Bullying

[Brovo]

So maybe a bit of a hi-jack, but an important question nonetheless: how have all of you counter-acted bullying? Be that of yourself, a friend or even a stranger?

Conversely, have you ever been a bully? Why do you think that is and what did you do to change your ways?

Or has someone close to you ever bullied? How did you respond to that and why?

Throughout elementary? I survived it. I'm not very comfortable talking about it.

Throughout high school? I ended it. One day a teenager decided to shove me up against the lockers and I fumed and waited all day. When we were both outside, out of reach of the other teenagers, I threw him down onto the concrete, and made it clear in no small terms that if he tried to domineer me, I would break him.

He did not bother me again. The bullying from that point forward by others was purely verbal and I could deal with that.

 

[SacredWarrior]

One day a teenager decided to shove me up against the lockers and I fumed and waited all day. When we were both outside, out of reach of the other teenagers, I threw him down onto the concrete, and made it clear in no small terms that if he tried to domineer me, I would break him.

Nice :D

 

[Brovo]

Nice :D

I don't enjoy the memory. If y'all don't mind the personal diatribe, I try very hard to be a peaceful man, because deep within the back of my mind, rests an extremely violent imagination. When I was a teenager, I used to spend hours, daydreaming of how I would brutalize and even murder people. How I would cover up the evidence, planning how to take down as many people in as short a time frame as possible. I had an inherent desire to murder and maim anything that wanted to hurt me, and from my teenage perspective, pretty much everything did.

I've spent my whole life learning how to be in control. Disciplined. Bound by logic and reason to evaluate the consequences of actions and reality in which I live.

Because I'm fairly sure if I did not, and took to the same "feels are realz" crowd mentality that many others do, I would be a very bad person, and I would do very bad things... And I would probably be very good at it.

So you see, violence when I commit it has no emotion in it. There's no feelings of righteousness or vengeance. It is simply, clearly, cold cut and necessary, and nothing more. I don't enjoy it. It breaks from my desire to be a peaceful man, and it makes me no better than the bullies who do it to me. Yet, sometimes, one does not have a choice, unless they wish to live the rest of their life underneath someone else's boot... And that, is intolerable.

 

[Windsong]

I don't enjoy the memory. If y'all don't mind the personal diatribe, I try very hard to be a peaceful man, because deep within the back of my mind, rests an extremely violent imagination. When I was a teenager, I used to spend hours, daydreaming of how I would brutalize and even murder people. How I would cover up the evidence, planning how to take down as many people in as short a time frame as possible. I had an inherent desire to murder and maim anything that wanted to hurt me, and from my teenage perspective, pretty much everything did.

I've spent my whole life learning how to be in control. Disciplined. Bound by logic and reason to evaluate the consequences of actions and reality in which I live.

Because I'm fairly sure if I did not, and took to the same "feels are realz" crowd mentality that many others do, I would be a very bad person, and I would do very bad things... And I would probably be very good at it.

So you see, violence when I commit it has no emotion in it. There's no feelings of righteousness or vengeance. It is simply, clearly, cold cut and necessary, and nothing more. I don't enjoy it. It breaks from my desire to be a peaceful man, and it makes me no better than the bullies who do it to me. Yet, sometimes, one does not have a choice, unless they wish to live the rest of their life underneath someone else's boot... And that, is intolerable.

When did Ender Wiggins join Iwaku?

[spoili]also, ARE YOU ME? Fucking Christ a few of those similarities have me shaken. [/spoili]

 

[Brovo]

When did Ender Wiggins join Iwaku?

[spoili]also, ARE YOU ME? Fucking Christ a few of those similarities have me shaken. [/spoili]

Ha! Ender's Game. Fantastic novel.

