C
Cfavano
Guest
what about rolling around in catnip or chasing butterflies?
-
So many newbies lately! Here is a very important PSA about one of our most vital content policies! Read it even if you are an ancient member!
Fight School [OOC/Signup]
- Thread starter Beta
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Z
Zackymas
Guest
Holy mother of God! Totally interested~
Reserve me a spot, I'll bring up a CS in some minutes (Maybe hours...)
Reserve me a spot, I'll bring up a CS in some minutes (Maybe hours...)
Z
Zackymas
Guest
"First Rule of Fight School, don't fail Fight School"
Name: Jiro "Kaze" Faint
I.D. Number: 07419235
Rank: D2
Year: 1st year. (He just got into the school)
Nationality: His father is Indian, his mother Japanese and he was born in Russia.
Age: 15
Sex/Gender:Male
Appearance: (He is 5'9 tall and weighs 68.4 Kg)
Fighting Style: Kaze's fighting style is… "different" from others, he doesn't specialize in any known martial art(s), he uses movement instead. Being born and raised Russia, he was quickly captivated by the trend known as "parkour", the art of movement. There isn't a real way to explain how he uses it in a battle… but I'll try to do so. Basically, parkour gives Kaze amazing control over his body and mind, alongside his energy; he can have a better use of this in enclosed environment fights. Alongside parkour, he uses his own hand-to-hand style accompanied by a special power.
Summary: Kaze uses speed, jumping, vaulting, and anything that his body can do to dodge and confuse his enemy with swift movement around the battlefield to scan his enemy before giving a blow. What he lacks in martial art knowledge, he makes up for with self-created techniques that require him to study his foe's abilities in order to bring up an effective strategy.
Powers: While his family was in Japan, Kaze was 14 at the time, he was finally able to give form to the energy he could manifest.The form given wasn't something like a beam or enhance an aura, rather, it was a small block of energy. In a short amount of time, he was able to incorporate these blocks into his parkour.
Summary: Kaze can manifest his energy as blocks. The energy blocks, differentiating in size and weight each time one is summoned. They serve as tools to increase his parkour capabilities on the battlefield. When he started it was tedious for him to create a small block, but now he is able to create up to three blocks of any size within the limit of three meters in any dimension (Width, length, height) for a limited amount of time. Note: The blocks cannot be lifted.
These blocks can stay on the battlefield during 15 minutes, but he can "Uncreate" them in order to create them again in a different place. These blocks have a maximum size of three meters long/width/height. Basically, he can make them of any size below three meters in every single dimension.
Personality: Kaze isn't your average happy-go-lucky teen, he would be the party killer. Words don't just spill out of Kaze's mouth. Due to being passive, he tends to wait rather than directly act, some call his patience inhuman. If he is ever at a breaking point, his painkiller is thinking. This is by far his favorite activity, he enjoys to think on everything. His mind is very active and he has been proven to have an over-average IQ. When he isn't training parkour, he is normally playing a mind or tactic game – chess is his favorite – all these factors combined made Kaze a great strategist.
One thing to have in mind while talking to Kaze is that words don't spoil out of his mouth so a long answer, or even any answer, shouldn't be expected. Of course, he can get friendly from time to time so to get him to open up, they would have to be trying to break the silence barrier.
Due to this mindset, his way to fight goes in the order of: observe the enemy, analyze them, study them, figure out their weakness, and bring up an effective counter. He takes fighting seriously so one should not expect to see him laughing during a fight, but if he finds a good opponent, there is sure to be a smile instead of his stoic face.
Catchphrase:Since Jiro doesn't talk a lot, this is a nonverbal one. His hands in his pockets.
Background: Jiro "Kaze" Faint, son of a multi-nation family and born in Russia, to his father, Arathos Faint, and his mother, Kushina Takuro, who worked together in the company they built from scratch. A company which was now one of the most successful science laboratories in the world due to the chemical geniuses that had built it. The company specializes in creating medicines and genetic engineering.
Kaze's life had been quite "normal" until the age of nine, when he discovered a whole twist to his life. He saw a young man going through the old buildings, stairs, hallways, streets, everything that be found in a city, in the fastest and, for Kaze, the most beautiful way. He attempted to follow him for a few minutes, but this man was just too fast for him. Hours after, he returned home to his worried parents.Although, when he entered, the first thing noticeable thing was the brief smile on his face, a smile not of happiness, but of excitement.
From the moment Kaze discovered parkour, he made it his ambition to master this form of movement. This changed his attitude in school, not in his academics, but in the gap between his travels to school and from. "He is giving a bad example", "If this continues he might get injured" were some of the things the school board had told Kaze's parents. So they took it into their own hands in the matter and started observing Kaze, day and night. Privacy didn't seem to be a thing anymore for Kaze. After two years, Kaze just gotten used to it, but the feeling and want of learning parkour was still there, it was just waiting for the right time.
"Ding, ding! We're going on a trip!" Kaze's father announced to his family during the afternoon meal. Kaze, despite his own thoughts, had no other option besides packing up and getting ready for it. His school was currently on break, but he would have to continue his studies during the trip. At first, it seemed they would go to France and return home, but then they headed to the U.K, Canada, U.S.A, Alaska, and so on.
It was in Brazil, land of Capoeira and football, where Kaze found an opportunity to keep practicing parkour. For once in the entire trip, he felt happy. His parents had finally put more trust into him to the point where they could leave him alone. And for each time it happened, he used that opportunity to practice. Brazil was where he learned to channel his energy, and for the first time it happened, it was by accident. Kaze was exercising before he felt a burst over his chest and when he look down, small blue orbs floated out from his chest and surrounded him. It had the appearance of dust so to others without keen eyes, one could barely notice it. There was a strange feeling that came off like his stamina was refilled. It proven itself useful, so he decided to learn how to do the technique himself to help with his parkour.
