Afraid of Losing You {AcornTree}

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Giving a bit of a breathless laugh at the notion of him calling her mom, Hope smiled to him before she nodded and walked away then. When she got back to the apartment, Jazzy was as anxious as she had left the dog before, and when Hope went to check and see if the dog had eaten anything, only to see that she hadn't, Hope sighed and decided to pick her up to calm her down a bit. Little whimpers and whines came from Jazzy, but she otherwise stayed in Hope's hold, to which Hope was even a little thankful for because this almost comforted her in a way as well. At least she was holding something, someone rather, that was also close to her. Maybe not as close as she was to William, but Jazzy was apart of William, one that Hope also loved. She brought them back to the bedroom and set Jazzy down on the bed before she decided to take a shower, muddling over her thoughts as she stood under the water, wondering what William was doing, wondering if he was okay. Wondering if they had any results back.

The thoughts of that sent a shuddering breath out of Hope, but she bit her lip and turned the shower off before she headed out of it. And with the rest of the routines she did, with her getting into her night clothes, this day she decided to wear one of William's old shirts, one that came down to a few inches above her knees. She just wanted something to represent him in that moment. And as she climbed into the bed she started to check her phone before a period of text were sent between one another, her mind a bit calmed over the fact that he must be feeling well enough if he was texting her, even if she would have loved to have rather had been talking to him in that moment, texting was the next best thing, she figured. And when he mentioned something about his dinner being tasteless and bland, it reminded her that she hadn't eaten anything since that morning, but she wasn't hungry. The thought of eating made her sick because of the worry that continued to flutter through her. Maybe her stomach would be settled in the morning, she told herself, and then she would eat.

But she had grown disappointed when it was time for bed, sending one last text to William of a good night and that she loved him, and then she laid down in bed but was unable to get herself to get any sleep. Jazzy was sidled up against her side, her head resting against Hope's stomach as Hope laid on her back and continuously with one of her hands stroked down Jazzy's back. It was in that moment that she found herself a little grateful for the dog, because at least she didn't have to be alone right now. The both of them needed each other right now, she figured.

Only had she been able to get about two, maybe three, hours of sleep before her eyelids refused to close again. For hours she looked up at the ceiling, wondering if William was sleeping well enough or if he was complaining about it again. Regardless, when she turned and looked over at the alarm clock to see that it was seven o'clock, Hope decided to get up to take a shower. After the shower she took care of Jazzy by taking her out and then refilling her food again. She even got herself a little breakfast which just consisted of two pieces of toast, something that she could stomach for the time being. When she was finished with that there were still another hour before she had to leave, to which she spent that time with Jazzy, telling her that everything was going to be okay and that there was nothing to worry about while trying to gauge the dog's mind with a few toys she had. Apparently Jazzy wasn't amused by anything by her lack of wanting to play, not that Hope could blame her.

When it was time for her to leave, and as she started towards her car, she sent William a text to let him know that she was on her way, and when she made it back to the hospital she went back down the halls and ended up back in the waiting room where she walked over to the nurses station. It was about five minutes after nine, so when the woman told her that he hadn't been moved and that she could see them, Hope smiled as the woman lead her to the room. The nurse opened the door with a good morning before she let Hope into the room and closed the door behind her, letting the two by themselves for a little bit as she would go to get the doctor. "Hey, good morning." She smiled as she looked at William, herself walking over to the bed and then leaning in to give him a kiss. "How are you feeling?"
 
When the door opened at nine, William was expecting Hope and he was not disappointed. He sat up and then kissed her when she leaned to kiss him. "Morning." He answered back. "I'm feeling pretty good. Tired, but, I didn't get much sleep last night. I missed you. Did you sleep okay?" The lights were on in his room. His headache was completely gone now, for which William was incredibly grateful. It had been hard just to think sometimes with his head pounding that way. It was still a little hard to think now, with his stomach turning flips as they waited for the doctor to come and tell them both what was going on.

William's wallet was open on the table next to him. He had moved his driver's license to display the picture of him, Jazzy, and Hope together instead. He always kept it behind his license, but now it was front and center. He sat up then, in anticipation of the doctor coming and to leave. He took her hand again. William was hardly nervous about anything, but he was incredibly nervous about this. He was reminded of the first time he'd ever done a recital. It was the same sort of feeling, except worse. He wasn't worried about recitals anymore, but now this was taking its place in things he was afraid of. "I"m ready to get out of here." He remarked. He was sure that Hope was too. He had already brushed his teeth, happy that Hope had thought to bring his toothbrush. The only reason he hadn't changed into his new set of clothes was on the off chance he had to stay there. He was really hoping he wouldn't have to, though.
 
