Afraid of Losing You {AcornTree}

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No later than Friday. So, all of this was going to happen on Friday? So soon, it seemed like to was too soon for her, but wasn't that what she had wanted before? To get it done soon so as to make sure that he had a higher chance of survival if there was a chance of him surviving in the first place? She blew out a heavy breath as she listened to the doctor begin to speak again about all of the side effects that could come with everything that was going to happen with him, and even after the fact that everything was done with he could still have those side effects. Again, Hope could feel herself begin to nearly lose herself, but she used her free hand and ran it along her face as she tilted her head back, willing herself to not cry again, willing herself to not think about everything that was happening right now. But how could she not think about it especially if she had so many questions, especially if she wondered so much of what was going to happen to William? She bit the inside of her cheek heavily as she wiped at her eyes again before she dropped her hand and looked down at her lap.

She listened to the doctor continue on with the precautions that were going to be needed to be taken from now on, something that made Hope look over to William to give him a worried look before she turned and looked back to the doctor. There was no doubt in her mind that William didn't want to see the look in her face, but she nevertheless tightened her hold on his hand. And then she asked if there were any questions... She had so many, but as she started to open her mouth she found herself not being able to ask any of them. Did she want to know? Did she want to continue to bring down the mood that was already there? But it wasn't like she couldn't just not ask the questions, because she may not be able to ask them again because of her own nerve. "I just... I just still don't understand," she started, shaking her head as she looked at the doctor, nearly giving her a bit of a pleading look. "Why is this happening now? He was fine a few days ago, so why is it suddenly hitting him out of know where?"

A few days ago she never would have imagined being here, not even when he came home with the blood stain on his shirt. She thought that it would have been a one time thing, something that would have gone away after that day but now... Now it was so much worse than that. "Is it... Progressing quickly or something? And how much is it affecting him already, how much of him has already been infected by all of this and how bad is it?" Now that was a question that she had been afraid to ask, but it had come out of her mouth so quickly that she couldn't have stopped it. Did she want to know how bad it was? Yes, even if she didn't want to know, she had to know. "Or do you not know and need to run more test? And why does he have to stay here for an entire month? I thought people were able to come home after chemotherapy but they just had to come back when they needed another dose." But she didn't know much about cancer, nor had she ever really cared to know much about it because she never thought that it would effect her or anyone that she knew.
 
William glanced at Hope when the doctor asked if there were any other questions. As far as William was concerned, he just wanted to take the first step on Friday and go from there. There were not a whole lot of questions he wanted to ask, and certainly ones he didn't want to know the answers to. He knew Hope was trying to hold it together, and he gave her hand a squeeze back. He would have to talk to her later. Before they left the hospital because unless it was unavoidable, William wanted no words about this once they left and until Wednesday night.

The doctor nodded at Hope's questions. They were good. It showed she was coming around to this, and would help later too. "Well, its likely been happening before Mr. Tally - " She paused as William interrupted.

"William, please." He spoke up. Mr. Tally sounded so... weird. Like his dad, not him.

"It's likely been happening before William," She corrected. "Experienced any side effects. Sometimes cancer is good at hiding that its there. AML, in particular, is good at hiding and then striking hard. The type of cancer William has is characterized for moving quickly through the body." She paused to scratch at her eyebrow a little as she looked down his charts again. "Asking how bad it is can be a tricky question to answer, especially with cancer. The chances of the chemo therapy working for William is about a 50% chance, but as I said there are other measures that can be taken. The key to AML is to act fast. Past Sunday, the chances of the chemo therapy working dwindle. Friday is the safest future date before the numbers start to drop off." William shivered as the doctor spoke. He wasn't actually sure he wanted to know all of this, but he listened anyway. It made his skin crawl, what was happening. He felt like he was going to be sick again, and he was barely keeping a lid on his emotions. "We will be running frequent tests to monitor the progression of the cancer starting Friday. You are correct in thinking that chemo therapy is usually a come and go process. However, Leukemia requires a different type of therapy. It drops the immune system a lot more drastically than the typical chemo therapy, and requires a controlled environment. Almost any other cancer would allow William to live at home, but that type of therapy wouldn't work on Leukemia." She explained. "It would actually run the risk of increasing and quickening the cancer that way."

William took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't really want to know the statistics." he decided. He glanced at Hope. "If you want to know you can ask, but... I just don't want to know." He'd rather be optimistic. 50% chance wasn't exactly a bright future.
 
