Forging New Paths

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When Garrett held up choices, Luca started to frown a little to himself. A pattern was beginning to form already, and he had a feeling they were going to keep asking him questions he needed to answer, which was hard. But he needed to do it, didn't he? He had to. Life wasn't like before anymore. Garrett and Evelyn were always asking him what he liked and what he wanted, and he had to learn how to figure it out even when he felt overwhelmed because if he didn't then he would go back to how he was before, quiet in his room, doing nothing and seeing no one. Even if the world was scary, he didn't want to go back to feeling like that.

Still, with everything going on around them, between the people, the music, and all the things to see, words became too difficult, and he hoped no one would be mad at him for just pointing to one of the bags. His eyes followed it into the cart, and only drifted away when Evelyn squeezed his other hand, finding a gentle smile on her face.

"You're doing well," she said softly, instead of telling him he didn't have to, and it was both reassuring and disappointing at once. "Garrett can help us pick out a few more, okay? Let's keep going."

As much as she wanted to coddle him, she knew sometimes he would need to be pushed if he was ever going to be more outspoken, or more independent. He was safe with all of them around, so it would be all right.
 
A pointing finger. He'd take a pointing finger. At least it meant Luca was able to make a decision still, and like Evelyn, Garrett knew it was important to give Luca gentle nudges in the right direction. But if Luca stopped pointing, or couldn't make a decision, he wouldn't force him.

Garrett picked up the box of crackers for Anthony and set it in the cart, who grinned. "It has circus animals on it! Can I keep the box?"

"Of course," Garrett said with a laugh.

He headed for some cans of cranberries next, holding them both out towards Luca. "All right, Luca. Which cranberries do you want to try?" He wasn't even sure if Luca liked cranberries, but he hoped offering the chance to just try them instead of eat them wouldn't make Luca feel like he had to eat them.
 
Evelyn smiled at Anthony's enthusiasm but held back an amused laugh, not wanting him to think she was making fun of him. His love of all things circus was equal parts surprising and endearing. She hadn't imagined it was something someone could latch on to so hard.

Luca made a faint, unhappy sort of sound under his breath when presented with a new choice, not wanting to make the decision because both of the choices were bad. He was not a fan of raisins or cranberries and didn't really like eating them - they were too small and sweet in a way he didn't like, and made his hands feel sticky - but eventually he stopped fiddling with the strings of his hoodie to point at one at random.

Evelyn gave a soft, fond little sigh and shook her head. "It's all right to say you don't want it, Luca," she reassured, and gestured with her free hand for Garrett to put them back when Luca only looked guilty in response. "Let's pass on berries for now. Maybe some fruits?" She pushed the cart forward just a bit, so she could point to some of the bags of dried fruit she knew he liked. "Mangos?" She asked, waiting for Luca to nod before putting the bag in the cart. "What do you think, Garrett? What else?"

She would keep an eye on Luca for the things she knew he wouldn't like, but otherwise would let Garrett keep quizzing him until they had a couple more things in the basket. Once they had the snacks everyone wanted, they could go get their breakfast-for-dinner supplies.
 
"No worries. I don't like cranberries, either," Anthony told Luca, wrinkling his nose. ". . . But I do like cranberry juice, for some reason? Maybe it's a texture thing. I don't know."

Garrett smiled. "Oh! Juice! There's an idea. I saw a section of individual juices over by the orange juice. We could all go and pick our own drink for dinner once we head over that way. For now, let's see . . . do you like peanuts, Luca?" he asked, pointing to a bag of peanuts.

Anthony grinned. If Luca didn't want peanuts, he sure did. It was so satisfying cracking the shells open to get to the nut underneath.

The group made a few more minor choices before making their way toward the juice wall. "All right. Looks like they have ten flavors of juice," Garrett announced. "Do you want help narrowing it down, Luca?"
 