Two years passed by, country to country. Kaze and his family had reached their final destination before going to Kaze's mother's home, Japan. Here, they rested and stayed at a hotel on the outskirts of Kyoto. The beautiful cherry blossoms were blooming, so it wasn't unreasonable to see the sky painted pink and an increase in tourist. In the day, they explored the city and its surroundings, and in the afternoons, Kaze and his family spent their time in a lively market until the sun had fallen.
One day, a new destiny within Japan was set with the setting taking place at the Sohei Temple of Kyoto. Here rested and meditated the Sohei, practitioners of buddhism and excellent martial artists, they knew the ways of energy and its different manifestations. Kaze observed the temple with curiosity, several monks were spread about, either meditating or training their martial arts over the temple. What broke his stare was a yellow-cloaked, short skinhead that put his hands together, one palm over the other, positioned with grace in some sort of salute. Kaze and his family paused for a bit before they did the same salute to the man. The man lead them to the center of the shrine after presenting himself as "Ramiff". There, Ramiff introduced them to the Spiritual Master of the Temple, the one in charge of leading the teachings of spiritualism.
"Welcome travelers, may the grace of the gods be with you" The Spiritual Master receiving the title of Arhat sat on a cushion, he did a small reverence of putting his hands together.
"Greetings Arhat" Kushina replied and saluted.
"What kind of wisdom are you seeking in these holy lands?" Arhat closed his eyes for a second.
Kaze had tried to separate from them before, he wanted to practice, and no Arhat or Master or whatever was going to stop him from doing so, he sneaked out of the shrine when the Arhat and his parents weren't looking... or that's what he thought. Kaze reached a small lake within the temple. At the lake, there were stone pillars attached to the floor, so what did he do? Obviously, jumped over them, vaulted and ran. He repeated this process over and over again until his chest felt heavy. While he wasted his time throughout they day, night had fallen over the land, and he barely realized how his surroundings were suddenly glowing blue. He opened his eyes and thought to himself, "Did my parents just… leave me here?"
The Arhat appeared behind him and spoke, "No, young caterpillar… They didn't. Follow me."
Kaze was surprised, how could this man know what he was thinking? It had to be some sort of coincidence... Kaze cautiously followed the Arhat outside of the temple and observed him with curiosity.
"Why did you sneak out?" Arhat asked.
"..." Kaze just stood in silence.
"I see… well… you may want to see what I have to show you."
Kaze nodded as the Arhat stared into the vacuum for a moment, then pulled his hands out of his robes, positioned his legs one in front of another, the tip of his toes touching the floor, positioned his left arm in front, and the right arm in the back, and finished with a spin in the air that yielded abnormal amounts of grace.When he touched the floor, his hands were covered by a blue glow and proceeded to shoot out a burst of light from his palms. A sharp sound echoed as the light pierced the floor.
Kaze fell back from the shockwave… or was it surprisement? He did not know, but he did know he had seen everything. "Now, young caterpillar… It is your decision to emerge from your cocoon…Are you willing to become a beautifly?" The Arhat patted Kaze's shoulder before heading back into the Shrine.
Mute from the shock, Kaze stared at the Arhat for a second before running behind him. After reuniting with his family, the Arhat informed them that they were allowed to stay at the temple for as long as they desired. So it began, Kushina and Arathos had left for the hotel two weeks after that event, but Kaze asked to stay until they had to head back to Russia.
He lived in that temple for the following year, everyday going with the Arhat to train him in the use of energy. They key to it being meditation and physical training; Sohei normally accomplished this by the practice of martial arts. Kaze denied training in martial art, he already knew to throw a punch and a kick, and that was all the combat experience he desired for the moment. So physical training for him was to practice parkour with the temple as his playground for it. Even though most of the Sohei argued it, the Arhat accepted it under the reason that, "A caterpillar needs to be free if he wishes to grow."
The first thing the Arhat noticed during Kaze's energy training was that he wasn't actually able to shoot the energy out, could this mean that it was all useless? No, "There are many species of butterflies… and here we have a rare one." That is what the Arhat thought. Instead of forcing it, the Arhat accepted it and decided to keep further training on it, to leave the boy, "Tame his energy".
Ten months had passed by, still no signs of Kaze's energy manifestation. "Perhaps, this boy wasn't going to make it.", the Soheis muttered. "This is why you haven't opened your true eyes… Everyone can make it" the Arhat was able to hear the mutters of his disciples and he replied in accordance. Kaze readied up, put himself in a running position, then like a bullet, he ran through the temple outskirts, leaped on a pillar, slid down a railing, and continued running until a second railing was found. His instincts overtook him, he vaulted the railing, without realizing it was a 40~ meter fall.
He didn't scream, was he scared? Yes, but didn't scream, instead, he focused on a desperate attempt to save his life. He channeled energy into his hands, hoping for something to be created. What he wanted was a platform to land on. Nothing too hard, nothing too soft. Just something to keep him alive. What he got, was a blue-glowing block below his feet.
With the help of some soheis in the area, he made it back up. "Now… you have emerged from your cocoon." The Arhat was there the incident happened right. From that moment, Kaze had tamed his energy, became a butterfly, and thus found his own path of the energy. For the next two months he had trained this control of the energy with the Arhat. When the year had came to an end, it was time for Kaze to leave this second home and return to Russia. "Thanks Arhat… For everything..." Those were Kaze's last words for the Arhat before walking off to the entrance.. ."Farewell, young butterfly…until we meet again... May the grace of the gods enlighten your path." The Arhat spoke a short farewell as he made a brief reverence in shown of the respect and love the young had earned by all the Soheis and the Arhat himself. Kaze made a reverence back, closed his eyes, his pupils got wet and a teardrop was left behind. By then, Kushina and Arathos had reached the temple already and it was time to head back to the airport.
