A Many Complicated Thing

[Elle Joyner]

Smiling dryly, Anine shrugged away his reassurances. It wasn't that she didn't believe him - she knew from experience that you could and probably would survive most tragedies and hardships life through at you - but at the end of the day, it wasn't recovery she was concerned with. She'd get through it, and it would be easier with Abel by her side. But what concerned her was the notion that the person or people who had done this to her were still out there, still at large, and she had no leads on who they were...

But right now, that wasn't what mattered, and despite the urge to launch into that defensive mode of Super Detective and hunt down the people that hurt her, she needed to find ground to stand on, again. She needed a foundation under her feet that held... And Abel was proving, whether it was intentional or not, just what a good foundation he was.

"Oh, she's gonna be heartbroken you don't remember her. Got this dreamy look when she talked about you. 'Course, I'm not about to throw in the towel and let her have you. Not after you went to all the trouble..." She teased, but he knew her well enough to know she meant every word, earnestly. He had stayed in Florida, put his life on hold... sought answers, for her. The man who wasn't sure if he wanted to be a boyfriend had given up everything for the woman he loved, and that was something worth getting better for.

As he continued, however, a brow quirked and shifting, she frowned softly, "You... your dad?" Because she hadn't missed the context behind those words 'all I got left'...

Reaching out, she took hold of his hand again, "Abel, I'm so sorry."

 

[Nav]

It hadn't been his intention to allow such a Freudian slip to escape him. Anine had enough to deal with on her own and he was confident she didn't need to add her boyfriend's father's death to the growing pile of crap she was having to face. The realization hit him in the gut and he grew nauseous at the thought. To lose someone in the gaining of another, that was how it always worked, right? He gained his father again for a short time and had lost Anine. He had lost his father, but gained back Anine. Immediately, his brown eyes softened and he looked down to the sterile floor between his feet, uncomfortably shifting around his shoes for a moment as he gathered his thoughts.

"Yea," he finally confirmed, "He passed away a few days ago. For what it's worth, he said you were a brilliant woman… a woman he would have liked to play chess with." It hadn't surprised him at the time that his father had taken to Anine. They had always been alike, Abel and his father, in the way they thought and how they saw people. Her hand broke his trance. He opened his fingers so hers could fill the space between his own and he returned his gaze to her, letting the smile fill his face again.

"Don't be," he shrugged lightly, "It happens. He was old and struggling. It was better than the alternative, you know?" his disease had been progressing viciously and it was better he die sooner before he was unable to feed himself, or pick up a book to read. Maybe his death was untimely, but at least he didn't have to suffer through a life that wouldn't even be worth living. "I got you back, and that's all I really need right now."

He figured he'd be bent on revenge the moment she came back. He still didn't know who did this to her—or what all they did do to her, but suddenly, revenge seemed less important. What was important was getting her better and walking through the city again as it lightly began to snow, or visiting Central Park, or staying up late to watch horror movies in their underwear.

If he'd learned anything in the last few months, it was that time was a precious, precious thing.

 

[Elle Joyner]

He had lost his father... in such a short span of time, and so quickly after having reconnected. The heartbreak that he had gone through - it wasn't fair. Yet he was there by her side, holding her hand and trying to be strong for her. It was... well, nothing short of amazing and if she hadn't already loved him so much, she would certainly have then and there. Giving his hand a squeeze, she shook her head and brought it to her lips, pressing a kiss to his fingers.

"I'm glad you got to see him... before it happened. And I'm glad that he had you there for him in the end of it all. But I am still sorry, Abel. This... this hasn't exactly been a hell of a year for either of us." But perhaps with some luck they could get past it all and still come out on top. She was alive and that was no small miracle. She wouldn't take it for granted, not now or ever.

Smiling faintly, she reached out to brush the hair from his forehead. It had grown a little longer, probably because getting it trimmed had been the last thing on his mind. But he was still as handsome as ever, even if he'd argue as much. In her book, he was certainly a sight for sore eyes.

"I think I will get some rest..." She murmured, laying her head back. She was safe, now... and the quicker she healed, the quicker she recovered, the faster they could get home and get on with their lives, together, "...You'll stay?" She asked, then chuckled softly, shaking her head. She knew the answer already, and it didn't take long at all for her to drift off into a peaceful, quiet sleep.