Luca's shoulders relaxed just a bit when Anthony agreed with his dislike of cranberries, reassured a little further that it was okay not to want them. Evelyn helped him some as they went, getting him a small container of peanuts without shells so the others could have the ones they wanted, too. They made a mess when they were cracked open, and he didn't like having to break them just to eat peanuts.

Once they had their snacks, he was able to just breathe for a little while, holding tight to Evelyn's hand with one of his while the other was wrapped loosely in the strings of his hood, unable to tug at his sleeves like he usually might when one hand was occupied. The sounds of more people as they moved to different aisles threatened to push him over the edge into disassociating, his mind unconsciously starting to drift as far away as it could like it did when he got sent out in his helmet to hurt people, and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate. The fact that nothing was muffled was both reassuring and not, and he was gradually getting even quieter, if possible, shoulders hunched a bit like he was trying to make himself smaller and less noticeable.

Evelyn took pity on him, finally, rubbing her free hand gently up and down his arm to draw his attention and soothe him carefully. "You've done well," she praised him gently. "Is it okay if I choose the rest for you?" It took a few long seconds before she finally got a nod in response, and she squeezed his hand before turning to pick out a bottle of juice for him. "I think that's enough for now, Garrett. Let's go get the things for dinner and go back to the office." It had been a good test, but it was probably best to let Luca rest as soon as they could.
 
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As Luca grew quieter and quieter, Anthony subconsciously drew closer to him. The boy's stance was somewhat familiar. Not fear, exactly, but intense stress. Anthony wasn't sure how to help besides being there beside him in case he needed it. He didn't grab Luca's other hand, lest he feel trapped with both hands being held. But instead he let his shoulder brush against Luca's, just so he knew he was there.

"Yeah. You know, Evelyn, if it would be better - you and Anthony can take Luca to the car, and I can finish up shopping. I won't take long," Garrett promised.

He was pleasantly surprised Luca had gone this long in such a sensory loaded environment. But he was already making plans to return in the future, for shorter times. Hopefully having multiple good experiences at the store would help Luca get more used to the sensations around him.
 
Evelyn's mouth turned down at a corner, not liking the idea of letting Garrett pay for everything, but she had to agree that Luca's body language was getting worse, and the last thing she wanted was to push him so hard he had a breakdown in the store and never wanted to come back.

"All right," she said softly, taking the keys when he handed them to her, "take your time, okay? Let's go get some air, huh, Luca?"

He was far from being able to respond, but she didn't need a response, just reassuring him they were leaving. His eyes stayed on the ground, following Evelyn's footsteps and her grip on his hand, pulling further and further inward as they went. He made it all the way to the car but not inside, letting go of Evelyn's hand and sitting down on the ground next to the back tire to cover his ears and squeeze his eyes shut.

Evelyn crouched down next to him with a concerned little frown but didn't panic, just putting a hand on his shoulder and running it slowly and lightly over his back as he rocked back and forth. "It's all right," she murmured, though she wasn't sure how well he would hear her. "You did good. I'm right here. It's okay."

Luca was silent, staying closed off, and as she let him try to sort himself out she turned her attention to Anthony instead where he waited nearby. "It's okay, Anthony," she said gently, offering him a small smile in an attempt to be reassuring. "He'll be all right. I'm sure he'll appreciate you keeping him company when he feels better, but you can sit in the car with Watson if you're more comfortable." She didn't want him to panic, or to be too upset by Luca's struggle. It was all right to leave her to take care of him.
 
Garrett clicked his tongue and nodded, giving her a soft smile. "Don't worry. You can pay next time," he told her. And he turned and headed off into the store, pushing the cart and fighting the desire to just leave the groceries and go out to comfort Luca. But he knew the boy was in good hands with Evelyn and Anthony.

Anthony, meanwhile, stuck to Luca's side like glue when they left the store. He matched his speed, keeping himself on high alert to make sure no one else got too close.