In the airport, Arathos walked by with Kaze, took him to the entrance of the building and spoke softly. "You are not coming back with us… I've been thinking… and there's this school I want you to go". Kaze, shocked by his father's sudden speech, did nothing but nod. Arathos handed him the ticket with the hour of the flight and left. Two hours later, it was time for Kaze to open his wings as the butterfly he had became and take fly to new lands.
Name: Jiro "Kaze" Faint
I.D. Number: 07419235
Rank: D2
Year: 1st year. (He just got into the school)
Nationality: His father is Indian, his mother Japanese and he was born in Russia.
Age: 15
Sex/Gender:Male
Appearance: (He is 5'9 tall and weighs 68.4 Kg)
Fighting Style: Kaze's fighting style is… "different" from others, he doesn't specialize in any known martial art(s), he uses movement instead. Being born and raised Russia, he was quickly captivated by the trend known as "parkour", the art of movement. There isn't a real way to explain how he uses it in a battle… but I'll try to do so. Basically, parkour gives Kaze amazing control over his body and mind, alongside his energy; he can have a better use of this in enclosed environment fights. Alongside parkour, he uses his own hand-to-hand style accompanied by a special power.
Summary: Kaze uses speed, jumping, vaulting, and anything that his body can do to dodge and confuse his enemy with swift movement around the battlefield to scan his enemy before giving a blow. What he lacks in martial art knowledge, he makes up for with self-created techniques that require him to study his foe's abilities in order to bring up an effective strategy.
Powers: While his family was in Japan, Kaze was 14 at the time, he was finally able to give form to the energy he could manifest.The form given wasn't something like a beam or enhance an aura, rather, it was a small block of energy. In a short amount of time, he was able to incorporate these blocks into his parkour.
Summary: Kaze can manifest his energy as blocks. The energy blocks, differentiating in size and weight each time one is summoned. They serve as tools to increase his parkour capabilities on the battlefield. When he started it was tedious for him to create a small block, but now he is able to create up to three blocks of any size within the limit of three meters in any dimension (Width, length, height) for a limited amount of time. Note: The blocks cannot be lifted.
These blocks can stay on the battlefield during 15 minutes, but he can "Uncreate" them in order to create them again in a different place. These blocks have a maximum size of three meters long/width/height. Basically, he can make them of any size below three meters in every single dimension.
Personality: Kaze isn't your average happy-go-lucky teen, he would be the party killer. Words don't just spill out of Kaze's mouth. Due to being passive, he tends to wait rather than directly act, some call his patience inhuman. If he is ever at a breaking point, his painkiller is thinking. This is by far his favorite activity, he enjoys to think on everything. His mind is very active and he has been proven to have an over-average IQ. When he isn't training parkour, he is normally playing a mind or tactic game – chess is his favorite – all these factors combined made Kaze a great strategist.
One thing to have in mind while talking to Kaze is that words don't spoil out of his mouth so a long answer, or even any answer, shouldn't be expected. Of course, he can get friendly from time to time so to get him to open up, they would have to be trying to break the silence barrier.
Due to this mindset, his way to fight goes in the order of: observe the enemy, analyze them, study them, figure out their weakness, and bring up an effective counter. He takes fighting seriously so one should not expect to see him laughing during a fight, but if he finds a good opponent, there is sure to be a smile instead of his stoic face.
Catchphrase:Since Jiro doesn't talk a lot, this is a nonverbal one. His hands in his pockets.
Background: Jiro "Kaze" Faint, son of a multi-nation family and born in Russia, to his father, Arathos Faint, and his mother, Kushina Takuro, who worked together in the company they built from scratch. A company which was now one of the most successful science laboratories in the world due to the chemical geniuses that had built it. The company specializes in creating medicines and genetic engineering.
Kaze's life had been quite "normal" until the age of nine, when he discovered a whole twist to his life. He saw a young man going through the old buildings, stairs, hallways, streets, everything that be found in a city, in the fastest and, for Kaze, the most beautiful way. He attempted to follow him for a few minutes, but this man was just too fast for him. Hours after, he returned home to his worried parents.Although, when he entered, the first thing noticeable thing was the brief smile on his face, a smile not of happiness, but of excitement.
From the moment Kaze discovered parkour, he made it his ambition to master this form of movement. This changed his attitude in school, not in his academics, but in the gap between his travels to school and from. "He is giving a bad example", "If this continues he might get injured" were some of the things the school board had told Kaze's parents. So they took it into their own hands in the matter and started observing Kaze, day and night. Privacy didn't seem to be a thing anymore for Kaze. After two years, Kaze just gotten used to it, but the feeling and want of learning parkour was still there, it was just waiting for the right time.
"Ding, ding! We're going on a trip!" Kaze's father announced to his family during the afternoon meal. Kaze, despite his own thoughts, had no other option besides packing up and getting ready for it. His school was currently on break, but he would have to continue his studies during the trip. At first, it seemed they would go to France and return home, but then they headed to the U.K, Canada, U.S.A, Alaska, and so on.
It was in Brazil, land of Capoeira and football, where Kaze found an opportunity to keep practicing parkour. For once in the entire trip, he felt happy. His parents had finally put more trust into him to the point where they could leave him alone. And for each time it happened, he used that opportunity to practice. Brazil was where he learned to channel his energy, and for the first time it happened, it was by accident. Kaze was exercising before he felt a burst over his chest and when he look down, small blue orbs floated out from his chest and surrounded him. It had the appearance of dust so to others without keen eyes, one could barely notice it. There was a strange feeling that came off like his stamina was refilled. It proven itself useful, so he decided to learn how to do the technique himself to help with his parkour.
