side effects Zim did not anticipate from receiving the vaccinations. Irken smeets receive all of their vaccinations shortly after hatching and are often exhausted and bed-ridden for a few hours. Zim will see to it that you can rest and recover. And yes, we do have beds." Zim's antennae twitched. "Though sleep is not required for us, it is a luxury we sometimes like to indulge in when we grow mentally tired. Only high-ranking Irkens and non-Irkens who require sleep are given beds."

Speaking of Irkens and non-Irkens...judging by the crowd that gathered to watch the strange new Earth creature being escorted into the Massive, Irkens outnumbered non-Irkens a hundred to one. This likely had something to do with the xenophobic behavior Irkens were so infamous for. Many Irkens would simply refuse to work with anyone who wasn't also Irkens. As Dib would quickly learn, non-Irkens were often treated like inferior second-class citizens. The human would have to work very hard to earn even the tiniest semblance of respect.

But Zim had the utmost confidence in him. After all, the Dib was vastly intelligent and skilled!

The rooms they were passing had translucent doors and contained beds and nightstands only. Some of the beds were occupied, mostly by Irkens but sometimes by non-Irkens. Every once in a while an Irken in a long black or white coat would shuffle into a room. It definitely resembled an Earth hospital, just much calmer and quieter--and it didn't smell quite as sterile. Zim was visibly uncomfortable, with his shoulders raised, head bowed, and antennae quivering with unease. Apparently, he didn't much care for medical settings.

One of the Irken Medics walking by stopped in her tracks, studying the passing trio with mildly concealed interest. "Greetings, my Tallest. How is your health?" Zim grunted, unwillingly pausing for a moment to humor her. "Fine." He sounded like he'd rather be anywhere else in the entire Universe than standing there talking to her. She didn't so much as flinch. "The gravitational change didn't affect you at all?" Zim grunted again, scowling off into the distance and refusing to meet her gaze. "Nope. Now if you'll excuse us, Zim is very busy." The Medic gave a slight bow and shuffled off to the side. The only sign that she might have been irritated was a brief flick of one of her antennae. "Of course. I expect you to come in for a check-up after you brief the Council, as is customary."

Zim didn't even bother answering her and instead hurried on, scowling and grumbling to himself. The Almighty Tallest was often plagued with health problems because of their increased height, so Zim was often forced to pay a visit to the Medical Wing. He was the sort that would rather take care of his problems himself and avoid having to go to a doctor at all. Skoodge was the sensible one who often forced him to seek medical attention.

The irritable Tallest took a sharp right when the hallway forked into two paths. Eventually their ragtag little trio ended up in what looked like a laboratory.

"Zim is here, Serloz." Again, he didn't sound enthusiastic. "Along with the Earth creature." He didn't even look at the other Irken, instead guiding the stretcher toward a square-shaped glass box. He pushed it into the box, pressed the button to open the glass dome, and quickly backed out of the box. Just as the glass slid open, the door to the box was closed. "As Zim mentioned before, remove your glasses and clothing. You can keep your underclothing on. Just lay everything out straight on the ground so it can all be decontaminated." GIR happily hopped out of the stretcher, but once he took a quick look around he pouted and sat in the corner, realizing where he was.

"Decontamination will begin with cleansing liquid. It won't ruin your clothes-things, Zim promises. A moment will be allowed for that to sink in--you should close your eyes beforehand to avoid damaging them." Though Irkens had the technology to repair eyes and even restore sight to the blind, they couldn't construct their own eyes if someone happened to lose them. "Once the liquid has sunken in enough, fans will be activated and you'll be dried. When the drying process ends you can redress, and you'll be escorted to an examination table for your physical and the administering of vaccines."

The pink panels on Zim's PAK began to flash. He growled, craning his neck in an attempt to glare at his own PAK. "The Council is expecting Zim. He'll have to leave. Remember what I said, GIR!" "I doooooo." The Tallest finally turned his gaze on the other Irken. His antennae pressed back against his head and he stood rigid. "You will treat this creature with the utmost respect, as if he was one of our kind...or things will not end well for you."

