HaydenLavisky and Devilcake

Jayken sat in the corner of the bathroom, his knees curled up to his chest and his hands fisted in his hair. What had he just done? Made it awkward again, as per usual with him whenever he was around Hannes. He needed to learn how to control himself, especially since Hannes was still trying to figure everything out.

Jayken's breathing started to accelerate as his thoughts turned against himself. His breathing was short, sharp pants, like a dog that had been in the sun all day and had gone for a run. His nails dug into his scalp as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the voices that invaded his consciousness.

He didn't even hear Hannes knocking on the door or telling him it was okay, that he didn't mind. No, he heard what his mind wanted him to hear. It whispered to him, luring him towards the darkness of his mind. He couldn't fight it, his breath starting to come short as he hyperventilated and tried reaching for the blade that he knew was in his bathroom drawer.
 
Maybe it was the fact that he was still a little on edge from watching the horror movie or that he knew what he had resorted to in the past when he felt he had done something wrong, but Hannes couldn't help but expect the worst.

Se he pulled the handle, praying that he had left it open in his hurry to get away because there was no way Hannes could break open a locked door. Luckily the door opened once he tried to pushed it in, but he almost regretted doing it because the scene broke his heart a little. Seeing Jayken desperately trying to breath, all curled up on the floor. Hannes hated it.

He opened and peeked into the drawer Jayken was trying to open, and closed it immidiatly as he saw what one of the things inside were. Then he sat down and carefully wrapped his arms around Jayken, hoping some comfort could help his rapid breathing to calm down.

"It's okay Jayken, I don't mind, It's okay" Hannes murmured quietly, hoping to assure him of how matters really were before he got his own ideas to stick in his head.
 
Jayken hadn't even noticed that the door had opened and Hannes was inside the small bathroom until the drawer he was reaching towards was pushed shut. His panicked eyes looked up to the older male, only to soon be embraced in a comforting hold. Tears sprung to his eyes as his hands reached up to Hannes' back and clung to the fabric of his shirt while he buried his face in the older's neck.

Crying wouldn't help his breathing at the moment, though, so he tried to hold it in as he focused on Hannes, trying his best to push away the crippling thoughts swimming around his mind. He had never wanted Hannes to see him like this, at his lowest level besides what he looked like after he cut himself.

Jayken just held onto Hannes as his breathing slowly started to return back to normal until they were slow, barely audible breaths that came from his nose. He still clung onto the older male, though, seeking the comfort that he provided.
 
Hannes kept mumbling reassuring words to Jayken as he clung to him. Kept holding him close until his breathing was back to a, somewhat, normal state. Then he kept holding him for a little while longer, not quite ready to let him go yet.

After a while of sitting on the bathroom floor Hannes shifted a little as the hard surfice was a little uncomfortable and couldn't help put to pull back a little. He gently placed a hand on Jaykens face and turned it up towards his own, looking into Jayken's slightly tearful eyes. Hannes didn't like seeing him sad at all.

He tried to think of a way to make him feel a little better, to further convince him that it was alright. He could place his lips against the other's, but Hannes once again didn't want to do something he wasn't sure of, potentially hurting Jayken scaring him even more now.

So he settled with giving him a light kiss on the cheek, and then one on his forehead, simply because Hannes couldn't stop himself.

"See, I don't mind at all, okay?"
 
Jayken leaned against Hannes, slowly letting his breathing return to normal as he was given the chance to just relax for a bit more and to seek comfort in the older's arms. "Thank you, Hannes." He murmured quietly, chewing on his bottom lip.

Upon feeling the kisses to his cheek and forehead, his eyes closed and he let out a soft sigh. "I'm alright, now." He murmured as he slowly sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. "Sorry, about all that." He murmured quietly.
 