 

[Nav]

The kiss, the touch, the tenderness in her eyes… Abel couldn't even begin to wrangle just how compassionate she was being with him. He was certain he would never know the extent of what she had endured, he wasn't sure he was even mentally strong enough to know everything she had gone through, yet there she was showing him all the compassion in the world like they had never missed a day. It made his heart ache in his chest in a way it never had before. A lump formed in his throat and he could only weakly shake his head a second before she managed to tangle her fingers up in his hair and cause him to pause.

"Yea," he managed out, though his voice was the weak at best, "Thanks." It had been good, he supposed. He had gotten a little bit of time with his father again, but he regretted not having gone sooner. He had been so wrapped up in his career and own selfishness, he hadn't realized just how much of life had passed him by—family, lovers, friends. It made him squirm to think how much of life he had spent making decisions by rock, paper, scissors.

It made him feel guilty to hear her trying to comfort him, but he appreciated every word all the same. "Rest is good," he was glad for the topic change, not sure how much more of his father talk he could take just yet, "Get some rest. I'll be right here when you get up." He had no intention of leaving her; he knew it would take some time and patience from them both before he'd feel comfortable leaving her out of his sight anytime soon. As she drifted off, Abel finally let the sigh that had been clogged deep in his chest finally escape. His shoulders slumped and his head lolled down until his forehead rested at the side of the bed.

A single tear slid down his tanned cheek from his warm, butterscotch eyes, followed by another one and another one until soon a steady stream of salty tears flowed its way down his cheek, releasing all the sadness and sorrow that had been held inside of him for all that time, but still he didn't make a sound. Taking a moment to compose himself, Abel sat back and cleared away his cheeks, inhaling a shaking, sharp breath.

 

[Elle Joyner]

It was another week, before Anine was released. The surface damage had largely cleared up, but for her right arm, which would remain in a sling for another two weeks, and the splint on her opposite hand. The structural damage required a little more observation, but when doctors were at long last satisfied that her internal injuries had healed, Anine was given the go ahead to return home. Home. It was a funny word. After all that had happened, she had been so sure she'd never see it again, yet the concept still felt so foreign.

Mentally, no memories of the incident had returned, but Anine had long since given up the hope that she would be able to identify her captors, or even remember what was done or why she had been taken. There would be an investigation, but she had no delusions any information would come her way. In the end, she didn't rightly care. She had Abel and that was all, for the time being, that she needed. Eventually, life would resume as it always had. She would go back to work, and Abel would return as well, and they would settle back into the swing of things - and like all they had been through, they would both survive.

The difference, of course, was that they had each other to lean on, now.

The flight home was uneventful, yet Anine was still a ball of nerves and by the time they made it back to Abel's apartment, she was pale and shaken. Anxiety, she had been told, was to be expected. But she hated it - she hated every second of it. She was a strong, independent woman who had never been afraid of anything, and yet a cab ride had her feeling like a child, lost at the grocery store.

Collapsing onto the couch, she ran her hands over her face and took in a few, deep breaths, before looking up to meet Abel's eye, "Home, sweet home, right?"

 

[Nav]

The worst part of it all was not knowing that Anine needed a long time to heal and knowing she might never be exactly how she had once been before, but knowing there was nothing he could say or do to make it better. Abel had stayed with her the entire time, leaving only when he had to for the end of visiting hours. He was dutiful and devoted, but there was nothing he could say. Nothing he could say would sweep the pain she was enduring under the rug and make it disappear. Nothing he could say would ease her hurt or make it more bearable. He could be there for her, but even that didn't feel like enough.

During her hospital stay, he had taken it upon himself to go speak with a councilor—not for her, but for himself. It had been a deluge of information, but one note kept ringing rather clearly in his mind: she may blame you for being kidnapped. Sometimes, those victim to a terrible crime will lash out unexpectedly. Over and over, those words recycled in his mind—in different form, but the same language. Everytime he went to see Anine, he wondered if and when she'd blame him. He wondered if and when she'd lash out at him and be angry, hurt, and confused. She hadn't said much of a word since getting released, even on their trip home. It wasn't until they arrived at his apartment—as same as he remembered it—did she finally turn her eyes to him.