Again, it was good to hear that he was doing fine, or at least relatively so. At least he wasn't in the state that she had found in him yesterday morning, the very imagine sending a shiver down her spine, but she pushed the sight off with the shake of her head and went back over to the chair that she had sat in before and pulled it right back up to the bed. "That's great to here," she started, her eyes catching sight of his open wallet that was on the nightstand next to the bed. Hope turned her head to look at it, tilted her head a bit, but then smiled at the picture she saw that was showing of her, him, and Jazzy. She remembered getting that picture taken, for once her not being the one who had taken it, and she was happy to see that he still had it. But when he continued to speak she turned her attention back to him, smiling before she reached out a hand and tucked a few strands of hair behind his ear, smiling to finally have some contact with him again after being away from him for the night. "I missed you too, but I slept... Okay." She shrugged her shoulders, figuring how she felt that moment didn't matter. All that mattered, in her mind, was that he was doing okay. And he even looked a little better. She could see the fatigue that had seemed to overtake his body, which was a sight that worried her, but otherwise she figured that he looked pretty normal besides the hospital gown.

"Jazzy slept in the bed with me last night. And I know she normally isn't allowed to do that, but I figured that last night could be an exception. I needed her there with me, and I think she needed me with her too. She missed you, and I think she might have been looking for you this morning." It was a sad sight, yes, to see and remember seeing how Jazzy, as soon as she got off the bed, started going around the house with whimpers and whines coming from her mouth before little barks would could out, almost as if she was asking for William to appear before her. Hope hadn't really realized the type of bond that Jazzy and William held with one another, but after the events she witnessed last night it was safe for her to say that Jazzy loved William as much as he loved her.

There was a little bit of a pause before the door opened again, a different nurse poking her head into the room, mentioning that the doctor would be there in a minute to talk to them. Hope swallowed, but nodded her head before she turned her attention back to William when the door was closed. "I know you said that you told them not to tell you anything until I got here, but have you heard anything at all? Even something little?"
 
William nodded when she said she slept okay. He knew it probably wasn't true. She had likely slept as good as he did. When she admitted to having Jazzy with her he smiled gently and then nodded again. "I'm kind of glad you slept with her." He told Hope. "I didn't want either of you to be alone..." William added. He looked up at the nurse as she mentioned the doctor would be in soon and then looked back at Hope. He felt almost like he was going to be sick, and he hoped that that was just nerves and something else. He shook his head at her questions.

"No." He answered. "I didn't want to know... I just wanted you to be here for any of that." He admitted. He sighed, and a few minutes later a doctor came in. Not the one he had seen before that had run all the tests, which made William nervous. She was a pretty lady with dark skin and short curly hair. She extended a hand first to William and then Hope.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Jen." She introduced herself. She directed her next question to William. "Would you like to have some privacy for this?" She asked it kindly, but it tipped William off that something must be wrong. She wouldn't introduce herself or ask if he wanted privacy if it was anything good. Instead he shook his head, holding on to Hope's hand a little tighter.

"No, this is my girlfriend, Hope. I'd like her to stay." William answered verbally. Dr. Jen nodded as she consulted the clipboard she carried with her and then took a deep breath.

"Well, Mr. Talley, we've run several tests to try to figure out whats been going on." She started off. "We have those results back now, and they're pretty clear. I'm sorry, Mr. Talley, but you have Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, a type of cancer that builds up in the blood and bone marrow. Basically your body is making too many white blood cells. AML moves a lot faster than other leukemia cancers. You may start to experience fevers, pain, and weight loss soon, which would indicate a faster progression than we originally anticipated. So far, its been moving pretty aggressively based on the information you and your girlfriend have given us. Most patients don't experience such headaches, but its not unheard of, and every patient is different. Because its so aggressive, I'm recommending you start treatment within the week. I'm sure you've heard of chemotherapy? Leukemia cancer uses something similar, but is not quite the same. It would require a month's stay here at the hospital, and it does not guarantee recovery. If the chemo doesn't work out, there are other options to peruse, but we do have to move quickly, and cross that bridge when we get there. We'll put you on the bone marrow registry, so in case it comes to that you'll have that in reserve. " She hesitated, giving the two of them a sympathetic look. "Its a good thing you came in when you did." She ended.

