It Came From Outer Space (Mira-Charma13 and Dip)

[Mira-Charma13]

GIR immediately scrambled to his feet after the human placed him on the floor. He spent about a minute brushing himself off and glancing between the Earth creature and his master. Zim stiffened uncomfortably when Dib addressed him, absently rubbing his arms and scowling darkly at the floor. Though his demeanor suggested he was attempting to tune the other out, the constant movement and angling of his antennae suggested otherwise. After a while confusion began to bleed into his gloomy expression and his shoulders slowly rose.

He was about to clam up and freeze. It was his go-to last-ditch effort whenever he wanted to avoid a particularly unsavory discussion without resorting to violence. He tried this peaceful tactic with Skoodge so many Earth years ago, when he was questioned about his Defective nature, and it would have worked...

...had it not been for a rather persistent SIR unit.

Just like that time, so long ago, GIR tottered toward his forlorn master with a spring in his step. He tugged insistently on the Tallest's flowing pink skirt and continued to do so until the stubborn Irken finally turned to fix him with the nastiest of glares. It was a glare that would surely have the bravest of creatures quaking in their boots, but it seemed to have no effect whatsoever on GIR. A wide, cheerful smile split across the tiny robot's face.

"You aren't gonna just sit there and say nothing, are you, master?"

Zim grunted irritably in response, but that didn't seem to discourage his mechanical servant.

"You'll feel a bajillion times better if you just spit it out!" GIR gushed, bouncing where he stood.

Another grunt. This time GIR tugged a little harder on Zim's Almighty Tallest regale and stood on his tip-toes, squinting and frowning at the much taller being.

"Whatcha so worried about? Are you scared?"

"Zim fears nothing!" At last, a verbal response! GIR's grin instantly made a comeback and, if it was even possible, increased in size.

"Then spit it out, master!" GIR placed his hands on his little hips. "You should be happy! So do what makes you happy!"

"...I can't." Zim's voice was small and deliberately devoid of emotion, and he avoided eye contact with GIR at all costs.

"Aww. Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because it is forbidden," Zim hissed. "And if anyone else were to find out about these feelings...we would be in serious trouble."

GIR scoffed, crossing his tiny arms over his chest. "You'd get in trouble if they found out about your bad PAK," he pointed out matter-of-factly, in a surprisingly condescending tone. "And all the rules you break and stuff." Zim's eyes narrowed into little slits, but he didn't chastise those critical words. "You don't care about gettin' in trouble," the SIR unit pressed, tilting his head to the right. "So why it's such a big deal now?"

A heavy sigh escaped Zim and he turned slightly, facing away from both the human and the robot. "I don't care about what happens to me," he muttered sourly. "It is the human I am concerned about."

"Aww. Ain't that cute!" GIR glanced over his shoulder at Dib for a moment. "But you can't let that stop you from being happy. You can keep a secret. You've been keepin' secrets for forever, now! Mary can take care of himself, too, you know."

Zim groaned, massaging his forehead with both hands. There was silence for some time, with Zim muttering to himself with his eyes squeezed shut and GIR watching with that same cheerful aura about him. It was several minutes before Zim finally lifted his head from his hands and slowly met the gaze of the Earth creature. He seemed dead serious.

"I do not understand matters of the heart." His voice sounded much steadier now. More confident. "I never have. I observed such behaviors for many years, from the two former Tallest, and still could not understand the appeal. They've been mates for as long as Zim can remember." Affection wasn't a completely foreign concept to Zim. Red and Purple flirted openly with each other for ages...and he certainly saw plenty of the stuff on Earth, as well. The Tallest paused for a moment to collect his thoughts, breaking eye contact. When he met Dib's eyes again his jaw was clenched and his antennae were deathly still.

"Zim may never be able to love," he admitted without hesitation. "Not like a human can, anyway. We are two completely different beings. Even though Zim is very much Defective he is still Irken. But..." He rolled his shoulders this way and that, his eyelids drooping ever so slightly. "If you want to try...Zim is willing to try as well. Because he is feeling things that he has never felt before. Things he cannot identify. And those feelings he is feeling..."

He cleared his throat, staring awkwardly at the floor. "...I want to know more about them."

If GIR's grin grew any more his head would surely explode! And it wouldn't be the first time, either.

"But do keep in mind..." Zim sat up a little straighter, his eyes focusing on the stunning view of space passing by beside him. "Irkens are allowed to take Irken mates. No other species are permitted. So...it would be very, very, very, very bad if anyone else were to find out. It would have to be kept a secret. Or..." He fixed the human with a half-lidded sideways stare. "Zim will be Deactivated. And you will be promptly executed."

 

[Dip]

It was silent.

For a long time, it was silent.

Dib scrutinized every detail of the Tallest as he could, to try and find some answers in his tension-riddled shoulders. Oh, those needle-sharp claws, oh those zipped-tight teeth. Dib was truly glad that his little 'stunt' didn't cost him his life, because he relly did value his life a little more than he let on. Dib slowly moved his eyes from the Regal Irken, and he wondered if now would be a good time to leave and pretend that none of this ever happened.

Dib had only one person to thank, and it wasn't Bohemian or Rhapsody. It was GIR! The android tottled over to his master and faced fear dead in the eyes. The robot tugged and tugged at the magenta skirt, and Dib did nothing but watch dumbly. How could something with a sandwich--a literal sandwich-- for a processor, be so much braver than a human being? How could something so simple be braver than most Irken soldiers?

The human male listened closely to the conversation and wondered what on God's green Earth Zim was thinking about. He was wondering what kind of messages were zipping and zooming through his PAK and up to his brain-- if he even got certain messages at all. He wondered how his brain was functioning, and if they were thinking the same thing at the very same time:

This entire situation was a nightmare.

It was relieving to hear the Irken speak after such a long period of silence, and he had to admit, just hearing the former Invader swear that he feared nothing really killed out the tension within the dilapidated room. Dip likened the phrase to something that Zim may have said back on Earth-- hell, it was probably something that he said word-for-word at one point or another. The human couldn't help but feel nostalgic around the Irken, and it was hard not to feel that way when he spent so much time with him as a youth.

Dip's eyes widened only slightly as he heard the words tumble out of the Irkens mouth. Was Zim really scared that they would be found out? Well, that was a likely concern, but he would have never imagined Zim taking such precaution to something like that. But, then again, maybe that was just something in the back of Dib's mind hoping that Zim would toss rules to the wind and reciprocate his feelings with reckless abandon.

Humans make love look so easy! Why do aliens have to complicate things?

Dib continued to remain silent as the other mentioned that it was him that he feared for. He felt something worm it's way down into the pits of his stomach and nest there, and he wondered faintly if he would ever feel normal again. Dib turned to the side and took interest in many of the holes within the walls of the room. He took notice too many things, so he wouldn't have to notice how clammy and sweaty his palms were at that moment. Was it hot in that room, or was it just Dib? Why did it feel like all of the blood rushed into his head?

Soon, Dib forced himself to meet light brown eyes with deep magenta orbs, and he felt the worms within his being writhe and fight with his intestines and organs. Dib did not know matters of the heart either, but he knew for damn sure that his heart shouldn't be feeling the way it felt. Dib squirmed under the eye-contact and struggled to resist the urge to pull away and make an escape plan.

He always resorted to escaping if the situation wasn't desirable. He wasn't ready for a test? Skip school, study for a half hour, and come back. He wasn't really feeling too well with the haunted house he was in? Well, escape escape escape! Lost in the woods late at night in the middle of a heat-lightening storm? You know damn well that Dib had a map scribbled out on his hand.

But this? There was no escaping this. There was no escaping his feelings now that they were strewn about on the floor before him. He felt so vulnerable, and now he truly had no place to go and no place to hide.

Dib felt something deep within him when Zim mentioned that he would never be able to love him, but he had to calm himself down before he did anything drastic. He would never be able to love Dib as a human would. Probably, no long romantic walks on the beach, no hand-holding around the Massive, no romance... but it would be love, nonetheless. It, somehow, hurt to know what there would be a shy hint of love, but Dib knew that it wouldn't be out of pity, it would just be a lack of experience.

And who was Dib to blame? He hardly knew love. He loved his sister, sure he did, and he loved his father, but those were different than what he felt when Zim screamed and yelled at him. He loved his sister, but he loved ZIm's hellish laugh. He loved his father, but Zim cared so deeply.

Dib swallowed hard, and turned to the side. If Zim was willing to try, that was enough for him. Dib nodded, and slowly moved his brown eyes over the green beings again. He looked down, and forced himself to meet the magenta gaze. He gave a shy smile, and nodded again. He was unsure of what to say, of what to do, and how to act, so it was just better to overwhelm someone with body language than nothing at all, right?

Dib dared to open his mouth, but the former Invader spoke for him. Dib knew that Irkens were very conservative when it came to mates, and it didn't surprise him that their new relationship-- they were in a relationship, right?-- was a life-or-death situation. He knew that a lot of things he did could end in execution, and he knew a lot of things that Zim did could end in Deactivation.

But if Zim was willing to give it a try, so was the human.

Dib nodded silently once more, and swallowed another lump in his throat. He was a mess, and he knew he looked like one too.

"I'm..." Dib started bravely. "I'm more than happy to give this a try."

And that was the truth.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

GIR's head whipped back and forth, splitting its attention between his master and the human, so quickly that it began to creak and crack with each rapid motion. He began to bounce up and down when a small smile curled the Earth creature's lips, and a delighted squeal escaped him after Dib finally spoke. He lifted his little hands, curled them into fists, and smacked them against each other just once. "Now kiiiiiss!"

Zim pulled the foulest of expressions and stuck his tongue out, obviously perturbed by the very thought. Displays of human affection always disgusted Zim in the past. He gagged and immediately scurried in a different direction whenever human couples kissed within his line of vision. Hugs didn't have as powerful of an effect on him, but he did make repulsed faces. And that abhorrent video the school forced their class to watch, just a few weeks before he left Earth for good...

He liked to pretend that never, ever happened. It was a severely traumatic event. Informative, yes, but very traumatic.

And it wasn't just the physical displays of affection that made Zim uncomfortable. The emotional displays were just as disconcerting. The way humans allowed those lovey-dovey emotions to consume them completely just bothered him. He had trouble controlling his emotions. Humans were obviously much better at doing so...and if this 'love' emotion was so powerful that it could control them instead, that was terrifying. The very idea of losing control like that frightened Zim. He didn't want to live his life subservient to that sort of emotion.

Perhaps if they were to take things slowly on the emotional side...he could learn to control those feelings gradually.

"Okay, then." Totally disregarding the words of his SIR unit, which prompted a pout from the tiny machine, Zim folded his hands neatly in his lap and turned his head to face the window again. "We can try." His antennae seemed oddly expressive at the moment, constantly twitching, twisting, and angling in different directions. "Zim can make no promises other than a promise to try. If the Dib can accept that..." The Tallest rolled a shoulder, anxiety rolling off of him in waves. "Then we have...reached an agreement."