Also, I'd like to think we aren't too particularly unique in that regard. Violence is part of human nature. We live to grow, and that includes tossing aside those who would prevent that. We have mass slaughterhouses that murder thousands of creatures every hour merely to fulfill our own desire for flesh. Flesh we sell as a commodity in supermarkets for prices often cheaper than the blades we use to rip apart the meat. We terraform the Earth to suit our purposes, exterminating entire species every day, in order to plant crops we've modified at the genetic level to service our every need and whim. We spend billions of dollars creating fantasies aggrandizing our egos through violent fantasies that grow larger and more numerous with every passing generation. We throw entertainment at our children that often introduces them to violence on the scale of demolishing entire cities through comic book superheroes. Our entire economic model is built upon the premise that all men live in want and will compete ruthlessly to supply that want at the lowest possible price, at the highest possible quality. There are tens of thousands of people, right now, as I type these words, working in virtual slave labour in third world countries producing shoes and shirts I buy for 14 dollars at Walmart.

We organize ourselves into tribes and call them communities. These communities organize into larger tribes called cities. These organize into larger tribes called states and provinces, and those organize into countries. Countries built upon ideologies that filter down toward the rest. Ideologies which we will fight for, and kill for, in any number necessary to preserve them. Ideologies which we will will murder millions of Jews over, or Chinese. Ideologies which we will drop atomic bombs on to vaporize thousands in an instant. Ideologies which convince people to sacrifice themselves expressly for the purpose of taking down two towers to murder three thousand more.

We are one of the most incredibly, grossly violent species that has ever walked the Earth. We are the only species that has successfully devised and produced a weapon so powerful and in such quantity, that if we detonated them all in strategic locations, we could not only end ourselves, but all life on Earth as we know it.

And it's the reason I'm able to type this here. In comfort. In luxury. Because my ancestors murdered the shit out of other people's ancestors with such brutal and frightening efficiency, and then enslaved the local resources and life to their own wants and needs with such intense vigour, that they were able to produce the future they always dreamed of. I am able to be a peaceful man, because the society in which I live was built upon the bloodshed of hundreds of wars and millions of dead.

But...

I'm willing to bet that if you took away the creature comforts most of us possess today, we would murder as much as was necessary, some with wild glee and abandon, for the mere purpose of reacquiring them.

We're all built upon four billion years of successful evolution, and the express ticket to success in evolution is to be better at violence than any of your competitors. And we are. I'd like to think most people are a mere step away from being not only able, but desiring, to commit wild acts of grotesque, horrific violence. They just don't know it, because they have so much luxury, and have never known a life without it. They've never had to murder someone else to get a meal.

Still. I'm derailing the thread. I suppose to pull it back on topic, bullying is an expression of that inherent violence we all have. And most of us do bully behaviour at some point in our lives. I was bullied viciously, but I've still mocked and derided other people out of spite. I know most people who have posted in this thread have before... We're really not above it, we just pretend to be. At the very least we know it's wrong.

 

[Sidhe]

I endured sexual harassment from male bullies as early as fifth grade, because I hit puberty very early. The most I remember doing against the worst perpetrator was kicking him in the head when he was on the ground during recess. There wasn't much I could do. I didn't even know what was happening half the time. I was naive and innocent and scared -- not quite timid yet, but I did eventually become as timid as a mouse.

Female bullies in junior high were pretty awful. That was some Mean Girls level shit. In the end I just isolated myself completely and tried my hardest to be invisible. It worked in high school. It wasn't worth it.

 

[KuroBuros The Infected]

So maybe a bit of a hi-jack, but an important question nonetheless: how have all of you counter-acted bullying? Be that of yourself, a friend or even a stranger?

Conversely, have you ever been a bully? Why do you think that is and what did you do to change your ways?

Or has someone close to you ever bullied? How did you respond to that and why?

I've been bullied and verbally sexually harassed all my life, I let myself get bullied after awhile but when I got into university I stopped listening to their taunts and the voice in my head because I had an ensemble to tell me I'm the best at being me.

 

[Gwazi Magnum]

This whole thread right now.