William had hardly heard most of what the doctor had explained. As soon as he heard the word 'cancer' he felt a lot like he was under water and unable to hear anything. He just stared at the woman in front of him, finding it just a bit hard to breathe but nothing that would alert anyone else. He was most definitely in shock, and didn't know what to say or do. He felt fine, apart from the fatigue. He couldn't really have cancer... he was already trying to deny it. But this wasn't exactly some sort of joke gone wrong. It just... it couldn't be right. The doctor had stopped talking but William just kept staring.
 
"I wouldn't be surprised if she would try to get on the bed and sleep with us once you come back. Either that, or she just won't want to leave your side for a while." The thought of it made her laugh, mostly because it made her feel better to think about things like that because while it was slightly out of the norm, it was still relatively normal. They would be happy again, and just as quickly things would go back to normal. All they needed was the doctor's word, and then they would be gone, released from the hospital, and then they could put all of this behind them. Well, except for the bills that would undoubtedly come, but she figured that they would be able to work something out with that. It would probably be a little rough for a bit, but if it meant that William was back at home, happy and healthy with her and Jazzy, then she would be completely okay with it.

But she had been a little disappointed to hear that they hadn't mentioned anything to him, not even anything to give him a little bit of hope or anything. That made her sigh, but maybe that was just a good thing. Maybe that meant that they weren't in any dire need to tell him anything. She leaned back in the chair a little as the thought crossed her mind, muttering a small okay before she reached out and grabbed onto his hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze. And when the doctor finally came into the room, closing the door behind her, Hope sat up straight in the seat and looked at the woman, using her free hand to shake the woman's hand as it was presented to her. A sort of anxiousness ran through her as she swallowed as she waited for the doctor to say something, ready to hear him say that nothing was wrong and that he just needed to keep a better check of his diet so that they could head back home... But then she said that she was sorry, and that was when Hope felt everything in her drop to the floor.

It had been a good thing that she was sitting, otherwise she probably would have fallen to the ground and would have been admitted into a room herself after passing out and possibly knocking her head against something. On second thought, maybe she wanted something like that to happen; maybe she wanted to go unconscious so that she wouldn't have to continue to listen to this woman speak those words that were coming from her mouth. Cancer, aggressive, chemotherapy... No! Things like that only happened with people who had cancer, and William couldn't have cancer, not one that she deemed to be aggressive. He couldn't have cancer at all...

Her body felt numb and weak, almost like it had yesterday morning except much worse. Her heart was pounding in her chest again, and in that moment she felt as if the entire room had started to heat up. She was beginning to sweat, she was beginning to feel tears come to her eyes as her throat was beginning to close on her, beginning to hurt as she shook her head. Her breathing was beginning to quicken as well and she was beginning to feel light headed. This had to be a joke, Hope was convinced. This couldn't be real. Why wasn't William saying anything? "No... No, you're wrong, he can't have cancer!" She didn't know where her voice had come from, and she hadn't expected it to come out so angry either. Her eyes were trained on the doctor again as she shook her head quickly. "H-he's healthy, he exercises every day, and-and he... He can't have that. He was fine a few days ago, he was fine a week ago! This can't be happening to him." Again she shook her head, not wanting to believe it, not wanting to listen to anything this woman was saying. It didn't make any sense to her, it didn't make sense for this to happen to him! "You had to have read everything wrong; this isn't happening to him, this can't be happening to him because things like this don't happen that quickly and they don't happen to him." Her voice quivered heavily as she spoke, the anger in her tone as well as fear.

She quickly turned and looked at William, noticing that he still had the same look on his face that he had a few seconds before. "Right William? You even said it yourself that you're fine and that you're ready to go home. You're okay, you're not sick," she pleaded with him, wanting him to say that she was right and that the doctor was wrong. "Right?"
 
William snapped out of it when he heard Hope call his name. He looked at her and then back at the doctor, realizing Hope was not taking this well. He wasn't taking it well either, but not quite as hysterical as Hope was. He shook his head at her, although he wasn't sure why he was doing that.

The Doctor spoke up. "I know this can be very shocking for the both of you..." The doctor tried to intervene. "But the tests are conclusive. This is also why you've been feeling fatigued and having a loss of appetite... I can leave the two of you alone for a few minutes to process this, but I'll be right outside the room if you have any questions. I'm here to help you, so anything I can do, just let me know." She said kindly. She left the room the, waiting for the two of them to come to terms with this in privacy. She was the specialist, and didn't have as many places to be as other doctors might. So she waited for them.

William felt like his whole world was crashing down around him, and Hope was going down with it quicker than he could watch. "Hope... Hope... stop." He needed her to stop because she was freaking him out more than he already was. He was shaking, giving away how freaked out he actually was despite how calm he seemed. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He knew how Hope felt. He wanted to act exactly how she was right then, but he didn't. "I... I need you to stop. She wouldn't... say that... if it wasn't true..."
 
