Deja' vu

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"Y-you have a daughter. S-so that means you have a wife?"

"No," Rufus replied simply, "she passed away a few years ago. I haven't had a partner since..." Rufus' relationship with his late wife had been complicated. He didn't marry her due to love, but because of pressure his family had put on him. To begin with it had been his own fault, though. Rufus tended to hang out with the wrong sort of people in his youth. It wasn't unusual that he came home six in the morning, completely drunk and gone. During that period he also slept around... a lot. At some point he managed to knock up a girl- someone he'd taken advantage of due to her already existing feelings for him. He didn't have any feelings for her, but being the sort of lofty jerk he was back then, Rufus had slept with her anyway.

The consequences of this was that, as his parents became aware of her pregnancy, they more or less forced him into taking responsibility by marrying her. The reason wasn't that they cared for the girl- but being a wealthy and respectable family, they had a reputation to worry about. By the same time Jack confessed his love to Rufus- and while Rufus may actually have felt something for Jack, he was forced to turn him down due to his convictions. He never told Jack this, however, being too proud and embarrassed at the time. So, instead he blamed it on simply having too little experience with boys... which was an outright lie. Rufus had always lived by the philosophy that sex was sex, and it didn't matter where he got it.

While he didn't care for her at first, Rufus eventually came to love his wife- just like he loved his daughter. So even if some part of him regretted his careless misstakes... he did not regret his daughter nor the fact that he ended up marrying Akari. She changed him, a lot. It was thanks to her that he became the respectable man he is today.

"I don't remember anything, i made myself forget you. I couldn't even remember your name. I left craving a new start."

"So you did... and yet you're still crying when reminded of your past. It can only mean that you haven't really forgotten, no?" he was smiling, shaking his head a little as he chuckled softly, sadly. Glancing at his bracelet watch, Rufus took note of how it was beginning to get late.

"Hmm... I should probably get back soon. I..." he paused, hesitating briefly, then shook his head. He was going to suggest taking Jack out for dinner at some point, but then reminded himself of that he had no right doing so. Besides, who knew? Perhaps Jack, living as Brandon already had found himself a new partner. Perhaps he was doing better that Rufus suspected. He couldn't know any of this, and he certainly didn't have any right to hope.
 
Brandon stared at the man as he pondered something.
"I'm sorry about you're wife. I'm guessing you have to go see your daughter? " Brandon was suddenly angry realizing that Rufus had mentioned that he had a crush on him.
Is he playing with me? Brandon thought, questioning this man's seemingly kind nature.
Brandon frowned at the man before him.
"You didn't know how a guy relationship would work, yet you say you had a crush on me back then? I grew up jaded because of you! I avoided people and left everything so you wouldn't start avoiding me because of my confession! I left because I wanted to forget the shocked look on your face when I told you!" Brandon threw his hands un the air and stormed off, feeling Depressed, angry, but most of all, empty.
 
"You didn't know how a guy relationship would work, yet you say you had a crush on me back then? I grew up jaded because of you! I avoided people and left everything so you wouldn't start avoiding me because of my confession! I left because I wanted to forget the shocked look on your face when I told you!"

Rufus' lips parted in an attempt to say something, but Brandon was already storming off. Whatever words he might have uttered were left unspoken as his fists clenched and unclenched in frustration. Now he was getting angry too. Really angry. He realized that he'd been in the wrong, but he couldn't possibly understand how his actions could have had such an effect on Jack. Normally people were hurt by being turned down, but 9 out of 10 cases continued moving on nevertheless. They would stand on their own two legs, and keep moving, no matter how hard their first heartbreak was. Eventually they'd find someone to replace that first crush, and everything would be fine. Why did Jack, his Jack need to be that 1 out of 10? Rufus couldn't understand, and it was pissing him off.

Before he truly understood what was going on, he catching up to Brandon, reaching out his hand to grasp hold of his wrist. His gray eyes were like a raging storm, his lips pressed tightly together in a impenetrable mask. Rufus was only inches away from slapping Jack, but managed to refrain from doing so.

"... this world does not resolve around you, Jack!" he hissed, keeping a tight grip around his wrist, "if you just took one moment to listen, instead of racing off like a hormonal teenage girl; perhaps you would be able to understand that I did not do anything with the intensions of spiting you." I wanted to protect you from further heartbreak. I wanted to crush every inch of hope that we could ever be, for both of our sakes. GET IT INTO YOUR THICK SKULL. Yet no matter how much he thought these things, Brandon wouldn't be able to understand unless he got the entire explanation.
 