Seriously, it isn't often I find myself having to fight back tears. Good job guys. :P

how have all of you counter-acted bullying? Be that of yourself, a friend or even a stranger?

In regards to myself, my usual response in Grades 3-5 and 7-8 was to make 'fight groups'. Basically a group of kids who got together for the purposes of fighting bullies. Something that was usually rather easy to organize due to two factors:

1) Child boys just love to find an excuse to rough house
2) Lots of students got fed up with teachers never dealing with bullies

Was it the best solution? Not at all. Would I do it again today? Nope. But it was what I did at the time to give myself some level of security and some sense of belonging. And to clarify to those who grew up in worse neighbourhoods, no this was nothing close to actual gangs. The worst that ever happened was fist fights that got bad enough to warrant a principal sit down.

High School it was rare enough there wasn't a need for a counter.

Adult Life? When it comes to stuff like guilt trips I sound it out. When it comes to people online getting whiny I just counter it with humour.

If it's in regards to someone else being bullies? In all honesty it usually results in a passionate explosion.

If I see it happening on a forum? I'm like breaking out one of those really long "This is wrong! This is why! You should be ashamed!" rants that have the tendency to get threads locked.
If it's in person? I usually either do a similliar rant, or if the bullying is physical jump right in there and proceed to (attempt) punch the daylights out of them.

Is it a good course of action? No, and it's something that overtime I've tried to control. Especially since it can also happen in cases where I perceive bullying to be happening but in truth I completely misread the situation.

The only times this hasn't been the case is if I'm able to recognize jumping into it would only put the victim in more danger.
For example, the earlier case I mentioned of my friend being jumped in the hall and the crowd of 30 people? The vast majority of that crowd was the aggressors friends.
When the fight was happening it was 1x1, but if I jumped in I risked those other 30 seeing it as an open invitation to jump in.

Conversely, have you ever been a bully? Why do you think that is and what did you do to change your ways?

For Kidnergarten there was apparently a case where I punched a kid. But to this day all I remember about it was the teacher claiming I did and dragging me by the arm to the office. So I can't actually count this at all because the act itself has absolutely zero relevance in my memory. The only reason I even know about this at all is because the Teachers sudden reaction with seemingly no reason scared the daylights out of me as a little kid.

For Grade 1-2 me and some friends 'technically' made something called the bully gang to be cool. But in all truth the worst we ever did was chase girls around with sticky ring pops. So... by technicality it counts, but it's hardly what anyone on this thread is thinking when they talk about bullying.

For Grades 3-5 you could probably count those 'fight gangs' I mentioned above, because a lot of time we didn't wait for the bully to start something. However, in the last years (End of 4, part of 5) the bullying I got began to eat at me enough I started to snap time to time. Specifically I remember this one girl who was always smiling, no matter what. For someone like me who knew nothing but people being dicks? It infuriated the hell out of me seeing someone so immune, which lead to one or two cases of verbal bullying that would amount to the childish sing-taunts (you know, the K-I-S-S-I-N-G shit. But instead of anything like that it was just poking at her general mood).

And then there was this other case where they were these two girl classmates who were basically the little tyke version of PETA. Always going around lecturing people about animal rights, the environment etc. They meant well and in reflection you can tell they cared, but being kids they didn't really grasp persuasion skills. So at the time it just came across to me and some others as obnoxious. So occasionally we'd do stuff to annoy or tease them when they started doing this stuff. And one thing we learned was they likes Ferrets, a lot. So our most common thing (sorry in advance @Brovo) was we would shout at them "Stupid Evil Ferrets!" because it always got a reaction out of them without fail.

Grades 7-8, basically the 'fight gang' stuff again but far more relaxed.

High School? I can't think of anything I did to be a bully unless if you asked Tumblr. But at that point we're just talking about dark/crude humour among friends.

