RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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OH MY GOD HEADACHE WHY WHYYYYYYYYYY
 
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't like feeling unwanted.
i don't understand why I care so much when I keep telling myself that I don't care.
I am angry.
 
Managing a panic attack, and a nausea inducing migraine, while I'm in the company of 2 strangers and a screaming, tired, bratty child is not fun. :/ On top of that, I was in a very painful, long phone call with said strangers, trying to explain to them how to get to my apartment when I have bad directional skills already. Plus I don't know this town very well. I made them run out of gas, and they got to listen to me whimper about how nervous and embarrassed I was about talking on the phone. I hope I never have to see them again.

I'm ready for my day to just end already. v__v
 
I have very little sympathy for someone who doesn't understand the concept of aging. Of course old people get tired, and of course their bones start to ache. Stop thinking that it doesn't happen and stop thinking that it's their fault for feeling that way. It's fucking aging. And don't you dare wonder why my dad - who goes to school and does chores around the house that you don't want to do - gets sick all the time. You are at home, free to do whatever you want.

God. I can't wait till your body starts aging. Maybe then that'll humble you.
 
One thing after another. Ever feel like that guy thrown in front of a bus, gets back up and gets hit by a train after that?

Yeah, I feel like that now. I feel like kicking something but that's a little too violent for me. so I'll settle for screaming. Oh and if I am irritable, I apologize, I am on my last fucking fuse right now.

Homer_screaming.gif


And I feel like the rant king because I am constantly on here.
 
I've always been told that crying helped. That you're meant to feel better afterwards.

Sure. My eyes are burning, head's throbbing, nose running all to shit, and I still feel like nothing in the fucking world matters.

Crying. I feel fan-fucking-tastic.
 
Ahhhh do you have any idea how insulted I feel right now?
You're my friend, I love you, but asking your husband to walk me, a decently high level practicing martial artist, to my car all of twenty feet across a well lit parking lot outside an active apartment complex (as in people are outside), when your home is in a neighborhood that is easily twice as nice as where I've been living for the past three years, comes very close to the line. I've been living here on my own longer than you've been in town. I know which neighborhoods to avoid by daylight, yours is not one of them.
And then you tell me not to be embarrassed!
I'm not embarrassed.
I'm annoyed!
Annoyed and insulted!
Grrrrr
 
That feeling when you have been brought down because of your intelligence and health.

I'm a generally healthy person, I rarely get sick and I haven't had any problems... that was, until my parents divorced when I was what, 10? I barely recall it now, I wasn't very old, that's for sure. But I was old enough. To get really hurt because I understood what had happened.

Still at this day, my parents are not talking. My mother might even be mentally ill, and I have had it just about to my neck in her excuses and lies. But she's still my mother. It's just... ugh.

I'm living with my father and only see her every second weekend, so it's not a pure hell... at least I feel like I have a bit of room to spare.

I go to a psychologist every second week, and it's helping me a lot. But even a person like me gets breakdowns. Even the girl that was "always healthy" can get sick.

But because I skipped half of my school year in seventh grade before moving in with my father, my parents don't believe me anymore, and whenever I say things in the likeliness of "I have a headache", "I'm feeling really bad", "I feel like hurting myself(because they don't believe the others I've never actually said this when the urge comes... in the end, it is a bit shameful, eh?)" and I just thought... that I better give up.

So I basically go to school or other places somedays where I just feel like sitting at home and crying for myself.
I think the worst part was when they told me I used my own condition as an "excuse" to skip school.

I guess that's it for now. I guess I don't want to whine that much... it's really not befitting of a big girl like me.
 
Ok, yeah, my drawings are not the best.

But don't make them out to be this bad fucking piece you've seen. They are NOT that bad.
 
I'm really starting to question why I bother getting up every morning. I still do it. I'm probably not going to stop until something kills me. Doesn't mean I want to do it. Doesn't mean I have to do it. Aside from rolling over and dying, it feels like the only thing I can do right these days.
 
I just want to change.
I want to be less of a cynical asshole.
I want to learn responsibility, and do everybody proud.
I want to learn to work on stuff, and put business before pleasure.
I want to be somebody that other people trusts.
But I can't. I'm too stuck in my ways. So I'll settle for the one thing I can get.
I want a hug.
Maybe someday soon. But for now, it's just another lonely night, with day still hours away.
 
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Well damn. I just got the news that my great-great Uncle passed away on Sunday night. I wasn't as close to him as I am to some other people in my family, but still... damn.
 
Do. Not. Feel well. I want to sit back and write, but I just feel so gross right now. Would be nice if this asshole son of mine would take his nap instead of crying about how tired he is. .__.; Then maybe I could also sleep?
 
I must've pinched a nerve cluster in my arm because it HURTS and has mined my workout routine severely. D:
 
Why is it that, even when I find a group of friends, if they're already an established group of friends, I still feel like I don't fit in, no matter how much they accept me into the group? ;_;
 
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So 3-4 years meant nothing at all. Fabulous. I know where I stood now.
 
I'm balls deep in an earache and I'm suffering severe symptoms of not giving so many fucks and very low WTL count(will to live). I just got my new art pen today. If I don't fucking draw something soon I'm going to flip the fuck out.

#FIJORAGE

Suddenly at 10:29 pm my body decides to react to springtime as if it's the fucking bubonic plague.

>:[ ~bitch bitch moan whine bitch whine moan, throws something, bitch whine whine~

Please universe, make this go away. Let me sleeeeeeep. Let me draw..... Please I'll do anything you want; I'll plant trees and kiss babies, anything, just please. MAKE THE RINGING STOP!!!
 
When I want to study for my finals, I have to go do chores.
When I've been out volunteering with tidy towns, and then have to walk the 6k home in 21 degrees C heat, I get an absolute bollocking for not studying.
When I actually do study, I obviously didn't do it, because I have my laptop open, and the fact that all my notes, exam papers and other revision material is online is irrelevant.

It's hot and sunny which means my hay fever is kicking into overdrive. I have a pretty painful ovarian cyst, which means I don't know if I'm going to scream or cry at any given time. I'm watching my mother slowly morph into my grandmother, and worse still, I realized how much I'm becoming like her.

I have to make through three months of petty arguments between my mother and my grandmother, my spoilt brat of a sister who acts half her age and being constantly told in various ways that I'm too fat and I will basically die alone because I have no interest in dating at the moment. I can't have old school friends over, because frankly it's not worth the giving out my parents will do afterwards, and I've just been told that another one of my friends can't stay with us this summer because she's a vegetarian. I have to deal with all this without alcohol, because despite turning twenty in a short period of time when the legal age is 18, I'm not allowed to have a drink in my own house.

I can't wait for the summer to be over already.
 
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