Forging New Paths

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Evelyn got Luca settled in and put the office chairs together so she could be near him, turning to hold his hand and speak to him quietly again while Garrett was gone. If he needed her to reassure him over and over, she would do it without hesitation. By the time Garrett brought out the drinks, Luca was looking a little bit better, a little less stressed, and relaxed more at holding the warm cup in his hands.

"If you don't mind." She said with a small smile, taking a careful sip of her hot chocolate. "You know you're the best at reading stories." And confident enough to do so in front of more than one person, which she thought she should give him credit for. If nothing else, it would give them something to listen to, so Anthony didn't have to think of his parents, and Luca didn't have to feel like they were in danger anymore.
 
Garrett smiled and pulled out one of his favorite Sherlock Holmes stories, flipping it open and clearing his throat. "All right. Sherlock Holmes and The Tenth Shadow. Chapter One. Watson and I were at home, enjoying a cup of tea on a wintery and blustery day, when we heard a knock at the door . . ."

As the story went on, Anthony relaxed, too. He sank further back into the blankets and stopped crying. His smile stayed, though. He was safe now. He knew that much. And Garrett and the others would protect him.

He relaxed so much that he gave a soft yawn by the end of the story. "I like that story," he murmured. "The part with the cookies on the tray was my favorite." He rubbed his eyes and stretched. "I might take a quick nap, if it's okay with you all . . ."
 
Evelyn was relaxed, though she crossed her legs and sat as straight as she normally did. They hadn't been followed, and there were no dangerous bits of Insight floating her way, so for now it was okay to let her guard down a bit. She kept an eye out for Luca, though, taking in the way the tension he'd been holding slowly unraveled as he listened to Garrett's voice. She wondered if being read stories made him think of his childhood, but didn't want to disturb him by asking.

"Go ahead and rest," she said gently when Anthony had recovered enough to start to drift off. "We'll be here for a while." She wouldn't pull Garrett away without waking the boy to let him know they were leaving. Perhaps it would be best if she called a cab or an Uber to get back to her car, so Garrett wouldn't have to leave.

When he had nodded off, she sighed softly, taking another drink from her still mostly warm cup and shaking her head. "There's not a lot we can do. . ." If they asked police for help, since Anthony was young enough to need a legal guardian, he would likely be implicated in some form of crime. They would either have to make sure his name was clear, or let him hide out forever.
 
Garrett patted Anthony's shoulder, smiling gently at Evelyn. "Not at the moment, no." He paused to text her. Once everything's settled down and you and Luca are in your own home, and I'm not needed as often . . . eventually I'd like to take Anthony in. He can already take care of himself, but he needs a family. Watson and I could be that for him.

The thought felt a bit sour in his mind, that someday Luca and Evelyn might drift away. But if it did happen, at least he could finally let Anthony into his apartment and give him a real home. In an ideal world, he'd have invited Anthony and Luca and Evelyn into his apartment to stay.

But such was the stuff of dreams, not reality.

In the meantime, he can stay here at the office. The police trust me, and Anthony's a good kid; he can lie low here as long as he needs to.
 
Evelyn was quiet, when she looked at her phone, and if her jaw went very tense it was fine because she didn't need to speak. Was he implying what she thought he was? That eventually they wouldn't need him anymore, so they would part ways? That she was only keeping him around because she needed his help with Luca? It burned her more than she'd thought it would, to think that he thought that of her. Her, who had moved to this city in the first place because she'd been tired of being tossed aside when she was no longer useful. But he wouldn't know that, because she wouldn't tell him.

That's fine. Was all she sent back, despite the myriad of things on her mind, and got abruptly to her feet.

"I'm going to go warm this up." She said, rather than voice the thoughts that left a bad taste in her mouth. "Luca? Yours too?"

He looked at her, then at the cup, and finally gave his head a little shake. It was all right if it cooled down, he thought, and just watched as she got up to walk away. Was everything okay? Something felt strange about the way she moved, and he didn't know enough to pin down why, but it felt bad. He'd gotten used to listening to his instincts when they said someone was getting angry, and just stayed quiet.
 
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Garrett, too, noticed the way Evelyn's mood shifted, and he tilted his head. Had he said something wrong? Probably. But he had a hard time pinning down exactly what. He had no idea about Evelyn's feelings of being used for her gift in the past; she'd never told him. He could only guess at where he may have overstepped. Was she upset that he wanted to take in Anthony?