Two years passed by, country to country. Kaze and his family had reached their final destination before going to Kaze's mother's home, Japan. Here, they rested and stayed at a hotel on the outskirts of Kyoto. The beautiful cherry blossoms were blooming, so it wasn't unreasonable to see the sky painted pink and an increase in tourist. In the day, they explored the city and its surroundings, and in the afternoons, Kaze and his family spent their time in a lively market until the sun had fallen.
One day, a new destiny within Japan was set with the setting taking place at the Sohei Temple of Kyoto. Here rested and meditated the Sohei, practitioners of buddhism and excellent martial artists, they knew the ways of energy and its different manifestations. Kaze observed the temple with curiosity, several monks were spread about, either meditating or training their martial arts over the temple. What broke his stare was a yellow-cloaked, short skinhead that put his hands together, one palm over the other, positioned with grace in some sort of salute. Kaze and his family paused for a bit before they did the same salute to the man. The man lead them to the center of the shrine after presenting himself as "Ramiff". There, Ramiff introduced them to the Spiritual Master of the Temple, the one in charge of leading the teachings of spiritualism.
"Welcome travelers, may the grace of the gods be with you" The Spiritual Master receiving the title of Arhat sat on a cushion, he did a small reverence of putting his hands together.
"Greetings Arhat" Kushina replied and saluted.
"What kind of wisdom are you seeking in these holy lands?" Arhat closed his eyes for a second.
Kaze had tried to separate from them before, he wanted to practice, and no Arhat or Master or whatever was going to stop him from doing so, he sneaked out of the shrine when the Arhat and his parents weren't looking... or that's what he thought. Kaze reached a small lake within the temple. At the lake, there were stone pillars attached to the floor, so what did he do? Obviously, jumped over them, vaulted and ran. He repeated this process over and over again until his chest felt heavy. While he wasted his time throughout they day, night had fallen over the land, and he barely realized how his surroundings were suddenly glowing blue. He opened his eyes and thought to himself, "Did my parents just… leave me here?"
The Arhat appeared behind him and spoke, "No, young caterpillar… They didn't. Follow me."
Kaze was surprised, how could this man know what he was thinking? It had to be some sort of coincidence... Kaze cautiously followed the Arhat outside of the temple and observed him with curiosity.
"Why did you sneak out?" Arhat asked.
"..." Kaze just stood in silence.
"I see… well… you may want to see what I have to show you."
Kaze nodded as the Arhat stared into the vacuum for a moment, then pulled his hands out of his robes, positioned his legs one in front of another, the tip of his toes touching the floor, positioned his left arm in front, and the right arm in the back, and finished with a spin in the air that yielded abnormal amounts of grace.When he touched the floor, his hands were covered by a blue glow and proceeded to shoot out a burst of light from his palms. A sharp sound echoed as the light pierced the floor.
Kaze fell back from the shockwave… or was it surprisement? He did not know, but he did know he had seen everything. "Now, young caterpillar… It is your decision to emerge from your cocoon…Are you willing to become a beautifly?" The Arhat patted Kaze's shoulder before heading back into the Shrine.
Mute from the shock, Kaze stared at the Arhat for a second before running behind him. After reuniting with his family, the Arhat informed them that they were allowed to stay at the temple for as long as they desired. So it began, Kushina and Arathos had left for the hotel two weeks after that event, but Kaze asked to stay until they had to head back to Russia.
He lived in that temple for the following year, everyday going with the Arhat to train him in the use of energy. They key to it being meditation and physical training; Sohei normally accomplished this by the practice of martial arts. Kaze denied training in martial art, he already knew to throw a punch and a kick, and that was all the combat experience he desired for the moment. So physical training for him was to practice parkour with the temple as his playground for it. Even though most of the Sohei argued it, the Arhat accepted it under the reason that, "A caterpillar needs to be free if he wishes to grow."
The first thing the Arhat noticed during Kaze's energy training was that he wasn't actually able to shoot the energy out, could this mean that it was all useless? No, "There are many species of butterflies… and here we have a rare one." That is what the Arhat thought. Instead of forcing it, the Arhat accepted it and decided to keep further training on it, to leave the boy, "Tame his energy".
Ten months had passed by, still no signs of Kaze's energy manifestation. "Perhaps, this boy wasn't going to make it.", the Soheis muttered. "This is why you haven't opened your true eyes… Everyone can make it" the Arhat was able to hear the mutters of his disciples and he replied in accordance. Kaze readied up, put himself in a running position, then like a bullet, he ran through the temple outskirts, leaped on a pillar, slid down a railing, and continued running until a second railing was found. His instincts overtook him, he vaulted the railing, without realizing it was a 40~ meter fall.
He didn't scream, was he scared? Yes, but didn't scream, instead, he focused on a desperate attempt to save his life. He channeled energy into his hands, hoping for something to be created. What he wanted was a platform to land on. Nothing too hard, nothing too soft. Just something to keep him alive. What he got, was a blue-glowing block below his feet.
With the help of some soheis in the area, he made it back up. "Now… you have emerged from your cocoon." The Arhat was there the incident happened right. From that moment, Kaze had tamed his energy, became a butterfly, and thus found his own path of the energy. For the next two months he had trained this control of the energy with the Arhat. When the year had came to an end, it was time for Kaze to leave this second home and return to Russia. "Thanks Arhat… For everything..." Those were Kaze's last words for the Arhat before walking off to the entrance.. ."Farewell, young butterfly…until we meet again... May the grace of the gods enlighten your path." The Arhat spoke a short farewell as he made a brief reverence in shown of the respect and love the young had earned by all the Soheis and the Arhat himself. Kaze made a reverence back, closed his eyes, his pupils got wet and a teardrop was left behind. By then, Kushina and Arathos had reached the temple already and it was time to head back to the airport.
