Activate my Heart

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden waited patiently and when the plate was slid over to him, he paused a moment before taking it, giving Loki plenty of time to move away. Sliding the plate closer to him he picked up the fork and swirled it in the noodles getting a good bite going. Lifting it too his mouth he slurped the dangling bits into his mouth and chewed slowly. Without hunger to drive him to eat, eating was for the taste. So he took his time and ate making sure to savor the flavor of the sauce. Surprisingly it was good.

Zaeden didn't really pay attention to food before, but this was a rather pleasant flavor. "Its good." He said after a few bites and went to swirl some more onto his fork as he watched how slowly Loki ate. He noted how the man didn't really eat his food, more like played with it, which shouldn't have been surprising seeing as how skinny he was. But he wondered if maybe it was hard for the other to eat.

As he finished most of the plate he was given he remained relatively quiet and did his best not to appear rude, but he could not finish the whole plate. Android stomachs were like incinerators, and had practically no limit to the amount of food they could burn inside them. But Zaeden was not used to eating actual food so eating so much was somewhat strange to him. "Thank you." he said once done and slid the plate a little further from him showing that he was finished.

 

[Volo Morior]

He looked up to the other when he spoke and smiled. "I'm glad." He said honestly, hed been a bit worried that the other wouldn't like it. He ate a couple more bites himself before staring down at his plate. Even though hed only given himself a small amount there was still some left, but he wasn't really willing to finish it.

He nodded when the other finished, collecting his plate along with his own. It didn't bother him in the least that the other hadn't finished it all, he wasn't one to talk after all. He placed both plates by the sink in the kitchen, hed clean up later. "You're welcome." He said with a light tone, he felt a bit awkward sharing a meal with someone, but it wasn't too bad.

He then walked out of the kitchen and rubbed his arm as he tried to think of something to say or do. "Want to stay a bit longer? We can sit." He said, glancing at the other before walking to his usual seat and tucking his legs up under himself. He glanced out the window that he left in covered and down at the city bellow alive with lights even as the first tinges of sunrise could almost be seen. He wrapped his arms around himself, a bit lost for a moment in thought, wondering what it would be like to go out around the city like a normal person.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden came to sit on the other side of the of the couch and looked out the window with Loki. The cities lights were bright and from the corner of his eye he studied Loki's profile. It seemed as though he was somewhere else, somewhere far away from here. He took advantage of Loki's wondering mind and just gazed at him, his own face softening and almost felt like smiling again until he turned to look back out the window.

The sky was turning all shades of colors that he rarely paid attention to, but right there sitting close by Loki, with still much space between them, it almost seemed beautiful to him. Though he was sure the city was loud just beyond these wall he was grateful that even with his sharp ears it was hard to make anything out. The only sounds that crept into this moment were low from the club a few floors down, he was sure he was the only one that could hear it from this distance.

"Its the same." He spoke soft as he stared out at the city. They were always the same, no matter where he had gone each city felt the same to him. The people were rude and wanting. The androids all avoided him once they understood his malfunctions, and the area was always way too over populated. Honestly he hated them, but they were the easiest places to blend into. That was until now. It shocked him how much Loki was changing around him in only a few days, it was almost scary. He turned and looked at Loki. "Except you." he smiled again, slow just like the first time, but softer with more comfortability. He felt a sort of fluttering heat within him and he couldn't ignore it, but he couldn't say he hated it. It was strange and new, that was all.

His gray eyes, lightened by the light of the sun, turned back to the window. "I'm glad I met you." he said even softer. He was hoping his feelings were coming across but at the same time he was hoping he wasn't pushing this strange human away with his words. He didn't want to chance making him uncomfortable and run away. He'd feel horrible, and if Loki wished him to, he'd leave forever.

 

[Volo Morior]

He was a bit lostmin his own head, he rarely went out into the city, and when he did it was a very short trip. He could hardley handle a walk across the street, though had had tried at one point to get used to it. He would wait until odd hours of the morning and go down to the next building, just to walk back. But he quickly realized that the stress it caused left him too exhausted and he had given up in short order. He just couldn't be normal.