Everything was beginning to fall to pieces in her mind, and Hope wasn't dealing with it very well in the least bit. Even despite the fact that she could feel William shaking because of the hand that she was still holding, even if she could see the look of despair and shock upon his face, she didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to believe that he thought it was true either, and she just... Didn't want to be here anymore. She wanted to go back home, she wanted to go back home with William so that they could forget about this and so that they could go back to their normal lives. They would go back home and hug Jazzy. She would make a big breakfast so that the both of them could eat and then the two of them could just relax and hold each other and maybe even make love to each other because they hadn't been able to do that with one another the night before because he had been here and she had been at the apartment.

Hope didn't register a things the doctor had said other than the fact that she would leave the two in private for a while and that the results were conclusive. They were conclusive... It had to be a mistake. Didn't doctors make mistakes with diagnostics all of the time? It just couldn't be true, it just couldn't be! She wanted to yell at the doctor again, a sort of anger coming over her now but before she could say anything the door was being closed and the only ones left in the room were her and William. That once hopeful air that used to surround the area was now gone, turning rigid, tense, full of fear and Hope was beginning to break under it especially after she looked back at William when he started to speak to her. He wanted her to stop, he believed the doctor and Hope couldn't believe what he was saying to her. Why had he believed that woman?

She shook her head, gulped, and then reached her other hand to grab onto William's other hand, shaking them lightly as she took a sharp breath with trying to keep herself under control even if she knew that her control had been lost. "No, no, William, she can't be right and you can't think she's right either!" She sniffed, leaning closer to him as she felt tears start to slip from her eyes. In the back of her mind, she knew that it was bad to act this way when around him, especially when he was the one that this news had been brought upon because she knew that it would do nothing but freak him out even more and make him feel worse. But she couldn't help it, and it was odd even to her because usually she had control over herself; she generally had a good grasp on her emotions, but this... "Y-you can't believe her because if you do... Then- then that means that it's probably true. And you can't have cancer. William..." Her voice had lowered at that point, it not being as hysterical as it had been before with the doctor.
 
William's mouth felt dry. He wanted, almost needed, Hope's strength right then. Unlike her he had automatically accepted this, even if all he wanted to do was deny deny deny. He couldn't. At least, not out loud. It all seemed so surreal. So crazy. Like it couldn't happen to him. He didn't want to believe it, but he had to. The doctor had said this thing was aggressive, which meant they had to move. Despite not hearing anything after the word 'cancer', he apparently had filed the information into his brain anyway.

When Hope started to tell him that he couldn't believe it he squeezed his eyes shut and pulled both of his hands away from her. She was breaking him apart and he was trying really hard to be strong and put together. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes and he swiped them away harshly. "Hope, please! Stop!" His words came out a little harder than he meant to. He didn't want to be angry at her, or upset. He needed her. He'd trusted her to be here and now he wasn't sure if he should have now. He swallowed thickly, mouth still dry.

"I need you to stop..." he said a bit more calmly. Having cancer was horrible but seeing Hope like this was just as bad, and he felt like he just wanted to float away from everything. To just give it all up and forget about things. Pretend like it never happened. Because it was better than feeling like he was losing everything and watching Hope fall apart. "Please... I.... I need you.... I need you."
 
Deep down, Hope knew that it was true and that he had cancer. Why she could feel it deep down in that moment she couldn't say, but if the doctor said it, then it had to be true, right? Not necessarily, she continued to tell herself because mistakes happened all the time and this just had to be a mistake. There was no way he could have cancer, an aggressive one because if he did then... Then that meant she could be losing him, even as time ticked by right now she could be losing him because there was no telling of whether or not he was going to be able to survive this. His life could be slipping away from him right now, and what was she going to do? It had been a rough night last night for her to go through with him not being there, so how was she supposed to survive if he didn't?

When that thought came to mind, accompanied by William's loud voice that caused her to flinch and that caused her to look down at his hands that he had pulled out of her grip, she could hardly breath. A silence ran between them as she looked down at the bed, her lips and brows twitching as it took everything in her body to not break down in that moment and to just sob into William. That was all she wanted to do right because she didn't know how she was supposed to handle this situation; she didn't know how she was supposed to act with something like this! It was scary. It was terrifying and devastating and saddening because she could see nothing good coming out of this. This is why she hated hospitals; because nothing good ever came out of them except for babies, but again she reminded herself that she wasn't pregnant, and that they wouldn't be carrying a baby out of this place.