In the airport, Arathos walked by with Kaze, took him to the entrance of the building and spoke softly. "You are not coming back with us… I've been thinking… and there's this school I want you to go". Kaze, shocked by his father's sudden speech, did nothing but nod. Arathos handed him the ticket with the hour of the flight and left. Two hours later, it was time for Kaze to open his wings as the butterfly he had became and take fly to new lands.
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@Zackymas
Let's start with minor things first.
As New Peaks Academy is in many ways the same as an American High School, Jiro is too old to be a first-year student. Before you ask, no you may not make him a second or third year. Rule is that players must make first years unless they impress me with a concept or discuss it with me at length. He needs to be at least two years younger.
His fighting style... So basically it boils down to "Parkour with sometimes kicks and punches", yes? So what does "his energy" have to do with it? Additionally, the official fights in New Peaks are done in dojo-esque settings. A moderately-sized room, no places to vault or leap or hide, and certainly not enough room to freerun/parkour. So I can't help but feel you may want to go with something else. This isn't something that needs changed, though. That's just a suggestion.
His power is a big fat no. Look at the other characters, then look at yours. Summoning two full-sized wolves made of energy? Considering a single wolf can severely injure or kill a human being, two of them working in tandem would be terrifying. Add that to the fact they are made of energy, thus intangible? Not happening. Come up with something less fatal.
Now on to the backstory. First issue is... how does his family have enough money to move around and travel? What did they do to have so much wealth? Next is the practising of parkour in school. Do you know how often parkour practitioners get injured while learning how to do what they do? There is no "He may get injured" about it. He would hurt himself. Possibly severely.
When in Brazil, why did his power suddenly manifest? Why was he learning to "channel his energy" when that has very little to do with parkour?
This isn't an issue that needs changed, just me being nitpicky. Random master guy sitting under a cherry tree? Really, yo? Could you be any more cliche? Ok, done being nitpicky, back to the review.
If you had read the opening post more clearly, you would have seen that New Peaks Academy is owned and run by US Citizens, but located on an island in the Pacific Ocean.
=============================================
That's all I can really say right now. If there is anything else I missed, my Co-GM can feel free to chime in.
Let's start with minor things first.
As New Peaks Academy is in many ways the same as an American High School, Jiro is too old to be a first-year student. Before you ask, no you may not make him a second or third year. Rule is that players must make first years unless they impress me with a concept or discuss it with me at length. He needs to be at least two years younger.
His fighting style... So basically it boils down to "Parkour with sometimes kicks and punches", yes? So what does "his energy" have to do with it? Additionally, the official fights in New Peaks are done in dojo-esque settings. A moderately-sized room, no places to vault or leap or hide, and certainly not enough room to freerun/parkour. So I can't help but feel you may want to go with something else. This isn't something that needs changed, though. That's just a suggestion.
His power is a big fat no. Look at the other characters, then look at yours. Summoning two full-sized wolves made of energy? Considering a single wolf can severely injure or kill a human being, two of them working in tandem would be terrifying. Add that to the fact they are made of energy, thus intangible? Not happening. Come up with something less fatal.
Now on to the backstory. First issue is... how does his family have enough money to move around and travel? What did they do to have so much wealth? Next is the practising of parkour in school. Do you know how often parkour practitioners get injured while learning how to do what they do? There is no "He may get injured" about it. He would hurt himself. Possibly severely.
When in Brazil, why did his power suddenly manifest? Why was he learning to "channel his energy" when that has very little to do with parkour?
This isn't an issue that needs changed, just me being nitpicky. Random master guy sitting under a cherry tree? Really, yo? Could you be any more cliche? Ok, done being nitpicky, back to the review.
If you had read the opening post more clearly, you would have seen that New Peaks Academy is owned and run by US Citizens, but located on an island in the Pacific Ocean.
=============================================
That's all I can really say right now. If there is anything else I missed, my Co-GM can feel free to chime in.
All I have to say beyond that is to please try and make sure your grammar is correct-there are enough errors in yours to cause me to have to pause to figure out exactly what you're saying in places.
But if you take what Beta said to heart and have another go at it, I'm sure you can make a great character. Don't feel discouraged, feel challenged and rise to it!
But if you take what Beta said to heart and have another go at it, I'm sure you can make a great character. Don't feel discouraged, feel challenged and rise to it!
@I.S. Zero
You have until Sunday at 1159PM Eastern Time to post, otherwise you will be skipped and Axel will be wandering off to do something else.
You have until Sunday at 1159PM Eastern Time to post, otherwise you will be skipped and Axel will be wandering off to do something else.
Z
Zackymas
Guest
1-I have no problems with changing the age, I was actually going to do it since one of my friends warned me about it. Check.
2-Yes, I was already aware of the battlefield, I do know how to make it work. The energy thing is the wolf thing, now how does this helps him to use parkour in a fight? That'll explained when I reach to the power area.
3-I think you quite didn't understand the thing I had in mind or just took my words too literal. As you said these are energy wolves, they ARE tangible (The "I can touch you but you can't touch me me" it's pure BS for me), they wouldn't be actually able to kill someone. Why? Simple, these aren't literal wolves but energy bursts manifested in the form of wolves, so no, they don't have claws or fangs, just a mouth and a pair of eyes. How would they help with the parkour aspect during the battle? Simple: they are strong and have a mouth so they can actually grab the enemy so Jiro/Kaze has time to give a blow, other thing is, as they are tangible, Jiro can use them as "blocks" to do vaults and things. It's pretty much up to the reader's imagination how this could be used.