Then he had another idea, one that seemed to fit better.

Was she worried he might replace her and Luca with Anthony?

"You know, I think I might go warm up my cup of cocoa, too," he decided, nodding. "I'll be right back, Luca. One moment." He took his mug and headed into the back room, closing the door most of the way so they could speak quietly.

Then he set his mug on the counter and leaned back against it. "Evelyn," he said gently. "I'm not going to replace you both with Anthony. I hope you know that. I'm just doing my best to balance helping him with still getting to see you and Luca," he tried to explain. He took a breath and shoved a hand through his hair. "I won't be able to see either of you as often once I bring him to my apartment. I know that. And I don't feel particularly happy about it, but . . . it doesn't feel right just leaving him in an office forever. And he's too young to be on his own. Especially with his own family after him."
 
When Garrett followed her into the kitchen, Evelyn was very still, with her back turned and her eyes away, very quietly placing her cup in the microwave and letting it run as he spoke. It hurt more than it should have. She was aware that she did not express her feelings well or often, not the ones that really mattered, and she was aware that Garrett knew nothing about her past because she had very carefully kept it all to herself. She had no right to feel so hurt by his perception of her - but the hurt struck a chord so deep it bubbled over into anger before she could reason it away.

The microwave beeped, and she retrieved the mug only to set it on the counter so hard that even half full it sloshed out to burn at her fingers. In the moment, she could hardly have cared.

"I am not in the habit of throwing away those that have outlived their usefulness." She said, her voice sharp and struggling not to raise it above what was normal, head turned away and eyes narrowed at the wall. "If you think I'll walk away when he doesn't need you anymore, then perhaps I should pay you for your time and be on my way."

It was ridiculous. It felt ridiculous, even as she said it, and she hated how it still stung. She'd thought she'd gotten over it.
 
The detective barely had a chance to point out Evelyn's possibly burned fingers before she turned and snapped at him with such intensity, such ferocity, that half of him wondered whether it was actually directed at him. But the words themselves were what confused Garrett most.

". . . What?" was all he managed to stammer out at last. "Who said anything about throwing people away?" He inched closer, running a rag under cool water and offering it to Evelyn for her fingers. His eyebrows knitted together in concern. "I didn't mean the text to come off that way in the slightest. I only meant that . . . well . . . right now, you and Luca need me. I'm at your home more often because Luca especially needs all the support he can get. But later, once he's settled in . . . Then I'll come over to your house because you both want me there."

He retreated again and leaned against the counter. "I mean, if you both want me there. I suppose I assumed you did," he added softly.
 
She was shaking. She only realized it when he was standing in front of her, holding out a wet rag, and it felt like giving away too much even just to uncross her arms and brush her hand against his to take it. When she'd managed it she turned away from him again to wrap it around her fingers, to hide the way her cheeks burned with the irrational upset, and the embarrassment at how she'd let herself misread simple words because of old pains. She'd thought she'd gotten stronger surviving on her own, but suddenly she felt like she might cry, and had to spend a moment just breathing to make it go away.

"If I were only here because I needed something from you," she managed finally with a voice that thankfully didn't quite tremble, "you would never have seen my house. . . You would barely even know my name."

They were friends, weren't they? At least, he was Luca's friend. But her? What good was a friend that gave nothing and stayed a closed book? If he thought she wouldn't want him around anymore, it was her own fault for letting her own pride and fear keep her from proving otherwise.
 
Garrett blinked in quiet surprise. Shock, even.

Did Evelyn think Garrett was going to throw her away?

He moved closer, and hesitantly set a hand on her shoulder. "Evelyn," he murmured softly, his voice laced with concern and a twinge of sadness. "I know that. I'm friends with Luca and you. Now, listen - I would never stop coming over to see you just because the case is over, or I don't need your powers or skills. I like spending time with you."

The detective dropped his gaze for a moment. "And frankly, I've taken that time for granted. I've just always assumed you'd be included in activities because I can't imagine otherwise. You have such a unique perspective on things, and I don't know what I'd do without your quick thinking or patience." He looked up at her again and smiled shyly. "I want you to know that not only are you my friend, but you're probably my best friend. I can confide in you with anything. I've never had anyone I could do that with before."
 