One of her hands went to cover her mouth as she heard William again, this time his voice lower, calmer. Why did it seem as if he was taking this so much better than she was? Because he was stronger, she wanted to reason, and because he didn't want to break down in front of her like she was doing to him in that moment. Her eyes looked back up at him, her hand dropping from her mouth as she just looked at him. This was the man she loved so much, a man that she could never see herself without, and now... Now he had cancer. And he needed her. He needed her to be strong for him because while she thought he was taking the news of this so much better than she was, when she looked into his eyes she knew that he wanted to break down just like she was. "...I'm sorry." She croaked out before she quickly leaned forward and put her arms around William, enveloping him into a tight embrace as she rested her head against his. "I'm sorry..."
 
William's mouth twitched a little as he waited for her to either continue her hysterics or to finally stop. His heart was beating painfully in his chest. In that moment it seemed like everything hurt, both physically and emotionally. He knew this was hurting Hope to. Of course it was, and when he thought about it he didn't know which side of this would be worse to be on. She leaned towards him and he leaned into her too, putting his arms around her. He closed his eyes against the tears that were starting to brim there again. Cancer...

The word was echoing in his head, bouncing about manically. Cancer cancer cancer. He was trying to hold on to whatever was left, to be strong if not for Hope than just for himself. He'd never thought... never even contemplated something like this happening. How... was he ever supposed to tell his family? He didn't want to stay here for a whole month, be sick for at least a whole month and then maybe even beyond that. He shuddered at the thought, his hands still shaky. His throat was sticky and hurt painfully and he shook his head at her second apology. He didn't want her apology. He just needed her... to be put together. Even if it was just for now. He'd never needed her to be strong for him but he needed it now. William felt like he was at the top of a roller coaster and it was about to go dipping down that first hill, except that there was track missing at the bottom and there was nothing he could do but ride it out.

"I don't... I don't know... what to do.." His voice was watery. He'd never felt so helpless before. He always had a direction to go, knew what he wanted and how to get it and then he worked for it. There was so much. So many people to call, to explain, and he didn't think he could handle it. Especially if they took it like Hope did. And he knew his mother would especially. He had a job, a life, a dog, a family, his students... and most of all Hope. And Hope was the only one who knew and he couldn't handle it.
 
At the sound of his broken, watery voice, Hope almost lost it. It took everything in her body to not just break down and sob right there, right as she held him, right as her mouth was so close to his ear that he would have been able to hear her. But she reminded herself that he needed her, he said he needed her, and she couldn't break down like she had a few moments ago on him. Tears were falling from her eyes though, and she sniffed her nose as she clutched onto William tighter than she had before, wanting to hold him, never wanting to let him go because she was afraid that if she let him go she would never be able to hold him like this again. She closed her eyes and tried to breath deeply, though her breaths only came out shaky, and even one sob had escaped from her in that moment as well, in that moment when she listened to William admit that he didn't know what to do. She didn't know what to do either. What was supposed to do? What was he supposed to do?

"I don't know either," she whispered to him, shaking her head as she sniffed again and felt as more tears fell from her eyes. She felt lost in that moment, probably as lost as she imagined William was feeling in that moment. Was this how most people felt in moments like this? Such a sadness that she couldn't even begin to describe, a sadness that hurt? It was hard to her to remember whether or not when she saw her parents in the state that they had been in that night of the accident if she had broken down like this. More than likely, she probably had, however there was a part of her that had always known that they would pull through on that because all they had were broken bones and scratches. There was no internal bleeding or anything really life threatening that happened to them. But this, what was happening with William? He was sick. This was something that could be killing him right now as they spoke, and he was so young, he was too young and he had so much to do in his life, so many things that Hope wanted to see and be apart of and support him through. Why did this have to happen to him?

It was had for her to swallow, it was hard for her to do anything in that moment other than to just have her arms around him. "Do you... Want me to get the doctor for you?" But still she did not pull way from him to look at his face of his body. Her eyes were still closed and her voice had still been shaky and broken when she asked him the question. But getting the doctor would probably be best. She would know what to do then, right?
 
William's fingers felt the fabric of the shirt against Hope's back as if he'd never felt that before, even if he had hundreds of times. He ran his hand down her back and back up, never wanting to let her go. When she said she didn't know either he just held on to her a little tighter. They had to get through this together. He... hoped. Hoped that they could and would. He'd never been so unsure about anything in his entire life. William was a risk taker. He sought out intense situations, but this was on a whole different level. He bit his lower lip when she asked if he wanted her to go get the doctor. He didn't want to let go of her, and her getting the doctor would require that.

