The wise option to many in her situation seemed to be the choice of taking her old role as Nanny. She got to live, interact with the children she had taken a liking to (besides Alfred, anyway) and she didn't have to sully her species' name. They were already lowly considered, so if the news broke out that she had planned to kill the King, her species would be seen even lower. Him promising to keep her acts a secret if she chose to become the Nanny again would surely help not just her, but her kingdom--
But she didn't want to do that. It may be selfish of her, but she didn't want to walk around the castle, pretending everything was fine. Her friends were dead, all the hope and optimism she had for her future when she had a plan to work on was now in tatters-- and surely people would think there was something odd about the King dropping his favourite lover and refusing to be in her company, whereas nobody would bat an eyelid if she died. Nobody would even acknowledge it, and at least in death she didn't have to continue to walk around, pretending things were okay.
"You shouldn't have given me that option. I'd rather die than be in this place," she shrugged, glancing to the balcony and heading across to it-- before paling at just how high up she was. She thought it'd be easy, to get up and drop, feeling nothing but the wind in her hair and a final moment of ultimate peace before she hit the ground, but it wasn't easy. It was fucking terrifying. Nevertheless, she managed to clamber up, like a child trying to get on a bed. And still she couldn't take the plunge, gripping on fearfully to the pillar. "I-I'll jump, just... just gimme a fucking second."
But she didn't want to do that. It may be selfish of her, but she didn't want to walk around the castle, pretending everything was fine. Her friends were dead, all the hope and optimism she had for her future when she had a plan to work on was now in tatters-- and surely people would think there was something odd about the King dropping his favourite lover and refusing to be in her company, whereas nobody would bat an eyelid if she died. Nobody would even acknowledge it, and at least in death she didn't have to continue to walk around, pretending things were okay.
"You shouldn't have given me that option. I'd rather die than be in this place," she shrugged, glancing to the balcony and heading across to it-- before paling at just how high up she was. She thought it'd be easy, to get up and drop, feeling nothing but the wind in her hair and a final moment of ultimate peace before she hit the ground, but it wasn't easy. It was fucking terrifying. Nevertheless, she managed to clamber up, like a child trying to get on a bed. And still she couldn't take the plunge, gripping on fearfully to the pillar. "I-I'll jump, just... just gimme a fucking second."