A
AudVis
Guest
I honestly had no idea to put. So I chose that and gave a reason to try to convince you it was silly/strange.Pffff. I meant Audvis. xD My b, Kiro.
I honestly had no idea to put. So I chose that and gave a reason to try to convince you it was silly/strange.Pffff. I meant Audvis. xD My b, Kiro.
can i join? is joining still a thing that is possible? i really wanna join >n<
thank you for the reply!Character submissions are open unless stated otherwise, so feel free to submit a character.
@Beta give him props for knowing youll chew him out? XDName: Celis (sell-is)
I.D. Number: 75646523
Rank: D1
Year: 1
Nationality: Swedish
Age: 16
Sex/Gender: female
Appearance: standing at 5'2"

Fighting Style: combination of Taekwondo (L3 red) and International Style Kickboxing (brown)
Powers: her legs house immense power in contrast to her small frame. She has the ability to teleport but within a 10 meter radius, and she must have a clear image or visual of the location.
Personality: "Cold as ice" is what she portrays, with her unreadable eyes and vacant expression. anyone who tries to approach her will be met with silence and possibly a cold glare if she's particularly peeved, she won't take the time to speak to them because she can't be bothered to care enough, coincidently she as no friends, not like she cares about that though. She is uncomfortable in the school environment, the only peace she can find is while fighting, so she likes to go training whenever she can, she can frequently be found in one of the schools dojos. She is unexpectedly hot tempered, and is quite gullible if not a little naive and quite often lets her emotions get the best of her, which is typically the reason for her downfall in fights, her master often scolded her for being brash and allowing herself to succumb to her anger, telling her it was why she still was only at the level she was.
Background:
sorry im not completely done, will finish soon though so don't chew me out about the CS just yet please >n<
You REALLY need to stop acting like I tear peoples characters apart just to do it. This might surprise you, but I don't. So stop.@Beta give him props for knowing youll chew him out? XD
Sorry it looks a lot bigger on my phone >< thought it was 2 paragraphs or something closer, actually thought it was more will be fixed todsyYou REALLY need acting like I tear peoples characters apart just to do it. This might surprise you, but I don't. So stop.
I'm actually chewing YOU out. That post was absolutely unacceptable. Improve it. With how I got on @AmazingDan, @Cfavano, and @Cheselth to extend their posts to an acceptable length, one would think you'd get the message that a paragraph and a half was NOT acceptable (considering its in the RULES)... yet there you go and post a paragraph and a half.
On that note... people need to post.
okay, hit me with your review of it
Name:
Celis (sell-is) Bjorkman
I.D. Number:
75646523
Rank:
D1
Year:
1
Nationality:
Swiss
Age:
16
Sex/Gender:
female
Appearance:
standing at 5'2"

Fighting Style:
combination of Taekwondo (1st don black) and International Style Kickboxing (blue)
Powers:
her legs house immense power in contrast to her small frame. She has the ability to teleport but within a 10 meter radius, and she must have a clear image or visual of the location.
Personality:
"Cold as ice" is what she portrays, with her unreadable eyes and vacant expression. anyone who tries to approach her will be met with silence and possibly a cold glare if she's particularly peeved, she won't take the time to speak to them because she can't be bothered to care enough, coincidently she as no friends, not like she cares about that though.
She is uncomfortable in the school environment, the only peace she can find is while fighting, so she likes to go training whenever she can, she can frequently be found in one of the schools dojos. Internally she is unexpectedly hot tempered, and is quite gullible if not a little naive and quite often lets her emotions get the best of her, which is typically the reason for her downfall in fights, her father often scolded her for being brash and allowing herself to succumb to her anger, telling her it was why she still was only at the level she was.
Background:
Born and raised in Switzerland within a rich, well-off family. her father, a well known Taekwondo master and champion, got her involved in the world of martial arts at a young age, and began to teach her daily lessons on Taekwondo himself. though wealthy, her father believed his personal parenting and teachings to be superior over those of nannies and scholars, so she spent much of her days receiving personal lessons from her father. however, she did receive lessons to learn english, and became bilingual after years of studying.
her mother died when she was 5, so she has very few memories to recall of her. her mother was strictly against her taking up fathers wish for her to fight, even more so against Fight School. Celis herself didn't have much of an opinion on it at the time, but when the time came she was more than ready.