And when Luca sank down by the tire, Anthony went down with him. He sat on Luca's other side and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "I'm here," he said gently. He'd been fighting the world on his own for so long. Before Garrett and the others, he'd either been left alone for long periods of time or had gotten far too much or the wrong kind of attention. He wasn't about to abandon his new friend the way he'd been so many times before.

He glanced up and met Evelyn's eyes, giving her a lopsided smile. "That's all right. I don't mind staying here for a bit." He went quiet, then, keeping his arm around Luca for some stable but gentle pressure. He was pretty sure Luca wouldn't be able to hear him at the moment even if he did speak.
 
Evelyn's smile went a little sad as he did his best to look unbothered, her mind filled with notions of Alone, and Afraid. She did her best not to let it get any further than that, and just stayed quiet as they waited, her hand resting loosely on Luca's back to let him know they were with him without overwhelming him with too much.

Luca could barely hear their voices through the rhythmic roar of his own pulse, tried to go away where it was safe and the bad feelings couldn't reach him. It was strange, trying to turn it off on his own knowing that Anthony and Evelyn were at his sides. He usually tried to go away because he didn't want to be where he was, until he could calm himself down because no one else was going to help him. But it was okay, he thought, to have them with him. They were warm, and soft, and they would hold him gently in ways that felt overwhelming sometimes but that he wanted anyway. Was it okay, staying here? He was safe with them, wasn't he? No one was going to make him hurt anyone. No one was going to take his mind away from him.

Gradually, the fitful rocking slowed into something more subdued, Luca's pinched, tense expression relaxing until he was calm again, breathing slowly and steadily even though he didn't feel very good still. It was better. An improvement. The parking lot was still loud, but he moved his hands slowly away from his ears down to the back of his neck instead, as if testing the waters. The parking lot wasn't quiet, but there wasn't music playing and the people were farther apart, and the carts that rattled weren't very close. Eventually, he opened his eyes again and just sat quietly, until he put his hands in his lap and just rubbed his fingers over the hems of his sleeves.

"There you are," Evelyn said softly, pushing a few locks of hair gently back away from his eyes and running her fingers back through it to soothe him. "It's all right, Luca. You're safe. We're right here. We'll go rest soon."

He was silent, and his eyes were only half open where he stared down at his own hands, but after a long pause he did finally manage a nod. Evelyn's ankles were beginning to hurt, but she resolved to stay crouched down with him until he decided he was ready to get into the car. For the ride to the office, she thought it might be best to let him hold Watson instead of keeping the cat in his carrier.
 
Anthony kept his arm wrapped around Luca, even after he started to relax and calm down a bit. He smiled gently when Luca looked more alert and slightly more sure of himself. "We've got you," he murmured. "You did a great job in there. Lots of sounds, but you made it."

He sat cross legged on the ground to get more comfortable and leaned against Luca. Eventually, his gaze traveled back up towards Evelyn. "You know, I don't know if it would help," he started, "But you're both more than welcome to stay overnight at the office. The circus decorations are all gone, so it's clean and organized again. I did leave the stars up, though." He smiled more brightly. "And don't worry. No one else is allowed in the office after hours. It'll be locked and secure, and Garrett has security cameras."
 
Anthony made a simple grocery store sound like a mountain to climb over, and given that was exactly how it felt it made Luca feel a little better about how quickly he had started to feel bad. His heart was slowing, the panic at memories he didn't want having faded away, and even though there was some lingering bad he was starting to feel better. He didn't look up from his lap or verbally respond, but did at least lean his weight ever so slightly into Anthony's side. The younger boy wasn't Evelyn, or Garrett, but somehow he still felt Safe.

Evelyn was focused on Luca, watching his expression, his hands, how deeply and how slowly he breathed to be sure he was working his way back to normal. He would be all right, she was sure. Just like the other times he'd devolved into panic before, he had worked himself out of it.

