Bullying

Discussion in 'THREAD ARCHIVES' started by SacredWarrior, Apr 14, 2016.

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  1. There are so many things I could say about this sadly.

    I was picked on a lot in elementary and middle school (and sometimes high school) for several reasons. I made good grades, some of the girls were jealous of my hair for some reason, I was a nerd (and still am), and some of the students apparently didn't like my attitude.

    Luckily I made some friends that I still love dearly to this day and they stood up for me and gave me enough confidence to stand up for myself and people learned to leave me alone. I even defended some people from bullies and may have had to get physical a few times in the process.

    Personally I think the best way to deal with bullying is to build up confidence, make some good friends, and stand up to the asshats. Relying on others (namely the teachers and school staff) doesn't solve anything and only makes things worse in my opinion.

    Another thing I wanna add is that if someone's being bullied and they commit suicide because of it, I think the bullies should be charged.

    That's pretty much my overall thoughts on bullying and how I think it should be dealt with. What do you guys think?
     
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  2. Bullying is bad. That's about the gist of it. It'll never be stamped out. It's human nature in one form or another.
    Also, children are little savages. Of course they're gonna be little shits. I deal with them near daily, between cleaning or tutoring.

    Ironically I work at the school where I spent 2 years being bullied nonstop. Yay private school student thrown into (the worst) middle school next to the train tracks!

    My record was long going into high school, but never grew. 40+ suspensions for fighting in 7+8 grade. Half the staff wanted me gone (on grounds of racism, seeing as my antagonists were often minorities), the other said I was a victim lashing out, which was the case. Never had a single discipline action in high school, to make the disparity clear.

    Want to disagree with the 'charge the bullies if someone kills them self' , though not sure how to word it. People are responsible for their own actions. Should they face consequences? Probably, but I've no idea what they'd face, being kids and all.

    Cyber bulling is probably going to be brought up here soon. Kids need to be taught that just walking away is the best option. There are block buttons for a reason.
     
    #2 Windsong, Apr 14, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2016
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  3. I was accused of bullying a kid I talked to once in junior high (he was bullied by others, I believe). The whole interaction — as I recall it — was basically him sitting down at me and my friend's table in the cafeteria, telling us we look like faggots, us replying his brother is prolly a pizza, him staring at us, him leaving, us confused.

    Then I was accused of strangling some random girl in eight grade, which turned out to be someone that looked like me — the victim had literally pointed me out in the yearbook!

    Norman "Icy" Bates
     
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  4. I do think that bullying is a serious problem and that simply telling kids to "stand up for themselves" or "don't let it get to them" isn't going to be enough to fix it. Not everyone is emotionally strong enough for that. Honestly, I feel like telling kids stuff like "it shouldn't bother you! Words are just words!!" can do more harm than good to a kid who's already in tears and who wishes they didn't cry so easily and wishes that words didn't sting so much, but the fact is that they do, and constantly being told that they shouldn't cry over these things just becomes incredibly frustrating and, instead of helping the kid raise themselves up, just makes them crawl deeper into the hole of being an emotional wreck whose best friend is a stuffed animal. But I don't want to bore you with the details of my own personal story.

    Back on-topic!! While I do think that bullying is fucking awful, I also agree that most school's attempts at preventing bullying only make things worse. >_> Especially when it's the sort of deal where both the bully and the victim can get in trouble... and sometimes only the victim...

    Unfortunately, I don't have a good solution for this. I do think that bullying should be acknowledged as a real problem, instead of simply saying "kids will be kids!!1" and letting them bully each other to suicide. But as for how to combat it... I don't know. Simply teaching kids not to bully would be nice, if it wasn't so incredibly idealistic...
     
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  5. I was the new kid in a school I'm pretty sure a good amount of my classmates have done time by now. I was taught to confront bullies by their lonesome, which eventually won their respect and I eventually managed to get along because... There wasn't a lot of choice in my class when it came to making friends. Then highschool came rolling around and there were two guys who... Eh, tried. That didn't end well. They got physical, but then bitches got their ass kicked by a freshman. Fast-forward couple days, some favours were called in and the gossip machine started rolling. Teenage girls are scary as fuck. Story gets kinda dark from there.
     
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  6. I dealt with a fair amount of bullying in School.

    It started during Grade 3, which was a rather unique year for two different reasons.

