- Invitation Status
- Posting Speed
- Slow As Molasses
- Writing Levels
- Intermediate
- Adept
- Advanced
- Adaptable
- Preferred Character Gender
- Male
- Female
- Genres
- Fantasy, Sci-Fi
So I had to rush this a little and I'm p terrible with coding and such so I don't have any fancy formatting, but here's the basics for my character. I can add finer details later.
<b>Name:</b> Leah McCloyd
<b>Age:</b> 22 yrs
<b>Appearance:</b>
View attachment 156596
<b>Gender:</b> female
<b>Ethnicity:</b> white, French Canadian ancestry
<b>Country of Origin:</b> United States (Michigan)
<b>Personality:</b> optimistic, adaptive, impatient, loves to learn, can be a little silly in her better moments, can be harsh at her worst
<b>History:</b>
Born on January 18 in Holland, Michigan, Leah graduated from Hope College at 20 years old and still lives in her hometown. She was killed at 22 when a semi rammed into her car one night on the highway. Needless to say, with full awareness of that happening she was more than a little confused when she woke up perfectly fine in her own home.
<b>Power:</b> ghost physiology (Ghost Physiology) —currently able to turn invisible or intangible for short periods
<b>Skills:</b>
- trained as a gymnast
- has practiced parkour a number of times
- adept with mathematics
<b>Weaknesses:</b>
- her customary bluntness gives her some trouble in social scenarios
- struggles with control of her powers at the moment, requiring heavy concentration to maintain any ability
- current skill (or rather lack thereof) with powers also means that she must stop using them after a little while otherwise she grows nauseous
Changing those < > to [ ] would solve your formatting issues.
As for the CS, there's a few things I'd like to see changed:
Ultimately, I can see the beginnings of an interesting character here, but the CS reads more like the early concept than the finished article. Don't feel like you need to rush, I'll be closing signups based on player numbers not time. As it stands, I'd like to see the finer details before I make any judgement on acceptance.
- I'd like to see the personality fleshed out into a paragraph, rather than a cluster of keywords. It's very hard to see this as an actual distinct character when there's a loose cloud of traits and so sense as to how they intermingle.
- The history doesn't really help flesh out this character as a person. They haven't moved away from home and they went to college. Is that really the sum total of this character's experiences? You say later she trained as a gymnast - that would be some useful contextual information to have.
- Powerwise - you can pick invisible or intangible. Everyone's powers are pretty weak right now, so while you may gain the ability to do either later on, for now you get to pick one.
- You say she has practised parkour a number of times - that doesn't necessarily give a decent gauge on her ability. I've practised drawing a number of times, yet I'm utterly hopeless at it.
- In terms of weaknesses, most of them are things that all characters will find in terms of conscious use of their powers right now. As the RP goes on, you'll end up with her only weakness being that she's blunt which is pretty minor as weaknesses go.
Changing those < > to [ ] would solve your formatting issues.
As for the CS, there's a few things I'd like to see changed:
Ultimately, I can see the beginnings of an interesting character here, but the CS reads more like the early concept than the finished article. Don't feel like you need to rush, I'll be closing signups based on player numbers not time. As it stands, I'd like to see the finer details before I make any judgement on acceptance.
- I'd like to see the personality fleshed out into a paragraph, rather than a cluster of keywords. It's very hard to see this as an actual distinct character when there's a loose cloud of traits and so sense as to how they intermingle.
- The history doesn't really help flesh out this character as a person. They haven't moved away from home and they went to college. Is that really the sum total of this character's experiences? You say later she trained as a gymnast - that would be some useful contextual information to have.
- Powerwise - you can pick invisible or intangible. Everyone's powers are pretty weak right now, so while you may gain the ability to do either later on, for now you get to pick one.
- You say she has practised parkour a number of times - that doesn't necessarily give a decent gauge on her ability. I've practised drawing a number of times, yet I'm utterly hopeless at it.
- In terms of weaknesses, most of them are things that all characters will find in terms of conscious use of their powers right now. As the RP goes on, you'll end up with her only weakness being that she's blunt which is pretty minor as weaknesses go.
Looks much better, but what do you mean by 'human weaknesses?Okay, I've fleshed her out a bit more now. The thing is that usually when I create OCs, they just flow naturally into existence as I interact with them both in my head and in writing. I fully expect Leah to develop more as I roleplay as her.
Name: Leah McCloyd
Age: 22 yrs
Appearance:
View attachment 156612
5'9" and slight of figure with piercing ice-blue eyes and dark brown hair cascading in soft waves over her shoulders, Leah keeps good posture out of an ingrained habit from her years as a gymnast. Her preferred outfit is a hooded shirt, patterned with horizontal, wide stripes in faintly grayed-out shades of teal and navy, paired with straight, dark jeans and charcoal Vans.