"Mm, why don't we think about that when it gets closer to nighttime?" She suggested thoughtfully, not wanting to say no outright. She wanted to see how Luca felt about leaving, if he wanted to go home or if he still wanted to stay with Garrett and Anthony. She could endure an uncomfortable night if he wanted to stay in their company. She didn't think he was going to say no to their night patrol, even after a panic attack, so she was sure he would be very tired by the time they were done. "We can play it by ear." She always kept a spare change of clothes in her car, anyway, and they could buy anything else they needed if Luca didn't want to go home for sleeping clothes or a toothbrush.
 
"Sure," Anthony said, smiling and nodding. "Either way works for me!" The main thing was that they knew they'd be safe in the office if they ever needed a different place to sleep. He relaxed further when he felt Luca put his weight slightly against him. That seemed to be a good sign the boy didn't mind Anthony's arm around his shoulder.

He fell quiet for a brief moment. What else might help Luca relax? Soft music probably wouldn't help; there were already too many sounds. But maybe a story would work.

"Hey, Luca. Do you want me to tell you a story?" Anthony asked softly. He watched patiently for any form of response - a nod, maybe Luca leaning more against him.
 
Luca was quiet for a long moment, but finally he started to move again, shifting his legs around until he could wrap his arms around his knees and rest his chin atop them without pulling too far out of Anthony's grasp, not wanting the friendly body heat to go away. When he was situated, eyes resting on the ground still, he nodded. It didn't matter what the story was, he just liked to hear familiar voices talking.

Evelyn gave Anthony a small, grateful smile and just ran her hand gently up and down his back to soothe him, letting Anthony have the reigns, so to speak, as he was doing well so far. It would be all right to sit and listen until Garrett came out with the shopping bags and they could all get in the car together. She was sure it couldn't be comfortable to sit on the asphalt for so long.
 
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Anthony beamed. "All right! I'll tell you one of my favorites - The Tiny Elephant." He gestured dramatically with his other hand as he began the story. "Once upon a time, a mother elephant gave birth to a tiny elephant, the littlest elephant that there ever was or will ever be." He told a story about the little elephant that helped discover a new source of food for his herd during a time of famine because of his small size. "His herd had always loved him, even before he found the cave of walnuts. But they threw an extra special celebration afterward because he had saved them all. The end."

His gaze drifted towards the grocery store doors, and he smiled and waved. "Oh, here comes Garrett! Hi, Garrett!"

"Hi!" Garrett called back in a softer tone. "How's everyone doing out here?"
 
Luca came out of his shell slowly, listening in absolute stillness at first, then turning his head towards Anthony, then his eyes, then finally sitting back a bit out of the hunched posture he had taken on. Eventually, towards the end, he was even smiling just a little bit to himself at the idea of a tiny elephant. Like the stuffed circus elephant Anthony had let him take home.

"Recovering." Evelyn said as Garrett approached, smiling just a little to reassure him. "Anthony was telling us a very cute story while we waited. Be careful or he might replace you as our resident storyteller." Luca's attention had drifted up towards Garrett as he approached, and Evelyn took the chance to get to her feet and hold both hands out to him. "Do you want to get up? You can check on Watson for us while we put groceries away."

He was quiet, rolling the idea over in his mind much slower than normal, then finally gave a little nod and reached to take both of her hands with his. "Okay. . ."

One word was a good enough sign of progress, she thought, and when Luca was on his feet she touched his cheek gently with one hand and squeezed his hand with the other. "Do you want to give Garrett a hug, or do you want to wait until we get to the office?"

Outside, in the still populated parking lot, was too much, pulling a slight grimace from him and a shake of his head. "Wait. . ." He wanted it, wanted Garrett to hold him, but he didn't want to feel unsafe in public with his Shadow gone.
 
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"Do you want to hold Watson on the way to the office?" Garrett offered. He wasn't sure Luca would still be up to a night walk after dinner. Maybe he could introduce the concept of rescheduling then. Still, Luca might surprise him.

He and Anthony began loading the groceries in the trunk, and Garrett glanced into the carrier. "Looks like he's just starting to wake up. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to cuddle with you on the way back," he added.

Watson nosed against the door of his carrier, meowing softly.