    1) It was the first year I got a teacher who took offence to having to alter his style for a child with special needs (which at the time was me with my Autism)
    2) It was the School's very first year existing. So every student was a new kid and as a result scared and desperate to make a name for themselves as to not be the one's getting picked on

    So combine a bunch of kids eager to pounce with a teacher basically telling the class (and by extension the school, cause gossip) it's ok to pick on _____ kid? You've got a recipe for disaster. That lasted until the end of Grade 5 where instead of staying for Grade 6 I was moved to Home School, cause Mom decided I needed a year to rebuild my self-confidence and keeping up with Academics although important was secondary. Though in truth it wasn't self confidence I was lacking, just that those three years kind of woke me up to how vicious people can do, so what she saw as a destroyed child was more just her kid becoming more realistic. So I ended up learning to essentially keep my mouth shut long enough to go back to school for Grade 7 (different school, the one I went to for K-Grade 2) and spent my next two years there.

    That school had the interesting situation of I was technically a new kid, so there's always those students who feel the need to prove their better than you. However, because I was also there for K-Grade 2 a lot of the students already knew me and had me in their good books. Which left those students who had arrived during the years I was gone with a bigger need to prove themselves because I was now a new kid with instant friends and reputation essentially. Even if that 'popularity' wasn't even do to with any natural charm or social skills but simply history. Didn't get nearly as bad as the other school but fights still broke out time to time and teachers started having to keep an eye out for me.

    After that and moving to High School the bullying for the most part stopped. There were those usual delinquents (who are likely in jail, or having serious drug problems now) who caused trouble, but surprisingly they didn't even see me as much of a target, but rather some of my friends. And outside of one incident they usually only picked on people with they were by themselves, so I didn't have to deal with much directly. The closest I ever did get (at a consistent basis) was during lunch there would be a friend of friends that I clashed with consistently. But that clash died down over the years to by the time I left High School (he was a year younger than me) we ended up becoming friends.

    And then that leaves my adult life. Where the closest to bullying I have to deal with today is either Mom going on a Moral Crusade/Guilt Trip, or someone on Iwaku causing a giant fuss along the lines of "Gwazi's a Shitposter and should be banned! Why is he here? No one likes him!". But that stuff is insanely minor to what I dealt with when younger, so the former is more just an annoyance I've learned to tolerate and the latter is something that gives me something to laugh at.

    (I jest :P)
    I agree with the Teachers not really being able to help (usually) bit. You can get some wonderful teachers that will do their best to try to help you, but majority of the time they follow school protocol. And Protocol basically forces them to hold the bullies hand to the point there's no incentive to make the bully cut it out. And in my entire school career I only had one teacher (which was during Grade 5) who bothered to defy board policy to deal with bullies, and it was the only time a teacher getting involved actually worked. XD

    (To be specific, he worked with the Principal to make sure I was out of the classroom to lecture the bullies in front of the rest of the class. I ended up learning about this a few years later from Mom).

    But the whole making friends deal is circumstantial. It relies on people both wanting to be friends with you, and being a good enough friend to stick up for you. And depending on the school you end up in the only 'friends' you may find could be ones who are friends in name only and would just as soon throw you to the wolves for a popularity boost.
    Eh... It's a nice idea in theory, but there's some big holes in it, and I say this as someone who contemplated Suicide due to the bullying in Grades 3 - 5.

    The problems being first that unless if the victim writes a note detailing who exactly is to blame the burden falls on the family, who in a time of grief could lash out at a ton of innocent people. And if there is a note? That leads to another issue of how do you determine if there was honest bullying? A lot of people will hear constructive criticism and call it bullying, some people are insane enough to claim wearing a certain shirt or even being part of a certain sex/race/sexuality etc. is bullying. And they may not actually say that's the reason they're a bully, but they can make up almost any other reason and then being dead no one can really build much of a defence against it. Especially when it would likely be backed by the mob mentality of family, friends and anyone who simply hears "Person kills themselves over bullying" and rushes in with a pitchfork eager to deliver punishment. And then you got the issue of many different social circles, what if the person who killed themselves was very relaxed about some stuff? Like say they said "Hey Faggot!" back and fourth to their friends as a simple greeting, but an outsider would see it as bullying?

    Basically it's the same issue as false rape accusations, only even more foggy and unclear because unlike false rape cases where the act itself is pretty easily defined, you're accusing someone of a very vague and subjective act.
     
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  7. I was gonna mention this but you beat me to the punch :P Yeah this does indeed happen sometimes and I've heard of cases like it -_- The Boy Who Cried Wolf basically
     
  8. I could make this a long, really complex text, but I decided that it was best I keep it simple:

    Bullying is bad, but it is not all bad, especially at a younger age. (The older the people become, the worse I believe it to be.)

    No. Terrible idea.
     
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  9. Bullies are an inevitable part of life. Outside of high school, you'll experience them in your office. Get rid of them from the office, and you'll meet them in restaurants, on the streets, on the Internet--anywhere people congregate, assholes will flood.