There was a part of Hope that wanted to laugh when William corrected the doctor with what to call him, however she kept the notion at bay, mostly because she couldn't even begin to muster up the emotion to want to laugh at anything, but also because she knew that it was a bad time. Besides, laughing, she knew that point, would only make her cry in the end and she didn't want to do that right now. Not when William was in the room, and not when the doctor was in the room. She could cry later on, when she was alone, in private, and there was no doubt in her mind that more tears would be shed throughout the course of the next week and especially of the next month while he was gone. How was Jazzy going to handle everything with William being gone? If she had been as freaked out as she had been last night, then how would she react to not being able to see the dog for an entire month? How was she supposed to sleep in an empty bed for an entire month?

The thoughts were momentarily pushed aside as she listened to the doctor answer her questions, feeling a shock go through her when she started giving numbers and the chances that the chemo would work. Only a fifty percent chance? So there was only half of a chance of it working, yet there was no doubt in her mind that it would be a one hundred percent chance that he would retain some of those side effects that she had listed off before. It was a lot to take in, it was almost too much to take in, but what could she do? Nothing, and that was one of the things she hated most about this. She had no control over what was going to happen or what could happen and that made her feel powerless and she didn't like to feel like that. She felt so powerless now. And the fact that it had been effecting him before, when they didn't even know about it, made her feel worse about it because why hadn't they been able to pick up on anything before hand? Because they hadn't been thinking about it. Because it really hadn't been effecting him until now, when it was hitting him so hard, so hard that now it was actually beginning to show itself.

"Right," Hope said in response to William, nodding her had as she ran a hand through her hair, keeping her fingers intertwined in the strands as she bit her bottom lip. "I guess... I guess we just can't do anything about this. We just have to wait and see." As another tear came from her eyes, she wiped at it again before it could fall off her cheek. There was another question she had in mind, one to ask about the expenses but she refused to ask that question. She didn't care. She would do everything she could to get him the treatment that he needed, even if she had to pick up another job to help with it. She wasn't sure how much of his insurance would cover him, and while it worried her, no matter what she just wanted him to get the help that he needed. She sniffed before she looked down at her lap. "I don't have any more questions."
 
The doctor nodded. "Alright. Well, if you think of any more here's my number." She handed them each a card. It had her official numbers and contact on the front, but on the back she'd hand written her cellphone. "Once you've read through the packet, sign it and turn it in to the front desk. Your ID and card will be at the front desk waiting for you there." William nodded and handed her his cards. The doctor took them and was about to leave, but she turned back part way. "I know it sounds... hard. Insane, maybe... but try to keep your thoughts positive and your spirits up. Research has shown that positivity actually helps with the process, not just to make you feel better but to help fight the cancer. Let me know if you have any questions, and just... try to keep positive." She left the room then and William looked back down at the papers.

He looked so unhappy, but it was no wonder why. His lower lip quivered just slightly before he bit it to stop. He wanted to read through all of the packet before signing where he was supposed to. But he looked up at Hope first. "Listen..." he said. "Once we leave the hospital, I really don't want to talk about this until late Wednesday." He started off. If it was at all possible, thats what he wanted. "But... you know... its okay to cry... I mean, in front of me. Just, please don't break? I need you to not break. Please. Okay?" He asked. He knew he would have to give and take in this process, but if he laid out what he needed and she did the same, maybe this would work better. He hoped it would, anyway.
 
Reaching over, Hope grabbed the card that was given to her and looked down at it, flipping it over on the back to catch the other number that had been written on there. How many times had this woman had to give out her number like this? How many times had she told people the news that she was telling them? There wasn't much else to say to the doctor, especially after she told them that it was best to be positive, even if it was hard, even if it seemed impossible, being hopeful and relatively positive about this was the best way to go. But that was so much easier said than done. How was she supposed to be positive about all of this when she could be losing someone that she loved? With a small thank you, Hope turned and watched as the woman walked out of the room, closing the door behind her, leaving her and William in the room all alone again. Their hands were still held tightly together, their fear over all of this evident in the air and just with the way they looked now.

She turned her attention to look up at William as he spoke to her, her brows furrowing before they relaxed a bit and her lips turned down into a heavy frown. He didn't want to talk about this until Wednesday; he didn't want her to break down, and really she didn't want to either, but how were they supposed to not talk about this for a few days when she knew that it would be on both of their minds? "I won't. I'll try not to." She would try not to, and that was all that she could give him, it was all that she could do in that moment; try and see if she failed at it or not. The earlier words of the doctor came to her mind of them needing to be positive, making her believed that that was probably the only thing she would really be able to do for William; to just be there for him and try to be happy. But what would that really do? "It's just so hard... To think that all of this is happening." With another wipe at her eyes, she sniffed blinked her eyes quickly as she looked over to the man, her eyes slowly going down to the packet that he held in his hands. "I just... Need you to let me know what to do or if there's anything I can do. No matter what, okay?"
 