Once the last of the groceries were put away, Anthony got himself settled back into his seat, buckling up and smiling. "I can't wait for dinner. I love breakfast!" he burst out excitedly.
 
Evelyn got Luca seated as the groceries were put away, checking on him quietly while there was no one else in the car and just giving his knee a gentle pat when she decided he was okay enough to sit by himself. He had mostly calmed now, and was just feeling distant as he often did. For now, all she did was make sure he was buckled up and quietly closed the door.

Garrett had offered, so Luca opened up Watson's carrier and sunk his fingers into the cat's fur as he settled in his lap. By the time everyone had buckled in he was mostly calm again, petting gently at Watson and waiting for the car to start moving. Anthony's enthusiasm drew his attention briefly, and he looked back at Watson again as he considered the idea of breakfast.

"Do you want an omelet, Luca?" Evelyn asked, glancing back at him over her shoulder. "We haven't done that in a while."

He nodded a little more readily than he had before, and after a moment did his best to focus on her. ". . . I can mix the eggs?"

She smiled for him, glad to get more than a one word answer. "Of course."
 
Anthony licked his lips. "Oooh, omelettes! Those sound so good!"

Garrett smiled. "I suppose we'll have omelettes be the main course, then. Do you know what you want in your omelettes, Anthony?" he asked.

"Yeah! Bacon, and eggs, and green onions, and peppers, please!" Anthony said, leaning forward excitedly.

Watson quickly settled down on Luca's lap. He kneaded the boy's legs gently to help him relax, as well as gently licked his hand and purred. Luca still seemed a bit stressed, and Watson wanted to do everything he could to help him relax.

The group eventually arrived at the office. Garrett parked the car and grabbed a few armfuls of groceries, handing the office keys to Evelyn. "Evelyn? Could you get the door unlocked so me and Anthony can carry the groceries in?" he asked hopefully.

Anthony scooped up a few armfuls of groceries and nodded. "Yeah! We got these!"

"And Luca, could you bring Watson and his carrier in?" Garrett asked gently.
 
Luca sighed softly at the way Watson purred and pushed his paws against his leg, the hand Watson wasn't licking running slowly over his back, over and over. Somehow, it was easier to focus away from bad things with Watson's weight pushing down on his legs.

Evelyn raised an eyebrow at Garrett as she took the keys and opened the back door to help Luca out. "How much did you buy while I was outside?" She asked with a teasing little smile, and reached her hand out to Luca in the car. "Here, I'll take the carrier, and you carry Watson, okay?" He didn't want to let the cat go, that much was clear.

Luca nodded and handed the carrier out, glad to be able to hold Watson in both arms as he got out of the car. Holding the cat to his chest, careful not to squish Watson, he got out and followed Evelyn to unlock the door, then followed her inside to look around. It looked very different without all the circus things, but quiet and muted was good, for now.

"Good job, pack mules." Evelyn said with a nod as they came in, coming back to close the door in case they didn't have enough hands. "You've earned your keep for now." She was worried about Luca still, but for his sake she was sure keeping the atmosphere as light and friendly as it could be would help.
 
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Garrett snorted and smiled sheepishly. ". . . I may have gotten some extra groceries for Anthony. I know some of the things he likes."

"Awww! Thanks, Garrett!" Anthony burst out, setting his pile of groceries on the counter.

Watson was more than happy to stay curled up in Luca's arms as he was carried into the home, purring loudly. His ears perked up when he heard the grocery bags crinkling. Usually crinkly bags meant food. He meowed loudly and tilted his head.

Garrett laughed at Evelyn's quip, shaking his head. "Earned my keep? I am the keep of this place."

"That doesn't even make sense," Anthony said, giggling.

"All right, so I'm a little distracted by dinner," Garrett admitted.

Once the groceries were put away, Garrett and Anthony spread out the ingredients for breakfast. "All right, Luca! Want to wash your hands and come make dinner with us?" Garrett offered.
 
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