RANT Your Brains Out #98274

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With the way my husband is acting today, going to jail for murder might be a pleasant experience.
 
Ugh, I thought I got my sign language video done. All ready to upload and forget about it, even though it wasn't perfect. I looked back and I forgot an important element. Welp, here's to another seven takes where I inadvertly try to make it perfect to help boost my grade for the class. FML.
 
[spoili]
November.
Psychologist: Volunteering is a good idea. You can go to X and ask about opportunities and they will get you all sorted.
Me: Goes to X, sees it's crowded, promptly leaves without speaking to anyone at all

Thursday.
Me: talks to social worker
Social Worker: You should apply to these benefits. Do you have another source of income / a job?
Me: Well... What if... I kind of want a job, but I'm not sure if I could handle a job? Is there like a super part-time job I could maybe try? Or like volunteer?
Social Worker: Absolutely, just go to Y and ask about volunteer opportunities. Or. Is it too overwhelming to do that?
Me: Pffft, nah, nah, I can do that...
[proceeds to TOTALLY NOT DO THAT]
DbifAO.jpg


So if we count all the times I've ever tried to get myself psyched up to volunteer or otherwise get a job, it's been 3 years now so maybe I will finally do it when I'm 40.

-----

In other news, I made a homemade chocolate bar. But I ate the whole thing (which is technically like 3 or 4 normal sized chocolate bars I guess?) at once and was promptly sick for like 14 hours due to that.
Worth it.
[/spoili]
 
That feel when you're getting ready to go to bed and then you realize just how much your body is shaking involuntarily.
 
Maaaaan I am so fucking out of it today.
 
So, we've been having some issues with our wifi randomly dropping, but the modem was working fine - like, it'd turn on, it'd connect to the LAN and WLAN, it'd just drop. So we call our provider and they send a guy over. Fine right.

Except now the modem won't turn on at all and the guy was out of our house like a shot after hurriedly claiming our modem was defective; he was gone before I could even open my mouth to ask him what had happened.

Except, we've had that modem for over a year. If it was defective, wouldn't we have started having issues with it long before now? We're getting a new modem between tomorrow and Wednesday, and they'll credit us for the week our service was disrupted, but I wanna know what the fuck that guy did to our modem. It was turning on fine before he touched it
 
1. my brain is dumb, I hate it
I felt so confident leaving my therapist's office on Thursday. Yet now when I'm actually faced with the thing we were talking about my mind blanks and I don't remember what she told me to do. Something about uhh being your own defense lawyer? What? I don't know talking to people is scary. Why is it scary? IT IS JUST SCARY STOP PRESSURING ME

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. 90% sure one of the particularly nosy people at my work was looking at a reply I was typing up on a word document and forgot to click away from before going to help someone else. It is about an incubus. Nothing particularly lewd but like. A little lewd. With curse words.

I wanna die

Please have just been looking at the stuff at my desk and not the computer screen. Pleaaaaaaase

(note to kids: don't do this shit during the day when people are around. Day Shifts are much different than Evening Shifts. ya dumb idiot)
 
Well my cat has had some growths for a while now, but didn't seem to be in any pain or anything so I kept putting off the vet for financial reasons.
Today he's in pain, and it's possibly unrelated, but I decided I'm not going to wait anymore and off to the vet we go on thursday.

However, every vet in a 30 mile radius either has no reviews at all or some negative reviews that are... like... super, ridiculously bad. Like "How did these people ever pass vet school" bad. "Why do these people even want to work with animals" bad.

So I picked the one with like 2 bad reviews from a long time ago that didn't seem abjectly horrible. We'll see where it takes me. >_>

Really trying to not think about my financial situation in relation to this issue, though. I've had some other things on my mind (not financially related) that kind of make me think putting him down might be the best route if it's going to be super expensive treatment/problem. But. Yeah I don't know.
And also the shady ethics of putting down a pet for convenience isn't lost on me, either. It's a sticky situation.

So let's just hope it's not serious/expensive and we sidestep the whole issue.

I mean, I did pay $400 to ship this guy from Hawaii so maybe my definition of "expensive" is high enough to cover whatever this is going to be.
 
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So my upstairs neighbors were playing loud music....at 9 pm. I have asked them to turn it down. This is the one chance they get. If it happens again and/or regularly I will call the cops and inform the main office. All I want is some peace and quiet on the weekdays at night. Because unlike half of these youngsters I need sleep and have a full time big girl job.
 
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Sitting on the sidelines and being a fly on the wall gives you nothing. You rummage through histories like a starved raccoon pawing through garbage. You compulsively fill that gnawing void with whatever you find. That empty space is where human connection would go. I don't understand what happened to you to make you so afraid of opening up. You will never get what you need by just observing. All you have done is create false experiences--it isn't a real connection if it's one-sided. You're just some dork with an irrational fear of being known, berating yourself in vague, coded language during moments of weakness. And as long as you refuse to trust anyone or accept anything aside from perfection, nothing will change.
 
So a garage on the next block caught fire. The flames were apparently huge as I've gotten numerous phone calls asking if we're okay. The fire did not spread so everything is fine. It's just scary that I can't get ahold of my mom right now because the street is blocked off. I am 100% positive that she is fine, but I want to see her all the same.

It's also decided to snow out of nowhere. When it rains, it pours.
 
I miss the person I used to be. I wish I could just... be her again.
 
I'm going to scream. I've been on hold with Pearson Product support for the last fifteen minutes because an error occurred while my homework was saving. I flat out refuse to redo any of it, so here we are.

MyMathLab and all other bullshit, broken, Pearson products can burn in hell.

UPDATE: Thirty-five minutes on hold for them to tell me that it's my school's fault and not theirs. Currently screaming forever.
 
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Paid $80 to be told my cat is fat.

I mean, I GUESS that's the best possible outcome. But, yeah I'm still a little upset anyway.
 
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I couldn't sleep very well last night.....I dunno how I'm gonna make it through D&D tonight.
 
Urghhhhh I sure do love sitting down to do a simple and easy task and then damn near giving myself a panic attack over the whole ordeal.
 
tfw you're not sure if you're being constantly let down by your (irl) friends because your friends are lame or if they're leaving you because you're just a shit person to be around in general.

unrelated (maybe?):
When someone contacts you for advice and schedules a time and day for you to give them said advice and then proceeds to completely stand you up.


Or when you don't have enough brain power to do the thing so you put it off but then there's a cliff where you've put it off for so long it feels really bad to actually do the thing now but you don't want to come off as a shit person for ignoring the person on the other side of that thing.

Or just life in general, plz just stahp
 
You'd think my kids would listen to me by now!

My youngest daughter hit her eye on the corner of her dresser, and I told her right after it happened to put hold an ice pack on it. She held it on there for all of five seconds and I told her to hold it on there again. For two straight hours, I nagged at her to keep the ice pack on her eye so she wouldn't get a black eye. What does she do? Put makeup on it instead. Now her entire eye is black and I can't do anything about it. >_<
 
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