With that warning hanging in the air, Zim nodded to Dib as a temporary farewell and turned, disappearing into the hallway. GIR watched him go, and once he was gone he stared pointedly at the other Irken. His master wanted him to keep watch...so he would be keeping watch. And if it looked like any funny business was going on...he had to run off to fetch Zim. This was important to his master, so he hoped he could keep himself on task at least for a little while.

 

[Dip]

Dib rubbed his eyes, feeling the pain build inside his skull and pulsate behind his eyes. Instant headache. "My head isn't broken..." Well, not physically, anyway.Dib couldn't be mad at GIR for laughing, but he spoke up when the Irken Invader did so. "And it's not sizeable! It's average." Dib tried to defend himself and sighed. He was sure that the entire Irken race would be hearing that for a long, long time.

Dib watched as best as he could as he moved from floor to floor, inspecting the colors the Irkens seemed to love decorating with. He wasn't sure if it was a nod to the Tallest, seeing as Zim had pink eyes and a pink PAK, or if it was just a common color among Irkens. He didn't ask, and only absorbed the information as it was spoon-fed to him.

As the gurney lurched forward again, Dib looked up to listened to the Tallest. The other spoke of side effects, and Dib knitted his eyebrows together tightly as he spoke. The only good thing that came from his comment was the fact that the human would, in fact, have a bed. Was he serious? Dib was shown all of this amazing and exciting new stuff, but he had to wait for it all?

Dib would have crossed his arms if he had enough room to. He didn't like the idea of resting, but he was sure that it wouldn't hurt. While the human was anxious to explore the entire ship-- or at least as much as he could-- he was also anxious to be face to face with an alien that wasn't Zim or Skoodge.

Dib was sure that Zim had no idea what he was getting the human into.

the human cargo craned his neck to look forward, and felt a growing pain within his neck. First his head, now his neck and shoulders? Well, this certainly was new to him. He watched the doors he passed, trying his best to peek through the translucent doors. He knew he was suppose to be playing dead, but hell, this was too interesting! What were the doors made out of? Some kind of molecular-atomic wood? Not even wood, maybe just pure energy! He charted that question down mentally, so he could ask the Invader later on.

It wasn't long before the Tallest was pursued by another Irken, who spoke about Zim's health, and the human could only connect it to his body modifications. Dib said nothing, but watched as he was inspected like a specimen in a jar. Well, actually, he was currently as specimen in a jar! It was a rather profound thought, to be observed in such a sensitive state.

Zim hurried past her, and Dib was thankful so. It seemed like Zim didn't take too kindly to medical professionals, and Dib wondered if he should be worried at all. Zim was always one to keep to himself about issues, he knew that first hand, but he wondered if his isolative tendencies worsened within the past six years.

The sharp right jogged Dib slightly, and he soon found himself in a purple lab-like setting. Zim spoke to a different Irken, and Dib watched cautiously.

The Irken had spent the past thirty minutes prepping for the arrival of... It. He had missed the arrival 'ceremony' (it was hardly a ceremony. He had seen better funerals) and was currently getting the first view of the disgusting worm-baby. The Almighty Tallest had been so gracious to the Surgeon, and briefed him on some things that would seem alarming to the other Irken.

The alien knew a few things:

1. It had rust blood.
2. It had books on itself. The Almighty Tallest had granted the Irken a beautiful translation device to decipher it's native language, and he was forever grateful.
3. It needed to be vaccinated.
4. It was to be treated with the respect the Surgeon was known to give Irkens.

The Irken was sure he was able to do most of those things, but he knew better than to disobey his Tallest. He could vaccinate, and he would translate, but respect would be a stretch. The Irken Surgeon was renowned for his attitude towards his own species, but the other inferior beings? Not so much...

