Welcome to the Mental Help Hotline

  • Welcome back, Iwaku! While we are still working on the site to get it back into shape, we've come back online so you can get back to doing what you love. Check out this announcement for more details.

Delnoir

A Relic of a Bygone Era
#1
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are Paorou, leave a message telling us how you got this number so we can keep you from finding it again.
 
S

Seiji

Guest
#2
FUCK YOUR HOTLINE!

*flexes*
 
W

Warmaster Death

Guest
#3
FUKKIT WITH A CHAINSAW! SIDEWAYS!
 

Vay

The Empress
BENEFACTOR
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
Mostly active but I don't mind taking a back seat.
Favorite Genres
Mostly Fantasy and Sci-fi, though I’ll do anything if the plot is good.
Genre You DON'T Like
See above.
#4
I have ADD can someone tell me what that was all about?
 

Blind Hemingway

Big "WHAT?!"
BENEFACTOR
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
NEVER
Writing Levels
Adept, Douche
Genders You Prefer Playing
Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
SCREW THIS. I'M CHAOTIC STUPID. I LOWER MY TROUSERS AND WIZZ ON THE KING.
Favorite Genres
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi or Furrisms, DnD, High Fantasy, romance. Straight up Horror.
#5
Fuck this hot line, I hate using phones anyways. I have autism, so it's all good.
 

Hydronine

The Murrstress
Roleplay Invitations
One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Several Posts a Day, A Few Posts A Day
Writing Levels
Adept, Advanced, Prestige, Douche, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
No Preferences
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm fine with doing both, but it depends on the situation and how comfortable I am with the RP, plot, or subject matter of the RP.
Favorite Genres
Scifi, Fantasy, Modern, Magical, Horror, Noir, apocalyptic, Grimdark, yaoi, yuri, anything really.
Genre You DON'T Like
Uhhh..... That's hard.
#6
9999999999999999999


What am I doing again?
 
M

megane-kun

Guest
#7
*presses 8* ... uh..... hmmmm..

what? name? O_o... *silence*

*hangs up*
 
C

Captain Nic

Guest
#8
Hello, this is Parou. Yeah. Some wanker posted this number on the net.

Okay. Will keep in touch. Thank you.
 
P

Paorou-sama

Guest
#9
WHY DO YOU GUYS KEEP STEALING MY MOUNTAIN DEW
 

Sakura

Official Iwaku Little Sister
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
One Post a Day, A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week
My Usual Online Time
After 5PM EST weekdays
Writing Levels
Elementary, Intermediate, Adept, Advanced
Genders You Prefer Playing
Female, Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
Instinctively passive unless the story needs a push. I adapt as needed.
Favorite Genres
SciFi, Fantasy, Modern, Twist Genres.
Genre You DON'T Like
Mature, Horror (with rare exceptions)
#10
THEY DIDNT STEAL IT

I DRANK IT WHILE I WAS DECIDING WHAT NUMBER TO PICK :D
 

Blind Hemingway

Big "WHAT?!"
BENEFACTOR
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Slow As Molasses
My Usual Online Time
NEVER
Writing Levels
Adept, Douche
Genders You Prefer Playing
Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
SCREW THIS. I'M CHAOTIC STUPID. I LOWER MY TROUSERS AND WIZZ ON THE KING.
Favorite Genres
Surrealism, Surreal Horror (Think Tim Burton), Steampunk, Sci-Fi Fantasy, Spaghetti Westerns, Mercenaries, Dieselpunk, Cyberpunk, Historical fantasies
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi or Furrisms, DnD, High Fantasy, romance. Straight up Horror.
#11
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_D9h1xM0_0"]YouTube- Die fantastischen Vier-Die da[/ame]

So it turns out Chaos suffers from wearing outdated Hip Hop outfits.
 
Roleplay Invitations
Group Roleplays, One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
A Few Posts a Week, One Post a Week
My Usual Online Time
6 PM and Midnight M-F, varying on weekends
Writing Levels
Intermediate, Adept, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
Male, Female, Primarily Prefer Female
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm a switch
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Modern
Genre You DON'T Like
Yaoi and Furry
#12
*Hangs up* goddamn being manic depressive... Nobody got love for us. *Listens to emu music*
 
A

Ampoule

Guest
#13
There isn't a number for completely normal =(
 
P

Paorou-sama

Guest
#14
I HATE BEING IN LOVE AND CARING ABOUT OTHER HUMANS
 

Hydronine

The Murrstress
Roleplay Invitations
One on One Roleplays
Posting Speed
Several Posts a Day, A Few Posts A Day
Writing Levels
Adept, Advanced, Prestige, Douche, Adaptable
Genders You Prefer Playing
No Preferences
Playing Style- Passive or Aggressive
I'm fine with doing both, but it depends on the situation and how comfortable I am with the RP, plot, or subject matter of the RP.
Favorite Genres
Scifi, Fantasy, Modern, Magical, Horror, Noir, apocalyptic, Grimdark, yaoi, yuri, anything really.
Genre You DON'T Like
Uhhh..... That's hard.
#15
*Cuddles the phone*
 

Darkness

I CAN HUG A SHITLOAD OF CATS
#16
There isn't a number for completely normal =(
If you're normal you don't need to call them. Unless you're talking about hiring, though, I think Rory ate that number though.
 
A

Arsenal XA4

Guest
#17
There's nothing there for rageaholic, sex addicts, or Despotic Tyrants.

What am I supposed to do?
 

Childish Grumpino

LET'S DO METH AND CHOP UP OUR NEIGHBOURS  ヲ 詠よ意イめフ
SECURITY DEPARTMENT
DONATING MEMBER
Roleplay Invitations
Not Taking RP Invites at this Time
#19
FUCK YEAH, NEW SODOM.
 
P

Paorou-sama

Guest
#20
Then found New Gomorrah