The Punchline (Moose X Unbound)

[Moose]

A group of guards knocked on his cell door, "Hey, Joker! You got a new head shrink. You're going to meet her today."

His eyes opened and he cracked a smile, "Oh, is she a pretty one?" He asked with a laugh. The guards ignored him, "I guess I better put on my best jacket then." He said looking down to his orange jumpsuit. His number was 91410417, he had insisted on it. Everyone knew who he was and he would be damned if the computer would only record a number next to his name.

He had heard rumors of this psychologist who had wanted to get a hold of him. One who wanted to pick his brain. It was why he was still here and not out playing with the bat again. The Bat was interesting, but he wanted to meet this new player. He smiled knowing now that it was a woman all along. He wondered if it was Barbara, shaking his head at the idea. Barbara was busy with Bruce and Dick. He had pondered whether the girl was associated with the bat.

The guards returned, "Here, breakfast." They opened the slot in his door and shoved the tray of spam and eggs through, covered with gravy, two slices of toast on the side and two plastic cups, one with orange juice and one with apple.

He had noticed that the guards got more and more tense the longer that he stayed here, and that his meals had been getting better, at least by Arkham standards. They were nervous that he was still here, expecting him to escape at any moment.

He felt like having pie tomorrow, and he knew the button to push with this guard, "Sterling. No, James. Tell your wife I said hi." He said just before picking up his tray and beginning to dig in. James ran off after the Joker said this and he laughed through the mouthfuls of food. He finished his meal, using the toast to scrape up the remains.

He smiled and looked over his teeth in the mirror before going for his toothbrush and toothpaste. It would just be rude if he showed up with foul breath. He finished brushing his teeth, flossed, then brushed again. Twenty minutes later, a group of guards returned, "Ah." The Joker began, "Did you bring my nicest jacket?" He asked, "I would hate to disappoint the lady."

The guards opened the door, holding out the straitjacket, expecting him to walk into it. He looked at the guards, five, only five. He scoffed but didn't want to keep the lady waiting, after all, she worked so hard to get this meeting with him. He walked into the straitjacket and waited for the guards to fasten the buckles. They led him down the halls to the room where he was meant to meet her and they laid him down on the sofa for the meeting with the psychologist. They chained his legs to the sofa then stood at the doors.

 

[Unbound]

[BCOLOR=transparent]Harleen was nervous, fumbling around inside her office as she tried to organize her papers. Ever since the inmate had been brought into Arkham, she had craved a meeting with him. Probably the most twisted, insane mind in the world was at her doorstep, and it was an opportunity that Harleen knew she could not give up.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=transparent]At first, the warden had been oddly hesitant to give her the meeting she so desired, preferring to have The Joker examined by others. Well, that did not end well for them, and she was finally getting her turn to take on The Joker. There were so many tests she wanted to carry out, to get as deep inside the mind off the Clown Prince of Crime here in Gotham. And now, after all her pestering and begging, she had her opportunity.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=transparent]To say that Harleen was nervous for it was an understatement. After all, it was the most notorious villain in Gotham, if not the world, and she was about to enter a room alone with the man; or as alone as she could get him with armed guards surrounding the door.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=transparent]Her communicator buzzed, signifying to her that The Joker had been moved to the room. She felt a lump in her throat, taking a deep breath as she gathered her papers, adjusting her glasses as they rested gently on the ridge of her nose before heading out.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=transparent]As per usual, the halls of Gotham lay somewhat quiet. The blabberings of the criminals kept within were muffled by thick steel doors, and the only others in the hall were heavily armoured guards. It made her, in her simple blue button shirt, a black pair of trousers and lab coat seem very out of place. But, she wasn't paid to be in place, she was paid to delve into the minds of the criminally insane, and it also satiated some small curiosity lingering in the back of her mind about the most insane of Gotham.[/BCOLOR]

[BCOLOR=transparent]She arrived at the room, standing outside momentarily as she steadied herself. Then, with one final breath, she went inside. She fought against the urge to simply stop and stare at The Joker, smiling at him as she went towards her seat. "Good morning, Mr…. Joker. My name is Harleen Quinzel, I'll be your new psychiatrist here in Arkham." She said nervously, tucking a loose strand of golden blonde hair back behind her ear as she[/BCOLOR][BCOLOR=transparent] spoke. "How are you feeling currently?"[/BCOLOR]

 

[Moose]

He looked at the psychiatrist sideways, he had been interested to meet this one who wanted to meet him, but she wasn't like the others. She was nervous. He could see the telltale signs of her timidity with her slight fidgets, here and there and her slight stammer. She acted more like an involuntary psychiatrist than someone who was eager to meet him. He raised his eyebrows at this curiosity.