He blinked at the others words and turned to look at him for a moment. He watched the other smile and flushed slightly, averting his eyes and looking down as he adjusted the sweater again. He didn't really know what the other meant, and he couldn't decide if he was happy or not.

When he spoke again though Loki clutched his shoulder a moment, biting his lip. Was that true? Was he actually glad to meet someone like him? Finally he gave a slight nod. "I'm glad too." He said finally, his voice soft and filled with his usual nerves, as always, never changing. He chuckling lightly, but it was a bit forced. "I don't think anyone else has ever said that." He said, tilting his head slightly as he gave the other a flash of a smile.

He then looked back outside, his expression filling again as if he wasn't really all there. "I was born in a city that was probably a lot like this one." He said, his voice bellow a whisper. But he felt the other could hear him in the silence of the apartment. He rarely, if ever, spoke about his past, but something just then was pushing his usual hesitancy to the side. Perhaps it was just the way the light was coming up, or something else about the current setting that made him think about it.

"I wonder if it was a lot like here. It probably was..." He could barely see people moving bellow and wondered how others could handle it. "It was probably busy and loud like here, and the lights probably lit up everything the same." He closed his eyes a moment, face passive and expressionless before they opened again and he smiled slightly. "I wonder if I had gone back there if I could have walked around." He paused, his eyes glinting with a sullen glimmer in the dim light. "Probably not, huh?" He chuckled lightly then, a dry sound that felt painful.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden watched him speak as Loki gripped his own shoulder. He momentarily got the urge to grab his hand and stop him from clutching so hard at himself all the time, but even he understand physical contact at this time was out of the question. Holding back these odd urges he sat still. When Loki's eyes wondered back to the outside world, Zaeden was almost sad. He liked seeing his smile, and he liked the way Loki looked into his eyes. His eyes seemed pure, with no ill intent, and that comforted him. Made him feel like he could be himself more, malfunctions and all.

When Loki began speaking of his past he sat still and listened. It was obvious that he didn't talk much from the past few days spent together, so he understood that if Loki wanted to talk about himself he should just listen and nothing else. That is what he did, until he was finished Zaeden stayed quiet. Even once his soft voice faded and the silence echoed into the room, Zaeden remained quiet for a moment longer. He didn't like the way Loki still forced himself to smile and laugh, it almost hurt his feelings, but he understood now that it was the only way Loki knew to protect himself so he said nothing.

"If.." Zaeden began, looking out at the rising sun. "Ever you decide you want to go out there." Slowly he brought his eyes to look at Loki's. "Let me be the one to go with you." His voice was still flat but it held sincerity and truth. He kept his face calm and tried not to show the confusion within himself. He only wanted to offer up his friendship to the other, and in hopes that maybe one day Loki will be able to let down all his walls when around each other. HE himself had no clue what he wanted beyond that, but for now friendship was a good start. One step at a time.

 

[Volo Morior]

He remained silent after speaking, unsure himself why he had brought it up. He was a bit glad though that the other had been willing to listen, though he felt a bit bad for taking advantage of the others kindness. He was about to brush it off, apologize for bringing up something like that. But as his eyes glanced to the other he paused. He sat quietly as the other spoke, a bit surprised.

He met the others eyes for a moment before finally smiling slightly, looking down, his eyes torn between being happy or upset. Finally he met the others eyes again and smiled once more, this time one that wasn't forced. "Thanks." He said before he let the smile fade, dropping his hands onto his lap to fiddle with the sweaters hem. "I used to want to go out and be normal, but I think I've given up now." His voice was soft and gentle, as much to convince himself of this decision as the other.

He paused for a moment, dropping his eyes to his lap as he tried to phrase the next bit. "But... I really am grateful. If I ever could... I'd like to go with you." He raised his eyes again, trying to search the others expression but getting a bit fixated on how the others eyes reflected the lights from outside. He smiled warmly, though he couldn't help but nervously fidget he was still just a bit happy.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden nodded a small smile on his face, please with how this whole night had gone. He looked Loki over as he fidgeted with his clothing and couldn't help but think how cute he seemed. He turned back to the sun as it climbed higher and higher into the sky its light shinning through the building blocking the view. It was a pleasant morning, one he wished could stay like this but sadly he knew he was approaching his time limit of invading Loki's private space.

