@Lady Sabine ,ok, this is where the clash comes in. the difference between people in their Lives, experiences, opinions, and beliefs. thank you for sharing your opinions with me :)
I am just living proof that you can call someone 'yours' and be territorial in very healthy loving ways and that it becomes abuse when it hinders the other person or ourselves.
we all have our own opinions or what RP is, we shouldn't change to suit others ideals. that is how I see Role playing, and is a major reason why I do not partake in such RP's.
To each their own
And I really wish you were in the majority. ^^ I'm happy for you, like I would be happy for someone who scored a 2100 on the SAT, but I do feel the need to point out that getting your hopes up over these sorts of things is generally setting yourself up for failure.
Not all squares are rectangles; not all possessive people are abusive. But if it's got four parallel and four right angles, it's worth taking a look at. ^^ I feel like the subject of mature RPs in a partnership shouldn't be an issue or conflict; both partners should be compatible enough that there is no double standard. If both feel that it's an SO-only activity, that's great. If both feel like it's a public activity, that's great. But letting yourself get pressured one way or another will only build tension in the relationship, which isn't good for anything.
Popularity of opinion is not an argument.
For the most part, I agree with your post. However, I do feel the need to point out that there is no scientific way to deem these sorts of things "good" or "bad", only "normal" and "abnormal". So popularity of opinion is, really, the most unbiased argument regarding human sexuality/personality/etc. After all, when zoophilia doesn't harm the animal, how can you condemn it as a negative, or justify it as a positive? It's an argument you just can't get into logically. But it is, by and large, abnormal.
but only if the partner of the jealous person is uncomfortable with it and wants it to change.
No.
Nononononononono.
This is the kind of misinformation that kills people. I get that you mean well, but this mindset is exactly why most women who are murdered are killed by their SO.
Most abused people are happy most of the time. Abuse follows predictable cycles. For at least half of the time, abusers are Prince Charming. They shower their victim with affection, with love, with praise, with gifts and money and special treats- it's the down times when the arguments, the put-downs, and the beatings start.
But these are a minority of times. They only happen once in a while- especially in the beginning.
The abused are happy. They like their relationship. Most of them feel very proud and strong because they are "the only person in the world who understands" their abuser. They know that s/he is changing, that this time they'll keep the promise, that this black eye is the last one they'll ever get. And right after the abuse, the positive feedback is the strongest.
Abusive relationships, on average, have higher total happiness levels than non-abuse ones, according to some surveys. Breakups in abusive relationships are less frequent than non-abusive ones.
The jealousy, the possessiveness-
that's how the abuser makes the abused feel loved. "I mean more to him/her than anyone else in the world. Look at how much s/he needs me. I'm so important to him/her, and s/he's so important to me. We have that special connection that you see in romance movies. S/He'll never let me go".
I really wish we lived in a nice world where things made sense, and people who got the worst of it were unhappy with their situations and actively sought change. But we don't, and the most-abused victims often do the least complaining and are the least dissatisfied with it.
Communication is key. And just because both partners are okay with the action doesn't mean it's automatically okay.
Sorry for the mini-rant, but people really need to know this stuff. The mentality of victims is just so poorly understood by non-victims, and
the only way to break the chain is to refuse to think in a way that lets abuse happen.