"Yea," he answered, looking about the dim apartment that was covered in a thick layer of dust from neglect, "Home sweet home." All of his old case files were still strewn about the kitchen table from when he had last worked, but that didn't matter. He wasn't working anymore; he had excused himself from work and had been living off his savings. Shuffling over to the table, he stacked all the files neatly into a folder—annoyed by their presence and his hands desperately needed something to do. He wasn't sure what to do. Where did one even begin in their life after something like what had happened to Anine?

Clearing his throat, he shifted his eyes around the room, begging some divine entity to give him something… anything to focus on. Nothing came. "I uh… do you know how I got your case, Anine? You know, way back when we first met?"

 

[Elle Joyner]

Everything was the way they had left it, but for a sheen of dust, a patina of their time away. It was funny, because in her mind she had expected it to be ransacked - a mess of upturned furniture and destroyed belongings. Partially because that was simply what she had come to expect anywhere she went, but also because that was, it seemed, how her mind felt. Abel helped - he always helped, and there were times when she felt almost normal, but it was hard - it was an adjustment. She would get there, but it was going to take time.

Everything took time.

Abel spoke, shuffling papers around and looking up again, Anine managed a small, weary smile. She recalled, fondly now, their first few days together. How he had traipsed into her interrogation room and demanded... commanded, even, her attention. Her boss had been less than cordial, and Anine had half expected that Abel would quit then and there. The same had happened after their argument, following her release from lock up.

But he hadn't left. He'd stayed faithful to her, and whether or not it was because he actually cared to find out if she was innocent or simply a stubborn determination not to lose she still wasn't sure, but it had been the beginning of something she had not anticipated... something beautiful and real.

"...Rock, paper, scissors." She mused, and the smile twisted into something a little more genuine, "I remember. You rubbed it in my face pretty effectively." Chuckling softly, she rose from the couch and moved to wrap an arm around his waist, "I was pretty sure you hated me. I'm still not sure you didn't, at the time."

 

[Nav]

"Rock, paper, scissors, you're right." He smiled with warmth. It was a weak smile, still hesitant and small, but true. Her arm worked its way around his waist and he felt safe. It was kind of funny that he was able to feel safe in the cage of her arms when it was her who had been through such a terrible ordeal, but it was a different type of safety. It was a safety in their relationship, in her presence. He had looked for her a long time and had spent a lot of time trying to cope with the idea that he would never see her again. Yet, there she was and a part of him didn't know how to deal with it.

For so long, he had grieved over his loss of her. He had grieved because he had lost her and now that she was back, he realized he could lose her again and that was hard. She could take ill, she could get kidnapped again, she could be hit by a bus the next day. All he knew was that for at least a minute, he felt safe with her. His arms wound around her shoulders and the smile on his face became slightly wider, settling into the warmth of her embrace. "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure I did like you at all at the time," he admitted with a small laugh, "Maybe a small part of me hated you. Well, not hated you specifically, but the idea of you."

Her case had been a risk on his career and at the time, his career had meant everything to him. It had been his entire world and to have his reputation damaged because of a cop would have been devastating. Funny how things had turned out. She never did damage his reputation in the way he had once believed her case would, but she had driven him to do the one thing he never would have thought he would ever do in a million years: quit.

Eventually, he'd have to go back and find another job. He probably wouldn't be able to get back in his illustrious position at the DA's office, but there were plenty of law offices in the city that would hire him. They couldn't live on savings forever, but they could certainly live off of it for another few months-- which Abel had already planned to do.

"Though I think you might have had a strong dislike for me, too, at the time." At least, she hadn't made it easy on him, either. When they first met, it had been a volatile demonstration of emotions and annoyance. "I guess opposites attract? Or something?"

 

[Elle Joyner]

"Oh..." Her smile spread warmer across her face, lighting up her eyes as she leaned back into the cup of his embrace, to meet his gaze, "I definitely hated you. It was a miracle we both survived those first few days. There were boys at the precinct who had a pool going for which one of us killed the other. They were shocked, and I actually think a little disappointed, when we started dating. "

Releasing one hand, she reached up to brush her fingers down his jaw. It felt good to touch him. To be close to him again. To be able to hold him and be held and for a little while, at least, not worry about anything. She didn't want to think. Thinking led to worrying... to unanswered questions. She just wanted to wrap herself up in him and let the rest of the world fold away. She was good at it... pretending everything was alright.