It had already been decided in her younger years that she would attend Fight School after showing much promise in her skills, her father had once been a student, and was the main force in the decision. his word held much sway in her life, not often did she question it, same with this choice he'd made for her. SHe was sent to America to pursue kickboxing after showing a desire to learn, and remained there until half a year ago when she returned to Switzerland to meet with her father, just before enrolling in Fight School.
Thanks, i had a feeling you'd mention some of those. ill make revisions. this is just a side note and not in any way an excuse ,but i was tempted to write only what i did because my keyboard isn't fully functioning,which means i ave to copy paste a lot of letters, and i forget easily. ill try to capitalize more.Aight, let's get to reviewing this puppy.
First and foremost. PLEASE capitalize your words that need them, particularly after ending a sentence. If you don't, it's distracting and makes it hard to read your writing.
Okay. Second, your character's age is a little old to be a first-year. Please decrease it to 15 or 14. No real big deal, a lot of people have made that mistake.
Now into the power. Teleportation is a no-no. That is an overpowered ability, one that would even give Shotaro fits. Not something a D1, or even possibly an A1, would be getting their hands on. You'll have to choose a different one.
The personality irks me. While cold, unfeeling people exist, these people are NOT going to have a good time at Fight School, because much of the RP is interaction with other characters. Giving her this personality will just make it rougher on you and on the other players. Look at it this way: Would you rather interact with Terminator or the Doctor?
Into the backstory.
Having her dad be a Taekwondo expert is fine, but just being am expert, even a champion, isn't going to make them a wealthy, bourgeois family. Where's the income coming from? ESPECIALLY when her mother dies. He's not getting all his money from just kicking ass and teaching how to kick ass, I assume.
The childhood is very bare-bones. I'm seeing next to no character development during her entire backstory. Why is she so cold and uncaring? Why doesn't she question her father? How come she has no free will whatsoever? How come she didn't take any of her mother's beliefs along with her father's in her bringing up? None of these questions are answered; all I get from this is that she's her father's puppet, and one-dimensional characters, as this one is right now, aren't very fun to play or play with.
Unfortunately, her father can't be a former student of New Peaks; the school has only been open for the last 15 or so years, so there's not much of a way for her to pull that off, unless he knocked up her mum in high school, and that's no bueno.
Did you just tack the kickboxing part on at the end? Because it seems like it's tacked on and completely defunct from the rest of the backstory. She's a daddy's girl, training in TKD for years, and then suddenly she goes POOF off to 'Murica. Why? Cuz 'Murica? Or only because you wanted her to be a kickboxer? If that's the only reason, you ought to either find another to go with it and show that to me in the backstory, or just stick with TKD.
The school is called New Peaks Academy, not Fight School. Please take note of that.
Beta might have another set of points. Maybe not. But acceptance will be put on hold for now. Make some changes, and we'll take another look at it when you're done.
GS... Its almost like I talked with you about this one... and you completely fucking ignored me.Unfortunately, her father can't be a former student of New Peaks; the school has only been open for the last 15 or so years, so there's not much of a way for her to pull that off, unless he knocked up her mum in high school, and that's no bueno.
Thank you! i myself really liked the idea, so thank youBlurgh.
Right, Beta DID talk to me....
He said he'd be willing to alter the date of creation of New Peaks a few years to allow her father to be a former student, since he and I both DO like the idea of a second-generation student. This, of course, assumes her father is roughly 30 to 33, if you're ok with that and the family getting married/having her right after he graduated.
There was some technical difficulty when I got the post up, so my edit didn't go through, and for that, I apologize vehemently. If you are willing to have the CS play out that way, then we're cool with that part of the backstory being that way.
Never! We must have all the factions! jk@ImportantNobody
Nah. Most of the OOC so far is people messing around and me telling them to post in the IC before I rip their heads off.
As for the Parahumans (as I now call them), they would probably start off hanging with the Mendicants, as they are similarly discriminated against at times. But I think too many factions at once could become a needless overcomplication, you know?