Magical Vending Machine

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CHARGE!

An army of light cavalry bear down on you. They seem to be coming from a weapons battery on a hill.

I insert a Security Camera.
 
You get a video tape. On it is a dark hallway, only interrupted by the occasional angel statue appearing in it.

I insert a letter to some girl's senpai that I found.
 
The machine blushes and turns away, too shy to speak to you.

I insert Senpai.
 
You get me!

I insert a struggling kouhai
 
You get a 300 page extended version of the DS manual.

I insert the abstract concept of insertion.
 
You receive a thesaurus of all the synonyms for insertion.

I insert a paper crown.
 
You get confetti, a few balloons, a sweet party hat, and Frozen-themed cardboard plates. Also, the pizza is ready.

I insert dat boi's unicycle.
 
The vending machine forms a mouth and you receive the words "o shit whaddup"

I insert a 200 dollar textbook.
 
It catches fire. Your notes! ...You fail your classes.

I insert expensive drawing equipment.
 
(Joke's on you the textbooks are a waste of money anyways q.q)

You get a perfect replica of several famous, priceless pieces of art, which also happen to go missing at that exact time. You are arrested and jailed for the rest of your life.

I insert the fact that we should probably let other people reply to this thread.
 
The machine is mad at you for lying, and refuses to dispense anything.

I insert a penny.
 
The vending machine's mouth starts chanting "Kalimah!" and the heart spontaneously combusts. You're rather glad you didn't actually get anything else....

I put in an ice cube.
 
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You get Frozone, but inside a chunk of sandstone.

I insert the Bored Games.
 
You get Intrusive.

I insert General Chatting.
 
You get an army of emotions. (Get it? General Chatting?)

I insert the worst pun to ever exist. It is as follows. "I guess we can't go skidoo-ing today." "You mean, ski-don't?"
 
You get sunglasses and this plays behind you:


I insert World War I.
 
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You get enough bones to make up an entire human skeleton, and propaganda for the skeleton war.

I insert the ongoing clash between pepe and dat boi.
 
You get memed on. Better luck next time.

I insert pure, unfiltered, unrefined memes.
 
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