Forgiven not forgotten

Marcus looked at the young man. "Time." He said simply. "With time you can get used to everything. If there's something you can't get used to then you just have to live with it anyway." He continued.

Since he couldn't remember how he himself had gotten used to it, that was the only answer he could give the newborn vampire. He couldn't understand the frustration of killing a human, nor understand why it would be so hard to drink from a blood bag. He couldn't understand what was so frustrating with the change Kace went through, and one day Kace would probably be too old to remember the frustration himself.
 
Kace looked at him for a long moment, frowning slightly, the plastic bag crushed in his hand. He didn't think that he would ever get used to it, no matter how much time he had to do so.

Within seconds, all the questions he had last night hit him, and he took in a quick breath before asking, "Why did you...turn me...? Why me? Aren't there thousands of other people in the city?" He took in a shaky breath, wishing he had something more than just, 'You are a vampire,' to hold on to.
 
Marcus looked at Kace for a moment, thousand of answers that he could have told Kace ran through his mind in only a second. But some of them was only half true, some of them false. He could lie to get acceptance easier, but even though a lie was easier it could come back to haunt him later if he forgot it. In his head it took ages to decide what to do, but in reality it had only gone a couple of seconds before he spoke.

"Truthfully, I don't know." He told Kace. "I had seen you many times since I came to this city, even though I normally doesn't look at humans something about you grabbed my attention. I would probably not have done anything about it and just moved on if I hadn't seen you in the alley yesterday night. I asked you if you wanted me to get rid of the pain. If you had answered no or told me to go away then I would probably have left you there. Instead you said, unless it will make me die here and now, then I don't want any of it."

He waited for a reaction from the newborn male, even for Marcus it sounded like he had done it on a whim since he couldn't even explain what had made him get interested in the boy. He had heard other vampires talk about how they had felt a connection to some humans and most of the time they had turned that human. Was it such a connection he had felt towards Kace? Since he hadn't felt something like it before he couldn't say if it were. It was more of a fascination than a connection for him though.
 
Kace frowned. He was turned because a vampire had gotten a whim to turn him? "...But," he eventually said, running a hand through his hair, "I didn't want to be turned, I wanted to die." He sighs heavily. "I still do," he adds, wishing he could see Jess once more. I guess I'll never be a photographer anymore, he thought to himself cynically, believing that the sort of life a vampire lived was nowhere near the way he'd be able to take proper pictures.

After a long moment, he stated, "I've got to go home. I have something I want to pick up...c-can I?" he asked, forcing a smile. He just wanted to get his camera, and maybe a couple pictures. At least with those he would be able to have some semblance of normality in the crazy world he now lived in. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore, and now he would love to see some of his favorite pictures again, like the one he had taken several years ago with a camera from the thirties. It was one of the few photographs he had taken that he would call 'perfect'. Pushing up his glasses, he looks to Marcus, waiting for an answer, afraid he would be declined this.
 
Marcus looked at the ignorant newborn in front of him. "You are dead." He pointed out. "Maybe your mind isn't, but in medical terms your body is dead. You don't have a heart beat nor do you need oxygen. You didn't want to live the life you were living, and would rather die than to keep being alive. I gave you a new life at the same time as I killed you. If you give it some time you will probably notice that the feelings of sorrow that you have will disappear. If they don't then you can always kill yourself." Marcus took a small pause. "If you really wanted to die, then you would already have killed yourself."

He waited for a while before answering the question that the boy had asked before Marcus had started to speak. "If you just need to pick up something then I don't have any objections. But if you keep things from your previous life, then you may not be able to let go of it." The last sentence was a warning. If the boy already felt tortured by the past, then he had to know that it could be worse having things to remind him about it.
 
"I don't want to let go of it," Kace answered, frowning. "That's why I want to go get it." It seemed silly that Marcus wouldn't understand why he wanted to keep something of his. He must have been human once, too, right? Didn't he have these sorts of feelings once? Swallowing hard, he sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing them with the back of his hand, muttering a curse. The man's logic from before was infuriatingly sound and it was putting him in a bad mood.

Anyone could see that, yes, he was dead, but he didn't feel dead. That was what he had wanted, to feel dead. He couldn't stand not being with Jess, and it felt like there was a hole in his chest where Jess' happiness and love had been.
 
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