William was going to try very hard not to break down on Hope either. They both needed to just... keep going. At least, he thought so. He was still trembling gently, but not as much as he had been. He wanted the next few days just to be a good time before everything went to shit. He nodded when she agreed to try not to. That was all he was asking. He would have to amend his earlier decision of going kayaking. Unfortunately he didn't think he should risk it. He got little nicks and scrapes all the time when he kayaked so that was out. But a nice hike would probably be okay. He could take Jazzy, and hopefully Hope too. He didn't really want to ask her to quit working for those few days so he wouldn't.

"I'll let you know." He promised. "But, you have to do the same too. I don't want our relationship to change just... because of this... we were always good at communicating before. Lets not let this stop either of us, okay?" He was afraid that Hope might pull back from him, either with communication or all together. He knew things couldn't be the same, but he couldn't bear the thought of her pulling away from him. "We can talk about... it... now if you want. Just, not when we leave the hospital, okay?" He'd rather not talk about it at all. He'd rather just keep it all hidden inside, but that was just how he was. He reached up to gently caress her cheek.
 
Communication; that was what they needed and Hope knew that. William was right in saying that they were always good at communicating their feelings with one another, because they always did no matter what. Even if they knew the other may be upset about what ever they had to say, they still said it because they knew that they were strong enough to work through their problems and talk it out until a solution was made. But were they strong enough to make it through this with communication? Hope could never think of herself to want to pull away from William, because he was and meant so much to her and she felt that if there was ever a time to be there for him it was now, but would she want him to know everything? Would he want to listen to her gripe and complain about a few things when he was dealing with all of this? Did he want to know that she worried about him? She felt as if those things were pointless now because he had so much to worry about, and what if she ended up worrying and stressing him out all the more? That wasn't good for him. He needed to be calm and he needed to be at relative ease, and she didn't want to be the one to make him stress out anymore.

But now was the time to talk about all of this, before they left the hospital because he didn't want to talk about it once they left. And she respected those wishes of his even if she thought that it would be bad for him to hide everything and keep it in himself for the next couple of days. That almost made her think that it would fester in his mind, and she knew that it would fester in her own mind. When he caressed her cheek, Hope leaned into his touch gently as she closed her eyes again, her lip quivering again as her brows started to twitch. She shook her head, took a sharp breath and then opened her mouth to speak, even if she didn't want to admit this to him because she felt as if it would make things worse. "I don't want to lose you." Because that was the main thing that had been on her mind since it had been announced that he had cancer. But they needed communication, right? He needed to know how she felt, or at least she felt as if she had to get that out.

"I know we're supposed to be positive, but that's hard. What am I-what are we- supposed to do with you being gone for a month?" She wouldn't be able to spend the nights at the hospital with him because she would have to be home with Jazzy, and while she wanted to think that she could see him every day she wasn't sure if she would be able to and that made her hurt and that made her feel guilty.
 
William could literally see the pain etching over Hope's features. God, he wished he could make it go away. To soothe it out of her. It cut at him, and he pulled Hope back into a hug because they both needed it. "I don't want to lose you either..." He whispered, his voice taking on that watery tone again like he was about to cry. He swallowed around a lump in his throat. William had never been one to think about death much. He wasn't religious. His whole family wasn't. He didn't know... what else might be next. Was it heaven? Hell? Incarnation? Nothing at all? He shut down that thinking right then, because it didn't matter. Losing Hope and his life and his family, thats what mattered. He could go to any of those places or none of them, but he would have lost them all.

When she asked what she was supposed to do, he shook his head a little and then pulled back to look at her. "Live, okay?" he asked, even if it hurt him to say so. "Come visit me and tell me what you've been doing. I don't want to hear that you sat around the house all day... Go do things. Maybe spend a weekend here if you don't have a photo shoot." He knew there was Jazzy to take care of but... maybe some of his friends wouldn't mind taking care of her every now and then. Just so that Hope could spend a night or two here.
 
Hope just about fell into William when he pulled her into the hug, even saying that he didn't want to lose her either. Weakly, she dropped the hand of his that she had been holding and went to wrap her arms around him again as she silently cried over his shoulder where he couldn't see her even despite the fact that he said it had been fine for her to cry in front of him. But not because of that; not because she thought that she was going to lose him, because the more she continued to think about it the more she thought that it may happen and she did not want to think of that. No, he just had to survive this. He just had to pull through because he was strong and he wouldn't leave her. He wouldn't leave her or Jazzy or his students. He just couldn't! But that was something she felt would be under neither of their control, and that terrified her. What ever happened happened, but she hated to think that.