3-Sorry, I didn't think that was something worth mentioning, I'll put it up once I have the time. Yes, I know the risk, I practice parkour. WHat he was doing was basically jumping off some stairs, trying to vault on some chairs, etc. So big wounds weren't very possible at that time.
4-HIs energy manifests because he was at his very limit, so when the body can't do more, the spirit comes into scene, it happened by accident; I can change it if you want. He started practicing it because, when you try to channel your energy your stamina raises because you're basically putting your spirit energy into your body.
5-Hey I like that cliche ;-; but I can change it, no problem dude.
6-I had read it; the thing is that when I reached that part of the CS, several hours had passed by so the image was blurry.
@Greased Smitening I'd be pleased if you PM my grammatical mistakes, English is not my main language (No, using traductors doesn't work).
A
AudVis
Guest
I'm interested in this. (And don't worry about my join date, this isn't my first RP)
Name: Ciel/"Siel" Jin
I.D. Number: 16693246
Rank: C3
Year: 1st Year
Nationality: Born as a U.S. American
Age: 14
Sex/Gender: Male
Appearance:
Not shown, but yellowish-brown eyes.
Fighting Style:
1st Geup in Taekkyeon. Unofficially a Yellow Belt in Taekwondo.
Powers:
None
Personality:
To say Siel does not show a sense of maturity wouldn't fall too far from reality. He never had a reason to take things seriously and he considers the idea that he never will. So until something serious does pop up, he's known to have fun till the time comes. This childish mind has lead him to always tease or joke when the option is available, but only if he's interested. If he is not interested in the current topic, there is a chance he'll be caught doing something else. One of those things he may do includes sleeping or opening a nearby comic book/manga/manhwa (his interest in the picture books usually involve something that reflects reality or simply "reading all the words jumbled together is too hard").
In a fight, he'll be enthusiastic if his opponent is strong enough to keep up. When he recognizes that his opponent is stronger than him, he'll go on to compliment them and slightly admire their fighting style. He may also go on to make it a goal to defeat them or randomly challenge them to a rematch afterwards.
To wrap up his nice side, he's a lighthearted, carefree guy who can't wait to pick a schoolyard fight to those who consider themselves better. If he's beaten, his opponent will gain either a follower, a rival, or an enemy.
Not much is known on what flips Siel's personality from lighthearted to serious. In fact, there was only one instance in which it did. In the words of the people who saw it, "He's… different. You can tell it's still him but at the same time, it's not. He's much more… shameless, in the way he wins."
Background:
Siel's first full memory, that he can recall, was his parents' handing him off to an English-speaking old man that lived South Korea. The old man's name was Seo Jin (surname being the latter in this usage) and he had worked with Siel's biological grandfather long before. The two quickly exchanged greetings and Seo moved on to tell Siel the situation.
"From here on, you'll be living with me. Your parents are in trouble and do not wish for harm to come to you." Siel, as a child, was of course worried for his parents. Would they end up hurt? Would he ever see them again? And who exactly was this man by the name of Seo? Why did his parents trust him to the old goat sitting on the porch in front of him? He continued wondering until a hand was patting him on the head.
"Don't worry, boy. You are in safe hands. But… I do have to ask. Do you want to get your parents out of their trouble?" Siel nodded. "Do you want to be able to save them?" Another nod. "Do you want to be strong?" And without hesitation, another nod. "Good." Before the could be a reaction from Siel, Seo had quickly used his fingers to take a small, quick stab into Siel's chest. Siel stared at the wound, looked backed at Seo, and fell to the ground, unconscious.
When Siel had awoken, Seo comforted him and told him that what he had done was to start him on his task of becoming strong. Seo proceeded to revealed that he was a high ranking teacher in Taekkyeon, learning it around the time he met Siel's grandfather. He continued by explaining what taekkyeon was and asked Siel if he was willing to learn. Siel had no choice but to trust this old man. He wanted to help him meet his parents once again. And that's all Siel wanted at the time.
--------------------------------
For the next few years, Siel learned taekkyeon from Seo, eventually fully integrating into Seo's personal class. Siel spent each day he had to learning taekkyeon, driven by his desire to become strong. Seo did not allow Siel to go to any belt higher until he mastered the basics of each level. Although prolonging his desire, it made sure he would not be weak.
There was a time in which a teacher of taekwondo had stayed with Seo for his time in South Korea. Siel quickly pursued teachings in the art, telling his adoptive grandfather, "No matter how much you specialize in an art, there's no point if there could be someone who uses an art that can counter it, right?" So Siel spent only a few months learning basic techniques in taekwondo, most of them being hand techniques. He was never able to go in-depth with taekwondo but he learned enough to satisfy his intention with it.
Throughout all this training, Seo made sure that Siel never fell behind in school studies. Seo managed to hire an English home school teacher, using a portion of the large sum he had made from his earlier years which consisted of being a soilder, then a professional fighter, and at the present time, a teacher in a dojang for taekkyeon. The daily life of Siel eventually developed into school studies by day and martial arts studies by night.
7 years into practicing martial arts, Siel had top placement (placement differentiated depending upon what level) in various Korean youth martial arts tournaments. This gained him not only money, but recognition as Seo Jin's personal disciple and adopted grandson. The most notorious of his tournament entries was when he dropped out of a local tournament in order to stop a ruthless and cheating contestant from disabling another contestant.