It wasn't fair. She wanted to pull away from his touch, to hide, but she knew it was what everyone did when he turned off their gifts and even as upset as she was, she didn't want to hurt him. That was her problem, wasn't it? She was always, always, always thinking. Thinking of what each and every action and motion could mean, of what effect her words could have, of how easy it could be to say things he didn't mean. Thinking of just how many times she had felt worthless and small, used and tossed aside. Enough times that she found it hard to believe the words he said, even though she wanted to so terribly. It wasn't fair.

She was silent as he spoke, turning her head away from him to hide the embarrassed, overwhelmed flush to her skin. She pressed her dry hand to her face, wanting to hide but the accursed thinking stopping her from using the other that held the wet rag, unwilling to smudge her makeup without being home where she could fix it or wash it off.

She wanted to scream. She wanted someone to hold her. She wanted to believe. But the thinking, the pride, the independence she'd convinced herself she needed - she couldn't say any of it out loud. It wasn't fair. Garrett deserved better.

"I haven't been sleeping enough. . ." she managed faintly, even though all she wanted was to say I'm sorry. The words stuck in her throat so firmly she thought she might choke. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. . ."
 
It was all Garrett could do not to pull her into a hug. But he was pushing his luck even setting a hand on her shoulder, and eventually he pulled that away too and just sat on the counter close to Evelyn. "I know," he said softly. "It's okay. I understand. You've been through unimaginable stress, especially today."

He reached for a nearby bag of marshmallows, held one out, and smiled gently. "You want one for your cocoa?"

How else could he help comfort her? Clearly she was stressed beyond her breaking point. And she still wasn't getting enough sleep. "You know . . . I think Luca is independent enough where he can take care of himself overnight now. As far as I can tell, he's got that rhythm going. You can probably go to sleep at a normal time more often. I'm sure he'd wake you if he needed you."
 
When the warmth of his hand was gone, she felt torn between being glad for the freedom to hide and wishing it would come back. How long could she turn away and hunker down by herself until the bad feelings went away? Alone was where she was safe, but how long would it be before she reached for someone's hand to help her up, and there was no one there because she'd pushed them all away? She didn't want to be having this argument with herself while there were other people around. It felt too exposed. But that was the crux of the problem, wasn't it? She was just too much of a coward to let anyone see her.

She turned finally when he held something out to her, cheeks pink and eyes glistening with emotions she would stomp down like she always did, and couldn't meet his eyes. With a little shake of her head, she held her hand out for the marshmallow and just took a small bite, because it was soft and sweet and something else to focus on. She leaned back against the counter near him so she didn't have to look at him in the face before she'd regained her poise, and for a moment was quiet as she ate her treat in little bites.

". . . He doesn't sleep." She said finally, voice soft and words more mumbled than her usual careful enunciation, half the marshmallow still lingering in her hand. "It feels unfair." It was something else to focus on outside of herself, if they talked about Luca instead. With his gifts keeping his mind active, and after becoming so used to being medicated to sleep, he was awake more nights than he slept. It made her feel guilty, to sleep knowing he would be awake for long hours without her.
 
Poor Evelyn, was all Garrett could think. She'd been sleep deprived for who knew how long, and she'd dealt with everything on her own for even longer than that. He was determined to support her whenever and however he could. He finally knew how it felt to have friends in his corner, and he wanted to show Evelyn the same kindness.

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and nodded. "Well, to be fair . . . he's been used to medicated sleep for years. His body probably isn't producing enough melatonin enough on its own for him to - " Garrett blinked, smacking a hand to his forehead. "Oh! Of course! Melatonin! Do you think he'd be willing to try that? It could be just what he needs!"

And maybe, if he finally got Luca to sleep on a reliable schedule, it would give Evelyn a chance to sleep, too.
 
Evelyn made a faint, uncertain sound even as she took another small bite of marshmallow, still holding her rag covered hand close but carefully not touching her clothes. "They upped the dose over and over," she said with a little shake of her head, unsure about the medical knowledge they needed to actually solve this problem. She had no one to ask about that. "Do you think it would really be enough? I don't . . . I don't want him to think I'm giving him pills to sleep like they did. . ."

Luca would do anything she asked of him, that she was rather certain of, but she didn't want him to think that she had given up on helping him and was just going to drug him to get him out of her way at night. It had been so long since the drugs had started being given to him, it was possible he would associate the melatonin with how he'd been treated before even if she explained exactly want it was and why it might help.