Brandon stormed of wanting to get away from confrontation, but he was, unfortunately, held back.
Brand sighed deeply after hearing the man speak, "I know, I just... Want to get away from this, so I can focus and try to understand. Because no matter what you say, something doesn't sit right with me in your story." Brandon pleaded with his eyes for Rufus to open up to him, to be truthful with him. "Why couldn't you be with me? Whats the real reason. I know sshould've moved on after you rejected me, but I... B-but I-I just c-couldn't."
 
"Why couldn't you be with me? Whats the real reason. I know sshould've moved on after you rejected me, but I... B-but I-I just c-couldn't."

Rufus' mouth twitched slightly and he subconsciously tightened his grip of Brandon's hand. That was, until he realized what he was doing and let go, afraid that he was hurting the other male. "I couldn't stay with you because I had to take responsibility for my misdeeds. It was easier to blame everything on inexperience, than to explain to you that I'd knocked up some chick I met the other day, and now... had to take her as my wife. There was no way I could possibly explain why I'd acted the way I'd done, because everything would just sound like some sort of bad excuse. That would have hurt you too, wouldn't it? Even if you probably already knew I was sleeping around carelessly it would have hurt you, wouldn't it?!"

The tall man had at this point completely lost control, his hands balled to fists and his voice ringing out loud and clear, causing the people nearby to stare at them. He didn't notice. Slamming one of his fists against a tree trunk, he barely noticed that he scrapped open a wound, before bringing it down upon the uneven, sharp surface again. Then he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as as he shut his eyes for a moment.

"So I thought the kindest possible way to deal with you would be by telling you I had no experience in men. Perhaps if I did that... you wouldn't take it too personally. If I did that, it wouldn't mean that I didn't like you. Just that I didn't like you in that way. Surely that answer was less harsh then the truth, wouldn't you agree?"

Rufus could feel tears burning in his eyes, but he didn't want Brandon to see. So he reached out his hands and grasped hold of Brandon, pulling him close in an embrace. "I'm sorry..." he whispered, letting the tears fall behind Brandon's back. He'd never liked it when people he held dear saw him cry. "I'm sorry..."
 
Brandon gasped as he was pulled into an embrace. Rufus was right, the truth would have hurt worse, but Brandon couldn't help but feel saddened that he wasn't honest with him.
After a bit, Brandon pulled back to look at Rufus and a teardrop landed on Brandon's shoulder, he looked up and noticed that Rufus had tears in his eyes. Rufus didn't seem like the type of person to cry over something like this. Brandon stood on his toes and kissed his cheek, kissing every tear that came down. after all these years, Brandon had finally decided that he was not going to leave Rufus again. he wrapped his arms around Rufus and buried his face into Rufus' s chest.
"I'm sorry for acting childish." Brandon mumbled into Rufus's shirt.
"I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly, I'm sorry for your wife, I'm sorry for hurting you if I hurt you in any way." Tears leaked out of Brandon's eyes and he cried with the older male. clouds had gathered overhead by this time and rain began to drop around them.
And the sky cried with them.
 
"I'm sorry for acting childish. I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly, I'm sorry for your wife, I'm sorry for hurting you if I hurt you in any way."

Rufus shook his head, though he dared not trust himself enough to speak. He blinked as he was kissed, not quite having expected that, but enjoying it nevertheless. A tumult of emotions swirled around inside him- anger, regret, sorrow, pain... Brandon wasn't really the one who had cased it, and Rufus hoped the younger male would understand it. In all honesty, the only one Rufus had to blame was himself. Therefor he forced himself to stop shedding tears and took a deep breath.

Brandon wrapped his arms around him and buried his face in the elder males chest, bringing a small smile upon his lips. As a response, Rufus gently caressed Brandon's hair, holding him as he cried. Even if Rufus still was crying, it would have been impossible to tell. Rain was falling down around them- first gently, but then increasing rapidly. Frowning, Rufus removed his coat and held it over Brandon, speaking in a gentle voice.

"We should probably go inside before we catch a cold..." he murmured, his suit getting drenched rather quickly.
 
Brandon nodded in his chest, feeling Rufus's coat cover him.
"Where do we go?" Brandon sighed softly, he didn't want to think, he wanted to stay absent minded in Rufus's arms.
He gently pulled away and pushed Rufus's coat back to him. "You take the coat, you have a daughter to worry about, you have no right to get sick." Brandon sighed and cuddled back into Rufus as they walked in some direction
 
"Where do we go?"

Rufus frowned, tilting his head to the side while looking thoughtful. He considered their options briefly before smiling. "My home isn't far away from here. I suggest that's where we head," he paused to glance at his bracelet watch, "It's getting late anyway,"

"You take the coat, you have a daughter to worry about, you have no right to get sick."