Some time after Siel had turned 14, Seo came up to him with a proposition of testing his strength when compared to others outside of Korea. A school called New Peaks, located on an island in the Pacific. Siel was anxious at first but agreed to at least try to get in after some convincing from Seo. Before heading out, Siel did his best to find out what he could about the place, but besides the norm, only one thing stood out to him. It seemed like something a student would say. The words that he saw were:
I.D. Number: 16693246
Rank: C3
Year: 1st Year
Nationality: Born as a U.S. American
Age: 14
Sex/Gender: Male
Appearance:
Not shown, but yellowish-brown eyes.
Fighting Style:
1st Geup in Taekkyeon. Unofficially a Yellow Belt in Taekwondo.
Powers:
None
Personality:
To say Siel does not show a sense of maturity wouldn't fall too far from reality. He never had a reason to take things seriously and he considers the idea that he never will. So until something serious does pop up, he's known to have fun till the time comes. This childish mind has lead him to always tease or joke when the option is available, but only if he's interested. If he is not interested in the current topic, there is a chance he'll be caught doing something else. One of those things he may do includes sleeping or opening a nearby comic book/manga/manhwa (his interest in the picture books usually involve something that reflects reality or simply "reading all the words jumbled together is too hard").
In a fight, he'll be enthusiastic if his opponent is strong enough to keep up. When he recognizes that his opponent is stronger than him, he'll go on to compliment them and slightly admire their fighting style. He may also go on to make it a goal to defeat them or randomly challenge them to a rematch afterwards.
To wrap up his nice side, he's a lighthearted, carefree guy who can't wait to pick a schoolyard fight to those who consider themselves better. If he's beaten, his opponent will gain either a follower, a rival, or an enemy.
Not much is known on what flips Siel's personality from lighthearted to serious. In fact, there was only one instance in which it did. In the words of the people who saw it, "He's… different. You can tell it's still him but at the same time, it's not. He's much more… shameless, in the way he wins."
Theme Song: (for fun)
Guilty Pleasure:
Clothing with chibi animals printed on them.
He once went a week without training when he didn't get a pair of kitten head patterned pajamas. In the end, he got them.
His love does not exclude any form of clothing. ANY.
Childhood Hero:
(Besides his adoptive grandfather...)
Han Dae-Wi from God of Highschool
Siel wasn't very active on a computer throughout his young life, but when he had the chance, he found himself glued to the webcomic, "God of Highschool". He admired the main character but his favorite was the male deuteragonist of the series. Dae-Wi taught Siel three things.
1) Dae-Wi's actions in the webcomic was the first thing that taught Siel: "When everything is on the line, take whatever measure you can to win." A line that affected Siel to the point where his taekkyeon was slightly warped to mimic the words.
2) Dae-Wi's goals in the beginning taught Siel that the people close to you are all that matter in life. And if one was to fall, you should work as hard as possible to bring them back up.
3) And the final thing that Dae-Wi's character taught Siel, was that no matter how much the odds are stacked against you, whether it be you getting weaker or those around you getting stronger, you could always be stronger if you worked for it.
Catchphrase(s):
Nonverbal : Siel holds his hand up to face, knuckles facing his opponent, in the shape of a fist and sticks his thumb between his ring and middle finger. (This is considered the middle finger of South Korea)
Verbal : "Naui (나의). Jinsil (진실)."
Pet Peeve:
The sound of bubble gum popping.
Siel's only reason for absolutely hating this is : "It's just so god damn annoying!"
Silly Talent:
Talchum.
Siel found a love in talchum when he realized that core movement of taekkyeon was found in the dance.
While dancing isn't necessarily a silly talent, Siel has a rather random tendency of performing talchum no matter where he is.
Guilty Pleasure:
Clothing with chibi animals printed on them.
He once went a week without training when he didn't get a pair of kitten head patterned pajamas. In the end, he got them.
His love does not exclude any form of clothing. ANY.
Childhood Hero:
(Besides his adoptive grandfather...)
Han Dae-Wi from God of Highschool
Siel wasn't very active on a computer throughout his young life, but when he had the chance, he found himself glued to the webcomic, "God of Highschool". He admired the main character but his favorite was the male deuteragonist of the series. Dae-Wi taught Siel three things.
1) Dae-Wi's actions in the webcomic was the first thing that taught Siel: "When everything is on the line, take whatever measure you can to win." A line that affected Siel to the point where his taekkyeon was slightly warped to mimic the words.
2) Dae-Wi's goals in the beginning taught Siel that the people close to you are all that matter in life. And if one was to fall, you should work as hard as possible to bring them back up.
3) And the final thing that Dae-Wi's character taught Siel, was that no matter how much the odds are stacked against you, whether it be you getting weaker or those around you getting stronger, you could always be stronger if you worked for it.
Catchphrase(s):
Nonverbal : Siel holds his hand up to face, knuckles facing his opponent, in the shape of a fist and sticks his thumb between his ring and middle finger. (This is considered the middle finger of South Korea)
Verbal : "Naui (나의). Jinsil (진실)."
Pet Peeve:
The sound of bubble gum popping.
Siel's only reason for absolutely hating this is : "It's just so god damn annoying!"
Silly Talent:
Talchum.
Siel found a love in talchum when he realized that core movement of taekkyeon was found in the dance.
While dancing isn't necessarily a silly talent, Siel has a rather random tendency of performing talchum no matter where he is.
Background:
Siel's first full memory, that he can recall, was his parents' handing him off to an English-speaking old man that lived South Korea. The old man's name was Seo Jin (surname being the latter in this usage) and he had worked with Siel's biological grandfather long before. The two quickly exchanged greetings and Seo moved on to tell Siel the situation.