She asked how he was feeling and his grin grew, "A little bit eager actually, you don't seem like those arrogant tosspots who usually want to see me." He said with a light chuckle, "Flouncing in here arrogantly as if you own the place. You seem a lot smarter than most of them, definitely less creepy than the only one who's still alive." He bit back on a laugh at the hinted threat, it had been a minor accident. Unable to hold back he chuckled, "I'm very sorry Doctor, that was rude of me, I just didn't expect someone like you. In fact, I was thinking you might be working with the bat. Clearly not." He cleared his throat.

"How are you, Harley? You don't mind if I call you Harley, do you?" He said, his mind racing with observations for who she might be.

 

[Unbound]

Harleen couldn't help but chuckle ever so slightly herself, part out of nervousness about the whole situation, but perhaps also because she found herself being drawn into his charisma. "No no, there's no need to apologise. There are many here a lot more... Vulgar, than you." She said, letting a slight, genuine smile curl at her lips. The tales of The Jokers charisma did not do him justice, she found that he had a very approachable nature to him. Or maybe that was just how she saw it.

She chuckled at the mention of the bat. "I'm not working with the bat. He doesn't have much to do with what happens once everyone's here actually, a lot less than people would expect." She said simply, probably rambling too much for her own good. "Yeah, yeah. You can call me Harley. That's what they used to call me back in school, well, the people who would talk to me did." She chuckled. "I'm, I'm doing good. I've wanted this meeting for a while now..." She said, falling quiet as she tried to remember the exact reason why. There was definitely a reason to it, but she was feeling distracted, somewhat entranced by the man she was meant to be 'curing'.

 

[Moose]

He peeled back his lips even further, his gums showing out beneath his large teeth, "The vulgar ones are all talk. I'm the most feared man in Gotham, and most others like me, Bane, Ra's..." He paused for a moment, realizing he let slip a name that not many people would really know, Ra's preferring to work in the background of others, "Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Doctor Freeze," he continued, hoping she didn't notice the odd one out, "They're all cogent well spoken people. They have class." He explained.

"You're not the type who would." The Joker stated in response to her professing she didn't work for the Batman. He thought of Bruce's charities and his other work, knowing that Wayne Industries helped make sure that Arkham stayed funded, "Oh, Batman has a lot more influence on what happens here than you think." He said with a laugh.

He stopped laughing when she said she trailed off from her thought as to why she wanted the meeting with him. He tilted his head at this, "Oh, well then, you have it now. And now what are you going to do about it?"

 

[Unbound]

Harley had picked up on the strange name that the joker spoke about, Ra's. It was something she would remember, but thought best not to ask him about it now, since he seemed to be trying to avoid said topic. Even chained and restrained, she had no doubt that, if angered, she would be dead in a moments notice. So, she simply listened as he continued to speak.

"I guess I'll start the tests..." She said, although it came across more as a question than a statement. It was nothing too complicated, just some things to help her get to know the first layers of what was going on inside the jokers head. "Let's start with some... Word association." She said, searching through her papers to find a list. She clicked the top of her pen, writing a few things on the sheet before speaking up once again.

"I'll say a word, and you can respond with the first thing that comes to your head... If that's okay." She explained, a slight smile curling at her lips again. "The first word is..." Her eyes left the joker for a moment, scanning up and down the list of words present on her page. "Relaxing."

 

[Moose]

She didn't prod him on his minor lapse, he wasn't sure whether she had noticed and chosen to avoid it, or simply hadn't noticed.

She talked about tests and started with word association and the Joker blinked at the psych 101 crap she was pulling. He rolled his eyes when she asked permission and began to press on.

"Relaxing." She said, "Freud." Was his response, "Freudy Freudy Freud, are you going to ask how my anti-social behavior stems from my childhood because my father didn't hug me enough or some other crap? I understand that word association is interesting, but come on." he breathed in through his nose, "I suppose, Batman would be a better answer for that bit of word association."

 

[Unbound]

Harlem couldn't help but sigh in exasperation, more at herself than anything else, as she took the glasses from her nose and wiped them clean with her sleeve. She disliked all the basic crap that she was meant to go through with this man.

She simply sat there for a moment, thinking, as she listened to the ambience of the room. It was the same as always; granted, there had been less attempts at her life and what not in this session, which was odd, since she was with the Joker, but she wouldn't complain.