Blinking, Rufus frowned and somewhat roughly forced the coat back around Brandon. "Let me be a gentleman for once," he huffed, deciding not to comment on the fact that the rain probably wouldn't make him sick. Viruses are spread, but not due to cold air or rain. He let Brandon cuddle into him, though, leading him towards the subway. Since Rufus lives so close, he rarely bothered taking the car to work. The subway worked just as well, so he didn't see a reason to take the car.

A while later the two of them were standing in front of his apartment door, both drenched to the bone. Rufus fished out the house key from his pocket and inserted it in the lock, turning it around until he heard the familiar 'click'. Then he removed the key and opened the door, venturing for Brandon to get inside.

"Melody is at a friends so sadly you won't get to see her today," Rufus said softly as he stepped inside, shutting the door behind them. "Would you like to borrow some clothes? You're soaked..."
 
Brandon blushed at the thought ofwearing Rufus' s clothes. But a shiver came across Brandon and he nodded slightly. Brandon didn't talk, he didn't need to, and he didn't want to. Talking required too much effort.
"T-thanks for allowing me here." Brandon shivered, causing his words to jump and wobble. He nodded his head and looked for the bathroom. After finding, he slipped in and peeled out of his soaked clothes only realizing after amoment that he had forgotten to wait for Rufus to give him the clothes. Brandon blushed and hid behindbthe shower curtain, waiting for Rufus to bring the clothes.
"God, I'm an idiot." He mumbled. What came over him? He wasn't one to get close to someone, let alone cuddle with them. He groaned.
 
After removing his shoes, Rufus headed straight into his bedroom and over to his closet, starting to rummage through it in search for something Brandon could wear. All of his clothes were too large, so he'd hoped to at least find something smaller but... alas, there was nothing. So eventually he settled for a simple white shirt that would be long enough to cover what was important. It'd have to do while Rufus put Brandon's clothes in the dryer.

Not even changing his own clothes first, Rufus headed to the bathroom where he figured Brandon had gone, and knocked on the door. "You in there, Brandon?" he called, "I've got a shirt you can borrow. It's just until I've managed to dry your clothes..."
 
A knock sounded on the door.
"Yeah, come in and put it next to the sink." Brandon heard the door open and something being placed down, then the door shut and he was alone again. Brandon stood and emerged from behind the curtain, it was only a shirt but judging by the size of it, Rufus's pants would be way too big.
Brandon quickly threw it on, noting that it almost covered down to his knees but not quite.
Rufus's scent enveloped him, reminding him of freshly ground coffee and spearmint. slightly embarrassed, Brandon stepped out of the bathroom and walked into the kitchen where Rufus stood.
Brandon felt awkward, the sleeves were too long, and he had nothing underneath the shirt, he felt abit exposed. He had no idea what Rufus would think.
 
Rufus was in the kitchen, preparing two cups of coffee when Brandon entered the kitchen. Pervertedly curious about how Brandon looked in his shirt, the tall man couldn't help but sneak a peek, before quickly focusing on brewing coffee again. Brandon looked... undeniably hot in the way too large shirt. Not that he would ever have been tactless enough to say this out loud but... he couldn't help but find it highly attractive anyway. Trying to steer his mind away from the almost naked young man in his kitchen, Rufus placed down both cups on the kitchen table and motioned for him to take a seat.

"Take one of them. I'll be back in a moment..." The male said before heading off towards the bathroom. He wanted to put Brandon's clothes in the dryer, and change his own, for that matter. Running around in drenched clothes wasn't the most pleasant thing Rufus knew.

Once he had finished tending to Brandon's clothes, he headed back into his bedroom and pulled off his soaked shirt. Next his pants and socks came off, after which he once again started rummaging through his cupboard. He didn't really care for what he wore, as long as it was dry.
 
Rufus brushed by while setting two cups of coffee on the table, asking Brandon to take one, wwhich he quickly did. Brandon watched as Rufus placed his clothes into the washer and started it. he then disappeared into his bedroom closing the door behind him.
Brandon sat at the table sipping the coffee. while he did feel slightly exposed, he felt comfortable in Rufus's presence. He knew Rufus wouldn't hurt him and would protect him at all costs.
Brandon couldn't help but be curious as to if he was staying the night at Rufus's house. Does his daughter have school tomorrow? It is Tuesday so Brandon would think so. Maybe her friend's parents were going to take her to school. even so would his daughter even want him there?
Questions floated about Brandon's head as he sat there, slowly drinking the coffee.
 
Rufus returned a while later, all dressed and dry. Well, for the most part, at least. His hair was still soaked, but there was little he could do about that so he simply left it. He took the seat crosswise from Brandon, wrapping his hands around his own cup of coffee. He liked doing it- feeling the warmth of it spread to him through his palms.