"Nah don't apologise," Hannes said and gave Jayken a small smile, he really didn't need to. Hannes didn't want him to feel bad or anxious, but when he felt those things it was nothing to really ask for forgiveness for, at least not in Hanne's eyes, "we said we would look out for each other right"

Then he carefully detangled himself from Jayken, stood up and held out a hand to help the other up. Instantly he found himself missing Jayken's warmth a little, despite the not so fun reason he had gotten to hold him so close Hannes decided he liked it.

"Let's not sit on the bathroom floor for the rest of the day," He said with a light chuckle"The bed's at least a little comfier"
 
((So sorry for late response. Have a respiratory infection))

Jayken looked up at Hannes, then nodded slowly as he stood up from the bathroom floor with Hannes' help since his body was starting to cramp up. "I know...but still, you shouldn't of had to see that." He murmured quietly.

"Yeah, let's go back." He said as he walked back into his room, still holding onto the older's hand as he climbed into the bed and underneath the covers, then waited until Hannes got in as well before he moved closer to his side, seeking the warmth.
 
When getting back into bed Hannes wrapped an arm around Jayken and held him close, staying quiet for a minute before talking.

"you know, you don't have to run away from me every time you think you've done something I won't like" Hannes mumbled, "I dunno, maybe it's easier said than done, I'd just rather you talk about it than…"

He trailed off a little at the end. The sentence was of course supposed to continue on with the words 'hurting yourself' but they got stuck on the way out, Hannes didn't want to say the words when talking about Jayken, because he didn't want him to feel so bad he felt like he needed to do such a thing

"I'd rather see it and be able to help, than be locked out without being able to do anything"
 
Jayken was surprised about the arm that had wrapped itself around him, looking up at the older male in confusion, but letting it go and cuddling into Hannes' side.

He stayed quiet as the older talked, chewing on his lips out of nervous habit as he said that he didn't have to run away. It would take him a while to get used to that, especially since it was what he was used to.

"Sorry...I know it was a little unfair of me to block you out after that. Thank you, though, for helping me. Usually I don't have anyone to help me through that so usually I..." He trailed off, not wanting to mention what he does when he's alone. "But...thank you."
 
"Like I said, no need to thank me, We'll look out for each other" Hannes mumbled, he, of course, noticed Jayken trailing off just the way he had so he held him a little closer at that, "Even if this doesn't work out, I'll try to be there for you"

Hannes felt a little hesitant saying it at a time when Jayken seemed more fragile, but he wanted him to know that this wasn't just something he was doing because they were trying out being a thing, but because he didn't want Jayken to be alone at times like those.

Although, the more time they spent together that was more intimate, every little step they had taken to what resembled a relationship just since that afternoon Hannes found that he would most likely miss it if they decided it didn't work.
 
Jayken nodded slowly, letting out a soft sigh as he listened to the older male. "Alright. And I'll try to be there for you, too." He said as he looked up at Hannes, offering a small smile.

He leaned up and brushed his lips over the older's cheek, not moving towards his lips since he didn't want a repeat of what had happened just a few minutes prior. "So, um...shall we watch another movie or did you want to head back outside?" He asked shyly, a light blush rising on his cheeks.
 
Hannes smiled a little as Jayken's lips made contact with his cheek. He liked getting the affection at least. But he wasn't sure about heading back outside right now. Their relationship was suddenly different, and while he wasn't concerned off what people would think about the two of them dating, he knew his friends were accepting people, he was more afraid of what it would think if it didn't work out and they broke it off just a couple of days after letting people know.

If they just showed people they were dating and it didn't work out things would probably end up more awkward than they would if they didn't tell people. But he also didn't want to force Jayken to hide things because Hannes couldn't deal with people knowing he wasn't completely sure of everything he did.

"Let's just watch another movie" Hanne's mumbled, still a little caught up in his own thoughts, he decided to postpone those thoughts and stay inside a little more so that he could he put on his usual smile as he continued, "one that's less scary, please "
 
Jensen nodded and grabbed his laptop, pulling up a few animated movies, since neither of them were up for another scary movie. As he got the film started up, he then looked at Hannes and smiled softly. "You know...we don't have to tell anyone...we can just keep it here, for ourselves." He murmured quietly.