This was what William needed though. Even if her voice was uncertain and broken, this was what he needed from Hope. She didn't have to act like everything was okay. It wasn't. He just needed her to not break. He needed her to not break so that he wouldn't break either. He took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. "Wait..." He replied. He didn't want the doctor just yet. "She said... a week, right?" His own voice sounded very much like Hope's. Just deeper and his own, but still that shaky, watery, broken kind of tone. He was talking about the chemo. A week, and then he would be stuck in here. There was almost nothing William hated more than being stuck indoors. He was an outdoor person. He ran, kayaked, hiked, climbed mountains. He could do none of that indoors. His music was his escape from indoors. And he loved that escape, but he would be restless and unhappy and stuffed up and caged indoors. Even with his music.
 
It was almost a little calming when she could feel William rub his hands up and down the back of her shirt, almost as if he was trying to soothe her when she felt like she had to sooth him. But, when Hope thought about it, she figured that the both of them needed to sooth each other because of all of this. And when he told her to wait after her question, she didn't move. Instead she sunk a little more into William, wanting nothing more than to just climb on the bed with him and lay down next to him to curl up and press her head against his chest like she did most nights back at home before they had to go to bed and even in the morning when they would first wake up. She wanted to trace little patterns over his bare chest with her fingers and whisper sweet nothings to him while he did the same back to her. But now, she knew that they couldn't do that. Perhaps they could whisper words of encouragement to one another, however she knew that neither of them were up for that in that moment because neither of them knew what was going to happen, and both of them were afraid of what could happen.

Instead of tracing patterns along his back, she clutched onto the back of the gown a little more, nuzzling her head more into his neck. She didn't want to let him go; she didn't want anything to happen to him, and every time she thought about it she couldn't help but feel her throat tighten up like it was now, causing even more tears to fall down her face. Her lips still quivered though she had to bite the inside of her cheek to continue to keep herself in check. She couldn't lose herself right now... "I don't know. Maybe?" She hadn't been paying much attention to what the woman had been saying as far as treatment wise, Hope only having registered what she said about the cancer and about him having it. Still she wanted to deny it, still she wanted to believe that it was some sort of mistake and that they just needed to run more test on him to see that they had been wrong. "..Why?"
 
It was such a comfort, even in this time when he felt inconsolable, to feel Hope's face against his neck. He took another deep breath and then let it out slowly. "Because if I have a week, I don't want to spend it here." He told her. He'd come back. Come back to do the chemo, but not today and not tomorrow. He wanted his week, if that's what the doctor had said. He wanted it to do whatever he could first. Whatever he wanted. Just to pretend that he wasn't sick before he had to face it. He had been indulging in his tiredness before because he thought it would pass. Now that it might not he just wanted to do anything and everything no matter how tired he was.

"I don't want to tell anyone else. Not yet, okay? Not even my parents... I just... I just want to be normal. One more week I just want to be normal. Be us." He knew already what staying in the hospital for a month would do. It would define his entire life for just a chance at recovery. It might BE the rest of his life. So he wasn't ready to do it right then. "I just want to have some fun first, okay? Make it so that I'm not sick just for a few more days..." He hoped Hope would agree with him. He hoped that she wouldn't tell anyone, that she would do this with him and for him. He wanted to leave this hospital like everything was okay and go do things before he couldn't do them.
 
Hope bit her lip as she listened to everything that William was saying, her face still in his neck, her arms still tight around them though she could feel her grip beginning to falter with what he was saying. She wanted to just outright agree with him; she wanted to just say yes and go back home so that they could act like everything was normal and act like nothing was wrong with him for an entire week. But... Could she really do that? She could understand why he would want to do that because she knew that there was no telling of what could happen, but hearing him say that scared her because it made her think that he didn't believe that he was going to make it through all of this. One more week to be normal... That, in her mind, made it seem as if he never would be normal again and that everything would just be gone after the week. And maybe it would, or maybe it wouldn't. She didn't know because she didn't know how quickly everything worked with this. All she knew was that she knew she wouldn't be able to act like everything was normal because she knew that it wouldn't be.