After a long moment, she put down all the papers, neatly resting them on the floor by the bottom of the chair. Then, she leaned her head on her hands, elbows rested gently on her knees as she looked at the Joker. "Tell me about yourself then, let me know The Joker."

 

[Moose]

He watched her take and clean her glasses, more out of exasperation than them being dirty. He sat in the silence with her until she broke it and took her own route. She decided to let him lead in this session.

He laughed, "Well, to start, don't tell these idiots, but Houdini was a chump." He said, fidgeting in his straightjacket for a moment to signify what he meant, "I turned to crime because I got so boooooooorrrred." He said, a light chuckle accentuating his words, "I hoped that would bring spice to my life, but it didn't, not quite. But, my first bank heist, Batman came in. Such a delight, that man, that cape..." He gazed off into the middle distance dreamily. His grin turned into a scowl, "But that... Boy... Robin, with his color... He ruins it, the girl ruined it too." His scowl returned to a grin and he began laughing again.

He looked into Harleen's eyes, "My failed game with the commissioner was made worth it by taking her out of the picture." He said, his laugh starting out soft again before escalating once again. He breathed softly and licked his lips, "Tell me, what do you think of the Bat's sidekicks?"

 

[Unbound]

Harlem simply sat and listened as The Joker spoke. It was clear to her that he had a deep liking, no, a passion, for fighting the batman; it seemed to be what fuelled the Joker almost. She owondered just why that was, but figured that if he wanted to divulge that information to her, he would do so on his own accord. She was quite enjoying just sitting there and listening to his story, the way he wanted to tell it; it was a stark difference to the way things usually happened, which was generally the questions followed by shouting followed by guards storming in and saving her. This way, was much more enjoyable.

"His sidekicks? I haven't heard much about them, to be honest." She spoke gently. Whilst she of course knew of them, but she really hadn't invested much time into researching the batman and his accomplices. Her main curiosity was as to what mental state it took for a group of people to dress up as caped crusaders and run around fighting crime. But then again, this was Gotham. "I guess I'd say they're a bit... Unnecessary? You always hear about batman, but rarely his sidekicks. It doesn't seem like he needs them much." She spoke lightly, simply getting out what she thought of it all at that moment.

 

[Moose]

The joker nodded at her affirmation that she believed he didn't need them much, "He has them around for their benefit, not his. Kind of how he does his thing for his own benefit rather than for the people. They're just portrayed as good because they... 'help' the people of gotham. If only the people of Gotham knew, I'd have offer myself long ago if not for the bat. Ha!" The last laugh was dry and tinny, almost bitter.

He paused as he thought seriously about that for a minute, "though, now, you knock the bat down and others will take his place... I wonder how his replacement would compare...." He mused, he shook his head, "no, not worth the chance. I've fought the boy scout, Robin hood and a couple of those others at the league. They all pale in comparison." He sighed.

 

[Unbound]

Harley nodded. So, if there was no batman, there would pretty much be no joker. That was an interesting thing to think about, how this King of crime depended on his nemesis for him to still be around himself. It seemed like a vicious cycle, more for the bag and the people of Gotham than anything, but she couldn't help but feel an element of... Pity, for the Joker.

She was pretty much stuck for what to say, still trying and wanting to unraveling the story of the Joker. It was clear that he got a kick from encountering the batman. "What is it about Batman that gives you that feeling?"

 

[Moose]

There was a noticeable pause between his statement and her question, he chewed over what her mind could have been processing in that time but threw away the thought as there wasn't enough he knew about her that he could make an educated guess yet, "Batman is like me. A man pushed over the edge by the cruelness of the world. A man of intellect and power."

"The biggest difference between the two of us is when I was pushed over the edge, I turned to crime to alleviate my newfound boredom of mundanity. Batman instead decided that what he needed to do was directly attack that which caused him to decide that dressing up like an idiot and beating up criminals was a good idea." He laughed.

 

[Unbound]

Harleen nodded once again, writing down a quick note on her paper. She wanted to highlight everything that she thought important, and the factnthatnthenjoker considered himself similar to the batman was definitely one. And in a way, she could definitely see the similarities; after all, they were both disguised as different things to carry out their plans, which definitely took some level of insanity.

"Interesting. Why did you choose a clown to disguise yourself as?" She asked, wondering if he had any particular motive behind that one, or if it had been a random burst of insanity that he had stuck with ever since.