Standing slowly he kept his eyes on the window for a little then turned to Loki, his face gentle, almost human looking. "Well, you should get some rest." He said, his voice soft and clam. He didn't want to deprive Loki of his human needs, and although he would have like to stay by his side and wait until their next shift he knew that was out of the question. Though his mind told him to move to the door and leave he found he couldn't move his own feet. He knew he should bid Loki farewell for now, and let the human get his much needed rest, but the thought of seeing Loki's sleeping face tied him to the ground.

Although he knew, not soon anyway, that he would not be able to have the pleasure of seeing Loki's sleeping face. He knew Loki was no where near that level of comfotablility and he wasn't so sure if he was either. So instead he just stood there like a fool staring down at Loki

 

[Volo Morior]

He allowed the silence to stay unfilled for a bit, focusing on his fingers that fiddled nervously. He realised that his heart beat had mostly evened out, something he had never expected to be possible when having someone in his apartment. He wondered if it was because Zaedan had such a low key presence. Loki didn't feel smothered or over powered when the other was with him. It was probably the first truly pleasant experience he'd had with someone in years.

He jumped slightly as the other stood, having been a bit distracted by his thoughts. He watched the other, and noted that his expression seemed... different. Softer maybe? He blinked at the others words before looking down awkwardly and giving a slight nod. In a few hours he would need to sleep, the sun way almost up past the buildings now, it would soon be light enough for him to feel safe enough to rest.

He could feel the other watching him and wondered if he was waiting for Loki to say something. He floundered for a moment, he did enjoy the others company, but it wasn't as if he could ask the other to stay either. He'd already taken up a bit of the others time as it was. He looked up at the other and searched his face quizzically for a moment, his fingers gripping his sweater as he nervously tried to decide what to say.

Finally he gave the other a slight smile before looking down at his hands again. "Thank you for coming up. It was... nice." He spoke softly, but tried to make the other understand that he was honestly glad that they could spend time together like this. He had not really thought about it before, but maybe he was lonely up here, kept by his phobias in solitude. He slowly slide off his chair and stood, a hand clutching his arm as he stood there a moment. "I'll see you at work tonight...?" He asked, voice a bit shaky, anxious.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Zaeden nodded and watched Loki smiling slightly at him. Though he didn't want to leave his side just yet he knew it was time to say goodbye. He watched Loki stand, clutching his arm as he always did. "Yes." he answered his voice and face still soft while he looked at Loki. "Shall I bring another muffin?" Zaeden said in an attempt to joke. He found himself wanting to make Loki smile every second he could, for his smile was pure. It warmed his insides to see it, he hated when Loki had to force anything than what he actually felt. But hopefully soon enough he would be able to see the true Loki all the time.

Taking a step back he slowly forced himself to leave, which was harder than he thought. Backing up and turning to the door he opened the handle and lingered for a moment longer. "Sleep well...Loki.." He said softly, barely above a whisper as he shut the door behind him and headed for the elevator to travel down the floors with only himself to accompany him.

Leaving the building he barely paid attention to those around him as he walked the early morning streets nearly empty on the way back to his hotel room. HIs face was flat and unmoving as it normally was, but inside him he felt a smile just yearning to burst through his face. He felt happy, for nearly the first time in his life.

 

[Volo Morior]

He looked at the other for a moment, trying to decide if he was trying to make a joke and finally decided he was. He smiled, he wouldn't have expected things like this from the other, especially with the way he acted at work. "That's okay." He said cheerily, trying to reply a bit playfully himself. He watched as the other left, and as he paused. He could barely here the other speak, but he smiled slightly to himself. "You too." He said, even though he knew that really the other didn't sleep the same way he did.

He stood there for a short while, his apartment now silent aside from his own breathing. He sighed, it had been rather... nice. He shook his head slightly to clear it before he went about cleaning up the kitchen, storing the left overs away that would probably go bad before he would eat them.

He then went back to his chair and sat down, staring outside once more as the city slowly came to life. His mind was riddled with thoughts of the other, the fact that he'd let someone into his apartment. He wondered if he'd be able to think of Zaedan as a friend someday, just maybe. Would that be okay? He leaned back and snuggled down into the chair a bit, half sitting and half laying.