It was a pleasure to serve his Tallest, and something he constantly struggled with. The Doctor had been organizing his very cluttered desk when the Tallest rolled up, the Irken's looped antennae snapped to attention when he heard the slight movement, and his whole body followed. Standing ridged, the Irken saluted.

"My Tallest." The Irken Serloz spoke in Dib's tongue. He was required to download the language into his PAK, as Serloz had the 'honor' of working with... that. The Sergeon slowly melted from his salute when The Tallest introduced him to the... human. Serloz inspected the glass closely as The Tallest directed his attention to it. He looked almost with disgust as he saw how... pink it was. Serloz looked to his Tallest, and back at it.

That was it? That's what his Tallest wanted him to waste vaccines on? That's what they wasted six months for? It was just that: a waste. His Tallest went through the motions of Decontamination, and Serloz looked over it closely.

The human thankfully stretched once the dome was slipped off, and listened to what the alien had to say about decontamination. Serloz was disgusted with how it moved, and didn't want to touch it even with his PAK. The Tallest soon directed his attention to Serloz, and the Irken snapped into a salute once more, his antennae slick to his head.

"You will treat this creature with the utmost respect as if he was one of our kind...or things will not end well for you."

"My Tallest," The Irken spoke once more, his voice unwavering. The Irken watched silently as The Almighty Tallest wasted his energy by bowing to the lesser being, and The Tallest soon departed. Serloz's gloved hands curled into a fist as he lowered his hand from his forehead, and he turned towards the two in the Decontamination chamber.

"Human," Serloz nearly hissed. "The Almighty Tallest has alerted Serloz that you have some very important documents for me. I require them now."

Dib didn't respond for a moment, mostly amazed that the other knew English. Dib shook his head, and quickly responded by pulling out The Thing that Zim had given him a few short hours ago. "They're in here."

Oh no. This was worse than Serloz thought. The Almighty Tallest had gifted this disgusting carbon-based lifeform Irken technology? Serloz sneered. "Undress. It will get Decontaminated with you." The Irken turned sharply, his white lab coat following closely behind him. Serloz walked back to his desk, and continued to prep for the vaccination.

---

---

The Decontamination wasn't as bad as GIR had made it out to be, but Dib was fortunate that he didn't have to deal with wet software. The human, once the drying process was finished, dressed himself quickly, and was face to face with the Irken once more.

Serloz opened the chamber, and watched as they stepped out. "Give me The Thing." He commanded.

"The what?"

"The Thing." Serloz pressed, growing more and more annoyed with it by the second.

Dib paused a moment, but started. "Oh! Oh, right, The Thing." Dib slipped the clean cube from his pocket, and Serloz took it from his hand's quickly. Serloz looked to the human, and expected him to follow. Dib spoke as Serloz shuffled away, but he spoke rather sheepishly. "The documents are inside a black... carrying device. The sample is in there, too."

Dib exchanged a glance with GIR, and followed the Irken Surgeon. Serloz led the two towards a small room that the human had likened to a dentist's office. There was a large chair, contoured to the position of the last being who had graced it, as well as a large overhead screen. There were many diagrams along the pink walls, and Dib looked at each one. Serloz had pressed a button on The Thing, and expelled the black backpack that the human had talked about.

Serloz unzipped it slowly. The Decontamination device was excellent at cleaning things inside and out, but he was still unsure about what exactly he should expect. Serloz took out the folder of documents, and slowly examined the blood in the vile. "Disgusting..." He sneered under his breath. Dib turned from the posters to look at him, and slowly turned back.

Serloz spent some time flipping through the documents, translating them, and reading through some of the various books he had found inside Dib's bag. Serloz took it upon himself to run a few tests of the sample of blood, and Dib watched as he did so.

