Thank you. Hearing that made me smile.
Not sure how many people on Iwaku know this about me, but I'm transgender.
I don't really have much left to say since people already did an amazing job of explaining everything, but maybe it is worth it just to give
@Foxx some company. Hope this doesn't get too emotional.
Personally speaking, I've had to deal with this problem in a way that a lot of transgenders don't have to. When I first entertained the idea that it might be fun to act like a girl, I had no idea that I'd find myself so engrossed with the idea. I was so ashamed of myself that I formed a split personality so that I didn't have to own up that these feelings were my own.
Unlike a majority of transgenders, I actually did have to ask myself if my feelings were the result of an unhealthy delusion or if they were genuinely held. And I had to do this all alone. I had no idea who I was. I didn't know if what I saw was reality. I felt so incredibly alone. I wanted to just go back to childhood when everything seemed so simple.But because I went through this, I learned something about myself, reality, and about the subject of mental illness.
An illness is an illness because it harms you. It is the reason we don't think of all the helpful digestive bacteria that helps us process food as an infection. Similarly, a mental illness necessitates adverse effect. There just isn't anything inherently harmful about taking female role models, emulating their behavior, and somewhat conforming to gender norms.
I probably could have skipped that scary part of my life if there had been someone to tell me that it was ok not to understand right away. If I had just been allowed to try things at my own pace, I could have avoided an actual mental illness. So that is why, I'm going to say the same thing back to Dervish, and anyone else confused about gender.
It's perfectly fine to not understand. People don't understand a lot of things. Understanding isn't even really the important thing. There isn't going to be a day where I suddenly know all there is to know about myself and the world around me. That day isn't going to come for anyone. The nature of reality always remains a mystery. I just want people to be able to be proud of who they are. I want them to live beautiful lives.
And so, I'm not going to worry about if what I have is a delusion. I can go deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole without coming any closer to the truth. If I learn that I was wrong about something, I have faith that I'll be able to change without regretting the past. I love myself for everything that I am, everything I was, and everything I will become.