Thinking. Thinking. Thinking. She just wanted to stop.
 
". . . Hmm. Very good point," Garrett said softly. "Although, you know - has Luca seemed to be sleep deprived at all? He's always seemed rather alert when I've seen him. Perhaps given long enough, his body will start regulating melatonin on its own again."

He shrugged and shook his head. "Either way, the point is that you are definitely sleep deprived. It may not seem fair, but you're not keeping Luca up. He's just awake. And if he's got enough things to do until morning, I don't see any reason for you to get some sleep. He'll understand that you have to rest." He blinked and raised an eyebrow. ". . . And you know, he does a lot of mirroring. What if he's staying up late still because you are? I hadn't considered that until just now."
 
"He's been understimulated for years," she said with a little shake of her head. "It doesn't take much to wake him up."

They were all very good points, though she hated to admit some of them. But Luca was attentive when Garrett was with them because Garrett gave him things to focus on, problems to think through and new things to try. When he was home and not doing much, she could see the way he always drifted into space, not seeking stimulus because he wasn't used to having it, or lost in the way the buzz of his gifts served as distraction enough in its place.

She had become so focused on helping him, of giving him every ounce of the care he had been missing for so long, that she had started to treat him like a mother did their child. She could sacrifice sleep if it meant she knew he didn't need her, knew that he didn't feel alone or sad or scared. I can take it. She wanted to say, but knew she had just very clearly demonstrated that she couldn't, and couldn't bear the thought of having it thrown in her face just then.

"I don't know," She managed after a pause to think, and rested her finally marshmallow free hand against her forehead as if staving off a headache. "I don't know. . ." What she needed more than sleep was the time to finish pinning down a therapist who could help her start dealing with the things she couldn't manage on her own, the ones that truly made her feel sick down to her bones. At least, it felt like that was more important than sleeping.
 
Garrett bit his lip. They were at a bit of an impasse. Evelyn clearly needed sleep, but she would have trouble getting any until Luca did. And Luca might take months still to regulate his sleep schedule, maybe years. Garrett would have offered to sleep over and take shifts with Luca, but he couldn't now. Not with Anthony also needing his help.

He pulled in a breath at last, running a hand through his hair. "Well, let's try and narrow things down to a day at a time. What would it take to get you to sleep tonight?" he asked gently.

Evelyn, like himself, often looked at multiple details in both long term and short term plans. Maybe if he helped her narrow down her options, she could think a little more easily.
 
The shift in focus had Evelyn blinking in surprise, arms crossed loosely over her stomach as if trying to put distance between herself and the conversation now that it had turned towards her. "Five minutes lying down," she murmured dryly, with as much humor as she could manage in that moment.

After staying up with Luca so many times, she found that she often drifted off the moment she let herself relax with nothing to focus on. She knew she was keeping herself awake, and that she should just sleep and let Luca wake her if he needed her, but all she could think was what if he did need her but wouldn't come get her? What if he was scared but so used to being alone with no one to help him that he just curled up and let it happen for the whole night?

". . . There's a lot I haven't told you." She said after a silence had fallen between them, fingers curling tighter around her elbows, head turning a little further away from him. "Things that come to me when I look at him, or ask him questions he won't answer." She took a slow, shaking breath, held it for a moment and let it go just gradually. "I didn't want to upset you."

There were so many things, both small and large, that her Insight gave her that she had never found the moment to speak, never wanted to break his heart, or ruin his time with Luca. If he knew, would he coddle the boy like she did? It didn't seem fair, burdening him with the things she shouldn't know, but it felt just as terrible to hold it all by herself.
 
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The detective took a sip of his cocoa, his expression just as gentle as ever. "I do appreciate it," he said softly. "You know I can be a bit . . . sensitive, sometimes. But if it'll help me be more supportive of you and Luca, I'm willing to hear what you have to say. Even if it's sad. Maybe the two of us thinking together can come up with ways to help Luca until we get him a therapist to help further."

He swirled his drink for a moment. "I'd offer to stay at your home so we could take turns staying up watching Luca, but . . . I've got Anthony to help as well. I'll need to split time between you both and make sure he feels as cared for and safe as you both do." He clicked his tongue. "Although, if I get a third hideout - even a third apartment, a normal one . . . suppose - no, never mind. That might be too much for Luca. Ignore me, I'm just thinking out loud."
 
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