Can't Go Back

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Stevie growled in frustration as Nate tried blatantly to change the subject. "Nate, man the fuck up," she growled as she stood up from the couch and threw her hands up in frustration. "You can't honestly expect that sleeping with so many girls wouldn't have its consequences? Of course it fucking does! So big deal, you slept around a lot and people are joking about your sudden commitment to me. Did you honestly think that the ever-so-popular Nathan was far too cool to get a bad reputation? So you did something you regret, big fucking deal. We all did something we regret at one point. The last time I did something like that, my parents kicked me out and sent me to this fucking school. And instead of moping around and trying to change the subject, I owned up to it. So either stop being so fucking miserable over choices you made or fucking do something about it," Stevie scolded him and realized that she had been pacing as she went on her rant and her voice got considerably louder as she went on. Her face was red from both frustration and exertion, but how did Nate not fucking get it?
 
Nathan's gaze hardened. "Im not moping." He snapped. "Im not allowed to be upset a little bit? Really?" Nathan stood, his eyes narrowing. "I have not had a very good day. I was allowing myself a bit of upset before I moved past it! It was a technique my mother taught me before she died! Im not cool! I know that i'm a dumbass! I dont need you telling me that! I do have a plan, but I suppose you think I'm too much of a fucking idiot to have one, dont you? I am allowed to change the subject." Nathan yelled. So what, Nathan was a little sad for five minutes. He was entitled to be able to work through his emotions! Nathan was now at the pissed off end of the spectrum. She shouldn't be berating him for being human!
 
"Moving past it," Stevie repeated. "Really, Nate? Because it sure seemed to me that you were thinking about this a lot before I even brought it up. And the fact that you're getting so mad now shows that you're far from moving past it. I'm not saying you shouldn't be upset. I'm saying that you fucking brought this on yourself, and you should fucking roll with it and talk to me about it instead of confessing your fucking heart out to me and then closing it off and saying 'Alright, Stevie, time to work on some fucking homework!' That's not fucking moving past it," she yelled back at him. Stevie did not like to be yelled at. Not at all. It reminded her too much of her home life before she came to school, and Nate was the last person she wanted yelling at her. So she did what her natural response to everything was, she got angrier.
 
Nate gritted his teeth. "Look." He said, normal volume. "I've never cared about my reputation until recently." Nathan said. "And yeah, I've been thinking about it. Ive been thinking about it some because it might impact you. I want to be a good guy for you. I don't want to be that whoreish guy anymore. And yes, I'm upset. Im trying to work through it, but you've been by my side through all of it. You know everything, and you cant even believe that you've changed me already. You are stuck in the belief that I'm that whoreish guy." Nathan knew yelling would only fan the flames, so he kept his voice controlled, and at a normal volume. "Stevie, there are two people whose opinions I ever valued. You and my mother. Im just upset in general. I know I'm not quite past it yet but I will be. And soon. Ill put it behind me. But, not just yet." Nathan said
 
Stevie tensed slightly when Nate's tone returned to normal. She almost would have preferred the yelling. Yelling she was used to. Yelling she could deal with. And she acknowledged that Nate didn't want to argue with her, and though a part of her mind appreciated that, another part of her was still angry. "Because it might impact me?" she repeated, her brows furrowing together. "Nate, open your fucking eyes! Your life - and fucking sex life has been impacting me for years now. We've had entire conversations about girls you've slept with, for Pete's sake! Not only that but at least once a month for the past year I would be approached by one of your one night stand girls and chewed out simply because I was your chick friend. Of course I find it hard to believe that you suddenly changed because of me, because we used to sit in this fucking room as you told me about what big boobs some girl you fucked had or how great her hair felt, and then I can't help but wonder how a girl like me, a girl who is probably more male than female on the inside, can possibly change a guy like you into wanting to be serious," she went on and tugged at her own hair in frustration as she began pacing again.
 
Nathan sighed. "Look, I did what I did because thats what people expected of me. No one expected me to adore you!" Nathan bit his lip, searching for words. "I was an idiot, Stevie. I still am, mind you, but I am less of one. I never liked any of them. I used them to shove my feelings for you down. Because I was an idiot. For a very long time now, I have just followed societies norms. I had shut down inside. After... After mom, life just wasn't worth it. But then I came here, and met you. And I manned up. A little at least. But I was too fucking scared of it to say anything. So I hid it in any way possible." Nathan was upset, but he was more upset at himself than anything. "Look, I know I was an idiot, and I know that the reputation is my fault. But I just want to put it behind me and do what I should have done at the start. Stevie, I want to prove to you that you have changed me. I want you to know, without a doubt, that you're the only woman in my heart. And I will prove it."
 