When he pulled back to look at her, Hope loosened her hold around William and wiped at her face. There was no doubt in her mind that if she looked in the mirror her eyes would be red and swollen, and she wouldn't even be surprised if her cheeks were a bit puffy as well because of all of this. He wanted her to live? How was she supposed to live normally when she knew that he would be in the hospital, getting poison, or at least that was what she was calling it, into his body that may not even do anything to help him. But, then again, it may do everything to help him... But she wasn't about to tell him that she would have a hard time doing anything, so she nodded her head to what he said. She knew that she should probably do that, but even thinking of trying to be normal when he was gone almost felt like a betrayal.

"...Okay." She didn't say anything else after that and instead just looked at William. Chemotherapy changed how a person looked, right? Or at least that was what she had always heard, and it was always a common thought that with cancer came someone to lose their hair. When that thought crossed here mind, she moved one of her hands to move into William's hair, threading through his strands as she looked at him. How much weight would he lose? Would he be skinnier, would she be able to see the bones in his body after a while? Maybe she was over exaggerating, but she couldn't help it. Her eyes trailed down his face and down to his neck until she looked back at his face, almost as if she was trying to memorize everything about him and his face. And just out of a natural urge, or just out of something that she felt like she had to do, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, wanting to feel his lips again, wanting to just know that he was there. When she pulled back from the soft, lingering kiss, she didn't pull her face far from William's and instead did what she did last time and rested her forehead against his. "Do you want to go home now?" The words were whispered to him as she sniffed again.
 
William knew she was crying. It made a few tears escape his eyes too. He wished that he wasn't going through this. It made everything so much harder now. He swallowed thickly as they held on to one another, and when she agreed to live for him he nodded too. With her hands in her hair, it was almost like he knew what she was thinking. He would probably lose that. He had never been curious as to what he might look like bald, but he might find out without wanting to now. He loved the feel of Hope's fingers in his hair. He always had. It was soothing and calming and he could just fall asleep right on her lap if she kept playing with it. He had done so several times before.

He kissed Hope back when she kissed him, his fingers finding her cheeks again and then her neck. How was he ever going to get through a month without her constantly by his side? His throat hurt from trying not to cry so much. It felt raw. With the question he took a deep, shuddering breath and then let it out. At least now he had stopped shaking. He nodded. "I want to go home." He agreed. "Let me finish reading this and then I'll change and we can go." He suggested. He wasn't signing anything until he read it over. William was one of those people that would read the manuals to everything he ever bought. This was just another manual. He read it over and then signed his name in the boxes provided. He got up from the bed afterwards, not bothering to move out of Hope's sights as he took the gown off and pulled on his clothes. Grey briefs, jeans, and an olive v-neck t-shirt. Comfortable and easy. He pulled on socks and shoes, and then took her hand. He was ready to go now.
 
With the nod of her head, Hope licked her lips before she sat back in the chair again and watched as he read over the papers that he had been given. She nearly grimaced to herself as she watched, not even daring to want to lean over so that she could read them herself, afraid to see what she would read and afraid that the words would never leave her mind. Cancer... She wished that that word would leave her mind. She wished that she never had to think of that word and the implications behind it unless she was thinking about someone's sign because of their birth date. When he had finished reading it her eyes followed him, watching the way he walked as he got out of the bed with seemingly no problem, and how he changed into his clothes with no problem either. How could something be wrong with him when he looked so good, and when he looked as if he wasn't sick? She bit her lip at the thought, her throat beginning to tighten again which made her turn her eyes to look away from him as she took a breath and wiped at her eyes again, this time using the bottom of her shirt to dry her face. At this point, she really didn't care what she looked like; she could look a mess for all she cared.

The hold on his hand tightened a bit as he took her hand again, making her stand before she reached over to grab the overnight bag she had packed for him the day before. If only she was as hopeful as she had been before when she packed the bag. If only things hadn't turned the way that they had. Again, Hope bit the inside of her cheek as she looked back to William and blew out a little sigh before she started to lead him out of the room, going back down the hall that she had gone through when she got there that morning. How long had they been in there for? The feeling of sickness began to overtake her again, but again she pushed the feeling down with a swallow and a hand over her stomach and continued walking. After William gave his things to the nurse at the nurses station, she mentioned that they would have to be back on Friday morning as she was told by the doctor. Mentally, Hope kept a check of that, and after William had gotten his things back they started to head out of the hospital.