    Children should be taught how to deal with them. A bully only has as much fuel and power as you're willing to give them emotionally. If they beat your ass, then authority figures should step in, because that's, you know, a crime: It's called Assault. Even if you don't charge children with Assault, they should still be punished for it accordingly because it is a crime and letting them grow up thinking they can punch their way out of every problem will only breed the kind of people we seek to avoid.

    The fact that a child can stand up for themselves and fight back, and then get punished for defending themselves from a physical assault by the bully, is a deranged distortion of reality that makes no coherent sense.

    Then again, this is the same system that decides to teach you Shakespeare instead of your human rights, so why should anyone be surprised that they have no idea how to handle bully prevention?

    You want to stop bullying? Good luck with that.

    You want to better equip the adults of tomorrow to handle the bullies they will encounter in every day life and from foreign nations who want to force them to convert or die? Reform the education system. The way it currently functions prevents any seriously useful bullying prevention programs from working.
     
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  10. The school I went to actually tried to do this to me but my mom wasn't going for it and put her foot down. Let's just say we almost wound up on the news. I wasn't suspended luckily.

    I do think that's a bunch of bullshit and that needs to stop. If someone's being an asshole bully, they deserve to get their butt beat. That's like you going to jail for defending yourself against an abusive significant other.
     
  11. And yet the frightening reality is that if you have two individuals who beat each other in a private place (their home) and they both claim the other was the instigator, who is guilty?

    Justice in domestic abuse is a judicial nightmare. Social programs would be more effective than judicial there. Giving shelters to the abused so they can flee without judicial judgement gives a reliable escape method, and things can be handled from there.

    But a public school is a public place filled with thousands of people. I seriously doubt most teenagers are smart enough to avoid witnesses. Even if they think about it, most will fail within the first month of their physical abuses. There's simply too many people. Too many potential witnesses.

    As for being an "asshole bully," it depends. If a person is verbally abusing you, it never calls for a physical response. Ever. Period. End of story. Violence is the tool of last resort, verbal abuse does not constitute it. If they instigate a physical fight, then yes, fight back, and fight to win.
     
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  12. Funny enough the incident was referring to here:
    Was when a friend of mine got jumped in the middle of the hall. Guy was punching him in the face repeatingly, friend delivered one single punch back to the nose and did more damage than the bullies flurry of blows.
    And this happened in front of a crowd of at least 30 students. But the only students the school managed to get to report on the situation was me and two of my other friends (and that was because we volunteered to). However, since we were friends of the victim our testimony couldn't be taken seriously and they both suffered the same punishment of suspension.

    Note the instigator in this case was also known for other things like pulling a knife on a student and the school didn't really do anything about it.
     
    #12 Gwazi Magnum, Apr 14, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2016
  13. See, in the real world, this would be pulled as evidence of past violent behaviours and, when combined with your testimony (coloured though it might be), that would likely be enough to put him in prison.

    This is exactly how public school does not reflect reality. They treat actions as happening in a vacuum when they don't. It's bizarroland.
     
  14. I think the schools do that way under the idea of "School is preparing for life" so they try to go easy on the bullies, hoping they'll learn better by the time they leave. Well that, and being afraid all the angry parents of the bullies would wreak havoc if their angel got in serious trouble.

    But the issue is by letting them get away with it, they only create a place where such a behaviour is effectively acceptable which creates a nightmare for the victims and helps the bully keep up the habits rather than act as any way to prevent it.
     
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  15. Yeah verbal abuse shouldn't constitute physical violence but we do have a saying called "fighting words" for a reason. If you're pushing someone's buttons with words and they snap, it shouldn't be a surprise. Especially if they hit below the belt. Not everyone acts the same way to verbal abuse. I personally just say something very mean back to the person and make them break down in the process.
     
  16. Basically my entire point all along
     
  17. Since, you know, I work in a school and all..

    I'm gonna poke my admins and the discipline folks for their takes on these things. See what they have to share.

    It's a whole other ball game compared to just a few years ago. Both parties and any volunteers have paperwork to fill out as well as one on ones with everyone to make sure no ones trying to hide info.

    Nowadays it isn't common at all for the victim to be suspended. Or the instigator for that matter. It's all very.. Not sure the word. Political? They do a lot of parent talks when bullying happens.

    7/10 times it's a single black mother who refuses to believe her baby did anything despite video evidence
     
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  18. Issue there is what count's as 'fighting words' is dependent on the individual. And for some people that can be some pretty ridiculous things. For example just imagine if Social Justice started responding with violence for stuff like trigger words? You see how quickly a mentality like "Fighting words" can get out of hand?
     
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  19. That's kinda already happening don't ya think? :P Damn it you have a point though :(
     
  20. [​IMG]

    Yeah this is wisdom. Good job.
     
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