And was it not a stupid decision to do that? The doctor said that it was aggressive, and if he needed to start treatment as soon as possible, then wouldn't waiting make his chances of survival lower, if he had any chance of living through this in the first place? Hope pulled back from the little embrace and removed her arms from around him so that she could place her hands on the side of his face, her head leaning forward to press their foreheads together lightly because she actually wanted to see his face. This... Wasn't an easy decision to make, because she wanted to make the right one for him, though what was the right decision? What he supposed to do with his work, with his class, with his music? Maybe that would be a good reason for him to go home; so that he could get all of that settled and taken care of. "I won't tell anyone," she said softly, nodding her head to that bit. She could understand why he wouldn't want anyone to know, because there was no doubt in her mind that as soon as his parents found out they would be on their way here to see him, and there was no doubt in her mind that people would treat him differently. "I just... Don't know what to say to the rest, because I don't want anything to happen to you while you're not here, but I also don't want you to be miserable and I know you will if you have to start things up right away." She sniffed again as she took a shaky breath. "I don't know if I'll be able to act like none of this is happening, even if we go back home, because I'll know that is it."
 
William didn't want to start it. Not now. He wanted to go out and have fun. Any kind of fun. Anything but be here for another month. He had a bit of hope when Hope said that she wouldn't tell anyone, but then she admitted that she didn't think they could do what he was asking for. He felt his heart fall as he looked at her, into her eyes. William bit his lower lip as he tried to figure out what to say, to get her to understand better. "I... Can we just... try?" He asked. "If... I do this now, take the next step, I won't... be the person I was before I came in here. Before I was just William, or William, the teacher. But if I'm here I'll be William with cancer, or maybe even later William who used to have cancer and I... I just want to try to be William for a few more days." Was he making sense? He wasn't sure, but he hoped that he was.

He couldn't help but to feel like this was going to define him. As much as he didn't want it to, he might not have a choice. He couldn't change how other people perceived him. He wouldn't be able to do the things he always did here. He probably wouldn't be up to doing the things he used to. If he came out of this then he might go back to them, but at what cost? "I'm going to try my hardest." He assured her. He would. William wasn't ready for this yet. He still had things he wanted to do. Things he wouldn't be able to do in the small amount of time allotted to him before he had to start treatment. He'd become a teacher to to shape futures, but now it looked liked his own future was quickly diminishing.
 
Now, Hope really wanted to speak with the doctor and she actually wanted to listen to what the woman had to say this time rather than just yell at the woman because she was upset. Well, really she still was upset about this entire situation because why did this have to happen to William? Why did it have to happen to him, of all people in the world? He was a good person, he was a person who cared for others, so why did this have to happen to him? Her eyes were stuck on his as he started speaking to her, herself biting her lip as she turned her eyes to look away for a quick second, again feeling that lump begin to form in her throat. While she didn't now if she could really understand the position he had been put in, she could understand why he would want to just be normal for a little while longer. He just wanted to try and be him for a little bit longer before reality really had to set into him, and that thought saddened her as well. He would always be William to her, no matter what. He would always be William, the man she loved more than anything else in the world regardless of any of this. "William..."

She blew out a little sigh before she turned her eyes to look back at him, a frown across her lips, her hands still shaking even as they held William's face. Could she really just tell him no and that it would probably be best to get it done and over with so that they wouldn't have to worry anymore? No, she couldn't, and Hope realized that when she saw the look on his face. He needed this; he needed things to be normal for a little bit longer. And who was she to take that away from him? "O-okay," she said, giving a little nod of her head, her word soft spoken. "We can try. We can go home and be normal for a little while longer. You can be normal for a little bit... I just don't want you to overwork yourself. I don't want anything more to happen you."
 
William let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding when she agreed. Yes. He needed this. He pushed his face a little further into her left hand, glad that she could understand. Glad that she would go along with this even if she feared she might not be able to. He wanted to see Jazzy again and take her for a run. If he could, he wanted to go kayaking. Maybe he'd go to school one last time before he had to take leave. He knew realistically that they couldn't fire him for being sick, so it would be there when he got back. He hoped he would come back. There were many things he wanted to do, he just hoped that he was up for it.

"I won't overwork myself." He promised, even if he might just break that promise. He'd never broken a promise to Hope before, but he made that one knowing it was a possibility. He licked his lips. With this plan in mind, he felt a little less lost. "Okay... we can talk to the doctor now... We'll make sure with her, and then go home. OKay?" He checked with her one last time. He didn't know what else the doctor had to say to them before he started the chemo, but he assumed there were forms to fill out and everything else. "I'll... tell my parents the day before." He decided then. They wouldn't understand if he told them now. They'd come rushing down and be all over him and he didn't want that. He would give them time for that, but at the end.
 