She avoided the looks of everyone else in the hospital that she saw, always ducking her head as she stayed close to William. She didn't want to see the way they looked, and she didn't want them to see the way she looked because she didn't want to see their sad, sympathetic gazes because she knew that they could only guess what was wrong with one of them. She didn't want them to see the pain she was in. And once they were outside, finally out into the fresh air, Hope found herself not being able to enjoy it. It was a generally clear day outside with hardly any clouds to shroud the light of the sun, and with the little wind that blew across them it made the slightly warm air a little cooler. It was a nice day, one that she would have loved to bask in before, but now she couldn't help but want to get out of it because it felt too good, almost like something she wasn't allowed to feel anymore. "The car isn't parked far from here. Come on."

Once back in the car, Hope hopped into the front seat and wiped her eyes again, leaning over to reach over on the passenger side to open up the little compartment that was there, herself grabbing a napkin that she kept in there before she wiped her face again and then blew her nose. As she balled the napkin up and set it in one of the cup holders, she buckled herself in and got herself situated in the seat before she looked over to William. No more talking about the cancer and what would happen for a few more days, unless something drastically happened to him and he needed to come back before either of them were ready to. "Are you hungry?" Her voice was low, almost as if she had been afraid to ask him that. "Do you want to go pick something up to eat, or do you want to head straight home? I could probably put something together if you wanted." In all honesty she wasn't hungry, but she figured that it was the best thing to ask in that moment because, really, she didn't know what else to talk about.
 
William took his stuff back from the nurse at the desk and simply nodded when she said he had to be back on Friday. He too, ignored the people staring at them. This was not quite for the same reasons as Hope. Mostly he just didn't care about them. He had other things to look at, other things to draw his attention. As they got outside, the sun felt really good on his skin. Unlike Hope, he was certainly enjoying it. Come Friday, he wouldn't be able to for at least a month longer.

Once they were in the car he buckled up too. It almost seemed a silly thing to do, but he did it anyway. He said nothing about Hope drying her eyes. He felt a little guilty when she asked if he was hungry. He should be. He should be famished, but he wasn't. He decided to eat anyway. "Why don't we pick up something to eat, grab Jazzy, and then find a nice spot to eat?" he suggested. Someplace outside, since it was so nice out. Like a picnic but without all the fuss.

William was eager to see Jazzy. His poor little dog had probably saved his life. "How about fried chicken?" He had every intention of breaking his rules and letting Jazzy have some too. She deserved it, after everything that had happened and everything that was going to happen. He imagined that it was likely Hope would break the rules for the dog too, and let her sleep in his place on the bed. He felt a little sad about that, but then remembered he wasn't supposed to be thinking about that. Things were normal now, and would be until Wednesday.
 
While Hope wasn't sure if he would be willing to eat or if he really was hungry, at least he made the suggestion that he did about it, and at least he seemed like he was trying to make an effort with trying to bring some sort of normalcy to their day. They could eat outside, have a little picnic, and then... And then what? The only way she felt as if she would be able to completely not think about any of this was if her mind was too busy thinking about something else, which was high unlikely to happen when she thought about it. But she tried to push it out of her mind, if only so that she could be in this moment with him because soon she wouldn't be able to do this with him every day, and he wouldn't be at home every day either, and did she really want to waste the time with wallowing in her own sadness?

"Okay. We can do that. We can go to that park that isn't far from the apartment. It's got a large patch of just empty land, right?" With the nod of her head, she started the car up and then backed out of the spot before she started navigating her way out of the hospital parking garage. It was funny to think that he had asked for fried chicken, something that neither of them ate too often, or really any fried foods if only so that they could keep a relatively healthy diet. This day, she figured, could be a cheat day for them, even if they weren't on some strict diet or anything. She knew that they wouldn't eat like this every day, she wouldn't let them eat like this for the rest of the time that William would be here before he had to go back to the hospital, so right now they should just enjoy it. In the background, she could hear the sirens of an ambulance going off, but with a heavy intake of breath she pushed the noise aside and started down the street. "We can get KFC then. Sound good?" With her brows raised she turned her eyes to look at him for a second before she looked back at the road before her, keeping watch of everything around her while always keeping an eye on William to just make sure that he was okay and to just make sure that he hadn't passed out on her like he had yesterday morning. The sight of his limp body, of how he felt when he fell unconscious, sent a shiver to run down her spine. She didn't want to think of him like that; she didn't want to remember him being like that.