Adult Life? In all honesty, I don't go out of my way to bully anyone any more. But that doesn't mean it can't accidentally happen. Which for now I guess would be when someone catches me in a bad mood and certain people end up getting brought in conversation by chance, I'll start talking too much shit about something cause my mood has my current perspective on individuals clouded. When it does happen I do always say it with clarifications like "I don't know them too well", "I have personal bias" and "I'm in a bad mood right now, so take it with a grain of salt", but it still happens and it's something I try to catch myself doing and stop.

Then lastly entering online territory, which I can't connect to year's as well since it's not divided up by Grades.
When younger I used to use a site called Habbo Hotel, and back them bullying was basically mass kicking from rooms, or walking up to a random person and claiming you new them RL, talk shit about them to others and give them a fake name. Which usually worked on people because paranoia over giving your real identity online was bigger then than it is now. I got that shit a few times, so as a result on particularly bad days I'd also snap at others.

Then something that came in later years, I ended up getting involved in a chain of semi-related facebook groups. One of these was a sub-group of a bigger one of people who focused on trolling and such. I was in it mostly just to keep an eye on things, because most of their stuff was rather savage. I only joined in on the most minor of deals, which ended up being using a fake account in the "Cute or Na" selfie groups and going "Na" to everyone. And then if people reacted, milk it by saying the most silly or neutral of statements. Basically, just do something to make 'a' reaction and then just give the individual just enough to keep it snowballing for themselves.

As for how I changed my ways? Usually once I hit moments where I'm not in such a bad mood I end up reflecting on the actions, realizing with a now more clear mind how stupid it was and then keeping an eye out of it creeping up again in the future so I can stamp it out before something happens. In some cases I'm more successful than others.

Or has someone close to you ever bullied? How did you respond to that and why?

Try to have civil conversation to talk whatever the situation is out rationally. If after multiple attempts that fails to work I normally then try to cut the person out of my life. But if that's not possible (say they're family) I then keep my interactions with them to a minimum and simply learn to sound them out whenever such behaviour starts to happen again.

Nearly all schools (On the East Coast at least) have a zero tolerance for bullying, which from what I've experiences means they have zero tolerance for hearing about the problem.

That's the best summary of the zero tolerance system I have ever seen.

 

[Brovo]

And one thing we learned was they likes Ferrets, a lot. So our most common thing (sorry in advance @Brovo) was we would shout at them "Stupid Evil Ferrets!" because it always got a reaction out of them without fail.

im fookin watchin u m8.

 

[LogicfromLogic]

When I was in school, from elementary to high school, I was the smallest kid, I was always sick, I couldn't talk until I was about eight (well, without stuttering), and I stole food because my dad was an asshole.

Kids in grade school used to chase me around and call me (please please please forgive the derogatory name here) 'Midget Legs'. They cut my hair, threw rocks at me and used me to every butt of their joke. In about third grade I finally had enough when this little shit Robbie stole my pencil from downstairs (because you were the shit if you got a pencil from the pencil machine downstairs and I had finally found a quarter) and commenced to beat the shit outta him with my pencil box.

After that I got kicked out of that school and sent to one behind my house (which really they should have put me in the first place because it was closer). They put me in this class with kids with special needs because I was deemed too aggressive to be in normal classes. Kids were awful to anybody in the Special Needs classes. I at one point yelled at this girl who was mocking Ron, a kid with Cerebral Palsy.

When middle school rolled around, my friends and I were quickly labeled 'the geek crowd' (back when being called a geek was bad). Still the smallest person in the damn school, I got targeted easily and shoved into lockers (I could fit in one Joey found out one day), tripped and laughed at because by now puberty had hit and I discovered that my genetics had a fascination with giving youth acne. No matter what medicine I tried nothing worked. Kids would attack me, tackle me, even hurt me really badly.

I remember this kid named Albert that I used to have a mad crush on but I was too scared to tell him because kids already made fun of me for being small, zitty and for my anxiety, I was scared that they would find out that I liked guys as well as girls. Albert and I (so I thought) got around to being friends and I finally told him that I had a crush on him. Albert didn't talk to me for a couple days and came back one day during lunch to ask me out to the dance. I stupidly agreed. Got all nice and what not and headed out, but when I got to the school a group of his friends and him were waiting and played 'Smear the Queer'.