There was a part of Hope that still didn't like the idea of waiting so long, because she still wasn't sure, neither of them were sure, of how bad this really was for him already. How far along had this cancer progressed through his body, or did they still need him to take a few more test in order to figure that out? She figured that she could ask the doctor all of those questions once she would get back in the room, but even as she started to think about it Hope could feel her mind begin to spin and go numb. So many thoughts running through there, too many thoughts running through her mind, so many so that she didn't really know what to think about anything of this. Anger, hurt, sadness... Those were only a few of the emotions she felt right now, even as William promised her that he wouldn't overwork himself when they were back home. Did she really trust him to not do something like that? Did she really even want to give him a chance?

She didn't say anything as she finally pulled away from William, feeling that warmth slip away from her, though as soon as she let her hands drop from his face she nodded her head and wiped at her eyes. It was a good thing, she figured, that she hadn't decided to wear any makeup that morning, otherwise it probably would have been smeared across her face and ruined. She sniffed a few more times as she tried to wipe away the wet tears that were on her face, her eyes feeling puffy and tired all in that same moment as she stood up completely and started to head for the door. After hesitating for a second, with a shaky hand, she reached out after making it to the door and opened it, biting her lip as she poked her head outside to look for the doctor. Where was... Oh, there she was. There was almost a sense of embarrassment that swept through Hope in that moment when she thought about how she had yelled at the woman before, but when she thought about it there was no doubt in Hope's mind that that wasn't the first, nor would it be the last, time that someone had yelled at her over this.

She motioned for the woman to come back into the room, clearing her throat before she walked back into the room and sat in the chair. She heard the doctor close the door behind her again as she stepped closer to the bed, though Hope, after reaching out a hand to grab back onto William's because she didn't want to not have any sort of contact with him, turned her attention to look back at the doctor. "I'm... Sorry for yelling at you before. I was just upset." Again she cleared her throat, her voice still cracking and weak as she wiped her eyes again.
 
Doctor Jen gave Hope a small smile as she motioned for her to come into the room again. She did so, closing the door, and then moving back to the bed. Before she could speak Hope had apologized. She gave her a kind smile again. "Its alright." She assured. "It is a natural response to such news for some people." She added. It wasn't anything she hadn't heard before. Some people got violent, even, but Doctor Jen just took it in stride. It was all a part of her job.

Looking between the two of them she got back to business. "Have we decided on when to start chemo? Keep in mind that you can refuse to do so, but -" Before she could continue William cut in. He didn't want to know what happened if he didn't start chemo.

"When is the latest possible time I could start?" He asked. "I have some things I'd like to take care of first, before I come back here." The doctor nodded. Most people wanted to wait. She consulted her clip board.

"I would not push it any longer than Friday." She responded. William thought about this. That gave him the rest of today, and then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and then late that night he'd call his parents so Thursday he would have to give up the rouse he planned on living. He'd like more, but it would be enough. He nodded his head. "Friday then." He answered. "We can start Friday." Doctor Jen didn't argue with him. She just nodded her head and marked that on his charts.

"There are some things you need to be aware of being signing the papers. First and foremost, you have to understand that even after undoing chemotherapy there may be a chance that the cancer still remains. There are also side effects to chemo therapy, which you can find here in the second section. Some ones to take note of are feelings of depression, nausea, fatigue, prone to other sicknesses, loss of hair, possible erectile dysfunction even after you're finished with chemo, loss of libido, change in appetite, and in some severe cases, memory changes. I'll need a copy of your insurance card and proof of ID for our files. You can bring in your own clothing and any other personal items for your stay here and you may have visitors at almost any hour, including overnight visitation that does not exceed longer than four nights at a time. I know this is a lot to take in, so let me know if I should go over anything else or slow down" Doctor Jen had handed him a packet while she was speaking.

William nodded. "Any personal items?" He asked. Doctor Jen nodded her head.

"You can find a list of items that aren't allowed on the fourth page. If you have any concerns or questions about specific items, you can contact the hospital or just ask me now." William did have questions, but he would ask them later. Specifically instruments. Maybe he could have one or two here, and it wouldn't be so bad. "I must warn you that while you're out before you start chemo, to be very careful with any injuries you may sustain. Leukemia has a tendency to thin the blood, and even a minor cut could become dangerous. As for the nosebleeds, because its not an open wound you should be fine, but if it lasts longer than five minutes please give us a call. If you pass out again you'll have to come in sooner to start treatment, and if there are any other concerning effects you are experiencing, once again please give us a call. I'll give you my personal number, no matter what time it is just call." She went on. "Do you have any other questions?" It was an open question for both William and Hope.
 
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