The constant watching did nothing for Serloz. It only made him feel like he should... show off to the other. What was so special about that thing, anyway? What was so great about the human and it had to be picked up off of some dusty forgotten planet? "Do you mind?" Serloz snapped."Serloz cannot work when he is being watched." He finished

Dib raised his hands in defense. "I-I was just watching--"

"I-I-I." Serloz imitated the stutter, and smirked as Dib shut up quickly. "You-you-you should be grateful that Serloz is even considering to vaccinate you." The Surgeon spoke. "I am the best Surgeon that Irk has ever seen, and I shouldn't be wasting my vast skill and knowledge on some disgusting carbon-based fecal matter such as yourself. I will not disobey director orders from my Almighty Tallest. He is entrusting Serloz to properly treat you with the respect you deserve, and you deserve none. You being spoken to in your native tongue is respect enough."

Serloz watched as the machine he was previously working on print out a small list, and Serloz inspected it closely. Dib did nothing, and stood still. He slowly turned to view the poster, and hoped that this situation would be enough to thicken his hide and turn his blood cold. Dib, as the other spoke, knew that this entire situation was a bad idea.

The Irken spoke, looking over him with a fine-tooth comb. "Shed your outer-layering, and sit here. Serloz with begin to administer your vaccinations."

Dib opened his mouth to speak as he took off his trench-coat. He guessed that's what the other meant by 'outer-layering'. "How... How many do I have?"

"Six." Serloz spoke, matter-of-factly.

"Six..." Dib rolled that number around in his mouth, and thought that six was a very scary number. "Is it possible to separate them out? Like... three now, three later?"

Serloz turned to the human, and curled his upper lip in disgust. "Three now? Three later?" Serloz spoke as if Dib had just insulted The Almighty Tallest himself! "My Tallest has entrusted me with your pathetic existence and you will do as he and I say. The Almight--"

"I get it!" Dib yelled. "I get it! Okay! The answer is no. 'No, it's not possible' would have worked just well." The human was absolutely fed up with Serloz, and just wanted the entire process to be over with.

Serloz glared deep into the Human's soul as he spoke, and a long leg shot from the Irken's pack. The leg pushed Dib flat onto the chair. The Irken yelled back at the human. "DO NOT INTERRUPT ME." Serloz retracted his leg, and muttered as he went to collect the vaccines. "You disgust me, you putrid worm-creature..."

Dib felt his heart nearly leap out of his chest when the leg shot at him in lightening speed. Dib had lost track of GIR, within the period of entering the office and sitting down, but he hoped that GIR was safe. Dib wondered if this kind of treatment would happen often to the human, and if all lesser-beings went through this.

Serloz reentered, and smirked at the human. "After giving it some consideration, Serloz has decided to follow through with your request." The Surgeon brandished two separate three-pronged syringes, and Dib instantly shot up in the chair. He brought his legs up to his chest, and tried to push himself away and keep himself there at the same time. Anxiety bubbled over, and became outward.

The syringes were like any common syringes, but they had three chambers with various colors of liquids. Dib had seen needles before, but the thing that set him off was the length and the thickness of each one. Dib pointed a finger at the Irken, and spoke loudly. Nervousness was present in his voice. "H-Hold on! Hold on a minute! That-That-That is NOT what I meant!!"

Serloz instantly felt threatened as Dib pointed at him like that. Dib's pointing did nothing but cause trouble. Serloz shot a leg at Dib, and used it to push him down once more. Dib's hands shot up to grab at the leg, fear dancing in his eyes. Serloz laughed loudly, and walked towards the human.

"What, human? It's only a vaccination!" He laughed. Another of Serloz's legs shot out, and this was used to restrain Dib's left arm. The leg clamped tightly around the human's wrist and folded it straight down. Another one shot out, this time, clamping down on the human's kicking legs. The last leg joined in, clamping down on the human's neck. Dib's free hand grabbed aimlessly at the clamp on his neck, flailing as he might to get it off of his larynx. He could hardly make a sound.

The Irken drove the two syringes deep into the human's tense muscles. Dib screamed bloody murder, but it came out locked and restrained.

Dib missed Zim badly.