That triggered me after that to never ever let someone do that to me. I made myself into a nasty person, would look people right in the eye and if they kept staring I'd confront them. I remember this one girl who had managed to say that she could beat me up through five people, I met her at the stairs and had at her.

It was not a glorious day in middle school for either of us.

High schools rolls around (I get sent to the neighborhood's bad school for getting on a fight in the bus on the last day of middle school which ended rather horribly, after that I kind of just calmed down and became quiet again), I get sent to summer school with these aholes that think they are smarter than anyone in the room. I actually manage to make a friend, who turned out to be my blood relative.

Anywho, the jocks have just found their new target; the smallest kid in school, now notorious for the fights he's gotten in, gay kid who has the best track record in middle school. Course I didn't have the luck of outrunning any of them.

What do they do to this poor little freshmen for weeks on end? You know those plastic garbage pales they used in the cafeteria all the time? they'd empty that out, put my small ass in it and throw me down the stairs. Only stopped when the coach caught them, and what was done? Nothing. He laughed, but didn't do shit.

Time it got really serious is when I got stabbed. Yeah, after that I just sort of lost my shit on this bloke and people after that left the now angry sophomore alone. Assholes.

Those are my bullying stories.

Now what should be done to bullies? I think they should be put into programmes that works with people with behavioural problems, and charged with whatever crime they commit. If you bully someone so bad to the point they commit suicide, you have just committed murder in my book. People need to be held accountable for their actions. What you do in this world effect everyone, not just one.

For all the kids who kicked my ass because I was being a jackass; good on you. Really, I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself and I'm sorry that I became a nightmare to you, you never deserved that.

@Kestral asked:


So maybe a bit of a hi-jack, but an important question nonetheless: how have all of you counter-acted bullying? Be that of yourself, a friend or even a stranger?

Conversely, have you ever been a bully? Why do you think that is and what did you do to change your ways?

Or has someone close to you ever bullied? How did you respond to that and why?


My answers:

Q: So maybe a bit of a hi-jack, but an important question nonetheless: how have all of you counter-acted bullying? Be that of yourself, a friend or even a stranger?

A: Psychology has proven that it's better to get the victim out of harms way before facing off the bully. If the victim cannot move, work to support and let the person know that they are not alone. That's what I've done up to my current age, in my youth a fist did the trick briefly. Glad I've gotten out of the punchy stage years ago.

Q: Conversely, have you ever been a bully? Why do you think that is and what did you do to change your ways?

A: Yes. I became a bully after years of torment, I bullied this poor kid Brandon for years of my high school years because I couldn't stand how much he complained. I feel awful about it, I eventually apologized to him around my Junior year when all of my friends were gone one day off on vacation or were sick, so I had to sit at the more nerdy table (in the school I went to sitting at the wrong table could have landed you in the ER). Brandon had seen me wandering and flagged me down to sit with him, even through how mean I was. I remember breaking down and telling him how bad I felt; I couldn't understand why someone who I had treated so badly would be so nice to me. That's what triggered me to change my ways and treat people better than I treated myself.

Q: Or has someone close to you ever bullied? How did you respond to that and why?

A: Many of us were, and it usually ended with a table fight as we called it (one table just attacked another until teachers and resource officers flooded the cafeteria, it was baaaaad).

 

[Isho13]

I didn't experience too harsh bullying, mostly people bad mouthing me behind my back, and then isolated events like classmates ripping my drawings, threatening to beat me up or harassing me by calling to my house constantly. I got them off my back convincing them that I was going to murder them if they kept that going. I even made the class clown be calmer that way. Pretty much all of my loved ones say I have the face of a 'Satanist Cultist' whatever that means, so scaring them was fairly easy.