Though he was obviously still nervous, Zim seemed much calmer than he was before. His PAK was still flashing, but at a noticeably slower speed. It wasn't vibrating or making those ominous squealing noises, either.

There were a few seconds of silence before the tall Irken heaved a massive sigh, shifted where he sat, and slowly rose to his feet, activating his hover belt in the process. "...Computer?"

"...Yeah?" The AI sounded uneasy. And with good reason. He sincerely doubted his master would be forgetting about his traitorous behavior anytime soon.

"Clean this mess up. And repair all this damage."

"Consider it done." A few mechanical arms dropped down from the ceiling. Some went to work on welding shut the holes in the wall and others began tidying up and replacing the torn bed linens.

Zim sniffed loudly and rubbed at one of his eyes, mindful of his injured fingers. Apparently, he was exhausted after his emotional outburst. "Want to get something to eat?" Typical Zim. After having a tantrum or a particularly difficult day, all he wanted to do was stuff his face full of food. "We can eat in Zim's private dining area. He is not in the mood to deal with his subjects at the moment. Also, it is very, very private, and not monitored in any way. So we won't be disturbed. We can talk about..." A sheepish scowl spread across the face of the Almighty Tallest. "...Things and...and stuff, and...whatever."

The Private Dining Hall was one of the few places in the Massive that Zim had yet to invite Dib into. Only Zim, Skoodge, GIR, and Minimoose were permitted access into this room, and they had to be formally invited by the Tallest each and every time...so they couldn't just waltz right in.. Even the Medical Staff, including the Head Surgeon, were not allowed into this room even in the event of a medical emergency. It was the one place on the Massive where Zim knew for certain that he wouldn't be disturbed, not even by Skoodge. It was almost like a safe haven.

Minimoose instantly shot out from underneath the bed when food was mentioned, zipping around in a circle and squeaking excitedly. GIR ran after him in a circle, giggling in his typical maniacal fashion.

 

[Dip]

Hearing the SIR unit argue a smooch session wasn't the worst thing in the world, but it certainly wasn't what the human wanted to hear at that moment. The color to the human's face turned a brilliant red hue, and he wondered if he would be able to capture the robot and suppress it before it spoke any more nonsense. Dib opened his mouth to say something, but he had vomited out enough sentences for a dictionary already.

Sure, the thought of kissing didn't not traced his mind, but not there. Not now. Not after an intervention to end all interventions! Dib, in his state of embarrassment and nervousness, closed his mouth, and didn't bother to open it for as long as he needed to. The expression that Zim gave GIR was enough, so there was no special handy-work needed to capture and detain the defective SIR unit.

Dib knew all too well the video that Zim detested and feared in equal measure. Dib took plenty of biology classes to know the worst of it. The censored Middle-Skool version was enough to churn stomachs into butter, but the high school deal? That was even worse. The dangers of unprotected sex, the fear of STDs and STIs, and not to mention, puberty.

It was disgusting, and Dib went through it first hand. He was more than thankful that Zim was gone for the cracking voice, the change in pitch, the weird weight gain and weight loss, the strange fits of hormone imbalances, the disgusting acne, and not to mention, the horrible body odor. Dib couldn't lie, he had forgotten to put on deodorant every now and again, but it certainly didn't help that he spent all hours of the night in search of spooky creatures.

School was terrible, and he was glad it was over.

The human turned to see the Irken as he flipped on a dime. He just recovered from a nervous fit, and now, he was giving orders. That was something that would never change about the Irken-- the strange and ever constant mood swings. He just wished he could recover as quickly as the Irken did, because the human knew it would take him hours, if not days, to act normally again. This wasn't the most traumatizing experience he ever had, but it certainly made him uncomfortable.

He didn't know how humans could feel like this all of the time. Dib knew he was human, but he never felt that vulnerable in his entire life.

Dib could try with all his might, but if it didn't work out... it wasn't like Zim would ditch him on the side of the road, would he?

The silence that followed the agreement wasn't bad. It was something that Dib could stand through, and he stood through it as the color slowly left his face and flowed back through the rest of his body. He watched as the Tallest moved onto his hover belt, and Dib was soon surrounded by surrogate repairmen. He carefully avoided the descending arms, and watched slowly as they worked.

Dib turned to the Irken, and he was thankful that there was a simple distraction within reach. The human smiled, albeit more nervously than he had planned on. "I' like food." And that was the truth. He had left nearly everything in the Heart of Gold, and that included his food for the night.

Dib would have to run back to retrieve his sheets and the pillows he had rushed down there, but for the time being, he was only interested in hanging out with Zim. He didn't want to look at Dwicky at all, and he was sure Dwicky felt the same. Dib was ready to talk to Zim about things, and stuff, and whatever of that nature. Infact, the human was rather excited to see this new and mysterious Private Dining Hall!

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"Good." When Zim hovered forward, he made a point of giving the Earth creature a wide berth and purposely hovering a circle around him to avoid getting too close. While their feelings were now out in the open, the Tallest was still very much on edge. Physical forms of affection still unnerved him, and regardless of how calm he seemed he was still visibly rattled. For now he would keep his distance. Just like the Dib, it would be a couple of days before he was calm enough to start thinking about the physical aspect of it all.

GIR and Minimoose easily beat their master to the door, careening out into the hallway like speeding bullets. Naturally they were first in the elevator as well. Zim made his way down the hallway slowly, his hands slipped behind his back, and totally ignored the fact that a few of the paintings on the wall had been knocked down. Apparently, because his own was still up, he didn't care that some of them were flat on the ground. The depiction of the former Tallest was flat on the ground. A couple of others were in similar positions. One of them--a painting of a pretty sky blue-eyed female Irken with long eyelashes and small, daintily curled antennae--had managed to land straight up in one of the plants.

This one Zim paused next to, stared at intently, and and reached out to hang back on its hook. He even brushed it off before doing so.

"Ordering food is a bit different in the Tallest's designated private dining area," he explained as he continued on to the elevator. He said nothing whatsoever about the portrait he righted. "There's a conveyor belt with a machine. It's..." he squinted, poking his tongue out of his mouth, as the elevator doors closed behind them, "...it's kind of like those automatic soda machines on Earth. You just tap, tap, tap whatever you desire and the Head Chef will prepare the meals himself. Any food delivered to the Tallest this way must be prepared by the Head Chef, and observed by the second-in-command Chef, to ensure that it is not poisoned."

Assassination attempts were commonplace. Because the Armada was so far out no so long ago, Zim had yet to attend any meetings on foreign planets or even visit any other planets. When he did, he was supposed to be escorted by a group of no less than four Royal Guards. Naturally, he sometimes managed to sneak off with just GIR and Minimoose in tow, which was terribly dangerous. The last time he set foot on a different planet, Earth aside, some jackass tried to shank him. He failed miserably, of course. Minimoose saw him coming and brutally shocked him.

It was a little sad that Minimoose was a better bodyguard than GIR, but amusing all the same.

When the elevator doors opened, the hallway they opened out into was strangely deserted. Zim stuck his head out, glancing left and right, before hovering out. "This hallway is very rarely traversed unless the main thoroughfares get too busy and crowded. It is a nifty shortcut from the Bridge to the Cafeteria. Rather handy if things get too congested."

Hallway congestion was always a problem in the Massive, but it was even worse for smaller Irkens who faced the very real possibility of getting trampled by their tallers. There were just so many Irkens running around that the most well-used hallways could be back-to-back people at any time of the day. The smaller and thinner hallways were only used by the most savvy of Irkens who knew each and every nook and cranny of the ship. Only one Irken was even in sight--looked like a Chef from the back--and he had his back to them. He must have been on his way to the Cafeteria.

Zim waited until he was no longer in sight before continuing his journey. He only moved forward a few feet before stopping next to a large red Irken Insignia on the wall. He reached out and pressed a well-concealed button on the middle dot. A beam of light shot out and examined him.

"Access granted." It was the voice of his Computer. "And I'm guessing you want me to add the human to the guest list while I'm at it?"

"Mm-hm. And these three are all invited today. But not Skoodge. You will turn him away if he shows up."

"Very well. Come on in."

A secret pocket door slid open and Zim immediately scuttled inside. The Private Dining Hall was a modest room. It resembled an office break room in Irken colors, but there was also a massive screen on one wall. There was no view of space from this room, and that made it even more private. A single tall table sat in the middle of the room. There was a conveyor system on one side of the screen and a machine that resembled an ATM on the other. GIR made a beeline for this machine, balancing on Minimoose to tap out their order.

Zim didn't protest. He just stood behind them, staring awkwardly at the floor. He was silent for a while before he finally spoke up, though he didn't meet the human's gaze. "So...there are glaring differences between human affection and Irken affection," he started in a steady voice. "Both emotional and physical differences. We will need to discuss these straightaway. Human affection is something Zim knows very little about, and conversely...I doubt the Dib knows much about Irken affection. Most Irken mates are only affectionate with each other in private settings. Or over food."

Public displays of affection were few and far between with Irkens. They were a very private species individually. They didn't like to be touched and they tended to get awfully defensive if their business was pried into. The only places where they seemed to settle down and relax in public were in the Cafeteria or one of the Lounges. Eating immensely relaxed Irkens and they were more likely to drop their guards and be sweet to one another. Down time, which was also rare for many Irkens, elicited the same relaxed response.

"So...Zim wants to know..." He hovered forward to place his order when GIR and Minimoose rocketed off to find seats and put something on TV. "What do human mates do? I-I mean..." The skin on his cheeks darkened ever so slightly. "Besides the affectionate stuff."

 

[Dip]

Dib, if this had been any other situation, would have been a little confused and insulted at the strangeness of the Irken. He would have asked himself a million questions as to why the alien avoided him like the plague: did he smell? Was his head abnormally grotesque that day? Was there something on his shirt? Did he forget to brush his teeth? He would have asked himself question after question before he confronted Zim, but today was different.

Dib knew, for the first time, why Zim was avoiding him directly. And that was because they were in love.

Dib watched as the two servants zipped and zoomed down the hall, and Dib wondered faintly if he should make his own little android. He recalled making a few in his childhood, but they never quite behaved the way that the human wanted them to behave-- hell, sometimes, they didn't even behave at all. But he was in a different position now, and there was no need for a servant. He basically got anything he wanted! If he had still be on Earth, that would be a different story, but now, he was basically living for free and getting paid for doing his hobbies.

The human followed the Irken Monarch as he did regularly, and stuck to the side of him. Anyone inspecting the two from the outside would have noticed that they were a little off of their game that day, but that was no matter. The human nearly opened his mouth to speak to the other, when he paused and noticed the Tallest rescue the painting of a fallen leader. Dib looked over it quietly, and decided not to say anything on the matter.

Dib had heard a lot of Zim's backstory aboard the Massive, and he knew that he was... well, there was no technicality, Zim was a murderer, and he was the cause of his former Tallest's death, but that never really stuck out as something surprising. Zim was... well, he was Zim. Zim did things in his own special Zim way, and he didn't care what anyone had to think on the matter. Things got out of hand more when Zim did things in his Zim way, but that was Zim for ya!

Dib listened to the Irken as he spoke about ordering food within the private dining area, and nodded gently. He was unsure if Zim ever dabbled in human cuisine from other cultures, but it sounded like a hibachi grill, where you just picked what you wanted to eat and then the rest is history.

The more Dib thought about it, the more he realized that if there was one thing he would go back to Earth for, it would be the food. No doubt about that, nine times out of ten he would always choose the food. He loved the Massive, but he had eaten enough snack foods to last a century. He had tried making himself large meals, but he always gave up and resorted to a chip-like substance, a soda of some kind, and a combination of condiments and meats on a sandwich.

But on Earth? Oh, Earth, there was so much more than sandwiches.

The human and his counterpart walked into the elevator, and of course, they were silent. The doors pushed themselves open on the empty hallway, and Dib followed suit and stuck his head out with the Irken, and meandered out into the sterile walkway. He tucked his hands into his pockets, and took a good look around. Dib would be lying if he didn't admit to getting lost atleast a few times on the Massive.

There was one time in particular that traumatized the poor human. He only meant to find a bathroom that the janitorial creatures used, but his standard restroom was occupied at that moment. It took him twenty minuets to locate a new janitor-only bathroom, and he had managed to find himself in the Maternity Wing on the Massive. Dib didn't even know that they had one of those!

He tried retracing his steps, but all that did was get him lost even more. It took him nearly five hours before he found something remotely familiar, and even then, he managed to stray from the path once more. Dib had to call Skoodge to help find him, and Skoodge was his knight in shining armor from then on out.

But somehow... along the way, Dib forgot about that. It seemed that Skoodge, according to Zim, was still 'grounded' for the little stunt he pulled. Dib would have to bring it up with Zim soon-- perhaps over food-- but now wasn't the time. Now, there was some very sensitive issues on the table that had to be addressed, and quickly.

Dib walked inside, and looked about. He wondered how often he would be invited into the dining quarters. The human watched as the two android, once again, zipped and zoomed past the two in an effort to get nourishment and sustenance, and Dib faintly wondered if this could be the Irken equivalent to Subway. The sandwiches within the cafeteria were always prewrapped and premade, but maybe... he could finally Eat Fresh™.

Dib turned to view the Irken as he spoke, but he did as the other did and didn't bother to meet his gaze. Part of the human hoped that they wouldn't talk about that as they ate, but he knew it would be futile. Zim was right, Dib knew hardly anything about the Irken culture when it came to love. It didn't help that none of the Irken race had a good bone within their body.

Dib was silent for only a moment before he nodded to what Zim said. "I mean, humans are like that too, kinda." On Earth, humans were really big on eating out on their first days. 'Buy me pizza and tell me I'm pretty' was a big culture thing among people Dib's age, so he could understand the connection. But a private setting? Humans did romantic stuff in all settings. It was kinda disgusting. "They bond over food and stuff all the time. Most humans only stay with a person if they keep buying them food, no matter how much they dislike them." Humans were strange.

Dib shuffled up with the Irken as the two robots zipped once more, and he listened as the Monarch spoke. Dib had to admit, the way that Zim said 'mate' made his stomach reduced to knots. Dib felt a blush creep and crawl onto his skin, but he suppressed it as much as he could. "Well, er..." The human started, before clearing his throat. "They just... kinda hang out. And stuff...I guess." He shrugged. Zim would get a better answer from any other human besides Dib, but it seemed that Zim was stuck with him. "I-I mean, like, it's not... too different. I think? Like, humans... like sleepovers, when they're in relationships. And they like... being together, I think, even when they're not really doing anything. They just kinda... like being... alone together?"

Dib was the worst at this.

"I've never actually had... one of these," Dib used his fingers to point at himself, and at Zim, as if to insinuate that the relationship was something that they could see infront of themselves. "Before."

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"Human beasts are completely monogamous, then?" There was a certain edge to the voice of the Tallest, but he didn't bother explaining it to Dib. "Zim's past studies suggested to him that human beings have a difficult time committing themselves to one mate and are sometimes open to...open relationships, or whatever they're called. So...just in case any of these things were to cross your mind..."

A scowl marred his smooth features. "When it comes to mates, Irkens are extremely jealous creatures. Zim has only the former Tallest to compare human relationships against, so this may not be totally accurate...but if the mate of an Irken were to so much as look at another creature in a flirtatious manner, all manner of chaos would break loose. Both of the former Tallest were exceptionally jealous Irkens. Former Tallest Red...got violent. Sometimes verbally, mostly physically. Former Tallest Purple behaved in a more passive-aggressive manner."

Zim had a feeling that his reaction to any hint of infidelity would be a mix between those two extremes.

He stood there for a while in silence as he ordered his food, apparently absorbing every last one of the human's words on Earth relationships. It looked like he was ordering a bunch of that oddly Tex-Mex-esque Irken food that he liked so much--nachos, burritos, and desserts that amusingly resembled churros. It was a large order, which was to be expected after the day he had. He backed off slowly to allow Dib to examine the machine and place his own order.

"...I suppose Irkens are similar when it comes to...hanging out, did you call it?" One large magenta eye squinted at the Dib. "Eating food is a big one. You will only see Irkens who are mates or close with each other sharing food--distant friends and acquaintances will only eat together and won't share." Zim recalled many instances in the past where Red and Purple would happily share choice snacks with each other, but pummel anyone who asked to share with them. Food was one thing Irkens usually refused to share with other Irkens.

"And speaking of hanging out..." That other large eye squinted as well. "The former Tallest spent a ridiculous amount of time together. They did everything together unless they were forced apart for some reason or another. They were hatched together, they studied together, ate together, traveled together, slept together in the same bed when they opted to sleep..." One of Zim's long antennae twitched. "Zim suspects that they even cleansed together. Which is disturbing." A shudder ran down the Tallest's spine. "ZIm would never ask the Dib to do that. It's weird."

Zim hovered toward the table at a leisurely pace, scratching idly at the side of his neck. "Let's see...what else is there..." Apparently, Zim wanted to make every bit of knowledge he had on the matter of Irken mates known now in case he forgot about any of these differences later. Which was a very real possibility. Zim tended to forget important things at the most inconvenient of times. This was why Skoodge liked to shadow him whenever he was working.

Thankfully enough for Skoodge, his punishment would be ending in the next couple of days. Zim was not attentive with his work when Skoodge wasn't there to pick up his slack, so the poor Head Advisor would have a mountain of work waiting for him.

"Irkens will almost always side with their mates in any situation," Zim continued, staring hungrily at the conveyor belt after he took a seat at the table. Minimoose's food arrived first--and it was mostly sugary and plant-based things. GIR's arrived right after, and the two happily skipped forward to grab their full trays. "Irkens will also openly defy the law and the Control Brains if it means protecting their mate," he added, smirking playfully at the human. "Not that our situation would change anything in that sense. Zim despises the Control Brains, with their loud stupid voices and their big stupid egos."

He paused for a moment, his antennae shooting straight up as he recalled a rather important tidbit of information. "We're much closer to Irk now, by the way," he reminded Dib. "Which means...the Dib could theoretically receive his PAK anytime he wanted. However..."

Zim scowled at the ground. "Zim will have to fiddle with it first. An ordinary Irken PAK will slowly kill a non-Irken host. It would also alter your emotional capacity and attempt to mold you into a proper Irken. And Zim won't allow that. So he plans on getting his hands on it first, ripping it open, and changing those things himself. And he doubts the Control Brains will stop him." He shrugged his shoulders. "I spent time on Earth. I know more about human biology than they do. So...logically, they will have no choice to but to surrender the PAK to Zim for alteration. You're welcome to help him, of course." A sheepish smile curled his lips. "Zim's actual knowledge of human biology is...lacking."

GIR snickered under his breath. Zim pouted in his direction.

"Also..." He leaned back in his chair, drumming his fingers against the table. "You will have to provide a copy of your personality for the PAK. You did something similar once, with Tak's junky old Spittle Runner. But that was bootleg Irken technology, and thus the personality transfer did not work as it was intended to. This time there will be no self-aware personality."

 

[Dip]

Dib shuttered to think that more than one person would be interested in him at any given time, but that thought had already become a reality for the strange human. The hitchhiker, presumably back within his prison cell, had confirmed the fear that human were, indeed, interested in Dib Membrane. The more Zim spoke about Irken... 'dating' habits, for lack of better term, the more it made sense to Dib as to why Zim had been acting so strange the past few weeks.

"Well, no, they're not... entirely faithful, no." Dib shrugged. "I mean, I guess they might be." He added suddenly. "I mean, my dad never really... had a relationship, and I never thought I ever would, and I'm pretty sure Gaz is incapable of human emotion, so... I'm not really the best person to talk to about things like... like this, really." That was probably not what Zim wanted to hear. "But! But generally, humans are pretty... committed. I mean, I'm sure I'm committed. I think." Dib stopped himself once more and raised his hands in defense. "I-I don't even know how to flirt! So, I won't be going around, all like..." Dib made two finger guns and pretended to wink at Zim, as if he was attempting to flirt. He even changed his voice, to add to the horror of his romantic skills. " 'Ey, space-babe, can I like, catch you on the flip side maybe?' "

Zim had struck human-compatibility gold with Dib. Dib was awkward, gawky, notoriously annoying, smarter than a smart-ass, and way too big in the head. He wasn't perfect for any human, and he was perfect for Zim.

Dib, as soon as it was his turn to collect food, took it upon himself to pig out. Dib stepped forward and looked over the screen. It was, understandably, all in Irken. Dib was just about fluent in the language, and that was surely an advantage when it came to exchanging rude notes back and forth with Ceedid as they worked. Ceedid, however, had reached a stopping point when it came to him learning the written language of Earth. It was the plural forms and a lot of the grammatical correctness of English that nailed him, and it seemed to bring the Irken into a literary rage every time Dib wrote something to him.

There was a few phrases imparticular that really stuck to the Irken. "Yes, English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though."

"The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert."

"Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present."

Each deliverance of these phrases, even slipped into documents and casual conversation, sent the Irken into a tizzy like no other. It was hilarious but resulted in a few stern talking-tos between himself and Jazz. Was it worth it? Hell yes. Would he stop? Wel... he would limit how many times he did it, but that was about it.

Dib, fed up to the neck with tex-mex snack foods, decided that he would be adventurous, and try something new. The human skimmed the menu quickly, and found a selection titled 'SPECIALS''. He picked the option and looked over the strange food options. There were some that resembled some very foreign soups and stir-frys, and there were some that looked like mountains of disgustingness. In the end, he picked something that resembled instant-noodles, but with a chef's flair thrown on there for good measure.

He added his usual bag of chips and soda, mostly out of impulse.

Dib listened as the Irken mentioned the politics of his people, and Dib was interested. He never really saw anyone display any affection before now, as he thought about it, but it seemed that he was just looking at the wrong things. He recalled a few instances Dib asked Zim to try something, only for the Irken to lash out or change the subject suddenly. Most of the time, Dib asked Zim to try something because he did something awful to the food in mention, or he suspected something awful happened to his own food.

Well, he would have to be more careful next time. The realization made him chuckle, only slightly.

At the mention of showering together, Dib instantly raised an eyebrow. Why would people do that, even for a second? The object of a shower was to get clean, right? Someone else rubbing dirt and used soaps on you wasn't exactly clean whatsoever. Dib shook his head and made a face. "Good, I would never want that."

Dib had to control himself before he rolled his eyes into oblivion. The last word of warning was going to be hard for Dib, because Dib usually took to defying Zim for fun. And Zim knew that, too! When Skoodge mentioned the option of defending the Massive within a fleet, Dib jumped onto that choice. When Skoodge mentioned that Zim wouldn't like it, he nearly did it faster. But defying the law? Well, it seemed that they were already pretty good at that, so there was no reason Dib wouldn't do that even more so.

Dib paused as his PAK was mentioned. He tensed for only a second before a flood of relief washed over him. He had been worried about the thought of an effecent PAK, and he wondered if it would alter himself completely. Dib nodded at Zim's invite. He would be lying if he didn't admit to thinking about it at least a few times. He had taken a look at Irken diagrams, and he wondered if his PAK would have to be altered due to size and shape of his body. If no size alterations were permissible, then placement would have to change.

He had played around with the thought of positioning the PAK on his check, right above his stomach, but that thought quickly left his brain as soon as he realized that he may have to watch the attaching procedure. But... if need be, he could suck it up.

Dib winced as Zim mentioned his personality addition. "Can PAKs handle self-deprecative humor?" The last time he tried programming something to have his memories and reflect his personality, Tak's ship crash-landed itself. Not only that, the human truly realized how very... annoying he was when he spoke to himself as a ship. As strange as it may sound, it was an actual event that happened for the human, and no other human can say that.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

Zim fixed the Earth creature with a flat stare as he spoke, but that stare slowly morphed into mystification when the other made a poor attempt at flirtation. One eye squinted and one antenna rose slowly. "...Don't ever do that again." He made an honest attempt to sound as serious as he possibly could...but the unmistakable hints of laughter danced in his voice. A good way to earn the admiration of any Irken was to make them laugh. "Flirtation is a strange beast for Zim's people," he continued in a less giggly voice. "We tend to...incessantly pick on anyone we may be interested in, as a friend or as a mate. Most Irkens are like that, anyway. Some just spend the majority of their time sucking up to the aforementioned object of interest."

Two entirely different ways of going about it. Zim distinctly remembered Red and Purple constantly teasing each other, even getting into arguments and fistfights whenever one happened to go too far. But Skoodge, who was always interested in being friends with Zim, rarely taunted or picked on him. Instead he preferred to follow his idol around like a lost baby duckling, complimenting him left and right and helping him whenever he was asked. And once Zim finally did notice him and actually began to treat him with some semblance of respect, he went back to normal.

Zim found his own people to be just as strange as human beings sometimes.

The Tallest sank back into his chair, watching the conveyor belt with a hawk-like gaze. "I can give you a crash course on Irken affection whenever you want. Maybe point stuff out in public whenever I spot it. I don't know everything about it, of course..." He admitted this grudgingly. Coming clean about not knowing everything about a subject left a bad taste in his mouth. Zim tended to be a perfectionist at times.

"I have only my experiences with the former Tallest to go on. I spent many years living in close quarters with them, and I picked up on many signs and cues. It's not much, but..." His antennae bounced. "I know enough. The rest, well..." He shrugged his shoulders, scowling sheepishly at the floor. "We can figure that out as we go."

Just as he finished speaking a tray rolled out onto the conveyor belt. Zim instantly activated his hover belt and zipped over there, snatching it up effortlessly. He was already munching on one of his burritos before he even took his seat again. While his master was occupied GIR leaned toward Dib, practically beaming at him. "You gonna go out on a date soon?"

Zim grunted, one antenna twitching with a mixture of irritation and embarrassment, before tossing a thoughtful glance in the human's direction. "Oh, right. Those...date-things." He absently licked his fingers free of food with his serpentine tongue while he spoke. "Irkens don't...do those. We only do vacations." Now that he thought about it...a vacation was similar to a date if only the two involved parties were present, right? It was just like an extended date. Or did a date have to involve food?

...Now he was confused all over again.

The Irken monarch was more than happy to change the subject to that of the human's future PAK. He finished wolfing down a huge handful of nachos before speaking his mind on the matter. "Ehh...pretty sure it can. PAKs are meant to be emotionless. The host is the one with the emotions. The PAK does not know how to handle most emotions," he added sagely. "It can handle anger. It can even handle happiness in small doses. But pretty much anything else..." Zim reached up to run his fingers over one of his antennae. "In the case of a normal Irken it actively suppresses the emotion, and if that doesn't work it will Reactivate the host as punishment for being too emotional. Different things happen with Defective Irkens. Zim's PAK goes dark. It does not advise him on what to do. It only goes back online when Zim is back to normal. In the case of a severe emotional outburst it will still go dark, but it will also flash and squeal as a warning to Zim that he needs to calm down."

This is most likely what Zim would program Dib's PAK to do. That way it wouldn't interfere in any way with the human's emotional capacity, but would help him understand when he needed to escape the situation and calm down.

Zim took a massive bite out of another burrito and chewed his food before speaking again, this time while meeting the human's gaze as evenly as he could. "I'll have to be with you. When you meet the Control Brain." Apprehension crept into his voice, slightly tainted by fear. It was no secret that Zim hated the Control Brains, but he was also terrified of them. "Control Brains are extremely dangerous, both to Irkens and to non-Irkens. Only get as close as you absolutely need to, and if you even suspect that it might attack I want you to promise me that you'll run away, run far away, and hole yourself up someplace safe until I come to fetch you."

The Tallest yawned, rubbing at one of his eyes, and happily shoveled more food into his face. GIR, who had long since finished with his impressive mountain of food, swung his little legs around underneath the table. "We can go to Foodcourtia and Vort and Resortia soon, too," he chimed in, cheerful as ever.

"And Irk," Zim added, though the old enthusiasm that used to saturate his voice whenever he spoke of his mother planet six Earth years ago was no longer present. "You don't know much about what Irk looks like, do you, Dib-human?" he asked, antennae perking somewhat.

Though there were many pictures of wildlife, landmarks, and scenery of thousands and thousands of other planets in the Irken Database, images of Irk were seemingly nonexistent. The only true image of it was plastered on the Universal Map, and that was from many, many miles away--it just showed the pinkish planet, its two moons, and its three massive mechanical docking rings. Images of Irk were only accessible to higher-ranking Irkens as a security measure. With so many enemies lurking about in the Known Universe, the Irkens zealously protected their mother planet and refused to accidentally expose any potential weaknesses through those images.

 

[Dip]

Dib had to admit, he did feel first-hand embarrassment, as well as second-hand embarrassment, as if his terrible attempt at flirting flew right into Zim's face, made a U-turn at Nope Avenue, and then slapped Dib right back in his pink mug. The human put away his finger-pistols and tucked them into his lap. He smirked to himself. He had accomplished his goal for the most part, and that goal was showing just how God-awful he was at flirting. Even if it was at his own expense.

Dib was interested, however, in the flirting habits of the Irken race. Dib could boil down the entire thing into laymen's terms, and when he did that, it was way easier to understand. Irkens were, in essence, teenage girls. Every single one of 'em. If they liked you? They would tease and pick on you to mask their true feelings, or they would idolize you and worship you from a distance. There was probably some in-between, and Dib was sure there was.

Ceedid seemed to bug and bother Dib all the time, but he knew for a fact that Ceedid wasn't interested whatsoever. Ceedid was his nemesis, and Dib didn't use that term lightly. While he really didn't have a lot of evidence to go off of, seeing as Zim seemed to do almost nothing similar to run-of-the-mill alien affections (he did pick on Dib, but not more than usual. And they did seem to follow each other quite a bit, but that was because Dib needed the guidance and Zim was hopelessly distracted at least half of the time), he did know that Ceedid had it out for Dib.

The human didn't know when the rivalry started, but when it did start, it was bad. Jazz made the mistake of partnering the two up to research a recently barren planet that had been reduced to nothing more than sand and tar due to cataclysms of the natural variety, and it was terrible for both beings involved. Dib spent most of his 'revenge'-ing while Ceedid read and studied, and Ceedid hassled Dib... any other time, really. Ceedid was just so lucky he was small and quick, or else Dib would have wrung him a new one.

Well, figuratively speaking. While he has been steadily improving his combat training, he hasn't really taken it upon himself to fight anyone yet. It's not really something anyone, especially Dib, looks forward too.

Dib lifted his hands from his lap and placed them on the table, drumming nervously on its top. He shrugged at Zim's offer. "That's fine. I need all the pointers I can get. I'm fine with just... figuring things out, and stuff. Things like that, and stuff." He paused a moment and followed Zim's gaze. Partly because he was excited about his food, and most of it having to do with Dib's frayed nerves. "And I can, uh... I can point at stuff, too, y'know." He paused and turned back. "Point out stuff, I mean. Out. Like, I know there's only two humans on the Massive, but... We can still watch stuff together. And I could..." Dib pointed at nothing with his index finger. "Point-Point at things-- er, point things out, and..." Dib dropped his hand. "...Stuff."

Smooth.

Dib turned to GIR as he spoke, and Dib looked away quickly.

Well.. wasn't this already a date? Dib spoke as Zim moved for his food, and Dib was already jealous. "Well, I mean, dates are... kinda like vacations, I think. Like, two people.. just take a break from everyone else, maybe?" Well, it sounded better in his head. "I've never been on one, but dates can be anything, I think." Dib paused a moment to try and think of some examples. "Like... like, if you want me to help you with your work, or something? That can be called a date... Or if we just sit and watch movies, that's a date..." Dib wanted to bring up what they were doing that very second, but he couldn't for the life of him say that what they were doing was a date.

It was formal, damn it. It was a business lunch, and they were discussing business. It was important, and it was something that could obviously be discussed later.

Dib listened to what Zim had to say on the matter of PAKs and his depressive personality, and he was happily pleased to find out that he could be as self-deprecative as he liked, and he would still be free from any meltdowns. That... shouldn't have comforted Dib, but it did. The human faintly wondered if he would have to cut holes in all of his favorite shirts to accommodate a new PAK-like existence, and he wasn't entirely fond of it.

A hole in a shirt he could handle, but a hole in his trench-coat? God forbid.

It wasn't long before his own food was shot down the way, and Dib was excited to collect it. It looked like your standard instant noodles, but Dib couldn't get around the oddly thick and green pasta. He had something similar to the dish before, but he just hoped that what he had selected far surpassed his expectations. Dib took his soup, his drink, and his chips, and took his seat across from the Irken once more.

Dib, as he listened, nodded for Zim's case. Sure, Dib was probably underestimating the power of the Mighty Control Brains, but... if he knew anything about science fiction (and boy, he sure did know something), the Control Brains were simply brains suspended in fluid, right? Like Donnovan's Brain? But a little more creepy? Surely a little salt in their tank could suppress them. But, then again, Zim knew what he was doing, and what he was about.

Dib took a bite, raising the green broth-covered noodles to his mouth, and... yep, those were instant noodles, alright. Dib was happily surprised that nothing weird or strange or alien-like were hiding within the broth, but what should he have expected from the dish? It was just green ramen soup! Dib plunged his fork back into the thick soup and retrieved another mouthful of noodles.

The human looked up from his food, and slurped the last remaining noodles from his utensil. He swallowed and thought slightly about what Irk looked like. He had tampered with Zim's weaponry and machines countless times, and he has seen pictures from vast distances away, but he had never quite seen the planet as close as he'd like to. Dib nodded, and shrugged. "It's a pink Jupiter, with fake rings-- no, it's not even a fake Jupiter, it's a glorified Jupiter." Dib started. "Irk has... what, two, two-and-a-half moons? Jupiter has sixty-seven, or something."​

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"Oh." Zim's antennae raised ever so slightly and a contemplative expression crept its way onto his face. "That doesn't sound as bad as what Zim was envisioning." That wasn't surprising in the least. When it came to human customs, such as dating, Zim's knowledge was limited and he was very much misinformed. He tended to take one small bit of information and blow it out of proportion, as well as twist that information with his own paranoia. A human boy once tried to throw him a surprise party. Naturally, GIR ruined the surprise...but Zim believed that the human was going to bring hundreds upon hundreds of humans to his base, and that they would quickly figure it out that it wasn't a normal Earth house.

The only problems? Keef was only inviting kids from their school, and only the most outcast of outcasts agreed to go in the first place. And, of course, humans were ignorant and stupid. Even if some did show up, it was doubtful that they'd notice anything was different about his house.

"I suppose we could spend the day together tomorrow, if you wish." The Tallest began to poke and prod at the remnants of his food. It seemed like he wasn't fond of a particular burrito, as he only took one bite. GIR, never one to pass up a food-related opportunity, watched carefully...and eventually, Zim scooped up the offending burrito and offered it to his little SIR. GIR stretched his mouth open like a whale shark and ate it in one giant bite. "You could come work with Zim, learn how to do some important things and such. I could have Skoodge help you. He's supposed to come back to work tomorrow. And then once there is no more stupid Tallest work for Zim we could watch movies or something."

"Why don't we go to Foodcourtia the next day?" GIR piped up, now happily sipping on an Irken soda. "It's close by! And it's lots of fun!"

A shudder ran down Zim's spine and his lips curled in disgust. "Foodcourtia. I despise that planet. But..." A grudging huff escaped him. "It is fun." He scowled at the floor, using his good foot to scratch his bad foot.

"Remember when that giant thing dropped out of the sky and kidnapped Zim for...what was it, a week or so?" He reached up to rub the side of his neck, an air of awkwardness surrounding him. "Zim was once banished to Foodcourtia by the former Tallest for...the mistakes he made in the past." He wouldn't elaborate further. His misdeeds were common knowledge and he'd be shocked if Dib didn't know about them by now, but he didn't like to talk about those mistakes.

"He escaped to attend the Great Assigning and become an Invader again," Zim continued, still not meeting Dib's gaze. His time on Foodcourtia was another topic he didn't like to discuss. "But he was imprisoned there for some time by a higher-ranking Irken under the Tallest's orders. That Irken came back for him. That was the giant thing that dropped out of the sky. I managed to escape a second time. Now that I am the Almighty Tallest, he cannot touch me. But..." Zim shrugged his shoulders. "The planet still makes me uncomfortable to this day. Being trapped there was torturous. It is a great place to visit, but not a pleasant place to work."

Irkens had it the worst. Because they didn't have to sleep and could just recharge, employers tended to force them to work several days, even surpassing a week or two, in a row before giving them a single break.

The Irken leader was eager to change the subject and happily latched on to the topic of his mother planet. "Irk is about the same size as Jupiter, yes. And we are fine with two moons. Any more than that and it would block our view of the sky. And enemies could hide in a sea of moons, just out of sight. I dunno." He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it's kind of pretty. From a distance, anyway. It gets worse the closer one gets to it."

Zim, bashing on his own planet? The old Zim would never have spoken such vile words about Irk!

The Tallest sighed and pushed his tray to the middle of the table. Almost instantly a mechanical arm dropped down to retrieve the nearly-empty tray. "Perhaps we should part ways for the time being. Get some rest and gather our thoughts. We are...both fairly worn out now." Now that he had a full belly the Irken monarch seemed drowsy, constantly rubbing at his eyes and fighting back yawns. "Zim can come to fetch you in the morning, when he leaves for work."

---

---

Zim collapsed in his plush bed mere minutes after returning from his meal with the Earth creature the night prior. He barely had enough energy to change into his cozy bathrobe before practically falling into bed. He slept like a rock, even when GIR and Minimoose decided to start watching television hours after he'd fallen asleep. He didn't so much as stir, in fact, until his Computer shook him out of sleep. It took several tries, and some colorful language, from Zim before he finally surrendered and sat up.

He spent several minutes just sitting there, blankly watching TV with GIR and Minimoose, until his Computer reminded him that he had a big day ahead. With much growling, cursing, and grunting, the Tallest finally hovered off into the cleansing room...where he took a half-hour-long bath. Baths were some of Zim's favorite things. Not only did he love to get clean, but they were also immensely relaxing! Fifteen minutes later he was dressed and chowing down on a morning snack along with his little robotic servants.

All in all, it was an hour before Zim arrived at Dib's door. He didn't knock at first and instead spent a couple of minutes mapping out a rough schedule of the day on his work tablet. He felt oddly nervous, considering that the whole day was meant to be a date for the two of them. The trip to Foodcourtia was tomorrow. A break from the monotony of the Massive was just what Zim needed! But...preparing for the trip was stressful on its own. Royal Guards had to accompany them, which was a pain, and he would have to keep a close watch on GIR to make sure he didn't run off anywhere. Perhaps he would have Skoodge figure out the best route to take to hit all the best places...

Zim only reached up to knock on Dib's door after pocketing his work tablet again. "Zim is going to work, Earth thing. Do you want to come with him now or would you prefer to meet him there?"[/hr]

 

[Dip]

No matter how much time had passed, Dib still felt bad for what happened to Skoodge. It wasn't his intentions to get the Second in trouble with his Superior, it was his intentions to prove to the Superior that he did need as much guidance as he thought. But, that blew up in his face as soon as he forgot to buckle up for safety.

The human being knew that Skoodge was an Irken, and as an Irken, he was capable of revenge (surely not to the degree of Zim, but revenge nonetheless) but somehow, Skoodge seemed to friendly and kind to be threatening. Dib knew that the shorter Irken was subject to height-ism and bullying, but if Dib was subject to janitorial duty for-- god, nearly a month!-- he would have exacted and executed revenge by that point.

But the fact that the other hardly even did anything about his situation was... surprising. But, then again, Dib did have a hunch that the rotund Irken had already gotten even with the human. The last time Dib worked on his Spittle Runner, he noticed that it was in a worse state than he had initially thought. He assumed this because he had crashed into the side of the enemy ship, but the other side of the Runner seemed to be just as bad as the side that was hit. When the human took a look at the machine, he saw that many cables were switched, ripped out, and even cut to pieces! Nothing happened to the underbelly of the ship unless someone went out of their way to destroy the ship themselves.

Dib never made a word of it, mostly because if he spoke up about the ship Zim would assume the worst. Any fix-ups and modifications he made to the Runner was on his own time and at his own leisure, and mostly when Zim was entirely busy.

"Yeah," Dib started, as nervously excited as someone could get about spending the day with their new... boyfriend? No, that wasn't the right term for it. "Yeah, we can.. we can spend the day together tomorrow." Dib nodded into his bowl of noodles and watched with big light-brown eyes as the Irken made use of his 'garbage-disposal' SIR drone. It was impressive what GIR could do when he was Defective, he could hardly imagine GIR working at full capacity.

Dib didn't want to imagine it, honestly.

Dib, as Zim mentioned it, did remember when he was kidnapped. And Dib did know the former Invader's misconducts from the past, and so he didn't speak up about it. Dib assumed that Zim was off working on some new way to destroy the world, but after a few days, the poor boy made the mistake of assuming Zim was a figment of his imagination. Dib spent a lot of time that week sneaking around his base, and his thoughts concerning Zim changed as soon as he realized that the SIR unit was still within the base, doing as he did.

As much as Dib didn't want Zim to relive old memories, the human was a sucker for new and exotic places, and it seemed that Zim was fine with the idea of going. But as much as Dib was excited, he wasn't sure how he'd feel with a small fleet of Irken guards surrounding them at every and any given point, but if he knew Zim (and the human was fairly sure he knew him pretty well at this point), he knew that they'd manage to slip and slither away from them guards.

Dib thought about what a sunset on Jupiter would look like. Jupiter is about 484 million miles from the sun, or about 5.2 times farther than the distance from Earth to the sun, so he assumed that there would be a partial view of the sun with all of the moons traveling around at any given time. It would be interesting to view if Dib was able to make it back to the Earthling solar system.

Dib, had he been on Earth when the Irken spoke such harsh words about his mother planet, would have raised an eyebrow at the statement and instantly begin a rapid-fire Q&A session. But, currently, after all that Zim had been through with his race, it wasn't surprising in the slightest.

It wasn't long before the new pair parted ways, and Dib found himself within his room. He was happily greeted by the sight of his items from the Heart of Gold, and he faintly wondered if the human was back within his cell. The human sat on the bed, next to his oddly pressed and folded sheets. All in all, it was a good day for the human. Strange, chaotic, nerve-wracking, weird, good day. The human readied himself for bed, and he slept comfortably.

---

That was, until the human heard the loud knocking from the outside of the door, as well as the shrill voice of the Tallest. The human groaned and rubbed his eyes. He was surprised to see that he had forgotten to take off his glasses. "Yeah," Dib said, to nothing in particular. "Give me..." The human yawned loudly and sat up in his bed. He turned over his wrist and looked at the time. "Ten minutes, and I'll meet you at the place... with the thing, and stuff." The human added, with a hint of grog in his voice.

The human, after speaking, promptly flopped back into his bed, and fought with himself as he stretched and writhed within his once-pressed sheets. Needless to say, he did eventually get up and dress for the day. It took some coaxing and coercing, but he did do it in the end.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

By the time the human had finally managed to drag himself out of bed, dressed and ready for the day, Zim was long gone. Now that he freed Skoodge from his janitorial duties he could no longer slack off and arrive to work late. Like most Irkens Zim was typically as prompt as he could be when it came to arrival times. Work, however, was something the Tallest avoided with a passion, and thus if he could put it off for any amount of time he absolutely would. He could get away with this on Skoodge's single day off, or when the Head Advisor took ill, but if he was there and Zim showed up late...the short Irken would come looking for him.

And then, once they happened to bump into each other, an inevitable and huge fight would break out. Irkens liked to settle their differences with harsh words every now and again, and most of them possessed silver tongues, but for the most part they preferred to settle things with their fists. Due to the size difference between them Zim tried not to start physical fights with Skoodge, so the vast majority of their spats were verbal. Every once in a while, though, they gleefully exchanged blows.

The largest hallways of the Massive were heavily congested at this time of day, nearly wall to wall in some places. Irkens bustled about everywhere. Half of them watched where they were going and half had their faces buried in work tablets--typical workaholic Irkens. Non-Irkens were few and far between. They tended to avoid the most crowded thoroughfares in favor of a path less traveled. A vicious and primal crowd mentality tended to overtake Irkens when a large number of them were gathered and confined in one space, and when tensions arose over the uncomfortably cramped conditions they would readily lash out at the nearest vulnerable thing. Non-Irkens were a prime target for this sort of abuse.

It was a literal sea of Irkens of varying shapes and sizes. There were Scientists, Chefs, Engineers, Council members...just about every job title under the sun was involved in the traffic jams. Crowds of this magnitude often became dangerous for smaller Irkens, who risked getting trampled by their tallers. Some of them resorted to using their PAK legs to avoid this possibility.

Skoodge was one such Irken, just barely visible among some of the taller Irkens even while he was propped up on his sturdy PAK legs. He was wisely splitting his attention between his work tablet, which seemed just a bit too big for his little hands, and the Irkens around him. A scrap could break out if he accidentally bumped into another Irken, and that was the last thing he needed. He was already stressed enough!

The pink human stood out amongst a sea of green. Skoodge spotted him quickly, his antennae shooting straight up. "Hey!" He stretched one arm up into the air in a friendly wave. "Earth thing! Over here!" He seemed to be feeling cheerful, which was a good sign. He wasn't really angry with the Earth creature for his brief stint as a Service Drone. It was his own fault, after all, for being just as careless as his leader tended to be. Though he faced annoyance from his fellow Irkens for holding up traffic he stood fast and they fluidly moved around him.

"The Tallest told me you were going to sit in and observe today?" Excitement danced on his voice. "Wanna do more than observe? I could show you what I do during the day with him. To put it simply..." He shuffled forward, eager to get going and keep the traffic from jamming again. "I manage the Tallest's...behavioral issues. You probably know what I'm talking about, right?" The Head of Council began counting on his limited amount of fingers. "He's reckless. He speaks without thinking. He's got an awful temper. I doubt he knows what the word 'organization' means. He's stubborn to a fault. And, let's not forget..." One of his short antennae quirked in the human's direction. "He'd rather spend hours whining and complaining about working than actually doing it. He's a little hard to manage. Chaotic, if you will."

Trying to keep Zim under control was just like trying to keep an unleashed dog away from a nice juicy steak on the ground. Damn near impossible.

"He seems to curb some of this behavior when you're around," Skoodge informed the other, a sly expression creeping its way onto his face. "But it always comes out full force when he's working, so you'll get to see the real monster at work. If it's any incentive..." He pursed his lime-hued lips. "I'll be distracted today. I've got a mountain of paperwork and stuff waiting for me that the Tallest refused to do while I was gone. I'll need someone reliable to keep an eye on his behavior. And..." His antennae bounced. "I'll owe you one. Anything you need from me, I'll get it done! And if you decide you like keeping the Tallest under control I'll gladly split some of my salary with you on the days you help me out."

Zim mentioned once before in the past that Skoodge was terribly overworked, partially by choice. The stout Irken did love to work...but too much work was unhealthy.

 

[Dip]

The human, quite pathetically, got dressed a little faster than usual that morning. It was his excitedness for the day, and the prospect of hanging out with his new... partner? No... partner in crime? Well, that was a more suitable title. The human brushed his teeth and combed his hair in record time, and came to the decision that the time had come and gone for him to get a haircut.

The human's hair, while it had been a little on the longer side before, was now something of a mess. It took a lot to contain it, but there was little he could do but wake up and hope that it was decent. He had wondered if Bohemian could cut his hair, seeing as the Head Surgeon could suture and bandage up an Irken in almost two minutes flat, but the more the human thought about it, the more uncomfortable he got.

The thought of a Surgeon hard at work on his head made him queasy.

The human was mildly disappointed to see that there was no Irken there waiting for him, and there was no Irken SIR unit either. Dib wasn't badly out of shape about it, but surely it would have been fine to see the green man and his manic side-kick. The human, dressed and prepared for a day of work (or as much work that could be done around the presence of Zim), headed off in the direction that he knew well.

The first leg of the humans trek wasn't nearly as bad as it usually was. Being on the more secure wings of the Massive did have it's perks, but the fastest routes were usually the most blocked ways. The human knew most backways well, but he didn't trust them to get him to one place quickly. He had gotten lost one too many times in the bellows of the Massive, and frankly, he was scared to do it again. While the human loved and lived for the unknown, there were some places he'd rather not traverse.

The human, with his backpack in tow, did stand out amongst the crowd. The first few months of his being on the Massive, he could admit it was awful wandering through the halls of the ship. He was a bright pink beacon for anyone and everyone to see, but the shock-factor of his alien-ness seemed to have worn off. For the most part, atleast.

Dib hated the main hallways as much as the next non-Irken, mostly because it was the place where he took the most insults and attacks. He mostly got hisses, but god forbid Dib comes walking around a corner too fast. He had stepped on the wrong Irken's foot about a week ago, and that was an ugly scene that Dib didn't want to recreate. Unlike the workaholics, Dib was one of the life-forms that walked with his head buried in front of him, always watching to make sure nothing was unaccounted for.

The human lifted his head up for only an instant as he heard the faint call. He looked around, and paused for a second. He was unsure of it was him that was being beaconed, or if it was someone else. It wasn't before the rotund Irken called for the 'earth thing' that he knew the call was directed to him. Dib turned around, and saw the glint of Skoodge, high on his PAK legs. It reminded him on Ceedid, mostly because Dib had never seen Ceedid walk normally.

The human slowly scooted towards the Irken, and didn't pay a moment to those who hissed and spat around him.

Dib listened for a moment, and replied, walking near the former Invader. "Yeah, I'm gonna... Do that. Sit in, and stuff." Dib nodded. He hadn't spoken to Skoodge in such a while, it was hard to know how to act around him. The tension within the human slowly died down as he noticed the excitement in the smaller Irken. Dib raised an eyebrow at Skoodge's inquiry. He wasn't sure how he was going to do more, but Skoodge soon solved the riddle.

Dib did, in fact, know about Zim's behavioral issues. He witnessed them first hand! Dib couldn't help his eyes roll their way back into his head. "Oh yeah, I know about those." With his feelings, with his objections, his arguing, his need to be right, his this, his that, and his other thing, Dib knew about it already.Dib knew all of this already, and yet, he didn't quite know what point the other was trying to make.

Dib, admittedly, blushed only slightly when Skoodge admitted that Zim seemed to work a bit harder when Dib was around. "Really?" He asked, almost girlishly. That was, before the human cleared his throat, and nodded. "I--I, er, yeah, I uh... I notice that, as well."

Dib had to admit, it was almost flattering to hear, but if he was bad outside of work... he could only guess what it was like while he was working. But Zim was diligent... when it came to some things, surely he couldn't be as bad as Skoodge was making it out to be. While Skoodge knew him the best, Dib was his rival for as long as he could remember. He hated Zim the moment he saw him! He knew his work ethic, and he couldn't be any worse than Skoodge was saying.

The human shrugged. "Deal. I'll help you out. I don't think it's anything I can't handle." If all he did was procrastinate and complain, it really couldn't be that bad, could it?

...Could it?

 

[Mira-Charma13]

"Heh-heh." Skoodge's antennae bounced in a surprisingly jovial manner. "Really, now? You think you can handle the Tallest at his worst? I know from what he told me that the two of you saw each other almost every day back on Planet Earth--in a...what was it again? It was like the Academy, but it started with an S. Ahh, whatever. But you never actually worked side by side with him, right?"

In a way, the Irken equivalent of school was much simpler than Earth school. There was no primary or secondary or university. There was only the Academy. Irkens had entire planets dedicated to education, one of which was Devastis (where Zim studied). Smeets were ferried there in groups of one to three hundred, called batches, after reaching one Irk year of age, and that was where they stayed for many, many years being trained and educated by both Instructors and Control Brains. The first few years could be considered primary school, where they learned only the basics and at the end were evaluated by a Control Brain and given a career path. Afterwards they would study until a Control Brain deemed them fit to perform that job--this was secondary school. Some careers required an Irken to attain Elite status, which took even more time and could be likened to going to a university.

"Well, I guess we'll see." Skoodge was surprisingly agile with his PAK legs supporting him, dodging his Irken kin left and right without once looking up from his tablet. "If he gets too rowdy or annoying just start chucking stuff at him. He'll eventually knock it off. Or take a swing at you and then stop, I dunno. He can be unpredictable and unreasonable sometimes."

Never were those words more true than when the towering archway leading into the Bridge, where two Royal Guards stood fast to scrutinize anyone attempting to enter, slowly came into view on the horizon. Even from a distance the sweet sounds of bitching and moaning echoed out from the two-tiered domed room, reverberating through the nearest hallways.

"Nah, I'm not gonna be doing that." Zim sounded terribly bored, as he usually did while he was working. Judging by his stiff tone he was also irritated.

"What?" This was a foreign voice, and it sounded incredulous to say the least. "But...why?"

"Because your request is stupid, Invader Larb." was the Tallest's simple response. He stood in the center of the Bridge on a raised pedestal. Behind him were three comfortable chairs--two tall ones and a much tinier one farther back. Thin arms were folded across that regal pink chest plate and large magenta eyes were narrowed into teeny-tiny slits. Oh, yeah. It was still early and he was already in one of his moods. Skoodge huffed in a vexed manner, retracting his PAK legs and trotting toward the small chair.

"...Really?" The Irken on screen, apparently called Larb, was about a foot taller than Zim's original height, with a long and thin head and antennae that were curved at the top, rather than cricked. "That's why?"

"Yep!" Zim placed his hands on his hips like a teenage human throwing a temper tantrum. GIR, who had himself snugly seated at the front edge of the pedestal, mimicked the action with a cheerful giggle.

The other Irken seethed with expertly-restrained anger for a few seconds before straightening his posture. He seemed to be in an Irken base, similar to the base Zim resided in back on Planet Earth, but it had no windows, which suggested that it might be completely underground. "Okay." He was trying his damnedest not to explode. "You think it's a stupid idea."

"Mm-hm." Zim absently began tapping away on his work tablet...but the faint sounds coming from the tablet--high-pitched beeps, digitized gunshots, fast-paced music--suggested he was playing some kind of video game.

"...So?" Larb pressed.

One of Zim's eyes narrowed as his gaze briefly jumped up to the screen. "...So what?" Almost every Irken in the room, Skoodge included, rolled their eyes. So it was going to be like this today. Again. The Tallest was in quite a mood.

"Why do you think it's stupid?" the Invader demanded, standing his ground without losing his temper. The last thing he wanted to do was go off on the Tallest, especially when he was in one of his petty moods.

"Oh, that's an easy one," Zim piped up at once, antennae jumping with the words. "Only one Invader per planet, regardless of the circumstances. The presence of more than one Invader will compromise the mission. More than one suspicious character roaming around will attract unwanted attention. You'll just end up distracting each other with friendship and arguing and such. It is a waste of time and resources to send more than one Invader to a planet marked for conquest."

"But this planet is huge," Larb reminded the Tallest, exasperation dripping from his every word. "It's too much ground for me to cover on my own. My SIR unit has been malfunctioning and I am currently repairing it, but even with its help I haven't been able to accomplish much of anything on my own. I require assistance."

"Pah!" An annoyed hiss escaped the Tallest. "You're just full of excuses! You and your big stupid head full of...excuses!"

Choosing not to react to that sorry excuse for an insult, Larb instead kept the conversation as professional as he could. "The people are tall," he continued simply. "Much taller than any Irken. And stoic, as well. They live in large familial groups and my presence as both a newcomer and a loner is making them highly suspicious of me. It's been difficult to gain their trust. With the size of the planet and its native inhabitants, as well as the size of the normal familial unit and their unwillingness to accept a newcomer who is so very different from them, I once again reiterate how important it is that another Invader is sent to assist me, lest my mission be compromised."

Zim stared at the screen in silence for several seconds, his antennae twitching wildly. When he finally spoke he raised his arms up and behind his head, stretching and allowing a massive yawn to escape through his lips, and peered at Larb through the screen with one open eye.

"Ooooor, and do hear me out on this one...you could just do the job that Zim assigned to you and quit whining about it." His voice was sickly sweet. Several Irkens in the Bridge gritted their sharp teeth together. Skoodge just sighed and threw a glance in the direction of the human, a sad little smile on his face.

 

[Dip]

Well, Dib didn't exactly think he could handle the Tallest. Could anyone really handle the Tallest? He knew that he could handle being around the Tallest, and even observing the word of the Tallest, but no living thing could ever handle Zim, and Dib was absolutely sure of it. "I know I could probably keep him in check. I don't know about handling. I can handle the task, but... Can anyone handle Zim?" Dib, on Earth, was never a good handler. A handler of animals, of feelings, of emotions, of other people-- he just couldn't do it. But on the Massive, he had worked to change that.

I could handle a full time job, and getting there on time, and working hard. Why couldn't he handle someone who just slacked off a little too much? Skoodge knew Zim more on a personal level, but Dib knew him on an enemy level. He knew how hard he worked when he wanted to, and he knew how hard he worked when he was pressured. But.. he also knew how much he sluffed off his work and saved it till the last minute.

The human recalled many times when the Irken Invader did school projects at the very last minute-- no, the very last second, even! Dib would be presenting in front of the class, and he would see Zim struggling to glue random pieces of debris together and call it a diorama. It was... almost interesting to see how resourceful and just plain pathetic the Irken was at most skool subjects, but the others, it was hard to even compete.

"We never worked together... well, I don't think we ever did until I came to work here." Well, technically, working for someone was working with them, right? The human shrugged. "I mean, I don't really mind. It would have been weird to work together on Earth. Y'know, the whole 'taking-over-my-civilization-and-colonizing-my-race' thing." He held up two fingers on each hand and used them as air-quotations. While the human could admit that he wasn't one protect the Earth anyone, he was one to glorify the planet and it's inhabitants (not currently, but he loved talking about the golden age of discovery more than the golden age of selfies).

At the suggestion, Dib didn't need him to repeat it. The human, while he was possibly the least agile person on planet Earth, did have an eye for sharp-shooting... Well, most of the time, anyway. He was best at his shooting skills when it came to food objects, such as popcorn or little candy pieces. He was decent when it came to paper, but anything else? Absolutely not. Give Dib a piece of candy and he could get anyone within a forty-foot range. A piece of paper? Well, better wear goggles.

The two beings entered the room, and Dib was greeted with the familiar sounds that a piss-baby would usually make. Dib heard one phrase, and he knew today was going to be a long day. He gave a passing glance to Skoodge as he made his way to the other empty chair. The human did nothing as he listened in on the transmission.

It seemed that an Invader was in need of assistance, and no one-- well, Zim-- wasn't willing to compromise for the safety of the mission. This had happened before, and Dib knew that, but it happened to someone he knew quite well. Tak was in the same situation prior, but she was too proud to request assistance before things got bad. She made the mistake of waiting till the last minute, but he knew that any other Irken in their right mind would never have waited that long.

Dib listened in gently, thinking that the other Irken had the patients of a saint. If it would have been Dib on the other side of the screen, he would have bitched a storm at that moment. But, then again, you had to keep your cool around the King (Zim was basically a King, wasn't he? Or was he like a Presidential Dictator? Or an Elected Pope? Whatever he was, he was famous as hell).

Dib knew that if Skoodge were to interupt, he would have another serious of janitorial duties, but Dib couldn't bring himself to interrupt the transmission. It wasn't Zim that the human feared, it was simply the other Irkens keeping guard. Dib sat quietly, and decided that he would speak with the Tallest after the transmission was over.

Surely, because of DIb's new status, Zim would listen to him, right?

Dib turned to the other Irken nearest to him, and looked to Zim with a quick flick of his eyeballs. He turned back to Skoodge, and mouthed the words, "does he always do this?" Appearlently, he did. Dib knew faintly about the planet that the Invader Larb was talking about, and it was a massive thing. It was nearly four times the size of Jupitor, with inhabitants the height of small two-story buildings. They live in clusters, and Dib could liken them to trees.

Surely two people wouldn't be that much of a stretch, right?

Dib turned to Zim again, and cleared his throat. "...Hey, Zim," Dib started, leaning forward in his seat. He rested his elbows on his knees, and caught a passing glanse of himself on the transmission. He waved gently, and directed his attention back to Zim.

"So, eh heh, the planet Larb is on.... is really big." Dib repeated. He stoped himself before he could annoy the Tallest with this useless information even furhter. The human shrugged. "I mean, it's bigger than Damogran, and you saw what happened there... sooooooooo..... yeah, I mean, he does have a point." Dib motioned to the screen gently.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

When Dib turned in Skoodge's direction and mouthed that simple question, the Head of Council met his gaze evenly. "Oh, yeah," he muttered under his breath, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "He's always like this. He's even worse if I'm not here, or if he's dealing with someone he doesn't like. And trust me..." His antennae twitched as his small eyes darted from the irritable Tallest to the equally annoyed Invader on the screen. "He hates Invader Larb. He hates his guts. You see..." A wry little smile curled his lips. "Larb used to be the favorite Invader of the two former Tallest. And he's not exactly humble about it all. So...the Tallest despises him."

It must have been aggravating beyond belief for Zim, someone who believed himself to be infallible and also best friends with Red and Purple, to see the special treatment those two traitors showered on Larb--someone they didn't even know on a personal level. He was taller than Zim, and as far from Defective as any Irken could be. Because he was revered so by the two former Tallest, Zim now treated him like a second-class citizen whenever he interacted with him.

"But even though he hates him..." Skoodge's gaze settled on the Tallest. "Larb is a fantastic Invader. So the Tallest decided to send him out on a mission anyway. I dunno. Maybe he's hoping he'll never come back or get trampled to death by those terrifying tree people or something. I usually deal with Invader Larb whenever he calls, but this time the Tallest was the only one here to take that call. And it's too late to interrupt now--I'll just make it a million times worse than it already is."

The Irken on the screen was the first one to notice Dib--his antennae perked ever so slightly and then jumped when the Earth creature spoke. Several Irkens in the room growled and stared the human down when he addressed Zim by his given name rather than his title--if an Irken were to do that, it could mean instant death. While Larb examined Dib curiously (obviously, this was a creature he had never laid eyes upon before), Zim turned slowly, his thick antennae pressed against his head and his eyes narrowed into thin, dangerous slits. Many Irkens wisely backed off, scuttling back to their workstations just in case the Tallest blew up again. Zim listened to Dib, far better than he listened to his own Invader, with a slightly cocked head. When the other finished speaking, the Tallest stood there in silence for a few long moments.

And then he squinted one eye at his old nemesis and folded his arms across his regal chest plate. "There is a reason why Invaders work alone," he retorted as simply as he could. The Irkens who scurried off peeked around monitors and apparatuses, looking flabbergasted to say the least. Zim hated to be interrupted, and he hated being told he was wrong even more! And yet...he wasn't blowing up. "Companionship is a hindrance," he continued matter-of-factly. "It will prove to be little more than a distraction."

"So send an Invader who hates companionship," Skoodge chimed in, though he did so with some degree of hesitation. Zim growled at him like an angry street dog, which was a far cry from the reaction he gave Dib when he interrupted with his thoughts on the matter. After a couple of seconds, though, he paused, turned his somewhat thoughtful gaze to the ceiling, and then scratched his chin. He maintained his silence for a short time before whipping back around, regarding Larb with a terribly bored expression.

"Fine. Whatever. Do what you want. Zim knows you and your big stupid head would go behind his vastly superior back and do it anyway, so..." He shrugged his shoulders, the most nonchalant of auras surrounding him. "Why not?" One of his feet began tapping away on the platform below him. "Ask Invader Tak. She just finished her Invasion of Planet Damogran, and Zim is certain that she wouldn't mind busting a few skulls to blow off some steam or something."

Larb's planet was a planet Zim sincerely doubted would go quietly, and unlike Damogran these people were fairly primitive...so in the end it didn't matter if they lived or died. Upon hearing this, almost every set of shoulders in the Bridge drooped with relief. Larb was quick to nod, salute, and end the call, not wanting to waste any more of his valuable time arguing with the Tallest. Zim, still grumbling irritably under his breath, hovered backward and practically collapsed into the free chair, glaring sullenly at the stunning space view provided by the Massive's wrap-around windshield. GIR hopped up from his comfortable seat at the front of the platform and turned, tottering after his master. As he began climbing Zim's flowing skirt, eager to curl up and take a nap on his lap, Zim glanced in Dib's direction.

"I'm already bored," he admitted, practically pouting at the human. "I hope no one else calls today."

"Actually..." Skoodge had his face buried in his work tablet. "You're supposed to be making some calls today. I sent you that list earlier." Confusion swam in the smaller Irken's eyes. "Didn't you get it?"

"Oh, I got it, all right," the Tallest drawled, idly studying his long fingers. "I just didn't read it."

An exasperated sigh escaped Skoodge. "Well, read it. You've got work to do today."

"Blah, blah, blah," was Zim's asinine response. "Don't order your Tallest around." He instead swiveled his head around, snapping his fingers. "Service Drone! Zim wants a slush and a plate of nachos! And some snacks for GIR! And..." He waved a hand in Dib's direction. "Whatever the human wants!" Though he clearly didn't feel like working, he grudgingly pulled out his work tablet to search for that aforementioned to-do list Skoodge allegedly sent his way.

He was like a spoiled brat. The former Tallest were both exceptionally bratty, but at least they never shied away from doing work when it was necessary. At least...Red didn't...