"Honestly? I think it was seeing the way you reacted to your ex's speech in the courtroom that day that made me see you differently. There was something so real about it, so raw. Like I was finally getting to see what was under all that armor. I felt bad for you, but I was also pretty impressed that you could drive someone to do something like that. And, well... when you showed up at my hotel room that night, I can't say I was exactly disappointed."

Pulling away, she propped herself up on the countertop, looking him over, "I don't know what I'd do without you, Abel. How I would've gotten through Gavin. Or any of what happened to me. I never saw us getting to this point, but I'm so glad that we did. I would be... lost without you. Absolutely lost."

 

[Nav]

Her story reeled him back to the courtroom. How long since he had last stepped foot in one? A part of his missed it, sorely. How could he not? It had been a home to him all his life, from childhood when he was sitting in the back benches watching his father work, to going to law school, to stepping into the court room to the first time. He could still remember the bubbling excitement he felt when he had been extended the job at the DA's office. It was the type of job most law students could only ever dream of and while Abel didn't think for a second, not a damn second, that he had thrown away some big opportunity, he did miss it.

All his life, Abel had fronted himself as something more than he was. He wore a thick coat of armor and roared like a lion with his biting wit because he was a smart, cunning man who was able to do so, but he was wrought with insecurities. Beyond that iron and fire, he doubted himself all the time. He hated his glasses, too, but never bothered to go to the eye doctor to buy new ones. He always was embarrassed by how tall he was as a kid and had learn to slouch at a young age, just so he wouldn't stand out so much. To the everyday person, he seemed confident, brilliant, and decisive, especially in the courtroom, but Anine had quickly learned he was anything but.

He had an incredibly fragile sense of self-worth under all that facetiousness and he often spent a whole lot of his inner monologue questioning everything he ever did. There were only two things he had ever done in his life he hadn't exhausted himself questioning: going to law school and quitting the DA's office.

"Well," he pinched his shoulders into a shrug, resting his hands on either side of her hips on the counter, "That's how the world works, it gives and takes. Maybe it's the attorney in me, but I find immense balance in the universe. Sometimes, people get away. Sometimes, good people go to jail, sometimes bad people walk free, but the universe always returns to equilibrium in time. Maybe… maybe this was just your equilibrium."

"I guess the universe was trying to tell me I couldn't live my entire life with a nose in a file."

 

[Elle Joyner]

It was difficult, still. Her mind would return, even in those moments of peace and quiet, sometimes, to the nightmare of waking up in the hospital with no recollection of how she had gotten there. Knowing the time she had lost, and that something terrible had happened to her, it haunted her, and while she wanted to pretend she was okay, the reality was, she was shaken.

But in that moment, she felt nothing but safety and security, and as she melted into his touch again, she leaned forward to rest her head against his, closing her eyes with a soft sigh. Her fingertips wound through the front of his shirt and for a few seconds she said nothing... just breathed in the familiarity of him.

When she did speak, her voice was small, but stronger than it had been in a while, "You can live your life with your nose in a file if you want, Abel Tripel... But you can be sure as hell I plan to be there right there beside you for the entirety of it. And I don't plan to make it easy for you to concentrate."

Opening her eyes, she met his gaze and smiled, reaching up to cup his chin before leaning in to press a kiss to his jaw, "I love you. So much. You are my world... and I will always, always come back to you, no matter what happens. I will always come back."

 

[Nav]

"Hm," Abel snorted a playful laugh at her, "No, I don't suppose you will. You never have. First, you distracted me with headaches, then other methods." He loved the closeness between them, he needed it even, but then she said something that sent his mind spinning. She loved him. It was a dangerous word in his vocabulary and the hairs on the back of his neck immediately prickled and sweat began to bead right between his shoulder blades. Ever since his ex, he had convinced himself that love was nothing more than a pool of feel-good emotions released by the body to encourage species to mate. He had taken advanced biology in his undergrad, he could even go on to tell someone how all the pathways worked to trigger those feelings.

Immediately, his mouth went dry. Through science, he could explain a lot of things. He could explain the likelihood it had been for him to have lost the game of rock, paper, scissors, he could explain the feeling of butterflies churning in his stomach whenever Anine rested her hand on him, he could even explain the flush of heat he felt when he thought about her… but for the life of him, he could not explain what had driven him to stay in Florida and wait and search. According to the laws of science, love was a transitory emotion driven by hormones, so there was bound to be a plethora of other women out there who would git all the criteria, check off all the check boxes, to drive his hormones up.