"I wouldn't mind. I'd actually prefer it." He said, bumping Hannes playfully with his elbow. "Don't worry about it, alright? If you have something on your mind about us, then tell me. Maybe I'll be able to help."
 
"I just don't want you to feel like you have to hide," Hannes started, a little to carefully to match the playful tone Jayken had had, but he didn't sound to upset about it, he was just trying to explain some of his thoughts, "like I know the people in your life are less accepting, so I just feel like it'd be pretty shitty of me to say you have suppress yourself because I can't figure things out"

And of course it was the matter of not wanting other people to know Hannes wasn't sure off himself. But as long as Jayken preferred keeping a low profile about the whole thing there was no real reason to mention those kinds of insecurities.

"But if your okay with it not telling anyone as well, I guess it's okay?" Hannes mumbled, but shot Jayken an appreciative smile, "I mean tell me if you change your mind about it and I will as well, I just feel like it's better to keep it to us while we figure things out"

Hannes said we, but he wasn't sure if it was the both of them who were figuring things out, seeing as it was Hannes who wasn't sure of things and it was Jayken who had proposed trying something to begin with.
 
Jayken looked up at the older male, letting out a soft chuckle as he ran his thumb over Hannes' hand. "It's alright, really. I mean, I'm still a bit worried about my parents and how others would view me, so I'm completely okay with it just being between us right now." He murmured, chewing on his lower lip.

"If I change my mind, then I'll talk to you about it. And if you're still not ready, then I'll be okay with that. I promise, Hannes." He said as he pressed his lips to the older's cheek. "That's why we talk about things, right?"
 
"Yeah, you're right" Hanes responded and Smiled at Jayken, in his head he silently decided that he really liked receiving those small little kisses from Jyaken, and at some point in the very close future he might be able to give Jayken some of those back, but for now, they could just enjoy each other's company and watch another movie.

So they did, all cuddled up next to each other in Jayken's bed, back to just occasionally talking about the movie, because that felt easier than talking about anything else.

Once the second movie was done it was starting to get close to dinner time, and since neither of them had gotten a proper lunch it was probably for the better if they went to get something to eat, so, Hannes sat up properly and stretched out his arms above his head, back cracking slightly and shirt riding up a little as he did, he was a little stiff from half sitting in bed for another two-ish hours.

"So, what do you say about dinner?" Hannes asked as a suggestion, "cus I'm getting kind of hungry"
 
Jayken moved further into Hannes warmth, loving the company that he had when he thought he would be alone that summer. It worked miracles on his depression that Hannes had stuck with him and stayed persistent.

Jayken sat up as well once Hannes did, a smile on his lips as he glanced over to the small amount of revealed skin. He stretched his own arms over his head and grunted, nodding to the olders question. "Yeah, I'm actually a little hungry, too."
 
It was with slight reluctance that Hannes got out of the warm comfort of Jyken's bed, but he would have had to do it sooner or later because he really was quite hungry, "Well then, let's go get some dinner then," Hannes held out a hand to help Hannes up but let it go as soon as he was standing and soon they were on their way to the cafeteria.

As they walked Hannes couldn't help but think about the fact that their relationship now was quite weird in nature. Technically dating, but not telling anyone, and also no proper kissing just yet, and they just kind of met. At camp, which would be over by the time summer was over. It was long enough left for that last one and too early for Hannes to really worry about the longevity of their relationship. He did, however, feel a little weird about not telling people.

It was his idea, even if Jayken had wanted the same, and it wasn't something he regretted, he knew it was for the better for now. But somehow it also felt like walking back into the closet, the closet that Hannes barely had had a foot in, to begin with. Of course, he wasn't going to be hiding the fact that he was into guys, everyone kind of knew that already, he was just hiding his relationship with someone who just so happened to be a guy, and the likeness to keeping one's sexuality secret didn't really bother him. It was just a thought, nothing more than that.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back