When they made it to the KFC, Hope decided to just go through the drive through so that they wouldn't have to get out of the car and stand in line on the inside. But once it was her turn to order she decided to order a bucket of chicken with potato wedges, biscuits, mash potatoes and gravy, and coleslaw to go along with it. And because of the deal that they were having at the fast food place, they gave them a red velvet cake as well. It was a lot of food, enough food for her to know that most of it would probably go uneaten and would probably sit in the fridge at home if they decided to take any left overs until it spoiled and she threw it away. But... William said that he wanted it to be normal, and if they both had their appetites like they normally would have, while they wouldn't have eaten all of the food in one sitting, they would have eaten a lot of it. She figured that they could bring their own waters back from the apartment when they would go to pick up Jazzy, but as they pulled up to the drive thru window, as soon as Hope paid for the meal and was given the bags of food, she passed it over for William to hold.

It didn't take long for the smell of the food to quickly overtake the smell that was prominent in the car, causing Hope to scrunch her nose a bit, but she couldn't deny that it smelled good. She just really didn't feel like eating. But she would try, if only because she knew that not eating was a terrible thing and if anything it was only right that she try to stay healthy and well fed so that nothing happened to her. When they pulled into the apartment complex and parked right next to William's motorcycle, Hope couldn't help but let her eyes wander about it for a second, worries going through her mind. Really, she didn't think it would be such a good idea for him to drive that any longer for any reason, but she didn't say anything about it. She knew how much he cared about the vehicle, and she didn't want to upset him over her view about it, even if he already knew that she didn't take a particular liking to it because she thought that it was too dangerous.

With her turning the car off shortly after she parked, Hope reached into the back seat to grab onto the overnight bag before she brought it to her and looked over to William. The car ride had been relatively silent, herself not really knowing what to say, but she tried to give him a smile in that moment. It faltered shortly after, however, but she shook her head and opened the door to the car. "You can leave the food in here since we'll be right back." When they made it to the door of the apartment she dug into her purse to grab her keys, putting the keys in the lock as soon as she was able to pull them out, but in that moment, as soon as she was able to start to turn the key, she could hear Jazzy barking on the other side of the door. "I feel like I should tell you to brace yourself for her because there's no doubt in my mind that she'll jump on you as soon as she sees you."
 
William agreed to KFC. Fried chicken from a fast food place? William was pretty sure the last time he'd eaten anything from a fast food place was before he'd even met Hope, when he had been a poor freshman in college. He smiled a little at the thought. He was thinking the same thing. A cheat day it was. And if he was being really honest with himself anyway, he couldn't deny that sometimes he snuck a seasonal St. Pattys Day or Egg Nog shake from McDonalds on his way home sometimes, and then blamed being late on traffic.

He took the food from Hope when she handed it to him. It did smell pretty good... maybe he just needed to eat fast food to get his appetite back. He knew that wasn't it, but it was a silly thought anyways. Once they got home, he got out and left the food in the car like Hope suggested. He followed her to the door of the apartment, and he smiled a little when she told him to brace himself. "I'm ready." He answered, as if she was about to pitch him a baseball or something.

As soon as she opened the door, Jazzy charged. She was all over William before he could even take one step into the apartment. If she had been a bigger dog, he likely would have been bowled right over. The sight of his rambunctious dog jumping at him, trying to lick his face but falling short by about two feet and little body wriggling as she wagged her tail was enough to but a grin back onto William's face, even if it didn't last long. "Hey Jazzy!" He greeted, and then managed to pick her up despite her ridiculous wiggling. As soon as her face was near his she licked him all over. "Blech, not in my mouth." he whined, stepping into the apartment with the dog. "Can you grab a bowl for Jazzy and some water?" he asked Hope. God it felt good to be home, even if they were leaving again for the park.
 
Before she was even able to open the door fully, Jazzy bolted right between Hope's legs in order to make it to William, nearly causing Hope to trip over the little animal. Luckily, since she had one hand on the door, she was able to keep her bearings together in order to not lose her balance. Nevertheless, when she turned and looked at the two, William holding up Jazzy now as the dog excitedly whined as she licked her face, she couldn't help but smile at the sight. But while the sight made her smile because she was finally able to see William smile again and even seem happy, she knew that this moment was only fleeting, and that thought was enough to dampen her mood again. Jazzy didn't know what was going on; she probably believed that he was back now and that things would go back to normal now that he was back, but Hope knew that the wasn't the case. He would be gone within a few more days, and that thought was enough to depress her into turning her head to look away from the sight. Normally she knew she would have wanted to take a picture of it, but now it was almost painful to think that. With a frown and with her clearing her throat, she nodded her head to what William said about getting the bowl and water for them all as they stepped into the apartment. "You can get her leash then, if you want to even put her down that is."

