Rant Your Brains Out #298726927

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I hate that I still can't get over this.. It's been months since it all happened. But no matter how hard i try things just don't seem to get better.

I still feel like shit.. everyday.. at least once.

I always ask myself questions that can never be answered..
WHAT IF..
WHAT IF..
WHAT IFFFFFFF

But it never gets answered..
It's all still there..
But No relief comes my way..

I'm determined to get over this..
 
I'M CRANKY.
 
Jesus.
So many drunk kids.
SO MUCH NOISE.
I swear this isn't worth the money mum's giving me for it, but it's that or wait and spend my birthday money to get more presents for my dad.
I can't stand alcohol, parties, or large amounts of people. I'll camp in my room for tonight. :/
 
I hate having to go ALL the way upstairs to go pee.
DAMNIT I have to go pee, but I can hold it...
 
So. The less state funds WWU gets, the higher tuition increases. Then again, it's like that for just about every college... Right? :|

...I'm so fucked. How the hell do they expect us to complete bachelor degrees or higher if they're sucking every penny from our wallets? I mean, hell! I OVERDREW MY BANK ACCOUNT RECENTLY BECAUSE I HAD TO BUY A ONE-HUNDRED DOLLAR BOOK.

I hate school. Hate it.
 
All I want from this life is someone or something that can make the world seem a little bit brighter,and a little bit less retarded. Is that too much to ask?
 
I HATE politics season. The entire country turns in to a bunch of uneducated blithering idiots.

OH WAIT. >:[ THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY ARE ALL THE TIME! YAY!
 
My favourite coffee mug broke the other day. It feels as if I'd just lost my best friend. And the act of using another mug feels like cheating on a lover.
 
Ohgodohgodohgod.

Dad's stomach pains got much much worse overnight. He can't talk, he can't sit up, he can barely move. His painkillers don't help, he can't bloody take them. I've called the emergency doctors twice inside an hour. They might be out soon. I hope they'll be out soon. They better or I'm gonna boot their asses into next week! Sitting in the room to make sure he's still breathing okay. I don't know what else to do.

Christ, I'm scared.
 
I understand that overworked men get pissy and I can deal with that. >:[ But my mental stability hinges directly on the people around me being NICE to me and being pleasant. So prolonged exposure to negativity slowly starts eating away at my psyche until everything that's said to me triggers an over-emotional emo response that leaves me having foul dreams and feeling volatile and aggressive for days.

I am two steps away from an explosive freakout. It would be nice if no one pressed any buttons for awhile.
 
Cuteness is a curse, I've decided.

I'm fucking pissed off at you, yet you still continue to push my buttons. Do you think my anger is a JOKE? Do you really not believe I'm upset? Well here's a news flash: When I say don't fucking touch me or talk to me I mean it.

Am I really so cute that I can't be taken seriously? Even when I just punched and made you yell OUCH, you laugh and tease about how adorable I am. That's fucked up. That really is...

*SIGH*
 
Why do people do this. >:[ They make a huge deal about not being invited personally to something that was assumed as "show up and go!" thing, and then put you in a position where you HAVE to ask them "would you like to go?" even though it's going to sound like you're just saying it to make them feel better. Then they proceed to not believe you no matter what you say and refuse to go. Leaving you feeling really bad all day and unable to enjoy it because you know they're off feeling crappy. >:[

I spent my entire week being really angry about something unrelated, and now I FINALLY get to my happy-fun forget all of the bad stuff weekend, and now I am going to be too upset about something else to even enjoy it.
 
FML.

No where to go, nothing to do, no future to embrace.

I should just hit Game Over while I'm ahead of the curve.
 
I'm failing math again. I've failed twice already in college, and twice in high school.

Gawd, if I can't pass it, what am I going to do?

I don't think I'll ever make it to a university, or even meet the requirements for a fuckin' associates degree. Studying does shit. Tutors do shit. I have bad test anxiety.

I've fallen into a pit and I'm breaking my fingers trying to climb out. :/ If I can't pass this quarter, then fuck it. I give the fuck up. And that's final. I'm better off a stay at home mom.

I'm sick of crying about school.
Sick of it...
 
((huuuuuuugs for Elanore and hopes her dad gets better)) Ok. Seriously. FRUSTRATED BEYOND ANYTHING ABOUT WAITING FOR A FUCKING COURT HEARING JUST TO SEE IF THEY TELL ME YES OR NO ABOUT ME GETTING SOCIAL SECURITY. I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW SO I CAN GET SOME SORT OF JOB....... WHICH WILL PROBABLY FAIL WITHIN OR BEFORE SIX MONTHS ANYWAY.


GODDAMNIT.
 
They had to put Bear to sleep. He had two tumors, in his head and stomach, and even if they had operated on him, there was almost no chance of surviving. At the end of it all, he didn't even fight it. He just picked up his head and looked with those eyes. He got the shot, closed his eyes and just...went to sleep. We picked up all his things when we came home, it feels so empty. I don't have anyone to fall asleep next to when I sleep, or anyone to wake up next to in the morning and hug, or feed snacks to, or lick my hand when he's happy.

I'm being selfish.

But I just need to be selfish, just a little selfish, just for tonight.
 
My step-dad all of a sudden misses me. :|
I'm going to fail math class.
I hurt my back at work today.
Carpal tunnel syndrome is being a bitch.
WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY~

Oh! And...
My boyfriend doesn't understand me enough to know WHY math is killing me, so he is consistently piling all of this on me and saying I can handle it. When you see me crying on the couch because this subject has given me a nervous breakdown, you don't put a notebook of math problems on me, you jerkface. You're supposed to, I dunno, comfort me?

I still wonder why he doesn't dump me already to go find a lame, brainiac girlfriend to do math equations with. *sigh* It's so great. Algebra is ruining my chances of being a somebody and turning my love life into a hellhole. :3
 
Trust me Fluffy, I'm trying to make Algebra officially heresy in the imperial church, however I'm getting backed up by the red tape.


Stupid official channels.
 
So I'm missing some money - not a small amount of cash; I'm talking about over $200 dollars that was needed for bills, for food, for gas - and it's gone. I don't know where it went, and I'm pretty sure I didn't just lose it somewhere. I've been in nearly three accidents today, traffic is a bitch, and people's attitudes are less than...appetizing, to say the least. I'm not happy. I'm not willing to play all nicey-nice, and I better see that money back by tomorrow or someone will see a wrath that is as rare of a sight as Halley's comet.
 
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