"So..." Rufus stated, leaning back in his seated as he watched the other male closely, "how have you been doing? Besides agonizing over unpleasantries... surely there must have been a few happy parts in your life? Or at least something's happened that you'd like to tell me about?" he as truly curious about Brandon, and of course wanted to know.
 
Brandon sat back in his seat and thought. He didn't really have many happy memories since he kept himself busy to keep his mind off things.
"Jeez, well. I've been good I guess, I kept myself busy over the years to keep my mind off things. Happy memories... Um. Its not really a happy memory, but its something i duess. So, yes, if your curious, I did try others to move past you. I dated another man once but it didn't work because I was always occupied with thoughts about you and consistently forgot things. Even his name from time to time. He tried to help the best he could when it came to me moving on. But I never could." Brandon sighed. "Sorry, you probably don't want to hear about him. We broke up in the end. When it comes down to it, if I had happy moments, I don't remember them. Its almost like theres a black void in my memory that blocks out everything. I guess, I'll just have to start my life from scratch. I'm sorry I can't give you anything."
Brandon stared apologetically at Rufus from across the table. He really didn't want to dissapoint him, but nothing could come to mind. So he tried a different approach.
"What did the finger say to the thumb?"
God, I must sound idiotic. Brandon thought to himself. He was terrible with jokes. Brandon squirmed being self conscious wasn't like him, but Rufus seemed to change a lot of rules about himself.
 
Rufus listened to Brandon's ramble silently, peacefully sipping his tea a slight smile spread across his lips. "I have to admit that it feels good being so appreciated that no matter what you do, you can't move past your feelings for me. I suppose I've always been quite the terrible individual. You even suffered so much, too..." Rufus trailed off, licking his lips as he leaned over the table, watching Brandon all the while. Reaching out a hand, he gently cupped Brandon's cheek, still smiling mischievously. "So... you still have feelings for me?" he asked in a softly murmur.

"What did the finger say to the thumb?"

The tall man blinked, tilting his head to the side as he let his hand drop back down to the table. That... wasn't something he'd expected, so for a moment he was surprised. Then he smiled, answering with a soft chuckle. "I'm in glove with you."
 
(Heh did you have to look that up or have you heard it?)
Brandon smiled nervously and nodded. "The joke says it all." He replied in answer to Rufus's last question. Rufus was still unbearably sexy and a lot more caring comparing to his old self. Brandon began absent-mindeldly tracing Rufus' s veins on the back of his hand with his finger. Brandon was weary how Rufus was going to respond to his second confession, Rufus was so much better now than he used to be and was still a bit of a bad boy, he had just developed a gentle side.
But what would his family think? What would his daughter think if things went the way Brandon wanted to. What would everyone think of Rufus being with another male? Knowing that Rufus's family was very rich, Brandon assumed that they had a reputation to worry about... and their son being with another male certainly wouldn't help. Brandon continued running his finger across Rufus' s hand as he thought about all the problems that may occur if they were to come together.
 
"The joke says it all."

Rufus, surprisingly pleased with the answer, grasped hold of Brandon's hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed it teasingly before letting it slide out of his grip again and tilting his head to the side. He honestly didn't know how he felt about Brandon. Although he'd once been in love with Jack, that was a very long time ago. He wasn't even sure if he'd managed to move on or not. Well... if he had managed to move on completely, Brandon wouldn't be sitting in his kitchen right then, wearing only a shirt. He still loves me... or does he just think he does? I'm not the same person anymore- even if Brandon seems to be bringing out the more charming side of my old self. Charming and charming. Let's stick to calling it 'bad'. It's his fault for having such an appealing body! I haven't been with a man for years, though. I might be a but rusty arou- WHY AM I EVEN THINKING THIS?! Giving himself a mental kick, Rufus got up.

"What would you like for dinner?" he asked gently, for then trying to push these thoughts away. He had never been one to carelessly throw around the word 'love' unless it was to his daughter. Therefor he let the kiss be his only reply, and left the rest for Brandon to decide.
 
Brandon blushed heavily at Rufus's kissing his hand. I think i like him more now than i used to.
Brandon's eyes lit up at the word dinner. He quickly stood, grabbed Rufus's hand and plopped him back in his chair before rushing back in the kitchen, buzzing around searching through pots, pans, food, and spices.
"Can I reverse that question? What do you want? I can eat anything, I'm not picky." Brandon loved cooking and would jump at any opportunity to cook for someone. His mother taught him the basics and he just increased his skill from there. Brandon wondered how his mother and father were. Hell, how was everyone? Brandon just broke off from everyone.
He shook his head slightly, pulling himself out of his thoughts. He waited for Rufus's response.
 
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