Hope walked back into their bedroom first to put the overnight bag down on her dresser before she headed back into the hall and opened up the little linen closet that they had. Reaching up and standing on the tips of her toes, she grabbed an old blanket for them to sit on in the park so that they wouldn't have to sit on the grass itself least they get bugs on them or least the grass be wet or muddy for any sort of reason, and then headed back into the kitchen and set the blanket on the counter. "I got us a blanket so that we can sit on it," she stared as she went to the kitchen, trying to get her normal speech pattern back, trying to get the little shakes out that were still there. Even her hands still trembled a bit, though she tried to stop them as she grabbed Jazzy's water bowl and then went to the fridge to get three bottles of water, one for each of them. She should probably pick up another case of water the next time she went shopping. She still had to do laundry too, and it would probably be best if she cleaned the apartment again... She almost felt as if she should wait until Friday to do all of that, just so that she would have something to do, even for a little bit, when William was gone.

Put pushing the thought aside with a breath and the shake of her head, Hope looked over to William and the overly excited Jazzy again before she held the items up. "Ready to go? Could you carry the blanket out to the car since I can't carry it all myself?"
 
William nodded when she suggested he get the leash. Jazzy wouldn't have run off, but the park required leashes so he went to grab it. The sight of the leash just made Jazzy more excited, and William could hardly hold her. He tried settling her down by telling the dog 'okay' repeatedly. It kind of worked. It wasn't too long before Hope had rounded everything up. He transferred Jazzy to one arm and then held out his hand for the blanket. He tucked it under his free arm and then got the door for them, although she'd have to lock it again.

Once everything was locked up he went to the car with Hope. He put Jazzy down so he could open the door to the back seat, putting the blanket back there and then letting Jazzy hop up onto the seat. Her paws went instantly to the center console since she knew William and Hope were about to get in the front. William took the passenger's eat again, picking up the food and putting it back into his lap. As good of a dog as Jazzy was, he didn't think she'd stop herself from getting at the chicken unless he was holding it. Even Jazzy was still a dog.

Buckling up, he looked at Hope. He was a lot better at pretending everything was normal. He even had a small smile on his face again, even if it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm thinking I'll call off tomorrow and Tuesday." He mentioned. "I'll go to work Wednesday though." He did want to go one last time, but not at the beginning of his little mini vacation. He'd say goodbye to his students without actually saying goodbye, get home and probably relax, and then call his parents. A fitting end, he thought. He had every day pretty much mapped out in his head already, but he was flexible. He wanted to do things that Hope wanted to do also.
 
As they headed back out to the car, Hope stopped and locked the door behind them before she started to follow behind them, her eyes catching note of the fact that Jazzy's backside was moving back and forth with how excited she was to see William. How would she act when he was gone? How would she act with not being able to see him for an entire month, and if he looked different when he came back, because Hope wanted to think and hope that he would come back, would she recognize him right away? She could only hope so. She could only imagine how heartbroken William would be if Jazzy didn't act the same towards him because when Hope thought about it, Jazzy probably was the only one who would treat him the same while he was here.

Steeling herself a breath, when she situated herself in the car she turned her head a little and looked at Jazzy was was intent on staying where she was with her front paws on the center counsel, herself shaking her head before she reached a hand out to scratch the dogs neck. Soon enough, she started the car again and started to back out of the parking spot. When William spoke about what he was going to do for work, she turned her eyes to look at him as she rose her brows at what he said, frowning a bit, though she tried her best to hide the emotion before she looked forward again. She wanted to spend the time with him, she really did, but she didn't now if she was going to be able to. "I don't... Know if I'm going to be able to get the time off work, especially since I didn't do the wedding Saturday and since I still have to finish those pictures for the twins..." She rubbed one of her hands against her forehead, wanting to ask him if he was going to tell the school about his condition, but she didn't want to ask him that. He said that he didn't want to think about that, so she wouldn't ask him about it. "I'll see what I can do though. Do you have any plans for the next couple of days or things that you want to do?"
 
Even though he wasn't surprised by Hope's response, and even if he didn't WANT for it to hurt him, it did. Instinctively, he wanted to spend all of his time with Hope, but he knew she couldn't stop working. He did know that. Both because she enjoyed it, it was what she wanted to do, and because they needed the money. Especially now that he wouldn't be able to work. He bit his lower lip and then nodded, acting like it wasn't a big deal even if it was.

"I figured you might not be able to take off." This wasn't a lie. It was true. It was just hard to say like it was okay. He wanted it to be okay, and the conflicting emotions was hard to control. HE glanced out the window as Hope drove to the park. "I think I'll go hiking tomorrow. I'll take Jazzy. Probably up to Blue Ridge." It was a trail he had been on often. It was in the mountains, but it was an obvious trail and one that wasn't too strenuous. He figured that would be safe enough. It would also take most of the day, but he'd be home before Hope got off work. He would make sure to be.