Yet, he had chosen to stay. It had never even crossed his mind once that he could have left.

"Well, I guess we're in luck because it seems I'll never leave." The police station was bound to be frustrated with the number of calls he had made every week regarding Anine's case. He had doggedly pursued every lead on his own time, using every shred of law knowledge he possessed to try and track her down. "So I guess that just means it's meant to be." He offered her his goofy, charming, nerdy lopsided smile, looking a little sheepish at all her compliments and fawning. Without even realizing it, his arms tightened around her waist, a flare of excitement building up into his chest with every touch she bestowed upon him.

His cheeks hurt from the effort, as it had been a long time since he had last smiled.

 

[Elle Joyner]

"Hmm... I'd say I was sorry for all the distractions..." Smiling, Anine leaned back on her hands, her feet still linked around his hips as she shrugged, "But those other methods are just so much fun." It had been difficult, over the past few weeks, recovering... trying to remember - but through it all those thoughts had been a constant comfort. Those moments between all the chaos, when she and Abel had just... been.

She knew despite everything that she had been through and everything he had endured in her absence, they would get back there. They would find a way to heal...

Leaning forward, she kissed him, brushing her thumb across his jaw before resting her forehead to his, her eyes falling closed. Every day that passed, she felt a little more like herself, and eventually, things would resume as they had, but one thing that would never change or fade would be her appreciation for him. He had stayed. More than that, he had given up everything -to- stay, and all without knowing whether or not she would even be found. He hadn't given up on her, and that... that meant everything to her.

She had never been terribly interesting in relationships, before, and she knew that Abel paled at the idea of it, until she'd come along. Yet there was no place in the world that she felt more right in, no where else she belonged than with him... And she would spend every moment of the rest of her life grateful for that... if he'd let her.

"Well... If the universe wants us together, who am I to argue, hmm?" Opening her eyes again, she sank back to meet his gaze, "Only question that remains, and one I've been dying to ask since we got out of the hospital... Chinese? Or Pizza?"

 

[Nav]

Just being seemed like such a difficult thing indeed, but when Anine smiled, it became infinitely easier. When she smiled so did he, though more inwardly as is his facial muscles had forgotten the motions necessary to properly smile. Perhaps they had, for the forlorn in his face continued to smother him. Even with Anine back, right at the tips of his fingers with his grip curled against her shirt at her sides, he couldn't quite believe it. He wished to pinch himself to know if he was dreaming, but even if it was a dream—a hallucination, a phantasm, a fantasy—he didn't wish to ever wake from it.

Then, she kissed him and immediately he knew his imagination was not strong enough to create such images, such sensations, such feelings that rose up through him. His breath caught in his chest and with fervor, he returned the kiss and letting it deepen as his hand wound tighter around her waist, his own gripped between her thighs. "You can't argue you with fate," he concluded when the kiss did, though he leaned forward and stole another peck from her lips in mere moments. He yielded only when she mentioned having one question and one question only.

When she finally expostulated it, he couldn't help but laugh. It was a dry, hoarse noise from being so unused but it lit up his eyes and brought new life and colour to his cheeks. "Pizza or Chinese? Anine," his tone taking on one of fiend scolding, "The answer to that question is always pizza. What sort of toppings do you like? Pepperoni? Sausage? Mushroom? All of the above? Apparently, pineapple pizza has become a thing since you've been…" he trailed off rather suddenly and bit down on his lower lip. He was a smart man, a lawyer who always knew all the right things to say, but that was only in court. When it came to Anine, he always seemed to flounder. She wasn't really 'away,' or at least that wouldn't be a polite way of putting her circumstance.

"Pineapple pizza has become a thing recently. Disgusting, really," he concluded in the politest way he could, unsure of how he could get around the gaping hole in their timeline without bringing it up everytime he spoke. It felt only natural as she had been gone so long… had missed so much. He wanted desperately to tell her about everything and anything, but doing so meant constantly reminding her of the painfully obvious.

"But yea, pineapple pizza… uh… really though, Chinese, Pizza… I don't care. We could order both."