"From here on, you'll be living with me. Your parents are in trouble and do not wish for harm to come to you." Siel, as a child, was of course worried for his parents. Would they end up hurt? Would he ever see them again? And who exactly was this man by the name of Seo? Why did his parents trust him to the old goat sitting on the porch in front of him? He continued wondering until a hand was patting him on the head.
"Don't worry, boy. You are in safe hands. But… I do have to ask. Do you want to get your parents out of their trouble?" Siel nodded. "Do you want to be able to save them?" Another nod. "Do you want to be strong?" And without hesitation, another nod. "Good." Before the could be a reaction from Siel, Seo had quickly used his fingers to take a small, quick stab into Siel's chest. Siel stared at the wound, looked backed at Seo, and fell to the ground, unconscious.
When Siel had awoken, Seo comforted him and told him that what he had done was to start him on his task of becoming strong. Seo proceeded to revealed that he was a high ranking teacher in Taekkyeon, learning it around the time he met Siel's grandfather. He continued by explaining what taekkyeon was and asked Siel if he was willing to learn. Siel had no choice but to trust this old man. He wanted to help him meet his parents once again. And that's all Siel wanted at the time.
--------------------------------
For the next few years, Siel learned taekkyeon from Seo, eventually fully integrating into Seo's personal class. Siel spent each day he had to learning taekkyeon, driven by his desire to become strong. Seo did not allow Siel to go to any belt higher until he mastered the basics of each level. Although prolonging his desire, it made sure he would not be weak.
There was a time in which a teacher of taekwondo had stayed with Seo for his time in South Korea. Siel quickly pursued teachings in the art, telling his adoptive grandfather, "No matter how much you specialize in an art, there's no point if there could be someone who uses an art that can counter it, right?" So Siel spent only a few months learning basic techniques in taekwondo, most of them being hand techniques. He was never able to go in-depth with taekwondo but he learned enough to satisfy his intention with it.
Throughout all this training, Seo made sure that Siel never fell behind in school studies. Seo managed to hire an English home school teacher, using a portion of the large sum he had made from his earlier years which consisted of being a soilder, then a professional fighter, and at the present time, a teacher in a dojang for taekkyeon. The daily life of Siel eventually developed into school studies by day and martial arts studies by night.
7 years into practicing martial arts, Siel had top placement (placement differentiated depending upon what level) in various Korean youth martial arts tournaments. This gained him not only money, but recognition as Seo Jin's personal disciple and adopted grandson. The most notorious of his tournament entries was when he dropped out of a local tournament in order to stop a ruthless and cheating contestant from disabling another contestant.
Some time after Siel had turned 14, Seo came up to him with a proposition of testing his strength when compared to others outside of Korea. A school called New Peaks, located on an island in the Pacific. Siel was anxious at first but agreed to at least try to get in after some convincing from Seo. Before heading out, Siel did his best to find out what he could about the place, but besides the norm, only one thing stood out to him. It seemed like something a student would say. The words that he saw were:
"First Rule of Fight School, don't fail Fight School."
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First thought: Impressive.
I'll discuss your character with my Assistant GM and we'll give you a full review soon.
As for your join date and post count, that isn't important. All I care about is the quality of your writing and if you can post consistently.
I'll discuss your character with my Assistant GM and we'll give you a full review soon.
As for your join date and post count, that isn't important. All I care about is the quality of your writing and if you can post consistently.
A
AudVis
Guest
TY.
Alright. I was just worried it would discredit me. First impression jitters, y'know? ^^;;
I have had a busy day so far today and will be busy for at least a couple more hours. Hence me saying I will discuss things with my Assistant GM. This includes things relating to your character. Please be a little more patient. People do have lives outside of Iwaku.
Well, after further discussion with Beta, here's what we have to say about Siel:
Bump him up to D2. Just because a character lacks a power doesn't mean he can't compete with others at his belt level, after all.
Beyond that? Welcome to Fight School, man. Beta'll add you to the roster.
As for your character, Zackymas...
We are in agreement that your power still needs to be fixed. Even if the wolves are 'just energy' and can only pin and block, having not one, but TWO essentially free-moving shields and pins in addition to his own abilities is still too much. When we look at powers, we're looking for much more subtle things-in fact, of the powers of our accepted characters, you'll notice all of them are supplementary abilities, not offensive. Thus, we both believe you should choose a different ability, alright?
Bump him up to D2. Just because a character lacks a power doesn't mean he can't compete with others at his belt level, after all.
Beyond that? Welcome to Fight School, man. Beta'll add you to the roster.
As for your character, Zackymas...
We are in agreement that your power still needs to be fixed. Even if the wolves are 'just energy' and can only pin and block, having not one, but TWO essentially free-moving shields and pins in addition to his own abilities is still too much. When we look at powers, we're looking for much more subtle things-in fact, of the powers of our accepted characters, you'll notice all of them are supplementary abilities, not offensive. Thus, we both believe you should choose a different ability, alright?
C
Cheselth
Guest
Also you don't absolutely have to have a power. My character doesn't have one, so she focused on blocking stances when she was in a bit of a pickle, but this is just a suggestion. ^w^
A
AudVis
Guest
Nice, I'll post in the IC thread when I can. Just finished helping a friend, need a break.
Also, the song, o^ob
Z
Zackymas
Guest
C
Cheselth
Guest
Nice, nice
Hey Audvis!
https://www.iwakuroleplay.com/threads/fight-school-ooc-signup.108003/page-9#post-2260494
Read it. Enter. Win things.
https://www.iwakuroleplay.com/threads/fight-school-ooc-signup.108003/page-9#post-2260494
Read it. Enter. Win things.
Z
Zackymas
Guest
- Status