"I'll cook dinner." he went on. "Then maybe Tuesday I'll go to the river. Won't take the kayak though." He just wanted to be near it. Despite his pretend that he was okay, he wasn't going to push his luck. He wouldn't put himself into such danger. The doctor had him scared to even get a paper cut. "Then maybe mill about town. When you get off work, do you wanna go to Asian Roll? I might invite a few friends..."
 
Though she hated the fact that she may not be able to take off work, Hope almost felt like it would be good for her, just so that she could take her mind off of all of this. Maybe it would even make her feel better after having to look at a screen for hours while she worked on the photos because she knew that her mind would be so wrapped around that to try and make the pictures look the best that she wouldn't have time to think about William and his cancer. But... Why did that thought make her feel even more guilty about everything? Because she wanted to spend the time with him, because she didn't want to spend a second away from him while he was here because she didn't want to see him go, because she was afraid that he would slip out of her life when she wasn't ready for him to do that. But they needed the money; they needed any little amount of money that they could get. She wasn't sure whether or not William would be put on a paid leave or if he would have to quit for the time being and be left with nothing. She didn't really know how any of that was going to work.

"Like I said, I'll see what I can do about it all." She listened to his listing of what he wanted to do for the next three days, nodding her head as she turned down another street, stopped at a stop sign, and then started moving again, all the while thinking about what he was saying. Going on a hike, going to the river... What if something happened to him out there? During the week she knew that the trails were scarce of many people there, and there was even a scarce amount of people that would be at the river during the week as well, and since there would hardly be anyone there what if something happened to him? What if he needed the help but wasn't able to get the help because he was unconscious again, or if he found himself in so much pain that he wouldn't be able to move. Even if Jazzy was there she wouldn't be able to be of much help but she couldn't carry William and she couldn't take him to the hospital. "Okay. Just... Let me know when you leave and when you get back. Like you normally do." But how could she advise him to not do that? "And you can choose what you want to make for dinner; just nothing too bad since we're having this today."

Almost she hated herself for not telling him her fears about him going off on a hike and to the river on his own, but she pushed the notion down and just let it be. He was an adult, and he could take care of himself or at least so she hoped. And he wanted to be treated normally. But was it right to do so at the expensive of his own health? Hope had to bite the inside of her cheek to not say anything about it, but when he mentioned his friends she stiffened a bit, her heart beating a little faster at that. Right, his friends and his family. What were they going to think about the news? How were they going to take it all? She wasn't sure whether or not he would tell them at Asian Roll, something that she doubted because why would he tell them in a public place like that? Friends, maybe, would be good people to see. They would treat him normally because they didn't know what was happening to him. "And I like that idea, even with you inviting friend to come along. It may be... Good for you." She knew that he didn't want it to be mentioned, but she couldn't help it, even if she grimaced to herself.

Another turn and another red light and then they were at the park. There were a few cars in the parking lot, the yells of children as they played on the play set that wasn't far from the parking lot being able to be heard from the car. Her eyes looked in the direction before she looked in the opposite direction to see that there wasn't anyone in the wide open area filled with grass, seeing as most people there were either teenagers playing basketball on the basketball court or families with little ones playing on the play set. They could sit on the little hill, she figured, and just relax. "Come on. Let's go before anyone decides that they want to sit there."
 
William had a thought going around in his head, and he bit his lip a little bit. Friday... Hope would still have work. But, she wouldn't let him go in on his own, would she? He didn't think so, but he wasn't going to ask. Not until Wednesday night. "I will." he answered about the texts. Maybe he'd even send her a few pictures of him and Jazzy enjoying their time out together. Sometimes he did that if she didn't come. His pictures weren't nearly as good as her's, but he wasn't a photographer and he was using a cell phone. He thought she'd like them anyway, and she'd never said anything to the contrary.

He grimaced almost at the exact same time and the exact same way as Hope did. He said nothing about that. He just wanted to see his friends. It wasn't that big of a deal. He didn't say anything about it though. William was glad she hadn't said anything else though. He got out of the car, taking the food with him. He got to the back, clipping the leash to Jazzy who jumped out of the car. He grabbed the blanket too, draping it over his shoulder. Shifting both leash and food to one hand, he went to Hope and took her hand in its own action. Normally he'd walk and take her hand or in some other way make it a secondary action, but he didn't think time. He gave her hand a squeeze and then started to walk with her to the hill top.

It was a good view, and William dropped the leash and put the food down. Making sure Jazzy didn't get into it, he spread the blanket out. Jazzy stayed right by his side. Once the blanket was on the grass he sat down. Jazzy sat down too, tail still wagging. William wondered if she would ever stop wagging.
 
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