Voiceclaim: Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow, Captain America: Winter Soldier)
Gender: female
Ethnicity: white, French Canadian ancestry
Country of Origin: United States (Michigan)
Personality:
Optimistic and adaptive with a love for learning, Leah tends to be quiet but can be rather silly in her better moments. She also tends toward impatience, which when pressed can turn into tactless or biting words. This leaning masks severe anxiety about both herself and the trustworthiness of other people. Doing her best to power through this, she loves testing her limits both in physical and mental feats, which pairs well with her natural agility and mathematically wired brain.
History:
Born on January 18 in Holland, Michigan, Leah grew up with her parents and brothers as the second and only girl of three children. As she excelled academically, she was part of the high-school cheer team, drawn to it by the acrobatics. On the side, she took part in a number of gymnastics classes and practiced parkour with her older brother and his friends, finding that it appealed to her in some ways more than cheerleading. After graduating from high-school, Leah moved across the state to attend at the Michigan State University to pursue science and gymnastics but returned to her hometown once she graduated. While driving home one night, she was killed in a severe accident resulting from a distracted truck ramming into her car. Fully aware of this, she was more than a little confused when she woke up perfectly fine and in her own bed the following morning. Her confusion only increased when a sudden fright later in the morning ended in her unintentionally walking through a wall. As she searched to figure out what in the world had happened, she found a news report about a strange tower that had appeared in Philadelphia the day before, connecting the alien-looking structure to the recent power and internet outages. Perhaps that tower could explain her situation.
Power: ghost physiology (Ghost Physiology) —currently able to turn intangible for short periods
Skills:
- trained as a gymnast
- has practiced parkour a number of times and is decent at it
- mathematically inclined brain
- near-fluent in French
- licensed gun-owner
Weaknesses:
- human weaknesses
- her customary bluntness gives her some trouble in social scenarios
- struggles with letting herself be emotionally vulnerable
- tends toward paranoia and overthinking things
- current skill (or rather lack thereof) with powers means that using them requires heavy concentration and she must stop using them after a little while otherwise she grows nauseous
- currently does not have a car, given that her only one was totaled
- can count the number of times that she actually used a gun on one hand
Looks much better, but what do you mean by 'human weaknesses?
Looks much better, but what do you mean by 'human weaknesses?
Just drop the human weaknesses line, since apart from the power and the reincarnation your characters are all still human, and you're good to go. Welcome aboard!
Just keep it in this thread, feel free to edit the original or post another.Aight, thank you ^^
Is there a specific place I should post the profile or just in these comments?
Love the character, but I would appreciate a little clarification on what you envisage her power as being able to do.So hows does this look?
Name: Sarah Elizabeth Pendleton
Age: 25
Appearance:
Gender: Female
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Country of Origin: United Kingdom (England)
Personality: Fun loving, easy going and sociable are all words that could be used to describe Sarah although some people might prefer hedonistic slacker. She has always been eager to prove herself, change the world for the better and make her parents proud though she's not particularly interested in the dull day to day realities of doing this, instead preferring the flashy exciting things.
History: The only child of well to do parents in the home counties of England, Sarah had a charmed and uneventful childhood. She was educated at a series of small but well respected public schools and in her leisure time her parents made sure that she developed a range of hobbies including: skiing, horse riding, scuba diving and clay pigeon shooting.
By the time she finished school at eighteen, Sarah wasn't the next Einstein but she had acquired the grades to get herself into a good university. Her choice to study Environmental Science wasn't what her parents had dreamed of but somewhere along the way Sarah had picked up an idealistic streak and had decided she wanted to do some 'good' in the world.
As a student Sarah was fairly unremarkable. She was bright enough to keep up with the work but somewhat too interested in partying and having fun to truly excel, ending up with a distinctly average degree. Where she did succeed was in her non academic activities. Initially she had joined the universities boxing club on a whim, thinking that it might be fun to try but by the end of her second year she was taking part in and winning varsity matches for her university. Upon graduating Sarah made her way to the states, bouncing between temporary secretary jobs to keep her green card while relying on her parents moneys to keep up her lifestyle.
When the pulse hit, Sarah was too engrossed in her why her phone had suddenly died to notice the bus barreling towards her. All she can recall is a feeling of overwhelming pain and then waking up in her bed with no idea how she got there.
Power: Aerokinesis: Sarah can manipulate the movement of gas molecules so that they travel against the diffusion gradient allowing her to create pockets of elevated atmospheric pressure.
Skills:
Weaknesses:
- Boxing: Sarah has kept up her training in an piecemeal sort of way since she arrived in America. She's no fighting superstar but she really knows how to throw a punch.
- Physically fit: A bonus of having kept up her boxing training is that Sarah is in above average shape.
- Lack of forethought: Sarah has the patience of a spoiled ten year old and prefers to dive into things head on, regardless of how sensible that is or the consequences.
- Slacker: Generally Sarah will do the absolute minimum amount of work that she can get away with.