 

[Moose]

The Joker tugged at his naturally green hair and white skin, "I wouldn't exactly call wearing a tasteful purple suit and lipstick a disguise. I fell into a vat as Red Hood and now I'm stuck with this look. I don't know why I was Red Hood in the first place and I don't particularly care. I'm having way too much fun as it is." He said with a laugh, "But, I took the lipstick and the clown schtick because I decided that masks are only needed for one off fun bits, like that one time I became Red Hood again and got Batman to question his sanity with Scarecrow's fear gas." He giggled (I don't know if that was a real storyline, but I made it up myself)

"It didn't help him that he actually had a fear along those lines. I don't know if he would believe me if I told him outright now anyways...." He pondered this thought, "Oh, right, why I took the clown schtick. I'm looking to have fun with this, but cause havoc and fear at the same time. Clowns seemed to be fitting since they're meant to be fun, but they just scare everyone." He laughed.

 

[Unbound]

To say Harleen wasn't shocked when she found out that The Jokers look was not just makeup, but actually a result of a chemical accident, would be lying. That was very intriguing, the way that he survived something that may have killed others and then turning the effects of it to his advantage in the world. This man was far more intelligent than she had realised, and that was something that drew her towards him even more.

She questioned her own sanity, feeling what she could only define as the beginning stages of attraction towards the man. There was just something about him that was so alluring to Harleen.

It was only at this point that Harleen realised she had been quiet for quite a while now, simply staring at the man in fascination. "Sorry... Sorry. Well, that's very interesting. Clowns are scary to a lot of people... But I'm not scared of clowns." She said nervously, chuckling at the end.

 

[Moose]

The Joker smiled and moved around in his straightjacket, he was careful not to reveal his whole hand at once, luckily she was distracted. He got one of his hands free and loosened one of the leather strips holding the jacket closed, yanking on it hard enough to cause it to tear through the hole in the belt. He bent the tooth in the second strap before letting it fall away. He felt inside the edge of the jacket for the stitching in it, she could probably figure out what happened, but the guards would think the jacket was simply in need of mending when it was put on him.

He pulled on the stitching a bit to loosen it. Then she said the words he had been preparing for "I'm not scared of clowns."

"Well Doctor... You should be afraid of this one." His grin strained against his bones as he yanked on the jacket sleeve he had gotten loose, tearing the only remaining leather strip out of the stitching in the sleeve. The Joker kicked over the sofa, sending it into the guard closest to him and hopping onto it as it slid along the ground. The guard stumbled but righted himself. He went for his tazer, the Joker went for his nightstick. He aimed and the Joker smacked it out of his hand, "What did you think you were going to do? That tazer isn't equipped to take on bears, much less a man chemically desensitized!" He laughed as he beat the guard, even as the other guard in the room opened the door.

"Joker alert, Joker alert, the Joker is attempting an escape!" the alarms went off, red and purple lights flashed. The Joker stopped at those words and popped his neck. He stomped on the guard who he had been beating's neck and walked back to the sofa. He raised his foot and brought it down on the two by four that the chains were bolted to and they snapped free, chips of wood clinging onto his legs.

He walked over to the guard who had heard what the Joker said and pulled out his pepper spray, hitting the Joker with it in the face. The Joker screamed and put his arm over his eyes, stumbling back before beginning to laugh again, "What about chemically desensitized did you not understand?!" The Joker asked, walking back over to the stunned guard and hitting him in the face, knocking him down.

The guard looked up to the Joker in fear even as more guards in riot gear showed up at the door. The Joker grabbed the guard's tazer and shot it out into the wood of the door, biting into the wires before wrapping them around the door knob. He pressed the button and wiggled it around till it got stuck on, "That should get us some time. They reinforced the doors a few escapes ago. Now then, where were we... Oh, yeah." He kicked the guard in the stomach, "Are you paying attention?!" The guard grunted but nodded vigorously, "Ah, good. I am not trying to escape. I'm having too much fun in here with Dr. Quinnzel here. So you let them know up top, I see anyone but Harley here next week, I will be escaping, AND PEOPLE WILL BE DYING!" He looked at the man's nametag, "You first, Smith, badge number 98713. I'm sure I can find your family once I do too."

He sat back down on the upturned sofa, "So, anything you want to say before the guards figure out how to get in here?"

 

[Unbound]

Harley watched what was going on intently, half driven out of fear and the other half driven out of absolute wonder. The Joker moved so quickly, darting everywhere and being in complete control of the situation. He had taken down 2 guards, and prevented any more from getting into the room at the time being. It was fascinating to watch.

