This thread is for RANTING to get annoying, pissing, crappy, damnable things off your chest. Please follow the rules of this forum. If you need advice or want to talk about your problem, post a new topic in the Counseling Forum.
Dammit, I more than likely have a sinus infection, which should get treatment ASAP! I need my mother to help me decipher the insurance card she gave me but SHE'S TOO FUCKING CONTENT WITH HER NEW FIANCE' TO PAY ATTENTION TO MY NEEDS.
There are still life skills to gain as I live on my own. Why can't she lend me just a little bit of her time!?!?! ._____.;;
I could call or text her to say I'm dying and she wouldn't even know!!! FUCK YOU, NEIL. YOU AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY MOTHER OR MY SIBLINGS. FREAKING LET HER PAY ATTENTION TO HER SICK DAUGHTER.
This is the third time I've kicked in your door to find you lying in a booze-induced coma. This is the third time I've had to get you back on your feet, slap you about and remind you that you're here to get yourself an education, not drink yourself into an early grave.
This is the third and final fucking time.
So stop it, man.
I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself.
I'm so sick of my step-dad being a fool. I don't see my family until Friday for Thanksgiving and I hear that he and my Mom got together so she could claim her child support...
He's using me against my Mom now!? I'm sorry, you selfish asshole. I was the only one you had caring about you, sending you cards, talking to you, saying she loved you... EVEN AFTER ALL THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE YOU PUT ME THROUGH!?!?!? YOU'RE TALKING SHIT, SAYING THAT I KEEP SECRETS FROM HER ABOUT FUCKED UP BULLSHIT AND SAYING I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT HER!? MY MOM MEANS THE WORLD TO ME, YOU MORON!
FUCK YOU, MIKE... DON'T MANIPULATE MY MOTHER SO SHE WON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE! NO MATTER WHAT, YOU'RE OUT TO DESTROY THE FAMILY AND RUIN THE HOLIDAYS!!!
That's it. This year's been an odd one for friends and for trying to figure out who I am.
I turn my back on two, and while I make friends with two more, I loose one of the closest friends I had to suicide.
The thing is, I'm getting along fine with his suicide. I promised him that if he did this, I would move on as quickly as I could.
He was there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on, and I was happy to do the same for him. He was a beloved friend. I loved him, like a brother, like family, like soulmates, Like lovers, like fucked up people, like alcoholics.
We'd sip at whiskey, talk about the shit he got himself into, laugh when he caught the pizza box on fire, and smile awkwardly at my parents when they came outside to see him walking around in the pool with me sitting on his shoulders, shouting "DOWN PERISCOPE!"
I'd take the bat out of his hand, calm him when he was angry, break his cellphones so he couldn't get to his drug dealers, and hold him when he cried. He did the same for me.
It was a friendship that kept me somewhere between sane and insane. Always on the border, always powerful.
We had our moments, we had our fights, but that was one of my best friendships that I will cherish for the rest of my life.
And some punk with a bible who used to be my friend has NO right to talk about him like he did just because he couldn't do a simple request of mine to remain friends with me. I asked him to try to work on his shit with religion, that it was extremely grating to be asked to convert every day, to be asked what I believe in, to feel my privacy violated when he even asked me for Catie's phone number so that he could call her and ASK HER TO PRAY WITH HIM. Because she raped me. SO OBVIOUSLY SHE NEEDS TO PRAY.
Among other things.
So I had given him an ultimatum. If he couldn't cut it out in three-four weeks, or change in the SLIGHTEST bit, I would have to part from him.
This was the three month mark. I saw no progress, in fact, he was getting WORSE. So, I called him, not too long ago. I broke it off, said I was done, sick of his shit. And then hung up. I ignored his calls. I looked the other way at the text messages, but one voicemail enraged me.
He condemned Jon's suicide. Again. Told me he was going to hell. Demanded to know if Jon believed in "God".
Jon didn't believe what was two inches in front of his face.
I didn't call him back. I'm still ignoring him. I'm sick of the shit. I said my piece. If he keeps calling, I'll just block him.
But it angers me. It angers me beyond belief. It still hurts. It'll always hurt. But it hurts. Tonight, where I feel like all I want is to see that boy again, I know I can't. It aches. It's like a knife twisting into my throat.
Then two new ones I had ended up being insane (Literally. And racist, and stupid.) So I got rid of them too.
But it's all good, because I make friends easily all of a sudden. But at the same time, it sucks, horridly.
I'm getting rid of so many problem from my life, and my head's spinning from how quickly the stress is going down.
It's a lot of changes at once. I'm happier. But that voicemail.... that voicemail set me off royally.
I'm just sitting here, staring at the picture of Jon I took in sophmore year. He was sleeping on the bus on the trip to Big Bend. I had never seen him smile like he had when he was asleep.... so I got my camera out and snapped a picture.... but the smile didn't show....
I had always shown it to him. joking about how I stalked him. Then we'd have paint fights in art class.
I remembered something he told me while I was in Ohio on facebook:
thank you so much. youve helped me out ever scince we met. you are my best friend.
So. My step-dad has officially abandoned me. Sure, he was abusive, but was the closest thing I had to a Father still. Abandonment sure bites...
My Dad is so stellar, too! Yeah, trading in the day you planned on spending with your daughter so you can hang out with your girlfriend and play darts... That's soooo fartherly and sweet of you, Dad. I just love how you lied to me with your "You're my whole world, Andi I'd do anything for my little girl" bullshit. :3 I hope you realize that with me living in Bellingham and you not giving a fuck means that you probably won't see me until I get married or something. Hell, if you'll even give a damn about that too!
Is it so much to ask for a Dad that will protect me and call me beautiful once in a while? I guess it is. Instead, I get Dads that ignore me and mistreat me. I feel so good about myself, thank you jackasses...
Gah! What the fuck?! At least be a considerate person and at least ASK ME before committing my time to something that I don't even want to fucking do any more. I'm either supposed to bail on family (again) or be the reason that we cancel on those plans you just made (which makes me look like an asshole).
Oh my brother, always so difficult, always so petty and bringing up silly shit and pretending it was a big deal. It's sad I can get more done by myself or with people I know far less than with him. I just don't get him. Simple as that.
Its like the little sick bugs waited for the ONE time that I really needed to feel 100%!!! I am so frustrated and angry, but have nothing to take it out on!!! I hate being laid up in bed, when there is so much I need to DO!!!!!!! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF