I just need to rant somewhere

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Frostbitten Chipmunk

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I don't really care if anyone I RP with or Skype with or whatever sees this but:

I really really miss the old days.

Back when I knew who I could trust and who I loved and just. I'm sure you get the picture. And now I feel more than ever that the lack of anyone like that is destroying my motivation to do anything, especially art. My average day is basically RPing smut and/or listening to drama and/or playing games until I just flop in bed and hope for tomorrow to be better. The few times I have been drawing a month are 80% instant scraps because they just look off on every way. No one so much as tries to motivate me to draw anymore, and as any artist can tell you, it isn't exactly a good thing when this happens. Especially not when my art gets no notes - literally none.

As you can possibly gather from my rant, I'm single. Same issue with my past relationships of the past three years. It felt like I was constantly giving and getting nothing in return, and now I'm just ready to completely give up. I could easily write myself out of my one RP, swear off of it and art for good, and chip off every tie I have to the internet. And the worst part is that I feel like no one would even care. Like they'd just move on 'cos there's nothing important or memorable about me. I don't know I can't think clearly. I haven't been able to for years.

And please for the love of any deity you believe in do not tell me it will get better or that it's just a phase or I need therapy/something similar.
 
Trust me therapy doesn't help motivation
Here's my advice.
Just because your art looks off to you doesn't mean it is try showing it to other people or even your girlfriend
Sadly I'm not much good with dating stuff (not many boys visit me in the hospital)but in my people wanna feel a need to change just tell her about your feelings if you don't thing won't Change
Besides be glad you can go outside climb mount everst and when you go to the hospital you will. Get visitors my own parents have visited mean only four times in the 16 years ive been stuck in this hospital.
(Sorry about any bad grammar my first language is old Russian)
 
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I wish I had a girlfriend. I haven't in... years.

Honestly, the only person I can show my art to and get critique/excitement from is my 15 year old niece. As for going outside, while I physically could, I just prefer being indoors. And online. Lot of reasons don't really want to go into them in a public forum.

I can't think of anything else to really say besides that your English is pretty good for having it as a second language.
 
Well I learn a lot from books
Could you show me a picture
And its fine not going outside its a preference. A lot of people prefer
And if you need. A girlfriend my nurse Cynthia is single but I don't. Think you'd like her she's in her own words fat old Russian but in my opinion shes not old and she certainly doesn't look it
 
Years of practice. If I could go back and tell 13-year-old-me anything, it would be to practice. A lot. And not give up. Hopefully then I wouldn't be on a hiatus today. Do you have anything you've drawn uploaded anywhere?
 
Frostbitten Chipmunk said:
There's a lot of difference between me and a normal girl, take my word for it. But again. Best saved for another time and place. As for my art, assuming that's what you meant:

December
Also December
November
October

If you meant pictures of me in real life, I haven't taken one in months.
Click to expand...
Aristotle said:
Yah my profile pic and this https://www.iwakuroleplay.com/media/maryland-fink.1841/
I'm told the latter is good but I honestly couldn't agree it looks off but like I said get a second opinion:)
Click to expand...


Hey, We love art! You guys should Showcase your work so we can Love it. Many members here are artists that Showcase their work in The Writing & Art Museum.


@Frostbitten Chipmunk I'm sorry things are changing really fast, and everything is a chaotic whirlwind of disaster. Try to hang in there and prepare yourself to leave it all behind you with this fresh new year. New friends are waiting for you to find them, don't stop looking.

<3
Fijo
 
~New Year obtain~

You guys have a showcase? I'll be sure to check it out, maybe upload some of my more... acceptable art. Which I just finished sketching.

Anyway. @.@ Here's to a hopefully better year.
 
There's always the possibility of new friends around the next corner, new people means new opportunities.
I wouldn't let yourself get discouraged just because your current situation is bad, things improve.

Also speaking from experience, you do not want to be left sitting around hurting because you're single. If you do feel that way it makes it less likely you're going to enter one because people will see it as a sign of clinginess, and if you do get in a relationship while feeling such a way it only acts as source of pain and drama in said relationship.

You're better off finding a source of happiness from yourself first, be able to be happy single and then worry about trying to get in a relationship with someone.

I also have to third posting the art to showcases, it's pretty good. :)
 
I'm actually insanely clingy and it's really bad send help

Finding happiness in my own company has always been rather... difficult. On a good night I can just be drawing and think 'Wow this shit is awesome' or be watching anime, or doing something, and I don't actually mind being alone. But somehow all the memories of the really cool stuff I did come creeping back. I don't know if I should have mentioned that all but one or two of my relationships have been long-distance, but they have, so. Yeah. Go me? o_o

I don't really like dating in reality since my few experiences weren't exactly fun or eventful and I'm about as outgoing as a bear in Winter. Plus I'm nonbinary transfeminine different. And it's a loooooooooot easier to get accepted on the internet than in real life. Plus all the awesome people live online. I'm rambling. Sorry. <_<

In summary, leaving me to myself isn't really something I like doing. :I My mind has this nasty habit of dragging up everything from the past and wondering why I can't have it again and then it starts making up reasons you can probably imagine and it ain't fun.
 
Everyone has nights they'd rather be alone and night's they'd rather be with people.
That's completely natural and I personally wouldn't worry much about that part.
And I've only ever been in two relationships myself, one was serious/last a long time, the other was a rather brief and uneventful. The serious one having been long distance (as in different continents across the ocean long distance), in my opinion online relationships aren't much different from IRL/Local ones. It's just that online ones often mean far less physical contact, so it really tests and relies on emotional and personality bonding and connecting.

I can also get not wanting to be in the dating scene, it's something I've never really done myself mainly out if dislike for the general idea/purpose of it. I wasn't trying to suggest to force yourself out there and date random people if you don't want to, I'm simply saying expose yourself to people in general. Try to make friends, develop a decent social life and let a relationship happen and form naturally. Relationships tend to be better anyways if they form naturally rather than by feeling scheduled/forced.

But yea, the Internet tends to be more accepting. But that's largely because of:

1) Being exposed to so many types of people
2) Less of a demand to cast a shield/wall in front of others
3) It's often what shelters in people who know what it's like to struggle and/or be rejected IRL

Also, don't worry about rambling. It's fine. :P

As for your bringing up the past issue? Finding more ways to focus/distract your mind elsewhere might help, which ties back to the whole "Go meet people" suggestion.
But at the same time, you should be careful to not let your social life become a sort of reliance/drug to avoid such reflection. You should try to find a personal goal, something that motivates you, engages you, interests you and does not require another person. That can help you find your own source of happiness and purpose. Also, you should probably try to remember that the past happened the way it did for a reason you wouldn't be the person you are, with the experiences and lessons you have if it had went differently. I've looked in the past before and thought "Would it have been better if my relationship never happened/ended sooner/fought harder to keep it?" etc. But then I remember the lessons I learned and the person I am today is largely due to how I got stung by said relationship in the past, and the lessons it left on me as a result. It may suck, you may regret something but you learn from that and use it to do better in the future.
 
One more day... One more day... One more day...
 
Pretty sound advice, Gwazi. Really my only long-term goal is becoming a professional artist... though it's not really something you achieve, you're always reaching for it. I used to write, though I'm not actually sure why I gave it up...

No, seriously, I have no idea. I used to write a bunch of one-shot stories [generally smutty ones] 'cos I have a tricky time piecing together a long, complex story, then one day, just... stopped. Maybe it's 'cos I started RPing a lot more. >_> And/or letting my ideas float away. It's actually part of why I gave up RPing. It all felt... kinda forced? Like I was pushed into doing roles I wasn't really comfortable with because it was better than nothing? Something like that.
 
Art is definitely a field that requires a lot of time and luck. It takes some insane dedication to make a career out of it.

As for the RPs? I'd say just join RPs that inspire you to make characters you want to be. If you're not having fun in the RP the it's defeating the purpose.
 
So much freakin' luck. Or sucking up. I'm honestly ready to lean toward the latter in the form of fanart and the like but anyway

I would kill for a F/F or similar RP, but the internet as a whole seems really determined to shove me into RPs with guys. Lots and lots of guys. The only reason I haven't posted that I'm seeking F/F in the request/signup section is because I feel like it'll come across as me being uber kinky or guys will still come and offer. I dunno, worth a try, you think? Nothing to lose after all.
 
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