Surprisingly however, seeing the Joker pull off such a feat didn't make her much more afraid of him; if anything it made her more interested in him. And now, he had practically secured another meeting between them next week; for that she was grateful. She had no doubt that if the session had simply ended normally, she probably would have been mentally examined herself and either prohibited from another session with the joker, fired from her work, or simply locked up in a cell here. It wasn't normal to hav this level of fascination and attraction to any patient, let alone the joker.

"No, I think that concludes our session for this week." Harleen chuckled, a slight smile spreading across her face. Yup, she knew she must be even a tiny bit loony at this point.

When the guards managed to get in, she was quickly rushed out of the room as the rest tried to deal with the joker. On her way to her office, she felt almost giddy, knowing that in just a weeks time she would see him again.

 

[Moose]

He saw the smile as she said that was about it and loosened his smile in kind. The men in riot gear came in and the Joker hopped onto them, making a token effort to fight them before being quickly subdued and taken back to his room.
****
As the Joker had predicted, he had pie the next day, a fresh apple pie. Sterling had brought it, his wife baked it for him and he "decided" to give it to the Joker.

It went a bit further than the Joker predicted. He had a cherry pie the next day, key lime, lemon meringue, a beef pot pie, turkey, then finally on the day of his next appointment with Harley he had a sausage gravy pie with thick crust. It was almost like biscuits and gravy with fresh baked croissant. The Joker sniffed the pie and smiled wide, "Thank you Sterling. You know, I was just thinking, when I get out next, I should make sure my boys don't bother you. Isn't that nice?" He asked as he broke off a chip of the flaky crust with a spoon and dipped it in the thick country gravy.

The Joker could clearly hear a sigh of relief, "Yes, that's nice."

He considered bothering the man, but he decided against it, "When's my appointment with Doctor Quinnzel?" He asked.

The guard looked at his watch, "In five minutes actually.... I'm really sorry."

"No, don't be. If I promise to behave, could I bring my pie? Of course you'd have to chain my arms too, so the straitjacket won't be necessary."

There was the sound of white noise as Sterling turned his radio on, "Hey Searge, Joker says he'll behave if we let him bring his pie and don't put him in a straitjacket this time, what do you want to do about it."

There was more white noise for a second before the thick voice of the sergeant came through, "Well, I don't want to find out whether or not he has something cooked up for if we say no. Let him bring the pie, but chain his wrists to his ankles." There were three Roger thats before Sterling added his own.

The Joker nodded to himself and continued eating the rich pie. Soon enough, the guards showed up with the chains, shackling him and taking him with the pie to a different room than before, the floor was stainless steel, the sofa, a spring steel frame bolted to the floor with comfy cushions. In front of the sofa was a carbon steel ring welded into the floor, "Oh, I've been put in the naughty room. I've sure learned my lesson, no more beating a guard to death and then grievously harming another during a session." He said, looking pointedly at the guards.

They hooked his chains up to the ring on the floor and handed him his pie as he sat down. They held out his plastic spork for him and he took it and nodded in thanks, munching on his pie while waiting for Harleen to arrive.

 

[Unbound]

There was no chance on earth that harleen would have been late to this appointment. The past week had been filled with idly listening to the boring tales of the other inmates on her list, asking the same old boring questions with the same old boring answers over and over again. Ever since the first meeting with the joker, everything she did seemed bland in comparison. But today she would get to meet the joker again.

She hurried down the corridors of Arkhangelsk with a brisk pace. The guards had decided to put the joker in one of the high security rooms across the compound, much to her dismay. But, she didn't have any say in the matter, and contented herself to live with it.

She had chosen a much more vibrant shirt today to go with her coat and trousers, it was a nice swirl of pinks and whites and reds throughout, very positive and happy. She was no where near as nervous as when she was walking to their first meeting, this time filled more with excitement and enthusiasm.

When she finally got to the room, she made sure that she had all her papers, which really wasn't much for this meeting; seeing as how she doubted they would be going through the conventional questions. Then, she went in, looking around the room. There he was, sat down on the sofa awaiting her arrival.

Harleen first turned to the guards. "I think we will yield more results this time without anyone else in the room." She suggested, and after a minute of questionable talking, both to each other and to the receiver at the other end of the radio, the two guards went into the hall, closing the door after them. It was a dangerous decision, but one she had made entirely herself.

Finally, Harleen took a seat at the table and chair, opposite the sofa in the room. She smiled at the joker. "Gods, this week has felt longer than usual." She sighed, noticing the pie. "Now where did you manage to get fresh pie from?" She asked curiously.