"Nate," Stevie murmured, getting closer and wrapping her arms around Nate's neck, "You don't have to prove anything to me. I already know you better than anyone else, you know that, right?" She reached up onto her toes -- all the while cursing herself for not being taller -- and kissed his lips lightly. "It's a good thing you want to change, and both as your friend and your -- your girlfriend, I like that you're doing this," she explained, finally calming down a little after their heated argument. She had a feeling that there would be many more arguments like this one to come, but that was all part of being in a relationship.
 
Nathan leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. "Thank you." Nathan said. He slid his arms around her waist, smiling a little bit. "I hope you don't mind people finding out that your boyfriend is into BBC and SyFy/SciFi." Nathan teased. Nathan paused for a moment. "Why do you always pause before saying you're my girlfriend? That word seems to get stuck in your mouth. How come?" It didn't bother Nathan, it just confused him. He understood her doubts now, and would do anything to make them disappear.
 
Stevie smirked, "Only if you're okay with me being obsessed with Star Wars and a total Trekkie." At his next response, Stevie paused and her arms tightened ever so slightly around Nate's neck. She thought a second before speaking. "It-it's just that it's a strange word to me," she finally said aloud. "It's easy to think of you as a boyfriend, but it's not so easy to think of myself as a - as a girlfriend. It's such a girly word and I'm not exactly girlfriend material.. And when I say it I just get kinda embarrassed because I've been a bro for so long, it's just going to take some getting used to..." She trailed off and rested her head on his shoulder.
 
Nathan nodded in understanding. He sat down and pulled her with him so that she was on his lap. "That makes sense, except for the part where you think that you are not girlfriend material. That part's bullshit." Nathan said. "But, seriously, we need to work on this homework." Nate smiled. "I don't want to get chewed out by the teacher because I forgot to do it, which you know I will do if you dont help me with it."
 
Stevie let herself get pulled onto Nathan's lap and settled herself against him with a small smile. She reached across him to get the textbook on the couch and opened it up. "I don't get why you can't work on your homework yourself, your grades sure show that you don't need me here for this," she teaaed, although if she were honest, Stevie enjoyed working on her homework with Nate. It was like an old tradition with them.
 
Nathan shrugged. "I get distracted easy. And I usually make my grades up in classes in ways that I cant anymore. Especially with the female teachers." Nate said. "So, I need your help." He said. His arms were still around her. This was a very comfortable position. Plus, she was warm and smelt good. "So, what classes homework shall we start on? Lets keep math for the end though. That will be the easiest." Nate said
 
Stevie rolled her eyes. "You slept with teachers?" she said incredulously. "Which ones?" She couldn't help but ask. Stevie definitely wasn't mad, especially since it wasn't like he was still sleeping with those teachers, but she was curious nonetheless. More than likely, they had those teachers now in class. As she said that, she grabbed her English textbook and opened to the open-ended questions they had to fill out and the list of vocabulary.
 
"I only slept with one. I just flirted with the others. And it was the tiny redheaded science teacher. And it was terrible." Nathan said, laughing. Nathan opened his notebook and got out a pencil, writing down the vocab words. "I always do vocabulary first. I don't know
why, but I'm really OCD about it." Nathan pointed out. He hated doing vocab, or homework in general, but he was so OCD about it being perfect. Words had to be just so, his bullet points had to be neat and centered, and his handwriting had to be neat with no or minimal flaws. He was that way with answering short answer questions on all homework but math. Neat and correct. Full sentences too. None of that one word shit. That was not allowed to fly.
 
Stevie whistled as Nate confessed to his promiscuity. "Her? Really, Nate? And all these teachers, they just raised your grades up, just for that?" She was amazed that Nate could pull something off like that, but then again, this was Nate they were talking about. She didn't comment further though as she finished the vocab worksheet, and got a look at Nate's neat notes. "Nerd," she teased.
 
"Oi, when you make an old woman feel young again, they'll give you anything you want." He pointed out. "And I am proud of my nerdness! Well its not being a nerd as much as it is OCD to be honest. But still. That asian kid in english hates me because all my worksheets are neater than his." Nathan laughed, finishing up the english homework.
 
"You're gross," she said, giving him a shove, but laughing nonetheless. "And that Asian kid hates you because he's a dick with an inferiority complex." Soon, Stevie was finished with the English and History homework, and was getting started on Calculus. "I guess you're going to have to get used to doing your work like the rest of us from now on," she commented lightly.
 
Nathan gasped in mock horror. "Oh no! What will I do? With only my beautiful, smart girlfriend to help, I'll be lost!" He teased, smiling. Nathan got out his maths homework as well, and began to work. "I'll have to be normal. But I'm just fine with that." Nathan leaned over and kissed Stevie's cheek. Nathan quickly finished his homework.
 
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