He clutched his arm and felt the usual gentle burn that came to life when he thought of the scars that coated him. It was a dull thing, and probably all in his mind by now, but that didn't make it any better. He hugged himself tightly, shivering slightly. He wasn't sure someone like him could make friends, someone as damaged as him couldn't even go outside. At some point he dozed off laying there, it wasn't a pleasant nights rest and at some point a heavy feeling fell on him in the darkness of his own mind.

 

[Sakura-Hime]

Upon arriving back into his hotel room Zaeden found that he couldn't just lay there and wait for the night to come, but he also didn't want to wonder about outside -it would only ruin his mood now-. So he settled on turning on the bolted in tv and seeing what was on the channels. The Tv itself was merely a metal frame bolted into the wall that would display holographic images of what ever channels playing, but the pixels were quite clear and he was impressed.

He laid leisurely on the bed and just let what ever was on play. To his interest it was some reality tv show about romance or something close to it. Though as he watched he didn't really understand half of it sense most of the show depended upon the emotions of the cast, something on the show itself caught his interest. After watching a bit further into the show itself - or as many episodes as the tv would play- Zaeden killed some time until he could no longer just sit and wait.

It was well into evening when he finally showered and made himself ready for work once more. Leaving his button shirt off and his vest folded and placed in a bag thrown over his shoulder Zaeden left his hotel room to go get a few things before his shift with Loki would begin. He made his way out of the hotel once again avoiding any contact with anyone and left the building walking to his destination.

The little café he had visited, and was now becoming a routine, was busy once again and he was forced to wait in line. The same counter girl was smiling at him once he reached the marble fine counter top. "Hello again, same thing?" Zaeden shook his head this time, and went on to order something different with a special request to the order. He had to stand off to the side as he waited for his order to be filled for a few long minutes. Once done he left with the box in hand and the coffee too.

With these items he left the café and made his way back to the building where the bar resided. Going into the elevator he did his best to not let anyone bump into the little box or the coffee, it would be a shame if the coffee spilled or the box got crushed. Once out of the elevator he went down the hall way as he had the days before and made his way to the employee 'locker room', where he could get dressed fully in his uniform and leave any personal items. However, once dressed he picked up the box and coffee and went through the doors looking as stoic as ever as he stood at his station looking to see if Loki was already there as he had been the days before.

 

[Volo Morior]

He awoke at some point in the early evening. He was first aware that the apartment was dim, meaning he had slept away the entire day which wasn't really like him, he normally would have woken a few hours ago. He next noticed that there was a creeping feeling that was making its way across his body, like someone's fingers tracing his skin, marveling at the scars that coated him. This was the thought that made him jump up, before he fell back onto the couch.

He head was spinning, he passed a hand over his eyes, waiting for the dizziness to pass. There was a thin layer of perspiration on his body that left him chilled, but his face felt warm. He sighed, he knew the feeling well enough. He stood slowly, his head throbbing as he made his way to the bathroom. In this day and age there was little that couldn't be fixed quickly with some medicine or another, not many even got sick now really, but Lokis particular lifestyle left him horribly prone to minor illness like this.

He opened the medicine cabinet, but rather than being filled with fever reducers or pain killers it instead looked like some absurd alphabet. He pulled out a selection of vitamin and mineral bottles, putting one or two small tablets from each into his hand before he popped them in his mouth and swallowed. He was used to this, and since he was so afraid of putting something into his body that may make him drowsy he never used medicine. Instead he would try to regain all the essentials that he lacked from poor diet, but even this he only did when he had to.

He then looked in the mirror and noted how he looked paler than normal. He washed his face, forgoing a shower before he went to his room. He found his phone and messaged his boss, saying he was sick and wouldn't be in. Back in the begini ng he had forced himself to go to work no matter how bad he felt, but after fainting once and waking to someone's hands on him he had never tried again.

Instead he crawled into his too large bed, curling himself up as small as he could under the blankets. He knew he should eat and drink before going back to sleep, but he didn't want to move around anymore, he was too tired. As he lay there he went between awake and asleep, remembering that earlier that day he had had someone in his apartment. He shivered slightly at the thought, how had he had enough confidence to manage that?