"Oh, yeah...Earth creature!" Skoodge finally tore his face away from his work tablet. "We'll reach the start of the Irken Superhighway today. It's a gigantic and very congested thoroughfare that marks the beginning of the path to Irk. Lots of cool planets to stop at along the way, if you and the Tallest feel like it. There's tons of tourist attractions, as well as Foodcourtia, Conventia, Judgementia..." A shudder ran down Zim's spine at the mere mention of planet Judgementia. "And it all ends at Irk," Skoodge finished in a cheerful manner, either having not noticed the Tallest's reaction or ignored it. "It's kinda cool to see the first time. Most of space is just...well, empty space. But millions upon millions of ships from different planets and galaxies gather on the IS every day."

 

[Dip]

While it wasn't the best idea to interrupt the Tallest, it seemed that Zim didn't mind all that much. To Dib, it looked as if things could, in fact, get worse with the Tallest. Asking himself, 'what could possibly go wrong?' was not a good idea. If that was as bad as Zim got supervised, Dib wondered what he would be like with no Irken or human to watch and supervise him.

Dib could outright tell that the Tallest hated the Invader before him, and it was a giving sign. Zim was just as childish and stubborn and outright annoying with damn-near everyone he hated. He was like that on a daily for quite some time on Earth, and Dib knew this all too well.

While Zim wasn't exactly all that humble himself, he had his moments. But it seemed that Larb possessed no such thing, and that drove Zim to hate him. The human turned from the shorter Irken to view the Taller, and he even pushed as far as to view the Invader he was speaking to. He seemed like a competent Irken. He looked like he didn't have many flaws, and Dib could guess that his PAK was functional to the fullest degree.

But fantastic Invader or not, Zim sent him on a suicide mission. Dib bit his lip gently when the former Invader next to him mentioned that it was futile to interrupt, but... what could Zim do to him? Before, probably a lot, but given the circumstances, and the strange occurrences of the night before, Dib felt some courage creep into his system. He leaned forward and caught the attention of the Invader on the screen.

The human spoke as well as he could have and watched as the Tallest scrutinized his being for far too long.

Dib was entirely relieved to see the alien's features soften into something friendly and kind-- well, as kind as a green alien lizard bug man could get. With the response Dib received, he shrugged and sat back in his seat. While he was right, surely there must be some exception to the rules.

The human turned to view the other Irken as he spoke, and he shifted his gaze only slightly to catch Zim barring his teeth and growling like an injured and angry animal. Dib could see the differences his presents made, and... honestly, he felt a little special that the Tallest didn't respond to him that way. While it seemed that Skoodge didn't mind whatsoever, it couldn't have felt the best to be growled at by your superior.

Dib never had that problem before-- the growling, moreover. He had gotten into lots of uncivilized discussions in the past, but it never boiled down to strange guttural and primal sounds. Lots of keyboard smashing and frustrated screams, but never a growl or a howl.

Dib turned to view Skoodge when Zim buckled and gave up. The human gave the other a small smile, and a shrug, telling him that they had won the argument somehow. It was a good decision, and it seemed that everyone agreed to it. It wasn't like Tak was looking for someone to give her attention, and she wasn't really looking for another mission, but this would make for a nice occurrence.

It would be a surprise to Dib if she said no to the mission, but if Tak was anything, she was unpredictable at best. She might say yes, she might say no, she might change her mind mid-mission, she might do a whole load of things.

Dib watched as the screen flickered off, and things calmed down. It wasn't long until the Tallest shifted towards him, and Dib rolled his eyes. Skoodge was right, this was going to be some work. Dib rested his elbow on the armrest of the chair and placed his chin on his palm. Dib had a feeling that this was going to be a long day, but he was fine with it. Half of the other's earnings? He didn't know what he'd do with that, but he could figure it out.

Dib watched silently, a small smirk playing on his face, as the two bickered and fought over the duties that were assigned and neglected. Dib would have loved to defend Skoodge, but the conversation was over just as soon as it began, and the topic of food was put in its place.

As Zim searched for the rumored list, Dib wondered truly if he was hungry. While the Massive lacked a very human-like breakfast, Dib had adapted to living without oatmeal and his favorite cereals. Dib, as soon as the drove came about, ordered himself the basic sandwich-drink-chip combo that he adored and loved, and slowly grew sick of.

Dib turned his attention from the drone over to the former Invader, and he listened as he spoke.

The human had heard of the intergalactic Route 66 before, but he wasn't aware that they would be traveling on it. The human smiled, and turned to view the wide window that the Tallest had been glaring at earlier, and he slowly saw the spaceships piling abaord the highway.

 

[Mira-Charma13]

The sight beyond the curved windshield of the Massive was enthralling. Ships of all different shapes and sizes, from all corners of the Known Universe, flitted around them. The air traffic began to pick up considerably after a couple of minutes, and when it did so the Massive gave a slight lurch as it dropped in speed. The other smaller ships, most of which trailed after the Massive, began to file out in front of it until half of the smaller ships were in the lead. They surrounded the Massive like a protective cloud, unwilling to spread out in such cramped and crowded quarters.

Various tourist attractions marked the beginning of the Irken Superhighway. Electronic markers kept the ships in one neat lane--the Armada had to drop in altitude to remain level with these markers. The entire thoroughfare was buzzing with activity, with ships zipping in every possible direction to stop off at tourist attractions. It was peculiar to see, given how empty most areas of space seemed to be. The attractions were a mixed bag of fascinating and amusing things, situated on small space rocks and minuscule planets and oddly reminiscent of the tourist traps a human might find on an Earth highway.

Universe's Biggest Radioactive Crystal. Universally-Famous Exotic Taxidermy Collection. Universe's Best Drive-Thru Restaurant. Universe's Fanciest Bath House. Among other silly and unusual things, of course.

There was only one large planet visible in the distance, a light violet planet with a wide mechanical ring slowly rotating around it. Zim, who was impatiently awaiting the arrival of the nachos he needed so badly right now, motioned toward it. "Conventia. The Convention Hall Planet," he revealed, sounding terribly bored. "It is used for large events and gatherings and the like. The Irken Empire utilizes it for the Great Assigning, where we assign Invaders to the planets they must conquer."

"I was born there!" GIR declared cheerfully, beaming at the distant planet.

"We also hold the Universal Fair there," Skoodge piped up, his face buried in his tablet again. This was a familiar sight for him, so he wasn't all that impressed by it. "It's a...cultural gathering of sorts. Lots of great food and attractions and cool stuff to buy. And, uh...it's where we have the Sweet Victory Party whenever we complete an Invasion Operation."

A scowl marred Zim's features at the mere mention of the Sweet Victory Party. Apparently, it was an event he didn't much enjoy. But other Irkens in the Bridge seemed excited about the prospect of having another Sweet Victory Party!

"There are lots of little planets and stuff along the way," Skoodge continued, allowing his leader to brood in silence while he waited for his food--until he got some food in his belly Zim was always insufferable in the morning. "But the big ones are, in order...Conventia, Foodcourtia, Callnowia--if you order stuff from the Irken Database it probably comes from here, our central Conveyor Belt Planet, Armoria--a planet we use to store weaponry and armor and all sorts of cool top-secret stuff, Judgementia, and Irk is at the end. In the distance you'll probably be able to spot Resortia. It's a resort planet. It used to be a big tropical jungle planet with no intelligent species to govern it, but we converted it into a vacation spot. You might be able to see Vort, too...but it'll be just a speck in the distance."

Aside from Resortia, Irk, and Vort, all of those planets were completely artificial planets, or planets that once held life and were subject to an Organic Sweep so they could be utilized for other things by the Irken Empire. Based on how Conventia was positioned, it was likely that all of these planets (aside from Irk and Resortia) had been moved from their original location and brought here to make this heavily-congested thoroughfare.

Soon after Skoodge finished talking Zim's food arrived with a very nervous Service Drone. He immediately snatched it up and began stuffing his face, still pouting out of the windshield.

 

[Dip]

The human had oggled at the beauty of space before. The sheer emptiness, the complete desolation, the isolation-- he loved everything about it. But being met with millions upon millions of other ships, other passengers, other travelers-- it was gorgeous. Dib left from his chair and took a few daring steps towards the windshield. His eyes danced over all the different makes and models of the ships. He recognized a few freight carriers for the planet Z'Dorp and noted that they must be delivering something for their mother world.

He noticed almost instantly that the ships made way for the behemoth that was The Massive, and it didn't surprise him one bit. The human took a step back but hardly peeled his eyes from the window. As he continued to look, he saw some things that he could liken to a tourist's dream on Earth.

Dib wouldn't lie, on his many cryptid-seeking adventures, he had stopped and collected a t-shirt or two... or ten, maybe. He had shirts from all over, telling of his travels around the United States. He had shirts with the simplest images-- the Poplick Monster, The Kraken, The Sandworm of Lake Tahoe, nearly every cryptid creep you could imagine. The human assumed that there would be some form of creature who had two arms, one torso, and one neck out there. Surely, if not, he could make due.

Needless to say, Dib would have a few more clothes by the time this adventure was done. While Zim did give him a full wardrobe to use, the human only took from there when he was in need to do laundry. The wardrobe included black tights, boots, and a tunic-dress-lookie thing. It was very similar to Zim's back on Earth, but it was blue, and slightly longer to accommodate Dib's size and stature.

The human only wore the assortment once and pulled his trench coat over it entirely, to try and block out some shame. He received looks for everyone-- Irkens, and non-Irkens alike-- and it seemed that the only person who enjoyed the outfit was Zim. Not because it was befitting to the human, but because he looked absolutely ridiculous in it. Skoodge, on the other hand, thought the outfit was rather charming and took it as no laughing matter.

Dib turned to view the Irken when he motioned to the large planet in the distance. Dib knew of Conventia, even before he had ever met Zim. Dib pointed to said plane and spoke. "Y'know, I intercepted a few transmissions from that planet, I think..." He spoke. He stopped for a moment and continued. "Yeah! It was that planet, right there." He turned to the Irken. "It was six months before you went to Earth. It took forever to get a good signal on my roof, I spent hours readjusting all of the wires, and the electronics, and--" Noticing that he was beginning to talk the ears off of everyone within the room, he slowly stopped. "But, yeah, I know... I know about Conventia."

As Skoodge pointed out, he did notice the littler planets along the way. While Dib could appreciate the straight-to-the-pointedness of the Irkens, he wondered if they ever had any fun naming their plants. Did any of their planets end with something other than -tia or -ia. That was one thing that the Earthlings always had an upper hand on, and that was creativity. Mars, Jupiter, Uranus-- er.... well, still better than Callnowia.

The human walked away from the window and returned to his seat.

It wasn't long before the Service Drone returned, with the requested food items. Zim was served first, no surprise there, and the rest of them received their food items. Dib grabbed the sandwich from the service drone and unwrapped it quickly as he prepared for a bite. He turned to the window once more and peered through it.

Dib was happy that he wasn't on Earth anymore. His eyes weren't in the clouds anymore, but they were on the stars.